A/N: As always, thanks to my beta reader Starrylizard for her help. All mistakes left are my own. I hope you will enjoy this one:)
They drove in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. At first, they tried to hold a conversation; two strangers thrown together by faith or by God's will, each of them fighting their own personal demons along with the real ones. Each of them being left behind by Marcus Keane, even though for different reasons. But the result was the same. They both felt hurt, abandoned, and most of all wished things could've turned out differently.
Mouse and Tomas had a lot in common, much more than either of them knew at this point. Their first meeting left a lot to be desired for, but when Tomas thought about it, his first meeting with Marcus also wasn't a walk in the park. However, while he felt an instant connection to the older man, with Mouse he was wary. It wasn't that he didn't trust her, up to a point, after all Marcus seemed to have had strong feelings for her at one point. The wariness stemmed more from the events of the last few days, from the fact she was there when Marcus left.
"Do you think he would've left if you hadn't been there?" Tomas asked out of the blue, startling himself almost as much as Mouse.
"What do you mean?" Mouse turned to him with a frown. She thought he was asleep. They were already on the road for several hours and the last hour Tomas kept silent, with his eyes closed. She wished he would've spent the time sleeping, instead of pondering things.
"Marcus. If you hadn't been there to take over with this... babysitting duty," Tomas pointed at himself with some disgust and Mouse cringed. "Do you think he would've left anyway?"
"I don't know." She wanted to tell him something else, to assure him that Marcus would've never left, but she couldn't. "He left me when I needed him the most," she added grimly, even though the comparison didn't seem fair, not now. It was twenty years ago and the situation was different. Marcus thought he was helping her and maybe he was right. After he left, the demon seemed to lose interest in the little church mouse as well and the reins fell off. Waking up to see a strange priest looming over her, telling her how foolish she acted, was bad. Realizing in the forthcoming days that Marcus left her and wasn't planning to ever come back... that was so much worse. And maybe that's the thing she couldn't seem to forgive. Not that he left... but that he never returned. Never touched her face and told her 'You're pure, you're clean, you are the child of God.'
Mouse had to figure all of this out for herself and it was a long and rocky road, which left scars much deeper than the one on her face.
Someone touched her arm and Mouse realized she was in a car, driving and squeezing the wheel so much her knuckles had turned white. She slowed down a bit and looked at the hand on her arm then at the man the hand belonged to. Tomas was looking at her with sorrow, his brown eyes glistening, but face set in clear determination.
"I'm sorry," he said and Mouse didn't know if he meant for Marcus leaving her, for asking the question in the first place, or for the fact they were now stuck together, facing an oncoming war. It didn't matter anyway. She wasn't going to change any of those things.
Mouse shook her head.
"Nothing to be sorry for," she said, her voice firm and Tomas pulled away. "I suppose he left both of us because he felt compromised. Which is somehow funny, because both times it was us who let the demon in, not him." Mouse smiled, but it was a sad smile and Tomas let the words sink in.
Maybe Marcus would've stayed if Mouse wasn't there... but it wouldn't have been because they were partners in crime. It would've been because Tomas had a price on his head and Marcus didn't want to watch him die, couldn't let it happen. In the end, it didn't matter.
"He needs time," Mouse spoke after a long moment of silence. She watched the emotions passing over Tomas' face and while she wanted him to know the truth, to start focusing on the future and not on the past, it was still too early and he still looked like a lost child.
"How much time? Another twenty years?" Tomas shook his head, then with a tired sigh rubbed the bridge of his nose and leaned back in the car seat, eyes locked on the dark road ahead of them. He couldn't believe how much had changed in the last few days... how many things they'd all lost.
"With the way things are going I wouldn't worry so much about Marcus," Mouse said and Tomas looked at her quizzically. "Right now, he is out of the game. He knows how to lay low and keep to himself. For all purposes, he is safe. We on the other hand are heading right into the eye of the hurricane."
