Full Summary: A long distance relationship isn't supposed to be easy, never would be but should heartache affect two lives so much? Ending it seemed like the only way. Shane, becoming the player to watch and Mitchie becoming the dancer to beat at Julliard just complicates things more. When the mistake is realised she soon finds out that she no longer as him and fighting for him is what needs to be done. When an opportunity of a life time arises does she finally let it go, stop focusing on Shane and basing her whole life on fighting for him and focus on her? The best thing could be stop fighting and do what's good for her. Fame, heartache, and love complicated everything, but one thing was never known, did he ever want her to stop fighting for him, for the love they once shared?
Fighting For him
Chapter 1: Blame in on September
I open my eyes and stare up at the white ceiling of my room in the penthouse downtown New York. I could hear the Monday morning traffic travel through the city on the road below. There was also the distance shuffle of feet pounding the pavement outside. The squeal of public busses and taxis as they pull to the side of the road as people jump out and climb aboard. The normal life of New Yorkers that I should be a part of but just don't feel like it.
I blow out a breath of air and slowly sit up leaning against my head board. I lean across my bed and touch the light switch lighting my room up. The sunlight barely visible through my curtains I haven't pulled open since I closed them Thursday night. I grab an elastic from my bedside table and tie my hair up on top of my head and let out a sigh.
I looked around my room. My bags where everywhere and nothing was put away and no decorations up not that I felt like doing that at all, but I knew I would have to. Orientation was tomorrow and I signed up so I would have to go. The only thing getting me out of bed was the closer I got to school, the sooner I got to dance, the sooner I got to conquer my dream, the sooner I could get back into the arms of Shane.
Thursday night I had crawled into this bed and barely left. I left to use the bathroom and get some juice but that was all. There were glasses and plates of barely touched food that the girls had brought me. I had eaten a few bites but barely any. I only talked to Shane twice but not for long as he was busy moving and every time we talked it ended up in tears for both of us. I knew that girls were worried about me but I also know we weren't healthy for each other and talking was just worsening our "sickness" also known as heartbreak.
I slowly throw the blankets off of my body and swing my foot over the bed standing up. Getting a slightly dizzy then I steady myself. I knew I had to get better to live my dream, it wouldn't happen overnight but I will start with a shower. I walk softly to the bathroom knowing it was 6:30 and the others would still be asleep. I walk over to the mirror and cringe at my appearance. I let my hair down barely falling as it was greasy and I desperately needed to wash it. I felt so dirty now seeing my appearance. I strip off my clothes and step into the hot water that felt amazing cascading down my body. It felt weird having my own shower, it had been so long but it felt so good. I lean back letting the water falling down my face and get lost in my hair.
I got out of the shower wrapping a towel around my body and walking to my mirror placing a smile on my lips. I don't know if it was a hundred present genuine but it wasn't fake either. I felt a lot cleaner and felt a bit better. I had to start living this for me and Shane and know that one day we will be together again. Deciding I had been waiting for this for so many years that it was time to experience it and live it and it started now. Don't get me wrong I will still cry at night and miss Shane miserably but for the days and when I needed to I will make the best of it.
I made my way to my one suitcase and tossed it open. I slipped on pantie and a bra tossing my towel over the shower to dry as I wrap another one around my soaked hair. My hair felt amazing washed and damp. That reminded me I would be getting it dyed again soon. I find a pair of pyjama shorts and slip them on. I put on a tank top walking over to the bathroom again. I probably wouldn't do much but I knew getting dressed and ready would make me feel better.
I washed up my face and put some eyeliner and mascara on making my eyes look more awake and more normal. I put a bit of concealer below hiding the bags that I was hoping to fix with a few good nights of sleep. I dried my hair draping it over my one shoulder making my way to the door opening it. I pulled the curtains open letting the brilliant sunlight pour in as I look over into the city I only dreamed of living in and now that I was here I was depressed. I definitely needed to have this positive look out on life and now that it was I was doing.
I walked into the kitchen grabbing a pack of pop tarts and some milk making my way back to my room. I strapped my iPod to my arm plugging in my ear buds and turning on my cleaning mix. I had a playlist I used when I was cleaning at home. I finished my food as I continued and started to set up my room putting pictures and my books in place as well as a few clothes that I wouldn't put in the closet. It was taking a while but as I danced and pranced around my room setting it up I got lost and just found myself in my own world, my world of dance.
I finished around 9:00 and made my way towards the closet with my other 3 suitcases filled with clothes that I had to get ready. I opened the closet to see Kenzie there. She was sitting on a bean bag chair we had placed there her laptop on her lap.
