Okay, since I'm still in a manic-depressive mood (though It seems to be tailing off a bit in the past few days... which is good news for all you happy people... because I might actually think of a happy story, and... yeah...), and I was thinking of writing this before, here it is. I made this as a standalone, even though I was originally thinking of making this the ending to "Just Walk Away" instead of the second chapter I went with... But now it's a standalone.
mondlering moofoot- Yeah... jetlag sucks... Anyway, top seven hmm? Cool... especially considering the awesome authors on this site... I figured that Keely's note in "...Halloween on Christmas" would be out of character. She's just telling him every bloody thing... but... the more you read, the more it makes sense. Anyway, as I said, I wasn't in love with the song either, but some of the lines fit really well. Anguish sustains me, so if I drew some tears out of people, then I'm happy...
element90- Whoa… I just realized that while I was reading your review… That's so… awesome, for lack of a better word. Jeez… John Keely (I remember hearing about him somewhere…). Very POTFesque. Yeah, I love using anaphora. I use it a lot… I'm not sure if that's good or not… Yeah, your manic-depressive explanation is a lot like relative motion. You know, how if I was walking towards you, to me, you and the rest of the world would be moving towards me, and I'd be standing perfectly still. Pretty fun stuff to think about. But then, if the 'normal' people were the ones that were manic-depressive, then I would be normal. Well, we can't have that, can we? Not at all… Anyway, I'll acknowledge other reviewers so they don't feel left out, okay?
be234therz- I'm pretty sure it's spelled 'incognito.' But I'm not sure… That's some funny stuff, though. :) Good job! You put that story on your favs list! Excellent…
bruisedpapaya- Glad that I was able to introduce you to a world of glorious POTF fan fiction! Buongiorno!
Okay… enough talk. On with the story!
Who can say for certain?
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory so clear
Phil smiled as he put down his pen. He had just finished putting the finishing touches on one of his poems. He placed it in his drawer, along with the other papers he had been writing on. Soon, one day, he'd give all those papers to Keely, to let her know how much she means.
The only problem was, Phil wasn't the compulsive type. The situation had to be perfect, and there were too many things that could go wrong if he wanted to give her his work.
Still, she'd never know what he felt if he never gave her those papers. And a part of him was scared that he'd never be able to give her his heart and soul. And if he didn't... she'd never return to him. There was no way he could live without her.
When he heard Pim talking downstairs, he was puzzled. He was almost always up before her- then again, he had been spending the past two hours locked in his room. It was already nine in the morning. Even Pim was up by then.
He sighed, looking around his desk. His eyes fell on a picture.
They were just sitting together, their heads leaning against each other, smiling at the camera. Just a simple memory. Just a simple picture…
But it was a powerful memory, which is all that he had left of his relationship with her… He'd made a huge mistake. And she broke up with him.
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be
Every day Phil thought of October eighth. He never wanted to, but even the smallest thing could somehow remind him of her. And she reminded him of the day she left him.
He was plagued by so many questions. What if she didn't care about what I did? What if she would've forgiven me, but I didn't think she would? He found these questions made him more and more depressed every time he thought of them. But there was one question that made him more sorrowful than anything else could.
What if I never met her at all?
He wasn't sure if he could live without a Keely in his life. A girl like that only came around so often. He figured it must be a number greater than 116 years- he'd never met a girl like her in 2121. He doubted if he'd meet somebody else like her in any time.
But night was when he really thought about it.
It was easier to remember every exact detail of what had happened at night. Phil suspected night was dark so he could remember his pains with less distraction. He remembered what he was thinking, what he was doing with his hands, what she was saying… every minute detail. And how terrible his life was post-Keely.
He put that at the back of his mind, now, though. He went downstairs to let his parents know he was awake, but instead of the usual (parents at the table, Pim in her room), he noticed four people at the table. As soon as he got a look at her face, he realized that the girl at the table was Keely's sister, Bonnie. She looked like a mess. Her hair was mussed up, as if she had constantly been running her hands through it. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot.
But the worst was her arms and chest... her whole shirt, in fact.
It was covered in blood.
"Hey, Bonnie," he said, nervously. "What's wrong?"