"I'd be much happier if we had Marcus at our side," Tomas protested slightly but some of the tension seemed to leave his body. The thought that Marcus could be safer as far away from him as possible didn't even occur to him, but right now it was the one thing he would have to focus on. The man deserved a chance at something normal, and if it meant that Tomas had to lose someone he called brother, then so be it.
"We will have to do with the two of us and Devon, once he gets back on his feet," Mouse added, hoping that Bennett would be at least conscious. They needed his contacts and resources now more than ever.
When they left the hotel in Seattle it was already past eight and they knew they would reach the hospital in the middle of the night, but that seemed to be Mouse's plan in any case. Tomas didn't know what she meant to do, mostly because neither of them had any information about Bennett's condition. But they both felt the need to reach the priest as soon as possible.
Mouse had been behind the wheel for almost three hours when they stopped at a gas station for a short break and some coffee. Tomas wanted to take over the driving afterwards, but Mouse refused.
It was past midnight, and Tomas snorted and rolled his eyes.
"Whatever he told you, it was a lie. I can drive just like anyone else."
Mouse had to smile at that.
"I think I'd rather test out that theory when we're both well rested," she opposed and Tomas huffed, but didn't fight the point. Instead he kept up an easy chatter, making sure Mouse wouldn't be inclined to fall asleep behind the wheel.
"You know I'm used to driving long stretches of road alone. You should try and get some sleep, I'm sure getting Bennett out of the hospital won't be too much fun."
"I'm really not that tired," Tomas hedged and a minute later tried to suppress a yawn. Mouse would've called him out on that, but she suspected there was a different reason for his reluctance towards sleep. She knew well that what happened in the last few days would weigh heavily on Tomas. Mouse was surprised he was holding up so well. Once he got through the shock of seeing Andy dead and putting together what happened, Tomas quickly became all business and focused on Marcus. He didn't speak about what happened inside Andy's mind, but when they were off the island, he was the first one to try and get in touch with Rose and the kids. Mouse had to admire his attitude, but knew it was just a farce... Tomas was putting up a face for Marcus' sake.
Where Marcus stayed silent and lost in his own mind, Tomas spoke about whatever came to his mind, about things that needed to be done. And Mouse understood that need to take back control and act. She had spent a long time locked in her mind with a demon and knew how damaging that could be, but she was never ready to sacrifice herself, to give up her soul as if it was worth less than anyone else's. Tomas needed to take back the reins of his body and soul and for the moment it was working. A good distraction from the horror of the past days. But Mouse also knew that it wouldn't last and sooner or later there would be a break. She already saw the first cracks when Marcus left... and every passing minute since then the cracks kept growing. She just hoped that when the dam really broke, she and Bennett would be able to put Tomas back together.
The silence in the car finally managed to lull her passenger into a fitful sleep and Mouse let out a sigh of relief, but it didn't last long. Within minutes, Tomas jerked awake, breath coming out in a harsh gasp and eyes wide with horror. Swallowing hard, Tomas rubbed at his face and sat up straight in the seat.
"Nightmare?" Mouse asked, but all she got was a small shake of head. Tomas grabbed a bottle of water and searched in the dashboard until his fingers found the rattling pill box. Mouse frowned, trying to read the description even as Tomas shook out one pill and threw the pills back under a pair of gloves.
"It's just aspirin," he said, seeing the look on her face, then washed down the pill with the lukewarm water.
"Headache?"
"Yeah. Seems like letting a demon in might have some side effects. Or maybe it's just the bloody hammer," he grumbled a bit dejectedly and Mouse frowned in puzzlement.
"Long story," Tomas said, waving it off as if it was an annoying fly.
"Well, we're still at least an hour out of Spokane. If you aren't planning to sleep, you may as well talk."
Tomas didn't look very keen about the idea, the story behind this one really not something he wanted to revisit so soon. But Mouse still didn't know about what brought them to the island. She didn't know about Harper except for what he had told her when she brought him back from the demon visions and she'd asked about the dead woman in the bathroom.
"It isn't a happy story," Tomas warned and Mouse snorted.