"Hey" I said and she jumped back almost dropping her lap top looking at me. "Sorry I startled you, what are you doing in her alone?" I asked confused but couldn't help but smile seeing her beaming face, probably because I was out of bed.
"Mitchie" she said placing her lap top on the floor and before I could register anything else she had me a death grip hugging me like I hadn't seen her in years. I let out a small gasp needed air hugging her bag and was happy when she released me a little her arms still around me though.
"Kenzie, air" I said and she pulled back letting go.
"Sorry just so happy to see you out of bed and clean" she said and I groaned.
"Yes, I know I was a bed bum but I am up now, so brings me back to what are you doing in here?"
"No-one else was up, well I thought so I came in just for some quiet and to play on the computer. Oh and I love admiring our clothes speaking of…" She trailed off.
"Yes I have mine, you can help me of course" I said as she smiled as I rolled my eyes.
"Good" She squealed and I smiled laying my suitcases on the floor opening them up as it would take a while for us to empty them might as well start now.
"Alright well I have a lot so let's start" I said smiling picking up some clothes and starting to hang them up as she starts sorting them into piles of what they are.
"Mitch?" She asked
"Yeah"
"How are you?" she asked and I could tell she was being cautious as her voice was very soft and quiet. I knew it was something she had really wanted to ask me, it took her longer than I thought. I knew they had been worried about me and they had a valid reason but I was now doing better.
"Better, I still miss Shane like crazy and I probably will have my moments where I just want to cry and crawl into bed but we are here for school and the experience. The shower made me feel better and start eating and taking care of me is what Shane would want and I need to do to focus on my dream, so I decided to start today"
"I am glad you are feeling better. I understand it will take time and hurt but you can always talk to us we are here"
I smile happily before I speak "Thank you Kenzie and sometimes I will just have to cry and be alone but I will always take care of myself I promise" I say and she nods.
We soon then walk over to her computer turn on music and start dancing and listening to music as we start putting my clothes away. We happily dance and sing listening to something that speaks our own language. Like I had said before dance is a life style it is a language and music is something that makes it come alive and that is one language me and my best friends will always have to the 4 of us. Our language of dance and music connecting us in a friendship that we all knew could never been broken no matter what happened, we were friends for life.
It was now Wednesday morning and I was ready for school. The girls and I are currently making our way down the street towards campus after just stopping at a Starbucks grabbing coffee. Alex had another class early today so he had left when we were all getting ready. I thought for some reason September wouldn't be so bad here in New York but I was so far freezing. It was only about 50 degrees and maybe that isn't cold to everyone but we are used to it still being about 80 or 90 in September. It was getting gorgeous though, colourful leaves littering the sidewalks where we were currently walking. I didn't mind I loved fall but I never quite experienced it like this. Another experience being apart from Shane provided although I wish he could see the gorgeous colours of leafs with me. I sigh avoiding those thoughts as together with our bags slung over our shoulders we made our way into the building we had to be to start our first dance class.
We got dressed into our dance clothes then made our way into one of the most beautiful dance studio I have ever been in for class. It was almost breath taking and I also couldn't believe I was finally here. The floor was made of fine hardwood as the one big wall was nothing but mirrors. There were sconces on the wall with light and a huge chandelier full of light. The most elegant studio I have ever seen it was like a ballroom of a hotel made specifically for dancers. It was a girls conditioning class. Mostly exercises, training, and aerobics to stay fit during the course of our program. Conditioning was always an important part of dance and it was just more hours in a studio.
The teacher came in and she was fairly young with long blonde hair tied up in yoga pants and a sports bra, probably used to doing 2 hours of conditioning every day. This was definitely going to whip my ass after my lazy summer I had with Shane. I sigh pushing him out of my mind as she started the classes introduction were I tried to focus all my attention although at points it was drifting to UCLA and how my life might have been if I had just been able to give this up.
It was about 3:00 when we met up at the courtyard near the main school building. Alex and Jas who was the final scholarship recipient of CSPA to attend the school came walking up. There was also a third guy with them. He was pretty tall and was tanned a little. He had amazing raven dark air and my mind instantly wandered to my raven black love.
"Hey girls" Alex said smiling kissing Kenzie. "You all know Jas and this is…"
"Shane" I whispered but everybody looked at me with alarm in their eyes. Amy instantly squeezed my arm and I let out a breath. I didn't seriously say that out loud did I?
"Close" The guy said smiling "It's Shawn actually" he said politely holding out his hand and I took it shaking it my hand lingering on his. Oh my god I am picturing Shane's face and I am going fucking crazy. Now Shane will permanently be in my head and now I want to cry.
"Nice to meet you" Amy said as I yanked my arm away, maybe a little too fast. I am honestly picturing Shane and god I am losing it. I just want Shane… great now tears are welled up into my eyes.