"Phil," she said, heavily, trembling. "Your f-f-family… thinks I shuh-shuh-should tell you th-this… Kuh-K-K-K-Keely…" Phil winced at the mention of Keely's name, but Bonnie continued. "Last n-n-night, she… kuh-k-k-k-ki-kuh-k-kuh--"
Pim did something that shocked Phil, and put a hand on Bonnie's shoulder. "Calm down," Pim told her. Bonnie breathed deeply.
"Last night," Bonnie said, "K-Keely… k-k-killed… herself…"
That you are my forever love
And you are watching over me from up above?
Phil looked at Bonnie blankly. She couldn't be joking… for one, you don't joke about people taking their own lives. Another thing- she looked too serious. Still… Phil asked her. "You… Are you serious?"
"Of cuh-cuh-cuh-course I'm serious," Bonnie stuttered.
"How did it happen?"
"…I found her on the guh-ground in her room… she was still b-b-b-bleeding… still alive… She d-died in my arms." (At the top of my lungs in my arms, she dies, she dies...)
A long silence fell over the room. Barbara broke the calm. "Pim, Lloyd, I think we should see if Mandy is alright…"
They agreed, and the three left. Bonnie stayed with Phil. "Listen," she started, "I'm really sorry, Phil…"
"I should be sorry," Phil said, standing up, finding a great interest in his shoes. "She was your sister… your best friend…"
"Phil," Bonnie countered, standing up as well, "…yeah, we were close… but you and K-Keely had something special. You two had so m-much more than a good friendship… you two only needed each other to be happy… Phil… K-Keely really loved you. She told me… but why did you split up?"
Phil shook his head. "It doesn't matter. We split up, and… and now she's dead and it's all my fault!"
"Phil… don't say that… I should've known that she'd be de-de-depressed… I should have been able to save her. You… I mean, you hadn't even ruh-really been around her for the last three weeks. I was. I should've noticed how fragile she was…"
"I just… I feel like if I wasn't such a coward, she'd still be alive now."
"How do you f-figure that?" Bonnie asked.
"Follow me," Phil said, walking upstairs to his room. When they entered his room, he showed her all the poems he had intended to give to Keely. A tear dropped from Bonnie's eye as she read them. "One day… I was going to give her these. But I was too much of a coward to do it. Now she'll never know…"
"She… would've really l-l-luh-lo-loved these," Bonnie stammered.
"You think so?" Phil asked. Bonnie nodded, as another tear fell from her eyes. Phil smiled, but quickly looked back at the floor. He continued, "I don't know if I can live without her…"
Bonnie sighed. "Neither do I… but we'll get through this thing, okay? We'll get through it… t-t-together."
"Together," Phil said. There were a few awkward seconds, and they embraced, Bonnie sobbing into Phil's shoulder.
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight to see you smile
If only for a while to know you're there
A breath away is not far
To where you are
"Oh," Bonnie added, looking into Phil's eyes, "I almost f-forgot… She left you th-this message… When she was d-dying… and I was holding her, she… told me to give you this…"
"Did she say anything else?"
"Yeah," she sobbed. "She s-said, 'Tell Phil… tell him I…'"
"Tell me what?"
"I d-don't know. She d-di-died before she could finish."
Phil's eyes began to water up again, as Bonnie looked at the ground, as if she'd done something wrong. He sighed, and opened up the message that Keely requested be delivered to him.
"Phil," it read. "Don't blame yourself. Just remember the WIZRD, and maybe I could let you know some more…"
Phil wasn't entirely sure what she meant. "Remember the WIZRD?" Phil muttered.
"What?" Bonnie asked.
"Uh… it's just…"
"Should I leave?" Bonnie asked. Phil remained silent, so she nodded and left.
Phil took out the gadget, pressed a few buttons, and a hologram came out. It was Keely, just as he had remembered her. It was Keely, before she slit her wrists… Before she died in Bonnie's long-sleeved, blood-stained arms.
"Phil," the hologram said, "if you got this message, than it's too late for me. It saddens me that, all this time, I was willing to forgive you for what you did to me… but you weren't coming back. I was mad at first, but then I realized that our time together was too short to get mad over something you probably didn't even start. But you never came back… I would've forgiven you, Phil. But you never bothered to give me that chance. So now… it's too late. Don't blame yourself, though. It's my fault. It's my fault for ever getting so close to you in the first place…"
Muttering to himself, Phil whispered, "So why didn't you come back to me?"
