Disclaimer: I own Charlie and the Chocolate Factory… the DVD, anyway.

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The Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Fic of RANDOMNESS!

It was early morning and the sun was about to rise. Willy Wonka's alarm clock went off and his hand hit the snooze button, but it EXPLODED! Willy randomly said "I like old people." He got up out of bed wearing a skimpy, dark blue halter top, Mom jeans, diarrhea green leg warmers, tube socks and gladiator sandals with his hair in a total mess. He skipped towards the kitchen smacking the Oompa Loompas upside their heads on the way there.

When he got in the kitchen, Charlie was sitting on a stool wearing his usual sweater and jeans and his head was face down in a bowl of cereal. As Willy got a box of Coco puffs, he asked Charlie, "Whatcha doin'?"

"Deep sea diving." Charlie gurgled through the milk.

"Whatcha lookin' for?"

"Sea leprechauns!" He exclaimed.

"I don't think you'll find any sea leprechauns in there." Willy said in a-matter-of-factly voice. "I know for a fact that sea leprechauns hate milk and cereal. It makes them bloat up and explode."

Grandpa Joe randomly burst out of a jar of mayonnaise that was on the table and he and Charlie started smacking each other in the face.

Willy decided he wasn't in the mood for Coco Puffs, so he dropped the box on the floor and randomly teleported himself to the chocolate waterfall. There, the Oompa Loompas were on fire and doing the stop, drop, and roll routine on the spearmint flavor grass. The grass lit on fire, so it didn't make any difference if they were doing stop, drop and roll.

Mrs. Bucket was dancing in the chocolate river dressed in a straitjacket and wearing a clown wig. She was singing "Honky-tonk Badonkadonk". Grandpa George was beating up an Oompa Loompa because it had said the word "France". He had a grudge against the French.

Willy got out of there as fast as he could. He ran to the TV room where Mr. Bucket was beating up the shrink machine. Willy shot Mr. Bucket with a poison dart and the victim fell knocked out cold to the ground. Grandma Josephine and Grandma Georgina were making a film called "Grannies Gone Wild". They were flashing the camera and wearing outfits you'd see in a strip club. Willy was so disgusted by the sight that he vomited on the old ladies and they EXPLODED!

Knowing that he was in trouble and having no other choice, Willy ran to the dentist's office which was owned by none other than... DR. WILBUR WONKA, D.D.S… A.K.A. WILLY'S DAD!

When he got there, Wilbur was using his dentist's drill to perform lobotomies on the children. Willy was disgusted by the sight.

"Papa!" Willy screamed. "How many times have I told you to never perform lobotomies on little children?"

"Umm…" Wilbur said.

"AAAH! Time's up!" Willy exclaimed. He then threw a bag full of dog and cat diarrhea at the evil dentist and the bag EXPLODED! Wilbur was covered in runny feces. He was allergic to poop, so he fell down to the ground and died from allergies.

The little kid in the dentist chair was sitting there being a drool monkey. Willy ran back to the factory and kicked the Bucket family out because he was getting sick of them not paying the rent.

For about six months, Willy lived alone until a week later when he got married to a giggly fan girl that lived in the basement. They had 5 children and grew old together. And everyone lived happily ever after… that is… except for Wilbur Wonka, the Bucket family, and the little kid in the dentist's chair.

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So... How you like? I admit it was a little morbid... but what the hey... If you like it and review it, I'll make more... If I have the time...

Love Always,

Harry's Girl 01031992