"Mitchie you okay?" Laura asked after Kenzie elbowed her as she was staring at Shawn. I was however scared as I could feel his eyes watching me, my eyes looking at the ground trying to control my tears.
I shook my head and Laura took my hand. "Me and Mitchie are going to head home you guys have fun alright?" She said and I just stayed quiet.
"Yeah call if you need anything" Kenzie said
"Yeah and Mitch we all love you" Amy said giving me a quick hug as me and Laura start towards the penthouse. I hold my bag close to my shoulder and let go of Laura's hand walking close to her trying to keep my tears at check but as we turned onto our street towards the penthouse I couldn't help it and they started slipping down my cheek. Oh and Jas and Shane… I mean Shawn probably thought I was crazy, and hell maybe I was.
We got into the elevator and I sank against the wall taking a deep breath and running my hands through my hair letting out the breath. I cannot believe that I just did that and worse of all I began to cry and I was hoping I could just keep that for my nights. I hated letting my friends seeing me cry. I let them at our place because they helped and understand but in public. I think I was mostly embarrassed but most of all now I was thinking about Shane and my heart ached at the thought of him.
It is now an hour later when I step out of my shower. I had the water hot and just sat there for at least half n' hour. The hot water felt good against my skin and I could also cry by myself and not worrying Laura. I do love her. Yeah she might fool around which a bunch of boys and I know it was who she was but when she was needed she was an amazing friend and she had helped me with a lot of other things these past 4 years and I wouldn't trade her for anything or any other friend in the world.
I looked in the mirror after the steam cleared. My roots were starting to grow in and I soon needed to do my hair again. I knew when you died your hair you had to have the time and want to keep it up. My eyes still looked tired but a lot better than they did on Monday. I got dressed into a pair of yoga pants and a simple t-shirt. I tied up my damp hair into a messy bun and made my way downstairs.
I walked into the living room and flopped onto the couch where Laura was watching music videos. "Hey" I said
"Hey Mitch, enjoy your shower?"
"Yeah, I'm feeling better but I am fighting the urge to call Shane. Ever since seeing Shawn he is all I can see and think about. It's so hard to be away and no matter what when I am here and not doing anything he is all I think about. I am trying to do my best but every day it doesn't get better it just seems to get harder"
"I know girl I can see it wearing on you. I know you are doing better and we are always told it will get better so I hope it does and will do anything to help. I have no idea how hard it is but I'm always here if you want to talk" She said smiling.
"Thanks Laura I truly do love you" I said giving her a quick hug.
"I love you too and now for taking your mind off of Shane for a few hours I had an idea" She said and I looked at her. She had that smile on her face when she had an idea and I was almost scared but because I wanted Shane off my mind for a bit I smiled back.
"Oh yeah, and what would that be?"
"Well if you are willing to leave the house I was thinking the mall, some retail therapy and I could really use some warmer clothes. It's only the first week of September and I am already freezing my butt off."
I couldn't help but laugh. Laura and her clothes just weren't cutting it here in New York. Her clothes were perfect for Anaheim. We all had some jeans and I had some warmer clothes but if anyone needed more it was Laura. I also really wanted to do my hair, sooner than later.
"Okay, we can go get you some more clothes but I want to find a salon and get my hair done."
"Yeah your roots are horrible" She said seriously.
"Shut up" I said hitting her.
"Let's just go" she said and we got our bags, made our way to my Ferrari and headed towards the mall. I knew that this is just what I needed for a few hours of Shane free time. Not that I never had enough of him but for being in New York and getting through this I need him off my mind before I am certified crazy. I wasn't going to lie though I was ready to go shopping. After all I loved fashion and it was one of my favorite pass times.
Since my hair took a while we found a salon first. I wanted to re-dye my hair black but I decided to go a bit lighter than raven black. It would be more expensive than just a touch up but that didn't bother me at all. I chose a colour called midnight black. It was lighter and a little shine to it when the light hit it. It almost looked a little blue like the sky around the moon did. When it was done and I had my hair cut with a few more layers I was very happy with it. I loved having my hair done and it was always shining after as well.
After paying for everything and Laura telling me I look fabulous and that guy's will be fawning over me, we left the salon with smiles on our faces. I couldn't help but laugh when she said that, she always knew how to make me smile. Just another quality I love about Laura. We then made our towards clothing stores as Laura has now decided she needed a whole new wardrobe, just what we needed in the penthouse, more clothes.
It was about 3 hours later nearing 7:30 when we finally made our way back to my Ferrari and filled the trunk, which was small with our bags. I had ended up buying some new clothes to. I was addicted to Fashion and all my friends' new better to take me shopping and have me not buy anything. I was just about to start the car when my phone started buzzing. I looked and saw a text message from Kenzie, and one from Shane, who I haven't heard from in a while.
