Disclaimer: We SHOULD own the Inuyasha series, but since we don't you're going to be watching and reading it for another seven years until everything is said and done, so enjoy the briefness of this while you can!
More Than One Way To Kill A Toad
It was sad really, when you stopped to think about it... He had once been a great warrior among his people, fighting and directing many battles against others of his kind to defend those who followed him. Then he had moved on to serve his almighty and powerful Lord, always following and staying faithful, no matter the danger. And now...
Now he was an ancient, dried up toad with a long whispy beard that reached his knees, and no more teeth to speak of.
"Oh, my Lord Sesshomaru!" the withering old toad with graying green skin sobbed, looking at a picture that Kagome managed to snap of the two of them smiling at an amusement park. "Damn that pretty miko wench for taking you away from me!!"
Almost comically sized tears were streaking the short distance down his cheeks, then he crumpled the paper in his bony little hands and began to stomp up and down on it.
"WHY!! WHY!! WHY!! WHY!! WHY!!" he wailed, now on his stomach and kicking and screaming in a fit of elderly rage. "Even Rin has grown up and had a family, and here I am!! Old and alone!!"
In a wild mood swing he got to his feet and held a fist clutched near his chest as determination sparkled in his somewhat foggy eyes. "If I can't live the way I want, then I might as well die the way I want! YES!!" He threw a hand over his head in a salute to himself and the idea, and threw out his back.
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEUPH!!"
Half an inch.
"HUUUMPH!!"
Half an inch.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!"
Jaken finished climbing the thick metal pole which hosted the large green freeway signs. Peering over at the five lanes below and with fingers curled over the sign's top, he smirked. It wasn't even five o'clock trafic yet.
"Hehehe!" he chortled to himself. "This is going to be perfect! Quick and painless, yes!"
He hopped ever so slightly in celebration, and landed ever so slightly off on the thick tube pole. With a cry he tried desperately to cling to the cool metal, but he slipped nonetheless.
"WAAAAAAAAAAA-UMPH!!" Jaken landed back-first onto the top of a semi, and after rolling down its faster-moving-than-him roof he oriented himself and tried to run away in mid-air.
The windshield of a car met him.
"WHAT is THAT?!" a young wife screeched inside the car, Jaken's large eyes probably three times their size now. "EEEEE!! Get it off! Get it OFF!!"
"Kitty!" giggled a drooling toddler strapped in the back.
"I'm trying! I can't see!" yelled the man driving. Jaken's leg was quickly grabbed, and leaving a senile saliva trail across the glass he was flung towards the middle lane.
"WAH! OOF!! GAH!! KAH!!" Jaken made a variety of other noises as he went tumbling down the asphalt, and sitting up with a sigh he found himself plastered to the front license plate of a Mustang convertible.
"Did you feel that?" asked the woman driving.
"No," replied the fifteen year old younger sister, putting her muddy shoes into the dash as she played her video game.
Jaken laboriously battled the wind pressing him into the grill and gripped the silver hood decoration, crawling up.
"Get your icky shoes down! You know I hate that!"
The child stuck her tongue out.
"Oh!" huffed the minutely older driver. "I swear you're ugly enough to go find your toad prince charming!"
Jaken went flapping over the hood suddenly like a flag, and losing his weak grip rolled head over heels over the windshield, into the car, and got quite the squishy face plant.
The two women stared, and hearing the renown sound of someone losing a life on a video game he slowly looked up.
The revolted expression of a disgusted, barely dressed goth girl was staring petrified at her now tainted bosom.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" she shrieked, beating the toad's head in with the video game.
Jaken leaped for his dear and not yet appropriately ended life, and now clearing the door he stuck his tongue out at the women left behind, thumbs in his ear holes and fingers waggling, and met the winter chains of an eighteen wheeler.
"GAAAAAAH!!" he cried. "Unhand me you wretched fiends!!" He began battling the links of steel and the sudden falling sensation had him gripping them desperately for salvation.
He found it to be quite the work out when his feet were left to leap and bound off the road underneath. "HOT!! OUCH!! HAH!! GYEAH!!"
He finally let go, and bouncing once off the road his resilient demon self found a great combination of a hamster wheel and a spinning dryer within the wheel bolts of one of the double rear tires.
"Dude, check it out!"
Jaken, running as fast as his little legs possibly could in his circle of doom, stared at the audacious person in the car next to him. His immense humiliation was being recorded on a phone.
"YOU ROTTEN LITTLE BRATS!! I'M GOING TO BEAT THE LIVING-!"
The phone yanked to the right when Jaken lost his footing, and after three circles went colliding into the mud flap.
Immense pain met Jaken's face as gravel was kicked up, but this only lasted briefly before he slid to the road, hit his head on the exhaust pipe, and the next thing he knew his rear was stuck in something...
"WATCH OUT!!" came a woman's voice, reaching past her boyfriends waist for the motorcycle bars as his hands shot up to try and get the toad dislodged from his open biker's helmet.
"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE DRIVING!!" Jaken squealed, fast approaching the semi he was just freed from.
"I can't see!!" wailed the girl.
"RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!" he toad bellowed. The bike suddenly zipped past orange construction site cones, hitting one, and Jaken saw first hand as they shot for a cement mixer, his little body still being ravished by callused biker hands.
"LEEEEEEEEEFT!!" he screamed like a little girl. "For kami's sake, LEFT!!"
The wheel was jerked, and the motorcycle mounted a dirt hill and launched.
"Well I'll be damned," commented a few workers, looking up and watching the display of a woman driving second hand a huge, black Harley motorcycle and the real driver trying to get a screaming something out of his helmet.
"DUUUUUUUDE!!" the guy with the phone yelled, now hanging out the window and looking back at the fantastic jump through his tiny devise.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!" shrieked the petrified woman with Jaken when they left the ground. "HONEY, DO SOMETHING!!"
"I'm TRYING, you wretched female driver!!" Jaken yelled, desperate to escape this nightmare.
The tires met, surprisingly smoothly, the freeway which was bridging over their prior course. The woman initiated the brakes so hard that the bike nearly crushed their legs with how leaned over it was, and as tires screeched around and below them Jaken was launched heaf-first out of his uncomfortable seat.
-CRASH!!-
"... If ya wanted a ride, ya could have asked...-
There was suddenly country music. Jaken stared at the badly maintained roof of the semi truck, and looking from where he lay on the passenger seat he saw a big, grizzly, black haired man with pale skin and a cigarette hanging lazily from his plump lower lip, fast food stains all over his clothes.
"So, where're ya headin', stra-"
He leaped back into traffic.
Jaken, however, had miscalculated the leap of faith from bad music, and not feeling any ground he glanced down to see that he had still been on the freeway bridge, cars now zooming underneath him.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-" -PLOP!-
Jaken, amazingly enough, landed in the upright opening of the cement mixer and did a belly flop in the churning concrete. It was like hitting the actual ground at first, and while he was still stunned he slowly sank into the mix.
Ten minutes later, there was daylight.
"GAH!!" he gasped for air, regretting his demon heritage. "What a relief! I thought for sure I was going to d-!"
A leveling tool sent him face-first into the cement, and prying himself out he ran screaming insanely for the hills wailing something about a Lord Sesshomaru.
A/N: We, Demonic Reiki and Murasaki Hikari, admit to our evilness... :D