Surprisingly, the hologram answered him. "It wasn't my mistake. It was yours. All you had to do was come back to me, and I would've forgiven you… but I guess that was too much to ask of you."
Phil realized that the hologram was meant to respond to certain vocal commands. "Why did you do it?"
"I couldn't live without you… since the element of you wasn't going to change, I supposed that the living element would. I know that I caused other people a lot of pain, but… I know that they can deal with it a lot better than I can."
"How can I go on without you?"
"You've done a good job of it so far…"
"Will I ever see you again?"
"…I wish I knew, Phil. I really do… of course, by now, I probably already do."
Phil shut off the WIZRD, and the hologram disappeared.
Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream?
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen?
The front door open, and Pim walked inside. "Hey, Phil," she said. "I'm just getting some lemonade."
"Hey," Phil said, in an extremely depressed tone.
"Look," Pim muttered, feeling some pity for Phil, "I'm really sorry about what happened--"
"Yeah, right," Phil scoffed, dismissing it with a wave of his hand.
"Look, I know I might not have been the best of friends with Blondie-- I mean, Keely, but… I mean, as hard as it is to believe, I have emotions too…"
Phil sighed. "You never even knew her like I did."
"I know I didn't. I didn't say I ever did. But… Phil, just because we weren't the best of friends doesn't mean that I'm not going to miss her…"
"What? What do you mean?"
"Well… I don't know, but… on the few occasions that I talked to her, she actually listened to me. The only other person that has ever really listened to me is Mom… it was nice to know that somebody actually cared about people out there."
Phil smiled.
"Plus," Pim added, smiling a bit, "she got you out of the house a lot, so I had to deal with you a lot less."
"Hey- you should've stopped while you were ahead," Phil said.
"No… I think I've said enough," Pim replied, taking a drink out of her cup.
"Well… thanks, Pim."
"Sure thing," Pim muttered, and walked back out of the house.
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me
Every day
About an hour later, Phil exited the house, feeling actually up to taking a walk. He turned right on the sidewalk, and looked up at the window that Keely's room was behind. He'd climbed through that window countless times during the night… and he never would again. He'd just be reminded of her and what happened when he looked at that barren window.
He briskly walked past the house, not wanting to look at it any longer. If he kept walking, he just might be able to get somewhere where he could think clearly.
He took a left turn on Huntington Lane, and continued walking. To think… he had even talked to Keely at school the very day before she took her life. It was the first time he had talked to her in over a month, and the last thing he said to her was, "See you around." Why couldn't he have said something meaningful, like, "I love you, Keely," or, "You mean everything to me." Why did he have to say the stupidest thing imaginable?
He walked into the local park, and meandered along the bike path for a while.
The sun had just set, so the western part of the sky was still a light gray. It was winter, so the sun had set a lot earlier than normal. A slight breeze blew through the park, sending a chill throughout Phil's body.
He looked at a tree, located next to a bench. On the tree, two names were carved.
Phil + Keely
Two Hearts and One Soul
Healed and Free
Phil distinctly remembered carving that into the tree with his WIZRD. He remembered the bright look on Keely's face when he revealed the work, and the kiss he had received from it.
He remembered the many times they had visited this park, just to get away from everybody. Keely would often be sitting at a bench, overlooking a small pond, whenever he found her. And she'd always beam when he found her, and greet him with a hug.
Then he saw the bench next to the tree.
The bench where Phil's very world collapsed. They had separated while sitting at that bench, and after Keely got up and left him, it made him even sadder when he saw their names carved in the tree a few feet over.
But Keely had just walked away from it all. She would have forgiven him… she would have taken him back. But he was so cavalier, he didn't even bother to think that she would consider taking him back.
He never told her he still loved her.
He never asked for forgiveness.
He never gave her the poems he wrote.
He just ignored it, pretended that he was still the same. But he would never be the same again.
Phil's daydreaming was interrupted when he collided with somebody.
"Sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean to…" The girl he bumped into turned around. "Oh. Hey, Ashley."
"Hey, Phil," Ashley said. And it was then that Phil noticed that Ashley was standing at the same pond that Keely would always visit to take her mind off of what was bothering her.
"…I couldn't stay in the house. I had to get out, and… well, my feet just sort of carried me here. I'm not sure why… I guess I've always come here to… relax. You know?"