"Guess who is back on my mind" I said looking at Laura she just sighed and slid into the car. I rolled my eyes at her and got into my car and decided to open Kenzie's first.
Hey Mitch, you and Laura want to meet up for dinner tonight, we are just heading to Chili's down the road from the house?
Sure, we are just leaving the mall we will be there soon
Of course you are, alright see you then… oh and waning: Shawn is with us to
I close the message and look at Laura. "We are going to chilis and meeting up with the girls, Jas, Alex and…"
Laura instantly interrupted me "Shane" She said and I smacked her.
"No Shawn, geez who is on your mind" I said teasingly before I put my phone in my console and starting my car heading towards Chili's the text from Shane had been forgotten.
We got the restaurant just before 8 and met up with the girls getting a table. Not coincidental at all I ended up sitting beside Shawn and it was very awkward to say the least. I could always feel his eyes glance at me and would stop when I glanced in his direction. I knew the girls could sense it because they kept looking at me. I was doing fine until I felt his foot brush my calf and I jumped up
"I will be right back, KENZIE!" I said grabbing her hand and pulling her from her chair and into the bathroom with me. He was creepy and not the fact that I wanted to be doing that with a raven black haired boy, but not that one.
"What the hell is wrong with you Mitchie?" she said once we were in the safety of the ladies room.
"That he keeps glancing at me" I said
"Because you are a total hottie and your hair looks amazing" She said and I rolled my eyes.
"That doesn't make it right for him to rub his foot along my calf thank you very much" I said and she gasped.
"He totally did that, wow someone wants to make a move on you, just don't let him Mitchie. You used to totally rip into a guy that would do that, just be her" She said and I sighed.
"I am in no mood to do that. There is only one guy who can touch me like that" I said and she cracked a smile.
"Shawn is raven blacked hair oh and you called him Shane."
"Shut up, let's just get this over with it" I said sighing opening the door.
"Kick him if you have to" she whispered and at the moment I couldn't help but laugh as we made our way back to the table and sat down.
"Everything all right ladies" Shawn asked
"Just perfect" I said and started a conversation with the girls the guys eventually joining in. However my mind was back in Anaheim with Shane, it started at 8:30 tonight and lets' just say that now it would be a long one. I instantly remembered the text message and pulled out my phone reading it.
Hey you, been a while. I am moved in but just heading out to gym training and then dinner I will back in my room round 7:30, 8 or 10:30, 11 for you, give me a call?
Okay, and yeah has been a while, miss you love you, talk to you tonight
I was just about to put my phone away when another one popped up. I smiled happily to see that it was in fact again Shane.
Miss you, love you too, talk to you then, guys want to work out bye love
I smiled contently and put my phone away as we ordered our food and with a smile on my face knowing I would soon be talking to Shane making this dinner and all the awkwardness evaporate. It hurt to think about him but knowing I would talk to him for some reason just made everything better, I yet don't know if that is a good thing or not.
It was 9:30 when we left Chili's and made our way back to the penthouse. Shawn and Jas were waiting for the bus when Laura and I walked into the building with our arms loaded down. They offered to help but I would be damned if tonight I was going to let them walk up to our apartment. He seemed nice and I knew Jas was but I didn't want Shawn to know where I lived right now, I was still indifferent about him.
We walked into the apartment and started carrying our bags upstairs. "Someone went shopping" I heard Amy say as she emerged from the kitchen. She had been really quiet tonight and I think it was because she was, like me missing Bryan even if they weren't together she still loved him.
"We did and you need a clothes fix so come help?" I asked and her smile grew as she met us upstairs and we made our way to the closet dropping the bags onto the floor. There were a lot of them and would make the time go fast before I had to, or well got to call Shane.
We were just about to sit on the floor and cut the tags off when we heard Kenzie giggle. I instantly grabbed my iPhone placing it on the deck we had in the closet and turned it on. My mind focusing on Shane as Sparks Fly started coming through the speakers. The girls looked at me and I smiled. I happily started singing it out as they joined. Together we were all sitting cross legged on the floor singing along to the music as we cut tags off of our new clothes getting them sorted to be washed then hung up here tomorrow.
It was now 11 and I had just finished getting ready for bed and crawled into my blankets letting them warm me up as I was slightly cold. I had just wrapped Shane's favorite sweater around me and loved the warmth and sent of it. I hadn't washed it yet so it still smelt of him. Not in a gross way it was washed when he gave it to me and it was the first time I wore it therefore it smelt of him and the place I had called home for the summer. I smiled to myself and with the lights off I grabbed my phone and dialed the all too familiar number and with a sad smile on my face, it started ringing and I couldn't wait for his voice to come through the receiver.
