The Choices We Make

[Spoilers for season 3] Ben contemplates whether or not to get the spikes removed.

Ben sat down on the steps of an abandoned house, letting out a heavy sigh as he did. He leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees before lowering his head into his hands. God. Why was this decision so hard? A year ago he would have killed to have this opportunity – to be normal again. To be without the reminder of what the aliens had done to him; to finally get rid of the thing that made him an outcast and a freak.

Yet why was he hesitating?

The harness had ruined his life. It had kept him in slavery for months, his mind tucked away in a dark corner and his body a puppet for the Skitters. He'd been trapped in his own flesh, unable to do anything against the will of his captors.

And then he'd been freed… Dr. Glass (he had to keep reminding himself that she was Anne now) had removed the harness with the help of another doctor and he was no longer a slave to the aliens. But there had been remnants. The spikes were too deeply embedded in his spine to be removed safely – pulling them out would ultimately result in death. So they'd stayed.

Things changed after that. He'd noticed Rick acting strangely, being able to do stuff other people – normal people – couldn't do. He had more stamina, his eyesight was better, hearing stronger and was no longer in need of the inhaler he'd been without since he was just a kid.

It wasn't long after their dad had climbed aboard the spaceship with the harnessed Karen that Ben asked to be trained as a fighter. With his enhanced abilities, he knew he could help – could be of use to the Second Mass. Ben had been surprised when Captain Weaver had said yes without much of a fight.

So he became a fighter.

Fifteen years old and running around with a semi-automatic assault rifle killing aliens. It sounded like a blockbuster sci-fi movie. Coupled with his alien abilities, Ben quickly became one of the Second Mass's hidden assets. He could go places no one else could go, he could hear things no one else could and he was damn sneaky when he wanted to be.

But it came with its downsides…

Ben was an outcast. Labelled a freak. The spikes made everyone wary of just where his allegiances lay, even with being one of the front line fighters for the Second Mass. Even arriving in Charleston, where other de-harnessed kids were, a lot of them didn't have the same abilities he did. Even among others like him, he was different.

Sleep was one thing Ben missed. He didn't need it like others did. Two or three hours a night was all he required and some nights he didn't sleep at all. It was like he was pumped up continuously on adrenaline, his body too wound up to be able to shut down.

Another downside was the pain. He hadn't revealed this to anyone, but the spikes hurt. Not always, but it was there. A deep ache had settled a few weeks after the initial de-harnessing and hadn't left. Nowadays when he was slammed up against something, the spikes screamed at him in agony. Over the months he's become very good at hiding pain.

Food. God he missed food. It wasn't as though he didn't eat – if anything, he ate more than what he used to. But now it all tasted like ash. No matter what he did, Ben couldn't taste the flavour of the spiciest chicken or the muddy taste of the water.

Sighing, Ben ran a hand through his sandy blonde hair before rubbing the back of his neck and leaning back against the steps. His rifle was placed on the step next to him, carefully out of the way. The last thing he wanted to do was accidentally shoot himself.

The teen fighter looked up and locked eyes with the one other person who had come to understand exactly what he was feeling and he let himself grin a little.

Deni.

She was a girl his age who one of the other front-line units had found a few months back and brought back to Charleston. She had been harnessed when the invasion first began and had been one of the first to have her harnessed removed once the word had spread on how to do it.

They'd bonded pretty quickly on, both having found each other had alien abilities others didn't. Ben had found himself talking to her more and his brothers less. He still loved his brothers to bits, but with Hal trying to get back the mobility he suddenly lost and Matt starting to become more independent, he didn't want to bother them too much. And Deni knew what it was like to live with the harness and its side effects.

Then the Volm had offered Anne a device to remove the harnesses without hurting the (host?) child and suddenly everything changed. They had a chance to be normal again.

Hearing Deni tell him how much she wanted to be normal again made something inside Ben twist painfully. Why did it hurt so much that she wanted to change so badly? He kinda liked her how she was. But it was a chance to be normal… why would he even consider not taking the offer? Not to be called a freak any more? To be treated as one of the people of Charleston, not an outsider?

And no more being a living, breathing Skitter communicator either…

And if Deni got her harness removed and he didn't… he would go back to being alone again. Alone. God he hated being alone.

So why the hell was he hesitating so much?

Because…

Because…

Because without the harness, he was nothing. He would return to being a nerdy fifteen year-old boy with severe asthma. There was no way they would let him continue to fight if they knew how bad his asthma got and with his dad in charge of Charleston…

He would be useless. They'd have no need for him any more, so he'd go back to being just another mouth to feed. He didn't want to be useless. Be liked how he was now. He didn't want to go back to being just another kid with nothing to offer. He liked being on the front lines, helping out, killing Skitters (the bad ones anyway). He could protect this family this way. Even if it meant his life was cut severely short. Who knew if they'd even win the war anyway?

But how would everyone react to him refusing to get the harness spikes removed? Would they even let him stay in Charleston?

God. He just didn't know what to do…

Grabbing his gun and a small black item also lying beside, Ben stood up and after stretching, slung the rifle across his back and strode off towards the infirmary.

"Hey dork."

Ben spun around, blinking as he saw Deni standing in the doorway to the harness removal room.

"I thought you were in surgery," he stammered, wondering what the hell was going on. Wasn't she getting the harnessed removed?

"Nah, changed my mind. What are you doing here?"

Ben was speechless for a moment. She'd changed her mind?

"I, um, I came to give you these," he brandished the black-framed glasses he'd procured for his friend when he found out she used to need them. "Guess you won't be needing them…"

Deni smirked. "I guess not."

And Ben couldn't help but smile too. If he was gonna stay a freak, at least he wasn't going to do it alone.

END

End Notes – PLEASE READ.

Well. There you go. I don't know where this idea came from, but I was watching The Hobbit when I got it… I have a feeling the whole thing is a little all over the place, but it's kinda what I was going for when I started writing it.

About Deni

I personally love the character. I know she hasn't been on the show much, but I love that Ben has someone that is like him and can relate to what he's gone through. Yes it may be a cliché move on the writers' part, but I like it.

The Choice

The fact the writers decided to give Ben and the other harnessed kids the choice of whether to remove the harness (I think) was a brilliant idea. It definitely brings some interesting perspective to it. If you were given something so amazing (yet terrible) that enhanced you physically and cured ailments but also came with a decreased life expectancy and other side effects, would you get rid of it? Especially since you'd kinda gotten used to the fact that you thought it could never go away? I just love the whole idea behind it. I don't know if I did the idea justice at all, but I had to try.

Anyway, sorry for the long authors note, but I wanted to explain a few things. Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed. Looking forward to the new episode in a few days! And YAY for Season 4!