"With the way things are going I can't imagine us sharing a happy story anytime soon," she said with a sad smile and Tomas couldn't help but agree.
"I think it all started with Cindy," he said and wound down the window, letting in some air. The wind hit his face and he was reminded of the moment he was behind the wheel and Marcus was holding on for dear life in the back, shouting at him to go faster. His gut twitched and he shot a look into the rearview mirror just to make sure Marcus wasn't there, but the back of the truck was empty. With a sigh, Tomas shook off the image and focused back on the road and on the story of their last exorcism.
Mouse's plan was to arrive under the cover of night and sneak in to check on their injured friend. Whilst they managed to arrive in the middle of the night, just past three in the morning, the hospital was all but calm.
"What the hell?" Mouse frowned and slowed the car to a crawl. While she knew that hospitals tended to be busy at all times, she didn't expect to see two vans full of journalists and three police cars parked near the entrance. Nor the bunch of gawkers and obviously angry and scared people outside, being stopped from entering.
Mouse and Tomas exchanged a look and Tomas reached for the radio knob, searching through local stations while Mouse was trying to find a secluded place to park the truck. She had a really bad feeling and, when Tomas finally found a radio station that was playing news instead of music, she knew that they were late and Bennett had paid the price.
"Two nurses were brutally killed during the afternoon shift and a patient went missing from the surgical step down unit. The hospital has closed down any new admissions and is currently under lock down. So far there are no other victims reported. The missing patient was listed as stable prior to his vanishing. The police are asking for help in search for-"
Mouse cursed and hit the steering wheel with such force it rattled. Tomas just looked at her, his eyes showing a mix of horror and resignation.
"I should've stayed with him," Mouse muttered angrily. "I shouldn't have left him behind."
Tomas reached out and put his hand on her shoulder, until she looked at him.
"If you'd stayed," his voice caught, throat clenching up. "If you'd stayed... we would've been dead. All of us."
Mouse opened her mouth to protest, but Tomas shook his head.
"Those two guys at the ferry would've found us and neither me nor Marcus were in a position to fight them. Whatever happened to Bennett... it wasn't your fault."
"I was the one who let him get hurt in the first place," Mouse said softly, her own voice cracking and all Tomas wanted was to pull her close and offer a hug, but he couldn't. Mouse still had an air of strength and distance around her and Tomas didn't know how much comfort she would be willing to accept.
"You said it yourself, Mouse. God sent you to us for a reason." He squeezed her shoulder and held her gaze until she gave a small nod.
Taking in a deep breath and letting it out, Mouse seemed to draw from her inner strength, just as Tomas tried to draw from his faith.
"We need to find out what really happened in there," she said after a minute and her voice lost the previous shakiness. She was once again focused and ready to take action.
Tomas had to admire that. For a moment he could see very clearly what it was that drew Marcus to Mouse... her inner strength and the fire behind her eyes.
"We need to find Bennett," Tomas said resolutely. "He's still hurt and probably on the run, if those guys didn't kidnap him..."
Mouse shook her head.
"I don't think that would be wise," she protested and earned a frown from Tomas.
"What do you mean?"
"It might be too late for Bennett. If they didn't kill him right away..." she left the answer hanging in the air and Tomas shook his head.
"No. Bennett could've managed to get away... if they'd found him, they would've just killed him and left the body. This doesn't make sense."
"You don't know what is going on out there, Tomas. They don't just kill exorcists. They turn them. Vocare pulvere. Bennett wouldn't stand a chance in the condition he was in."
Tomas still couldn't believe it.
"We can't just leave... even if they managed to do that..." Tomas practically spat out the last word with disgust, shaking his head. "We can bring him back. I just need time... if I had more time with Andy, I could have-" Tomas started shaking and this time it was Mouse who reached out, touching his face, grounding him.
"We didn't have the time, Tomas. It couldn't be helped. Andy made a great sacrifice, but losing you would've cost us much more. You must realize that... Marcus did."