Hi you've read Shane leave me a message and I will call you back when I get it
I sighed reaching his voice mail. I think sadness bubbled up in me as I left a quick message and hung up. I guess I would have to wait until tomorrow to talk to him. I was just about to put my phone away when it started ringing. Funny enough a smile once again came to my lips as I looked at my called ID seeing it was Shane and answered immediately.
"Hi" I said answering happily.
"Hey love sorry, I was just getting out of the shower when you called." He said in a whisper.
"Why are you whispering" I asked giggling. Even though it was a whisper I loved hearing his voice. We hadn't been talking and I knew because it was hard for both of us but his voice was so familiar it made me feel happy again.
"The guys are all getting ready for bed. We have an early start tomorrow with a morning exercise routine that we will have to do every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday" he said and I heard him shuffling around.
"Oh well maybe you should be going to bed then" I said a little disappointed.
"No it's fine I want to talk to you. I have missed you like crazy. I am in my room now so I can talk. I just need to slip on boxers, give me a second."
"Yeah" I said and pictured to myself what boxers he would be wearing and rolled my eyes at myself and waited for his voice to come through the speaker again.
"There better, so how you doing love" he asked and I smiled hearing his voice call me love. This made everything better.
"Pretty good school was good today. Met a few new people, then I got my hair done and went shopping"
"Sounds fun you died it black again?"
"Yeah but a lighter colour I will send you a picture when we get off the phone"
"Can't wait, so love you taking care of yourself?" He asked because I knew he had been worried once we separated which was reasonable because I had been really worried about him as well.
"I wasn't really until Monday but I am now. Eating three meals a day, showering and experiencing New York, so yes I am taking care of myself. Now Shane what about you, are you taking care of yourself?"
I heard him let out a soft sigh before he spoke. "Yeah it was tough for a few days but much better now. Enjoying school as we started yesterday and I am also eating three meals a day and doing everything I should be. I am still missing you like crazy" he finished.
"Is it getting easier for you Shane?" I asked scared that is answer would be yes.
"Not at all, they always say time makes it better but I feel like it's getting worse."
"Me too, I feel like…" I take a deep breath "Each day that passes the further away we are. I never thought I would miss someone this much then you came into my life.
"That makes two of us babe. This is so hard and all I want to do is wrap you up in my arms, kiss you senseless then happily fall asleep with you in my arms" He spoke and tears came to my eyes. Talking to him was making it harder and I just didn't know why this had to happen.
"I want to curl up in your arms, this sweater isn't even as warm as you are and Shane I just miss you and love you so much" I said not able to hide the tears through my voice. I knew he heard me crying, but what else was new, I had been crying myself to sleep every other night.
"I know Mitch I feel the exact same way. I just need to see you love" he said and it honestly broke my heart a little because there were obvious tears in his voice as well.
"Soon enough my love, I promise" I said not knowing if I could keep it.
"Still not soon enough love. Look babe I have to get some sleep and I am getting tired which I am sure you are since it's almost midnight there. I miss you, and love you but I must say good night" He said sighing.
"Miss you and love you too. Goodnight Shane.
"Night Mitchie, sleep well text me in the morning?" he asked
"Of course love you bye"
"Bye babe" He said and we both hung up. Tears welled up in my eyes as I placed my phone on my night table. I closed my eyes the tears spilling over as I lay my head against the pillow. I wasn't crying because of the conversation but because no matter what in my heart I knew that this, us wouldn't make it and at this moment I was having the most difficult time figuring out why it was that way. Because for us it just seemed all wrong but for some reason I knew, not when but that it would be ending.
It was now Friday night and I was curled up on the couch, the TV playing but I wasn't paying attention. I wasn't fooling anyone as my friends knew something was wrong and I knew they knew that. I'm just getting that feeling that me and Shane where going to be over out of my mind. It was so strong and I was shutting down again. Yesterday I went to class but then came home, showered changed into my pyjamas and went to bed. I have eaten today but I just didn't feel like doing anything. I wanted to stay here on the couch or in my bed and just cry but I just knew if my friends had anything to do with it I wouldn't be getting that.
I sighed as I heard footsteps and soon felt I presence beside me. I turned to look at Amy. I knew she was missing Bryan too but they were over b there choice and I felt like I didn't have a choice that soon me and Shane would have to end it either way and I was afraid of that near future.
"Hey Mitchie"
"Amy I don't want to go out"
"Mitchie I know you are sad, I am too. I miss Bryan like you miss Shane and maybe even more or you even more but we have to get on with life. He wouldn't want you sitting her crying not even paying attention to this lame show you couldn't even name right now."
