: GOURD DRABBLES :

Chapter One: Gate

"Naruto." I said with a grave air of seriousness. I stared at my gate with barely repressed rage. A matter of such utmost importance deserved no less, after all.

"Yes?" He answered innocently, twiddling his thumbs as he avoided my gaze.

"...I am going to give you exactly sixty seconds to explain just what happened to my gate." I informed generously, staring up at the grand entrance of Suna... Not that it was particularly grand anymore. Spray paint of various colors marred its once beautiful surface, diminishing its former glory to a state of mockery. This was utter blasphemy. I decided then and there that I would induct this law as treason when I got back to my office.

Turning to face my friend for further questioning, I was stopped by a flesh-colored blob that caught my attention. I squinted at one shape in particular, and slowly turned my head to the side in a ninety-degree angle in order to get a better view... My eyes narrowed dangerously. If that was a certain unmentionable, rather pilose body part on my gate, Naruto was going to have hell to pay.

"What are you looking at me for? I don't know what happened, dattebayo!" He insisted, like anyone else in a fifty-kilometer radius was even capable of such vandalism.

"Fifty-two seconds." I supplied without looking over.

"But Gaara-"

"Fourty-eight seconds."

"Okay, okay! But it wasn't me, I swear!" He pleaded. I turned to him wordlessly and glared hard, hoping to intimidate him... By the look of utter horror on the blonde's face, I knew I had succeeded. It seemed I still could manage that look, which made even the greatest man nearly piss himself and fall to his knees at my feet begging for mercy. I repressed a smirk and continued with the visual daggers in an attempt to get my friend talking; this was no laughing matter. No, this was my gate, and whoever dared to vandalize my gate was going to clean off every drop of spray paint with a single tooth brush; I would see to it personally.

"Tick, tock, Naruto. The sooner you speak up, the sooner I'll let you off the hook." That was a lie, of course. But he didn't have to know that.

"It was just a dare! I didn't think she'd actually do it!" Naruto claimed, raising his hands up in defense.

"Naruto. I will ask you one more time... What happened to my gate?" I gritted out, unable to keep my eyes off the paintings. Dark purple polka dots were placed randomly about the door, with vibrant splashes of red thrown haphazardly around. Green faces stuck their tongues out and gave particularly rude hand gestures to the onlookers, who gasped in shock before whispering amongst themselves, much to my dismay. A bright yellow... Something... Was painted in the center. But what drew the most attention was the picture at the bottom, done in brown paint, which looked suspiciously like a large, steaming pile of-

"It was..."

"Twenty-four seconds."

"Well, you see..."

"Five seconds."

"WHAT?!"

"Three seconds."

"IT WAS SAKURA-CHAN!" He immediately slapped his hands over his mouth as if to take the words back, his eyes wide at his own outburst, but what's said is said. I stared at him blankly for a moment, waiting for... Well, waiting for what I wasn't sure, but I was waiting nonetheless. For a punch-line, perhaps? When a few seconds of dead silence passed by, I felt my eyes widen in shock before narrowing in doubt.

"You expect me to believe that Haruno Sakura did this?" I asked in disbelief, motioning towards the offensive mural on my gate. There was just no way that the reserved, by-the-book, Leaf medic-nin would do something so... Stupid.

"I told her that she didn't know how to have fun, that she was just a killjoy, and we got in a heated debate over it... So I dared her to vandalize the gates, just like I used to back at home when I was a kid. But I didn't say to paint all these things... Heh. Looks like Sakura-chan has a great imagination, eh?" He grinned like a proud teacher, crossing his arms over his chest smugly. I stared at him dubiously, reality still not registering. Haruno Sakura. Medic-nin. Reserved, quiet, conventional. I was in an extreme state of doubt when I realized a valid point I had overlooked before... She was a teammate of Naruto's.

"I've gotta say, I'm impressed. I mean, look at the size of that dic-" Grainy fingers gripped his ankles and pulled him down until only his head stuck out of the sand, his body fully encased underground. I decided Naruto would take much of the blame for this one. After all, if he hadn't made the ridiculous dare to begin with, none of this would have happened... But that didn't mean that Sakura was completely off the hook either. I scanned the crowd for a familiar kunoichi when a spot of pink flashed quickly out of my peripheral vision.

"Hey, you bastard! Let me out right now, dattebayo-" The sand conveniently stuffed itself inside Naruto's mouth by my subconscious will, successfully putting an end to his foul-mouthed rants as I focused on finding the pink-haired kunoichi. It was time for my gates to be cleaned spotless by hand- via tooth brush...

Naruto's toothbrush, that is.

A/N: Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto; all rights belong to Kishimoto Masashi.

Let the drabbles begin! I've been wanting to write a series of drabbles for a long time now. It's something to do when I'm bored and it'll help build my creativity writing about random subjects. Each chapter will be 1,000 words or less and the chapter name will be the subject of the chapter.

I hope you like it! Review? Pretty please, with a Kazekage on top? ;)