"But... how can I help in the war, when I can't even save one person?" Tomas asked, looking like a lost boy instead of a weapon sent down by God and, in that moment, Mouse understood why Marcus was so protective of him, why he tried to use him as a scalpel instead of an atom bomb. But Marcus didn't know what was coming their way and it was up to Mouse to do the hard work. So, she let her hand fall from Tomas' face and land on his shoulder instead.
"Let's figure out what happened. Then we will decide, okay?" She knew that wasn't the answer to Tomas' question, but right now it was the only answer she could give him.
At first, they mingled in with the onlookers and the family members of the hospitalized patients and listened to the rumor mill. Once they heard enough and realized getting inside the hospital would be more risk than it was worth, Mouse nodded at Tomas and they returned to the car.
"We need to find some safe place to crash, while I get in touch with my contacts."
Tomas rubbed at his temple, looking tired and just about ready to crash. Even without the collar on he managed to talk to a man that turned out to be a husband of an on-duty nurse (who luckily survived). He gave him the gruesome description of two beheadings and strings of blood running down the corridor... and that was just what he grasped from a short phone call. The scene inside must've been horrible and Tomas was starting to get a feeling that Bennett could be really lost.
"The Vatican guys... they had no need for such depravity," he spoke once they were back in the car and Mouse was navigating the morning traffic, heading out of the city limits to a nearby motel they had passed on their way there. She shot him a look then shook her head.
"No, they didn't. This... looks more like a demon's work."
"A demon that just got a new body to play with," Tomas said, biting his lip. This didn't look good for them, and it looked even worse for Bennett. The fact Mouse didn't comment just made it more obvious.
They arrived at the motel and Tomas opened the door, ready to step out, but Mouse stopped him.
"Tomas, wait."
He looked at her curiously and let his hand fall from the door handle.
"I'm not sure how you played it with Marcus... though I know how easy it was to track you down after a while. You can't keep using your name or credit card when booking in."
Tomas looked a bit offended at that.
"We haven't been using cards since we left Chicago."
"But you were using your ID."
"And what else was I supposed to do? It's not like I was a wanted man. This whole thing with the Vatican... it happened just a few weeks back."
Mouse wanted to tell him that wasn't true, that they were on the wanted list since the moment Marcus saved the Pope and they left Chicago, but that wasn't really important right now.
"I'm not trying to criticize the way you operated before," Mouse said, trying to keep her voice calm. "I'm just saying that the situation has changed and we need to act accordingly."
Tomas seemed to give it a thought, but in the end just gave a weary shrug.
"What's your plan then? Get me a false ID? Check us in as a couple?"
The grin on Mouse's face was all the answer he needed. Tomas groaned then ran a hand over his face.
"I'm drawing a line at false credit cards though. I'm still a priest... it's bad enough we're lying. I won't be scamming people."
"Of course not," Mouse agreed, knowing that Tomas' moral principles were strong and set in stone. It might pose a problem in the future, but she was comfortable with leaving that fight for much later.
So, Mouse got them a room under one of her false ID's, paid cash and did it all with a charming smile on her face and an arm around Tomas' waist, while he tried his best not look like a deer caught in the headlights. The fact he had to squint because the overhead light at the check-in was sending spikes through his brain didn't help either. He was almost glad for Mouse still trapped under his arm when black dots appeared in his vision and he momentarily faltered.
"Alright darling?" she asked, giving him a concerned glance when she felt the sudden weight.
"Yes, of course," Tomas replied with an unconvincing smile, even as he regained his footing. They walked out of the check-in still looking like a lovely couple until they reached the car. Tomas let go of Mouse and leaned against door, swallowing the sudden nausea.
"What's wrong?" Mouse asked, concerned by his sudden paleness.
"Just a headache..." Tomas muttered, then grabbed one of their bags and handed the smaller one to Mouse. He really didn't feel steady on his legs.