"I know but I am not in the mood or look like I am ready to go out of the house. Don't you sometimes want to curl up in your bed or on the couch and cry?"
"Trust me I do more than enough of my share of crying. I don't really want to go but I know we have to get out and enjoy life especially now. We are just going to dinner at this restaurant where they are doing an open mic night, so karaoke mostly or just want to make it big singers we can listen to and just have a good dinner. Then we can come back and cry together, eat ice cream watch movies, I just…. We both need to just go out with the girls and Alex and just have fun for a couple of hours. I know you don't want to but I know I can't just be there alone. We both feel the same and we need to be together to understand each other because we are both pathetic alone" She said and a small sad smile played on my lips and I sighed.
"Fine I will get ready, and Amy you know I hate you right"
"Yup, I love you too" She said and I rolled my eyes hating that she was able to talk me into doing this. I walk into my room and get changed then wash my face and put on some make-up tying up my hair.
"There she is" Alex says giving me a hug and I laugh.
"I'm alive" I said striking a pose like it was the most amazing thing and I couldn't help but laugh along with my friends. "If we are going let's get it over with" I said and Laura groaned.
"Let's just have fun you guys, just a few hours, now let's go I don't want to miss the acts tonight"
"Neither do I. I heard there was going to be a really special one tonight" Kenzie said glancing at me and I was confused but just shrugged it off as we all piled into Alex's SUV and headed towards a restaurant that I had never heard of before.
We arrived at Musical Café and walked in. It was darkly lit as there was small stage lit up. It was dim as they seemed to have spotlights for performers. We found a circular both and climbed in with a good view of the stage. We ordered drinks and just talked until I saw two other people walk towards us and inwardly groaned as Shawn and Jas slid in beside Laura. I was at least on the other end so I didn't have him beside me. I tucked my one leg under me the other just outside the booth so he couldn't brush my legs.
I was finishing my meal when a girl came up on stage and introduced a girl who sang Brand New chick that was quite a rendition and I just thought she shouldn't quit her day job. She wasn't horrible and I rocked out to the music that was playing while she sang but I definitely enjoyed the real version better.
I was finally having fun just sipping my drink as the food had been taking away and we were just enjoying the music and people singing. It was about the 5th singer, a girl whose song made my heart stop. She started singing sparks fly and Amy instantly grabbed my hand as I looked at her in alarm. This was the worst possible song, it would be ruined forever and I knew I was about to break down.
"Mitchie it's okay, just breathe. You will be fine it will be over soon and just tune it out. After a couple more of songs if you still can't stand it we will leave okay. I promise I just want to hear the special one, I heard that it's next okay, this song is over you will be okay" Amy said whispering to me as I took deep breathes.
"Okay, thank you, sorry just that song" I said and she nodded.
"I understand but it's over you made it" she said and I hugged her tight then turned my attention to the girls who once again went up onto the stage to introduce the next singer. I didn't know what a "special" performance was but I was ready to see it.
"Alright so now we have our first male performance of the night. He said he is not a great singer but he is singing for a special girl in the audience and that makes up for the voice, so everyone let's give it up" She said and we all clapped as we all saw a shadow on the dark stage but music started and the light's didn't go on. That was weird but we soon heard his voice start singing the song still in pitch black.
I can still see you standing their
Summer tangled in your hair
First week of July
First day of my life
My voice shook when I said hello
And from that word we couldn't take it slow
I still can't believe the way you looked at me
Now the nights turn colder
Your head's on my shoulder
We do our best to pretend
Waves get louder
I'm washed away without her
This summer starts to end
The song was so far beautiful but I was still confused as why he wasn't showing his face. His body was making his way towards the stairs of the stage where there was now an awaiting spot light. On the next line my jaw dropped as a gap escaped my lips as Amy leaned over and whispered in my ear. "This if for you" but I couldn't respond. My eyes were focused on the raven black haired boy I knew so well now standing in the spotlight singing this song. Shane was standing there in the spotlight finding me in the booth as he sang his heart out and I knew this song was about us.
Let's blame it on September
Cause it hurts to remember
We can fight to hold on but August is gone
And even if the sun falls
I hope we don't lose it all
Cause no summer lasts forever
Let's blame it on September
We Drew hearts there in the sand
Laughed when waves erased our planes
No we never knew that they told the truth
I can still hear our laughing friends
As we sneak off again and again
No we never cared
Too young to be scared
Shane stepped of the stairs as the spotlight followed him as he started walking towards the crowd all their eyes following him as his eyes were locked on mine making his way towards me. I was in awe, his voice was amazing and it was even more amazing that this song was for me.
