Yusuke's Competitions II
By TearStar
I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho…
Started at 'Bloodstained Handkerchief', followed by 'Yusuke's Competitions' and now, this…
Chapter 1
14
I smiled as I watched my love grab a pair of cute, small, tini wini, little socks with something rattling attached to it. They say the rattler will let you know that your baby's awake: sounding out as it kicks and moves its feet. Heh, cute little, silly but useful things. Then my love grabbed this fairly good overall with a hood, followed by a piece of cottony cloth. They say it's for wrapping your newborn with… What's your baby? A shanghai roll? And where's the dip?
Now we're done with garments, here we are now at the… what? Plastic department?
Kurama dropped 4 plastic bottles in our shopping cart. Boy, if only Kurama's in a dress right now, we're a perfect picture of getting-ready-to-be-parents couple.
"Yusuke? Is this good?"
Kurama shook this bear-shaped, super colorful plastic; giving out a rattling sound… baby toys!
"Yeah! Cute."
Super colorful plastic: dropped in our cart.
Because of the tempting colorful plastic toys flooding my vision, I dived into the drive and started choosing amongst the wide array of baby toys… well, if you'd really look, you'd say I'm playing, not choosing.
I'm currently enjoying myself with another super colorful rattling plastic when Kurama came rushing to me, giggling.
"Yusuke! Look this is so cute!"
He is holding out a cute elephant stuff toy. Its left ear produces a rattling sound, its right ear produces a crinkling sound, and its tummy, when squeezed, produces a squeaky, rubber ducky sound. Talk about the ultimate, all-in-one baby toy; minus the super colors…
"Let's buy this one, too!"
And Mr. Elephant: dropped into our cart…
Well, you probably got it right now, yes, we're shopping baby things. I've never seen Kurama have so much fun during shopping… sad part is: the stuffs are not for our baby…
14
It's been a year after my so called first set of competitions. Fighting off competitors stealing my Kurama from me. But I'd say, that was the worst year in my life. Not that I regretted living it with Kurama, it's just that it started my worst competition to date: against myself.
Kurama and I lived together, lived well. Kurama gave me the whole of him as I did to him. Our time and love laid solely for each other. Kurama loved me well. Me? I couldn't say I loved him well. Yes, I almost gave up my life and world for him but it still wasn't enough for me…
He wants only one thing: a baby. And I can't give him that…
I don't know! Mazukos are supposed to be childbearing… I believe… Hell! How will I know?! I'm the last one alive!
14
Even if Kurama doesn't show it or voice it out, I know he is disappointed about me… that sick, guilty feeling of conscience consumes me and tells me how stupid and worthless I am. The call last 4 months ago planted it deeper in me. Hiei called Kurama and told him he is having a baby with Touya. Kurama rejoiced on the news; me? I felt happy too, but humor followed. I can't imagine Hiei during pregnancy!!... then that humor was drowned by envy… how come Hiei and Touya can have a baby, but not me and Kurama? Our relationship started even before Hiei and Touya's did, but why do they always get the good things? Don't we deserve a baby of our own?
14
Everyday I feel like Kurama is not happy with me anymore. I even think he spends more time at work so that he won't see his failure partner… Damn! I never knew it's so fucking painful! The feeling of not being able to give your love one what they want, what they really want.
"I'm home!" –Kurama called out.
"Kurama." –I gave him a hug, but he just patted my back. "I cooked dinner, let's eat!"
"No. I ate outside. I was so hungry, I couldn't wait."
… He declined… he declined my 24th invitation to eat the dinner I so pain-stakingly cooked.
"How about dessert? I bought strawberry ice cream." –I offered again.
"Ok. I'll just change clothes."
"Yes…"
He accepted alright, but it felt like he just said yes out of pity of me. I felt like a housewife wooing her angry husband.
We sat in front the TV with air in awkward silence… I moved closer to him, cuddling him as he lazily eat and lick his ice cream.
"Kurama? Are you mad?" –I asked.
"Huh? No. I'm just tired and stressed out of work."
"Stressed out… of my incapacity to bear a child?"
"Yusuke??" –He put down his ice cream on the table. "No… I don't… I'm just tired of work." –He hugged me after that short, monotone answer. Anyone could tell it's a lie. My life with him for years told me it's a lie. I know it is.
The phone rang; Kurama let go of me and answered it.
"Hello?"
I watched him talk and slowly build a smile on his face.
"Ok. Bye!"
"Who is it?"
"It's Touya. Their baby came out! I wish… we could see it now, Yusuke… I'll prepare our gifts for the baby, ok?"
I just nodded and gave a smile… my mind was still on that pause in Kurama's sentence: I wish… we could see it now, Yusuke. … I know what he meant to say was: I wish we, too, could have a baby.
Those little things; little cover-ups, even how good their intentions were, they still hurt me. It makes me feel like I'm a cancer patient that gets a gift because I'm gonna die soon. I feel like a child being protected from the obvious truth. I'm not a fan of them! If you hate me, tell me. If you think I'm stupid, tell me. Don't tell me I drew a dog beautifully when it's obviously a cat.
14
I followed Kurama in our room, and helped prepare the toys, the clothes, and milk bottles. I watched him as we prepare the stuffs. I could see in his eyes how much he wanted those stuffs to be in the possession of our own baby. Our baby that I couldn't give him…
He stopped packing and stared at me. He stared at me for a good minute; I tried my best to remain emotionless, then he leaned over, kissed my lips and clung to me… Kurama's way of wordless sorry: a stare, a kiss and a hug.
"I knew I hurt you… I'm sorry, Yusuke."
"…I'm sorry I can't give you a baby, Kurama."
Then he sobbed on my shoulder… we spent the night crying over each other's weakness.
14
Chap 2 please!