"Okay, let's get you inside then," Mouse said, taking the bag and leading the way to their room. There was only one king sized bed, though that wasn't that surprising, seeing as they got the couple's suite. Tomas wanted to protest first when the receptionist offered it with a discount, but stopped when Mouse gave him a warning jab in the ribs. Now he didn't really care anymore. He would either crash on the bed or on the bathroom floor, depending on whether the nausea would stay with him even if he lay down.
Tomas let the bag slip from his fingers where he stood and stumbled towards the bed. He sat down and leaned forward, resting his head in his palms. A groan escaped his lips even as he rubbed at his eyes. Mouse closed the door and looked around the room, taking in the small kitchen area. She walked towards the window, their car in clear view and parked just right for a quick getaway if needed, then she pulled the blinds closed and walked over to her new partner.
"Tomas?" She touched his hand and he looked at her blearily, his gaze filled with pain.
"Talk to me. Is it just a headache?"
Tomas swallowed and gave a small shake of his head.
"Duele mucho," Tomas said, then added: "Feels like someone's digging through my brain... with a blunt shovel. "
"No fun then, hm?" She ran her hand over his forehead but there was no fever. If anything, he was clammy to the touch."
"Is this... normal for you?" she asked gently, unsure how to formulate her question. What she wanted to ask was if he usually got sick after a vision or after letting a demon inside his head, if he suffered from migraines or if this was something else. They didn't know how his gift worked and she'd barely spent any time with Tomas so far. But she had a feeling that if this was a common occurrence, Marcus would've mentioned something. More than just warn her away from Tomas' driving.
"I don't know what's normal anymore," Tomas uttered, his voice tight and his breathing coming out in short bursts as if he was trying to stave off the nausea.
Mouse grimaced and straightened up. She didn't have time for this, to play nursemaid while Bennett was off either murdering people or running for his life. Not when there was an FBI unit on the way to investigate the double murders and a doctor who could describe Mouse as the one who brought in Bennett. She momentarily cursed Marcus, because this should've been his responsibility. If he'd stayed instead of leaving (why did he always leave?), he could've fixed Tomas while Mouse could figure out their next steps. But Marcus wasn't here and perhaps that was the real cause behind Tomas' ailment.
Mouse wanted to take action right away, but she couldn't very well leave Tomas in the state he was in. Not after everything she went through just to get to him...
"Alright," she sighed. "Why don't you lie down and try to get some sleep? It might be a stress induced migraine or a post-concussion headache... either way, sleep's the best thing for it."
Tomas gave her a bleary eyed glare, which looked absolutely ridiculous and she would've smiled if she couldn't also see the pain lines on his forehead and the clenched teeth.
"I don't really want to sleep," Tomas admitted after a moment but still kicked off his shoes and lay down on his side, closing his eyes tight as the room spun around. He would've preferred anything but sleep... or rather anything but the nightmares that were waiting for him just over the edge of sleep the corner, ready to pounce the second his eyes closed. Maybe if he could just count the sound of his own heartbeat that currently reverberated inside his skull... maybe he could stop thinking about all the things that went wrong.
Maybe if he went to sleep he would wake up back at the motel in Seattle, before they brought Harper to the island. Marcus would be there, grumpy and pestering him about the fact he let the vision fool him. Tomas would give anything right now to hear Marcus tell him 'I told you so' or that he should just suck it up and get back on his feet, 'cause there were worse things than a bloody headache. At this moment, Tomas would pull the trigger himself just so Marcus didn't have to.
He realized these were just silly wishes of a hurting mind when he felt a cold cloth being put on his forehead. Tomas opened his eyes, Marcus' name on his lips but he didn't utter the name, because it wasn't Marcus in front of him, but Mouse. She was squatting next to the bed, a worried look on her face and a glass of water in hand.
"Hey, thought you might try this," she handed him a white pill and the water.
Tomas frowned.
"What's that?"
"Excedrin. Come on, do I look like I want to poison you?"
Tomas was wise enough not to answer that. Mouse looked dangerous at any moment. He sat up slowly, pausing mid motion when a spike of pain tore through the right side of his head, causing his right eye to tear up. Tomas let out a groan, one fist pushing against the eye as if it could stop the throbbing, while the other squeezed the pillow.