The nights get colder
Your head's on my shoulder
As summer starts to end
Let's blame it on September
Cause it hurts to remember
We can fight to hold on but August is gone
And even if the sun falls
I hope we don't lose it all
Cause no summer lasts forever
No
He was now only steps away and I had to keep my composure not to run into his arms. The only thing that showed it was for me was that my eyes were filled with tears and everyone at the table was watching him but Shawn who was staring at me. Please Shane just come here already and hold me in your embrace.
On the beach in the heat
You know I need that sweet ocean air
I'm gonna go where I know we can be alone
I'll wait for you
Wait for you there
Blame it On September
We can try to hold on
But August is gone
He finally made his way to me and I stood up meeting him just outside the booth. He took my hand with his free hand and continued to the end of the song. Tears were streaming down my cheek as a few were slipping down his as well.
Let's blame it on September
Cause it hurts to remember
We can fight to hold on but August is gone
And even if the sun falls
I hope we don't lose it all
Cause no summer lasts forever
Let's blame it on September
Blame it on September
I can still see you standing their
Summer tangled in your hair
I didn't even have time to catch my breath before his arms wrapped around me and I wrapped mine around his body. I was briefly aware of the girl taking the microphone from his hand but I didn't care I was just in his arms and that's all that mattered. His forehead leaned against mine as he locked our eyes before mine fluttered closed as he pressed a soft kiss against my lips.
"Hi" I finally breathed out as he let out a small smile. I was so glad he was here but with that song and him being here, I knew what I had to do and as much as it pained me I had a feeling he knew it was going to happen to, we needed to be alone and we needed to talk.
"Hi" he whispered. I heard the faint voice of someone else singing but I was in my own little world sad and happy at the same time. "How about we go to your place, we need to talk" He said softly and I nodded knowing this was coming.
"Guy's we are going to head to the penthouse, we will see you guys later?" I asked and Amy nodded.
"Yeah go ahead have a good night you guys" She said smiling when Shane gave me a quick smile then looked at Amy.
"I forgot something pretty important outside. Amy make sure she stays here for 2 seconds" he said and I reluctantly let him go. I was standing and saw what he had "forgotten" and smiled. It was just about 2 seconds later that Amy was out of the booth and flung herself into the awaiting arms of her "ex" Bryan. He held her tight and she wrapped her legs firmly around his waist placing a kiss on his lips then just hugging him as he held onto her tight as well.
"Thank you" I whispered to Shane as he walked back over to me wrapping me into his embrace. I turned back to the table and grabbed my bag saying bye to the others avoiding Shawn's eyes and giving my brother a quick hug before Amy attacked him again as we made our way outside. Shane haled us a cab and we got into one staying close to each other as we made our way back to the penthouse.
We got to apartment and made our way straight to my room. I wasn't ready for this but when it happened I wanted to be in the comfort of my bed so I could curl up and just cry, because I knew very well that was what I would end up doing. Shane grabbed pyjama pants out of his duffle bag and slipped them on as I got changed into sweat pants and a tank top. I sat on my bed where he was and he pressed his lips to mine in a feverish way which I returned. It was ending this weekend and I think we both knew that which made this kiss that much more important. His hands held my hips and mine got tangles in his hair our lips were still pressed against each other in a kiss taking our breaths away.
We separated catching our breaths finally and both crawled under my blankets me leaning my head on his chest in the now dark room as his arms wrap tightly around me. "Babe…" he said stopping.
"When do you leave Shane?" I asked quietly
"Tomorrow night but…"He sighs "We really need to talk" He said and I knew it was coming but we had tomorrow and I didn't want to spend our last night like that even though it would end up that way tomorrow.
"I know… but tonight please can you just hold me" I said curling into him. My body pressed more into his, my face practically buried into his chest tears already clinging to my cheeks. I felt his arms tighten around me in the silence and darkness before he spoke.
"Okay my love" He said holding me tight letting his one hand come up to my hair and stroke it gently. I closed my eyes not speaking letting the silence enclose around us. We needed no words to know this was our last night as a couple for probably a long time. I was hoping not forever but some part of me knew it could be.
My head pressed against his chest I could easily hear his heartbeat. I knew he was crying when I felt his chest shake as he took a ragged breath. I closed my eyes still letting my tears fall until I felt his breath even his heart beat steady knowing he was asleep. It was this time when I took a deep breath trying to calm down and breath steady. I closed my eyes and the chorus of Blame it on September played through my head as I finally fell into dream land, for a night full of restlessness, pain and tears still clearly sketched onto my face.
