Title: Desire.
Summary: There's an aching desire rumbling at the pit of your stomach waiting to burst. Spencer\Toby. Oneshot. Post 3.24.
Authors Note: A oneshot! Baby steps, darling. It's hard coming into a new fandom and writing for it because you feel this need to make sure everything is perfect, every single thing whereas - or so I believe - when you're in a fandom, have been writing for them for quite some time you just feel so much more comfortable but here is my first oneshot for Pretty Little Liars. This was partially written at 12:00 am after I finished homework, all my best work takes place late at night. This isn't how I usually write but I like the style of it more then the style I write in. Enjoy, reviews are love.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
You want him, you need him, he's like the air you breath, the oxygen you can't live without. You crave his gentle touch, his hands stroking against your skin, he's the paintbrush, your body is the canvas. After everything the two of you have been through (thinking he was the devil, finding out you like each other, falling in love, breaking up because A told you too, getting back together, breaking up again because you found out he was A, dealing with all that followed with his traitor behaviour, getting back together, the fire, the body in the back of the trunk, another funeral), you want him more then ever. There's an aching desire rumbling at the pit of your stomach waiting to burst. You haven't seem him in an hour but it feels like months, like years.
"Spencer?" His voice calls out, a hanging question mark in the air. He's not sure whether you'll be here or at Aria's, or Hanna's, or Emily's. You run down the stairs - run down them - you end up tripping on the bottom step, a small laughing emits out of your mouth and he smiles because it feels like forever since he's heard your laugh. Everything had turned so serious all of a sudden, but that sort of started when Alison went missing, it sort of started when you be friended Alison. He doesn't make an effort to help you up, you hate the role of Damsel in Distress. You pick yourself up off of the ground and walk towards him, no more running, he takes a step forward and the two of you are meeting in the middle. His arms wrap around your body, bringing you in closer. You wrap you arms around his neck, resting your head against his shoulder.
"I missed you," You tell him, a hint of pouting laced through the sentence. He lets out a smooth laugh, one that comes from the pit of his stomach. The two of you part but not for long because you intertwine your fingers together (never wanting to go without skin on skin). You drag him over to the couch where the two of you flop down, him on one side, you on the other. Your knees meet in the middle, touching together. Your fingers still laced together. Today you had promised yourself that you would ask him if the two of you could talk, demand to talk if he says no. You can't let the issues the two of you have gone unresolved, you can't push them to the side any longer and hope they won't come in the way. Fantasy land is over, there's no more time for daydreaming but you can't. You look at his face, your eyes landing on his, on his nose, his ears, his chin, his mouth and you just can't.
You take a deep breath in and try to steady yourself, it's not going to be easy to talk about everything and you just know that this day will end up with tears, a box of chocolates and staying the night at a friends. Toby hears the sharp intake of breath and he freezes - he knows what's coming up and as much as he doesn't want to talk about it, he does.
"We need to talk," You finally whisper. Your voice so soft, so low, so insecure. You hate it but you've never minded when it's just you and him. Him and you. He nods his head slightly, leaning in towards you, his fingers tuck back a strand of loose hair and his lips peck yours ever so softly.
"Let's talk," He agrees, you rack your mind of places where to start but nothing of use comes to mind. Your eyes glance around the room, hoping something will speak to you and it does. Your eyes land on the kitchen and you swear your eyes start to fill up with tears, visions of that night flooding back into your brain. You hate that memory more then anything, you replay it over in your head like a nightmare from time to time, that's why it's the perfect place to start.
"When I found you," You stop here, take a deep breath, let your eyes gently flutter close and then open again and start up again, "When I found you in the kitchen in that black hoodie searching for the key, I, I wanted to die," You admit, you tear your eyes away from his unable to watch his own eyes feel up with tears, the look of pain cross his face. It reminds you of the night the two of you made up, you were the one wearing the black hoodie that time.
"I didn't see you there and just have it click that you were on the A team, I had known for a few hours but seeing you there just confirmed my worst fears," You don't cry but your sentence is laced with pain and hurt but you stay glance up at him to catch his reaction but he's not looking at you, his eyes are fixated on the floor. It's probably for the best that you don't see his reaction, that he doesn't see yours.
"Spenc," That one word makes you want to curl up in a ball because you know that he's sorry - that he didn't mean any harm (but he did mean harm, to begin with and then he followed on with dishing out harm to you and your friends).
"Even, even when I was bad, I was good," His sentence confuses you, you comb through your memory trying to find an instance when A had saved you or one of your friends. You shake your head helplessly, none come to mind and then one image does, it's you on the top of the bell tower, a black hood pushes Ian down, he can't hurt you anymore. You're safe but you aren't because Ian's innocent, he's not the one torturing you.
"You killed Ian?" You ask in disbelief, in astonishment. He grimaces, turns his head away from you once again. He doesn't want to talk about how he killed a man in cold blood. It still haunts him in dreams along with the image of Spencer's face when she caught him as A. You shuffle closer towards him, placing your hand on his knee and you offer him a small smile that tells him that it's okay, you're not mad anymore (but you are mad, you'll always be mad but the pain and the hurt and the anger are slowly fading away).
"I killed Ian," He confirms, it's not any more than a whisper but it's something. You nod your head, signalling the end of that topic (your boyfriend has killed a man, he's tortured four girls anonymously and may of been involved with another murder). You scratch the last one out of your mind, he's not guilty of that crime. He joined to protect you, he did, didn't he?
"Why?" You ask, your voice comes out a lot stronger then you thought it would. You're glad for that, it doesn't make you seem like the weak little girl you are on the inside. Toby doesn't need you to ask him in full detail what you're talking about, he knows. You hear his sharp intake of breath and you steady yourself for the harsh words about to come your way, (they aren't intended to be harsh but they'll hurt you nonetheless).
"I hated Alison. She made my life a living hell, before she ever became friends with you and the girls and then after what she did on Jenna, then blamed it on me," He trails off here and you feel guilt stab at you, over and over and over again. "And you helped, you and your friends helped her. I know that you didn't, not really but you did and then Mona approached me after Homecoming and you had sworn that I was the devil, not even Emily trusted me anymore. I just, I broke, Spenc. I joined her team, I was half-on, half-off. I knew nothing, I knew what she was doing - to some extent, I knew but not all of it and then I found myself trusting you more and more, falling in love with you and I wanted out but I was in too deep. I tried stopping but Mona - she's pure evil, I swear to go - " the feel of your lips against his shuts him up, his hands wind themselves around your neck and you leaned in closer towards him until no space is left between the two of you. His lips run over your teeth, teasing you, you open your lips up allowing him access into your mouth. You lose yourself into the kiss, the desire you had earlier on had never vanished, it had just been dulled down but now? It's intensified by a million.
"I forgive," You breath into his mouth, "And I love you,"
FIN.