Mouse saw his face turn from white to ashen and was pretty sure what was going to happen. She looked around, quickly locating a small bin.
"-sick," Tomas uttered a warning then turned on his side, almost falling off the bed. Mouse was faster though, she put the bin in place while grabbing Tomas' shoulder and keeping him in place while he heaved. Not that there was all that much to expel, seeing as they had barely eaten anything in the last few days and had kept alive mostly on coffee that tasted like piss water, as would Marcus say. Tomas moaned at the thought, which in turn brought on another spike of pain.
Mouse kept making hushing sounds even as she rubbed soothing circles on Tomas' back. Finally, his stomach stopped rebelling and Tomas felt at least a partial relief from the constant pressure behind his eyes. Mouse silently left his side and returned with a wet towel so he could clean himself up. Tomas took it without a word, cleaning his face and wiping away also the tear streaks from his right eye. The pressure was still there, but not as bad. Instead he felt overwhelming weariness.
"Take it, should help with the headache," Mouse pushed the pill and glass of water into his hands and Tomas didn't feel like protesting. He dutifully swallowed, hoping the pill would stay down long enough to work. He leaned back against the backboard, still in half sitting position and closed his eyes.
Mouse took the empty glass from his hand and a moment later he felt the bed dip as she sat down.
"What am I going to do with you?"
"Shoot me?" Tomas offered, his voice all serious.
Mouse snorted.
"Right. And then face Marcus' wrath? No, thank you. I'd rather hold your hair while you're puking."
Tomas grimaced, both at the image and at the mention of Marcus.
"Too soon?"
"There'll never be a good time for that," he admitted, then with a sigh slid down, trying to find a position that wouldn't upset his stomach or make the throbbing worse. Maybe if he managed to fall asleep now the pain would go away... he felt a light touch on his forehead and the cold cloth was back. He blinked open eyes that were previously closed and looked up at Mouse's face. She looked worried but also tense and he knew that she was holding back, torn between making sure he wouldn't just up and die and finding out what happened to Bennett.
Tomas decided to make it easier on her. He put his hand on her arm and managed a small grin.
"Go. I'm okay... like you said, just a headache. Think I'll sleep it off."
Mouse gave him a dubious look, then rolled her eyes.
"I should've known you're a terrible liar. Marcus must've enjoyed that," she muttered with a smile. "Will you be okay for a few hours?"
"Of course. Go. You're keeping me awake."
Mouse gave him a studying look and Tomas could see she wasn't convinced, but at the same time he could see a hint of relief. He nudged at her arm, pushing her off the bed and making a point of closing his eyes. There was a sigh and some rustling, then he heard the door open.
"Mouse?" he called out and Mouse paused. "Be careful."
"I'll be back shortly," was all Mouse said, then locked the door.
Tomas opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling. Truly alone for the first time in days... with nothing else to do than focus on the thumping pain in his head and the burning inside his chest. Somehow, the headache was so much easier to handle... to deal with. It was physical pain that would hopefully leave once the meds kicked in. The burning in his chest... that would stay for a long time. So many things were lost and it all came down to Tomas and his own failings.
Pride was a sin and Tomas knew he was faulty of it... back in Chicago and back in Seattle, when he thought he could handle the demons inside his head. If only he had listened to Marcus... if only the older man told him the truth behind his own motivations. About Mouse... about his fear that Tomas would fail the same way. Maybe Andy would be still alive then... maybe Marcus wouldn't have left.
A choked sob tore through the silence of the room, startling Tomas, until he realized he was the source of it. This time the tears weren't caused by the headache... this time he let them fall freely, burying his head in the pillow as he let all the frustration and pain out in a wail. His fists buried into the pillow and the blanket underneath and Tomas' frame shook with sobs.
He cried for past mistakes, for the uncertain future and most of all for being, once again, left behind by the person he thought of as family.
Stay tuned for part two