It was now 3:30 Saturday afternoon and Shane and I haven't left my bed all day. Well we did once but it was just to use the washroom and grab some juice. After that we had held up in my room lying on my bed. We were both on our sides facing each other. We had tears pretty much all day but he had to leave in 2 hours for the airport and I knew it was time to talk and as much as it happened I didn't want it too. I was praying this was a nightmare when he spoke.
"Babe I know either of us want to but… we need to talk" He said softly and I gripped his hand.
"I know, we have to… but I don't want to" I said more tears in my eyes
"I don't want to either love, it's that last thing I wanted to do when I came to see you but it just has to"
"It hurts to much to be away from you"
"We are growing apart"
"It's hard enough just to talk to you…"
"It has to be the…" It was when he said that when I let out a sob and he pulled me to his chest him crying as well. We both stopped talking at the moment as our voices had been quiet and week as we had spoken the last few lines.
There was a soft knock on the door and Bryan told us that they had to leave in 45 minutes. We had been crying for almost an hour and he had to get ready to leave. I heard him sigh and I shook and pulled away slightly.
"I guess this is it then" I said quietly staring into his eyes and as tears slipped from his eyes he let out a breath.
"It has to be" he says and I know it is true as my lips tremble.
"I'm so so so sorry I can't give this up, I would for you but I just… can't" I say shaking and he nods his head no hint of even a sad smile on his face both our faces were steady and tear-stained.
"Don't be I want you to live this dream. I'm sorry I couldn't give UCLA up either, so sorry you have no idea how much I don't want this to be it"
"Don't be sorry and even though I don't want it either. It's too hard and I know it had to be this way, there is a reason for it"
"I wish I knew what it was"
"Me too" I whispered.
"One day we will good or bad" He said and I nodded.
"Shane, I love you" I whispered as he once more pulled me close.
"I love you too Mitchie" He said not letting go.
We pulled back and stared into each other's eyes. Both of us were breaking and that was very much visible. He bent down and met my lips with a soft kiss that broke my heart. A long slow last kiss we shared. He pulled away and stared into my eyes one more time. I don't know why but I had to whisper to him.
"Don't forget"
"Never" He assured me then took a deep breath as I felt the bed shift and knew he was off of the bed and heard him getting his stuff. I watched sadly as he walked to the door opening it a little. "Good bye Mitchie" He said and my heart broke.
"Goodbye Shane" I whispered barely audible.
"Mitchie, one thing… don't blame yourself, blame it on September" He whispered
"Always blame it on September" I said assuring him I wouldn't blame me or him and he nodded.
"I love you" He said softly stepping out of the door.
"I love you too" I said and closed my eyes burying myself into my blankets. I heard him let out a soft sob just after I heard my door click close. I could hear him descend the stairs imagining the tears on his face. I could hear some voices but my sobs that now escaped my mouth my body heaving in my bed toned them out. It was when I heard the front door close with hits strong hinges that my body completely started heaving the sobs coming out harder my breath laboured, I needed to calm down but I just couldn't. I was lucky I heard my door open and close with a soft click and I knew exactly who it was.
"Mitchie" I heard Amy whisper and knew she walked over to my bed and crawled into it with me. I could tell she was crying and it was confirmed when I opened my eyes looking into hers. She was shaking a little and I was shaking like a leaf.
"Amy…" I whispered and she nodded. I knew she knew what was happened and that she was sad too. I knew Shane was breaking and I was too. I didn't know how I was now going to get through this, would he even still talk to me, let me know he landed safe, or I at least hope Bryan would let Amy know.
Amy wrapped me in a hug which I really accepted having a moment where I just needed a hug. I hugged her back knowing she just needed one and we knew we understood what the other was going through. We understood how we both felt and I wished this upon no-one. It hurt that I was going through it and killed me more because my best friend was also going through it.
It would look really weird but we were best friends and practically sisters sharing a hug on my bed. Together there we cried and shook and just let our emotions take us over. I was broken and I truly didn't know if I would ever get over Shane or be able to focus on dance with knowing I would go back to Anaheim but not to him. I finally let myself cry until my body slipped into a dark dreamless restless sleep that I knew when I woke up I would be anything but rested.
A/N: Well I am back and this is the first chapter of Fighting for him. This is heartbreaking like the last chapter of falling over her. They love each other so much that's why they are ending it and it is incredible sad. But I think it was more so because they used the word goodbye but remember I do everything for a reason. Anyway I like this chapter and I am excited to continue with the story though the updates probably won't be that frequent. I would love to hear what you guys thought about the first chapter and what you thought about Shane showing up. I loved that even though it was sad and I absolutely love the song blame it on September by Allstar Weekend. Again, let me know what you think and any ideas on what might happen now. Do any of you like Shawn or does he creep you out like he creeps Mitchie out. Please read and review, Enjoy!
~Kim