The night was calm and relaxed as it was superhero-ly possible. Five of the six Avengers were gathered at Stark Tower. Friday night meant movie night ever since the New York Battle. For now they were still dining. Tony and Bruce were amusing themselves with geek talk about stuff like quantum physics and thermodynamics. Natasha and Steve were chitchatting as they ate. The only one that had removed themselves from the conviviality was Clint. He'd occasionally put large pieces of food in his mouth and chew it slowly. He was leaning back in his chair with his left foot propped on the seat in front of him, using his knee as the support for a sheet of paper he had been scribbling on for the past few minutes.
A teasing argument commenced between Tony and Steve and that allowed Natasha to turn her attention to her husband. They weren't actually married, but after so many years of partnership and being in a relationship, marriage seemed redundant and insignificant. However, when they had to introduce themselves to other people, they'd say they were married. It was easier that way. Natasha's hand rested over her pregnant belly as she leaned to the side, peering at Clint's paper.
"I really hope you're considering names for the baby," she teasingly told him. "She'll be born in less than a month and we still don't have a name for her."
Ruffling his hair that he had messily grown out, Clint admitted, "It's not about names. I'm not getting any younger; you take longer to age, so I may not be around-"
She cut off his speech. "You better shut up now before I hurt you, Clint."
"I'm just being pragmatic, Tash."
"Pragmatic my ass," she scoffed. "You are being pessimistic."
"I'm being protective," he corrected and continued, "and I'm covering all possibilities. It's just a memo for future needs. Does that sound better?"
Natasha rolled her eyes. "It was a little bit better. I want to see what that is."
He just nodded and stuffed his mouth with more food. Soon everyone got up moved to the couch to watch the movie; Clint was the only one still sitting at the table. Natasha kept glancing back to see when he was going to join them. Seeing him tilt his head when he read everything he had written, Natasha knew he was done with whatever he was doing. He took a seat next to Natasha and focused on the movie after giving her the sheet he had been scribbling on all night. Natasha read it to herself, quietly moving her lips with the flow of the words.
You have just chosen to date my baby girl. Here are a few warnings you should be aware of:
1 – I'll never like you. Get over it.
2 – I'm literally everywhere and watching everything. I'm worse than Sting and his stalker song.
3 – You hurt her, and I'll hurt you back. Or kill you. Depends on what you do to her. And on the amount strength my wife will let me use.
4 – Always bring her home 30 minutes earlier than the agreed time.
5 – Related to the previous topic, I have a loaded rifle, arrows, and can operate with knives. I'm sure New York is full of acres of wasteland waiting to welcome your dead body. Fear all of this; fear me. Little advice: I can also kill you with my bare hands, and you don't even want to start a fight with my wife, trust me.
6 – Still related, I don't mind going to jail.
7 – If you ever lie to me, I will hunt you down and get the truth out of you, willing or unwillingly. You get to choose.
8 – She's my baby girl, everything I treasure in the world, and she's not your conquest.
9 – Get a lawyer and work out regularly, to protect her, of course. You should never attempt to pick up a fight with me. (When I'm not present, my wife can also kick your ass.)
10 – Be employed, somewhere good preferably. Address me as "Sir" and my wife as "Mrs." Be polite to me, my wife and my daughter (and any siblings she may eventually have).
11 – Always bring her back the same shape she left. This also applies to clothing conditions. Don't coax her to try drugs or alcohol. Drive carefully.
If I still haven't scared you enough with this, you've got some balls of steel, so I advise you to answer the following questions:
1 – What is the first thing you notice in a girl? (If the answer starts with A or T you are immediately a dead man)
2 – What do the words "late" and "no" mean to you?
3 – Any piercings or tattoos? If so, please explain where and what they mean.
4 – Do you have any intention on forcing my daughter to do anything she's not willing to do? If so, please feel free to suggest how you'd like to be killed.
5 – And lastly, define, in your own words, "friendship", "love", "respect" and "Quantum physics". (The last one is something I'd like to know. I think would be nice to know, considering my work area).
If I'm satisfied with your answers then you get permission to date my daughter.
Leaning over to Clint, she whispered in his ear, "This was..." Natasha faltered over her next words but then found the one that would match what she was feeling, "sweet, but I don't think she'll ever get a date with these strict rules."
Walking past behind them, Tony, curious as always, peered at the paper. After taking a sip of the beer he had in hands, he said, "I'd find this normal coming from Steve, but it doesn't actually sound bad, though. The mother is a widow and the daughter will be a loner."
Clint shot Tony a glare as he walked back to his seat. Clint got up and walked to the table. He scribbled something in the paper and then came to sit next to Natasha again. He showed her what he had added, making her chuckle.
12 – If your surname is Stark and/or you are related to Anthony Edward Stark, you are immediately not approved.