"Yeah… I know what you mean," Phil said, looking sadly at the bench. A faint memory came into his head, as he saw himself sneak up behind Keely, sitting on a bench, overlooking the pond. He put his hands over her eyes. A smile broke out over her face, as her lips moved soundlessly. She stood up, and Phil watched as the memory slowly dissipated as Keely hugged the distant memory of himself.
"I guess… there's just something that… calms me here."
"She always used to come here," Phil whispered.
"I know…"
The two stood in silence, unwanted memories occasionally jumping into their heads.
"She would've forgiven me," Phil said, kicking a rock. Ashley looked at him, a questioning look on her face. "She told me… she told me that she would've just forgiven me if I tried to come back to her."
"She told you?"
"Well, in a note…"
"I see…"
"And I didn't even bother to try," he spat, kicking some more grass.
"Phil, it's not your fault," Ashley reassured him. "Don't blame yourself… she just got disillusioned… It's not your fault. There's no way to go back in time… There's no way to change what happened."
Phil smirked at Ashley's choice of words, despite himself. "I just… I just wonder… what would've happened if I came back to her…
"Phil…"
"I know… I should just try and forget about it…"
"Just keep in mind that it's not your fault… Please, Phil… just remember that."
"Yeah, whatever," Phil muttered. "Well… thanks…"
"Well… so long, Phil," she said, giving him a wave and a smile.
'Cause you are my forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe that angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave
Phil returned home to see that there was still nobody home. This news relieved him. He didn't want anybody to be around now.
He walked upstairs, went into the bathroom, turned on the water to the shower, and placed a lid over the drain. He went into his room, pulled out a sheet of paper, and wrote a short message to Bonnie on it, apologizing for what he had done, and pleading for her to not make the same mistake he did.
"It was just too much," he said, trying to convince himself, watching the water fill up the tub. "Just too much…"
He set his note on the sink, and looked at the tub once more.
The water weighed down his clothes immediately, but the warmth felt good against his cold skin. A sense of peace began to ripple over him…
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight to see you smile
If only for a while to know you're there
A breath away is not far
To where you are
He walked over to the park, looking for her. She had to be here… somewhere…
As usual, she was sitting at the bench, looking out at the pond.
But there was something different about her… she looked like a cross between a liquid and a gas, and there was a faint yellow light, seemingly emanating from within her. She looked like a mirage…
He snuck up behind her, and put his hands over her eyes. He could feel her soft face… so he knew that she was there… that he was there with her.
"Phil," she muttered, smiling.
"I came, Keely… I had to…"
"I knew you would… After watching you and Ashley, I kind of thought something was… amiss."
"What do you mean?" Phil asked. He turned around, and noticed that they were standing at the exact same spot he had talked to Ashley not half an hour ago.
"And then I realized," Keely finished, "you were coming back to me."
"I… I had to. I couldn't stand it any longer... And… you mean, you were watching me--- I mean, us, that whole time?" Keely nodded. "I didn't even notice…" Phil finished.
"Of course you didn't..." Keely whispered.
"What do you mean?"
"You're still in denial. People don't see us until they realize that we're gone... and even then... they can't always see us... but we're always there... always watching..."
"You mean..."
Keely nodded. "You're catching on, kid. See, what most people don't realize is that never dying and living forever are two very different things..."
"I'm afraid I don't follow you," Phil said, a little confused.
"What I mean is that the meaning of immortality is not that somebody never dies. These people," she said, gesturing to the people walking by, "have a misplaced belief in what death is all about."
Phil thought for a second. "So you mean--"
Keely nodded. "Death is the final step towards immortality. I know this sounds cliché, but death is only the beginning."
"So... we're here...like this... forever?"
Keely nodded again. "Forever us," she muttered.
"And they," Phil said, gesturing to the people in the park that were blissfully unaware, "don't know that we're here? And neither do Ashley or Bonnie... or anyone?"
"Oh, they'll know eventually," Keely said, smiling. "Give them some time, love..."
I know you're there
A breath away is not far
To where you are
I do not own Josh Groban's "To Where You Are." Ugh… these disclaimers… If we owned PotF, we would be making episodes of the show...
So, what did you think? Please review… if anything is going to get me out of manic-depressive mode, it will be reviews! Right?
Anyway, there will be a happier story after this one... I have one in production, so... yeah. Anyway, review, and that shall be your reward. )