our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
- Raw With Love, Charles Bukowski
Pour Audrey. Bon anniversaire, mon ange.
Kate feels herself being pulled from her last vestiges of sleep, gentle dreams clinging to the edge of her vision as she opens her eyes, finding the room filling with the soft light of the morning. She hums, face burying deep into the pillow when she feels fingers slip beneath the cotton of her nightshirt, questing along the ridge of her spine, reading each bump and dip of her body like braille.
Smiling, she turns her head, finds Castle lying beside her, tiny daughter sleeping peacefully on his chest.
"Morning," he murmurs quietly.
"Hey," she murmurs back, reaching out to rest a hand on Audrey's back, heart fluttering as she feels the rise and fall of her steady breathing. "How long've you been up?"
Castle shrugs, sheepish smile gracing his lips. Combined with the two day stubble he's currently sporting, he looks adorable. She wants to tell him, but the world around her is still bleary, her head full with sleep that she's been lacking ever since they'd had the baby, only reminded to open her eyes as they begin to flutter close when he answers.
"I may have been writing a little before she woke up. But I'm good. She settled after I brought her down here, I think she was just a little lonely."
"Can't keep doing that," Kate slurs. "Gotta leave her to cry sometimes. Comfort herself."
Her eyes are fluttering closed again, something about this calm ambience settling deep in her bones. She feels his hand stroke through her hair tenderly, the pressure just right to make sleep wash over her like satin, her baby's breathing so beautifully rhythmic she can't avoid the way she feels herself drifting off again.
But just before she does, she catches Castle's soft and hush words: "I never could just stand by as a Beckett cried."
"Are you sure this is okay?"
Castle chuckles, holding her coat up for her as she slips her arms through, casting an uncertain look over her shoulder. He scoops her hair from the collar, leaning forward to press a kiss against the edge of her jaw, another at the slope of her neck. She sighs, drifting into him, his fingers settling at her waist and making her feel warm and loved and – safe.
"Kate, if it wasn't okay, don't you know me better than to simply stand idly by and watch?"
She turns, assessing him with pursed lips. Okay. So, yeah. Maybe there would be a lot more pouting and whining if he weren't okay with this. But, that doesn't mean that she's okay with it – not that this is about her – no she doesn't need him but –
Smiling, Castle rests a hand on her cheek, thumb dragging over the high arc of her cheekbone, leaning forward to capture her lips. She sighs delightfully, swaying towards him until their hips brush, her fingers trailing the length of his broad shoulders. When his lips part from hers she lets out a small huff of breath, smiling against the satin of his cheek, slipping her fingers beneath his Green Lantern t-shirt.
"I'll miss you, you know."
Castle lets out a theatrical gasp, jerking back from her touch.
"Katherine Beckett, did you just admit that I am valuable part of your team?"
She huffs, rolling her eyes as she shoves at his shoulder. "You know that's not what I was saying."
He laughs, and she can't help it, can't stop herself curling a finger through his belt loop and pulling him closer, kissing him lightly.
"And, for the record, Castle, you are a valuable part of my team," she confesses against his lips, watching the warm tenderness flare in his eyes. She grins, stepping backwards. "Now scoot. I gotta say goodbye to my favourite Castle."
"I thought I was – "
"Castle."
"Shutting up."
Kate moves over to the sofa, where Audrey is laying, surrounded by enough pillows to equate to more than three of Castle's luxurious king sized mattresses. Her two month old baby blinks sleepily, still not quite fixed on a sleeping pattern. Kate smiles – can't help it – as she scoops Audrey up from the pillow concoction, cradling her against her chest. Her daughter's blue eyes stare up at her as she palms a hand down her tiny back, cherub features twisting in contentment as she lets out a tiny sigh and her fist curls in Kate's necklace.
"Love you, baby," Kate murmurs, dusting the words against the thin tufts of Audrey's brown hair. "Mommy will be home soon."
She walks back over to the door, whispering doting words into her daughter's hair as she does, where Castle is waiting with a to-go cup of coffee in hand. She raises her eyebrows at him, lips lifting at the edges.
"Do I wanna ask where you got that?"
"I don't think you do."
Smoothing a thumb across her daughter's cheek, she shifts her in her arms.
"Swapsies?"
Castle's jaw drops. "You're willing to trade our daughter away for coffee?"
She rolls her eyes. "Castle, you're her father."
"Oh. Right."
They swap, a little unwillingly on Kate's part, her hands lingering for too long on her daughter's back. Castle shoots her an understanding look as he passes her the coffee, warm and sentimental in her hands but not – not everything. Not anymore.
"You know, the sooner you leave, the sooner you can come back."
"I know, I know, Mr Mom. It's just… Hard."
"Hey, maybe one day we'll have a little crime fighter on our hands. She can help us solve cases!"
"Over my dead body, Castle."
"Ouch."
She leans forwards, dropping one last kiss against the smooth skin of her daughter's forehead, another whispered love you.
"Stay safe. Kick ass. We'll be here when you retire from your superhero duties for the day."
"Superhero, huh?"
"Sure thing. I'll be the Lois Lane to your Superman."
Kate shakes her head, laughing. "I think I preferred it when you were Mr Mom."
Kate knots her fingers in Castle's hair as her knees hit the back of the bed, tumbling down onto the mattress and pulling him down with her. His fingers sneak beneath her nightshirt as he lands in the cradle of her thighs, emitting a soft sigh as she leans up, catches his lips in a hot kiss.
"Been thinking about this all day," he murmurs, pulling away to press a kiss to her cheeks, her jaw.
Her eyes flutter closed. "Oh yeah? Can your readers expect to see another Nikki and Rook sex scene?"
He chuckles into her neck, fingers soft against her waist. "You can bet on it."
The hand on the back of his head tugs him back down, arching into his touch as he pulls her shirt up and over her head. She grins, blissfully happy as warmth curls low in her stomach, so she curls her fingers in the waistband of his jeans and –
Audrey's piercing cry startles them, jerking away from each other. Castle huffs as Kate leans her head on the pillow, closing her eyes and sighing.
Castle rolls away, reaching for the baby monitor and turning the volume down. They lay beside each other, a little breathless, staring at the ceiling with pursed lips.
"You know, if Audrey wants a younger sibling someday, she's gotta stop interrupting us."
Kate laughs, reaching over to slap Castle's chest. The skin around his eyes wrinkle as he laughs, catching her wrist and pulling her closer. Though she knows she shouldn't, she moves closer, curling around him and resting her head against his chest, trailing her fingers up and down his skin, feeling the way he shivers beneath her touch.
"You want more?" She finds herself asking softly.
"Duh, Beckett. Have you seen how perfect our daughter is? We produce excellent offspring. It's only fair we provide the world with more."
She rolls her eyes. "For the good of the world, huh?"
"Exactly!"
They remain silent for a moment, Audrey's cry quietly emitting from the monitor. She moves to go check on their daughter, but Castle's arm tightens around her.
"Do you want more kids, Beckett?" He asks quietly. "I mean – Audrey is more than enough – "
She presses her fingers against his lips before he can begin rambling, smiling fondly. "Yes, Castle."
Her heart flutters with it – the images she has in her mind. A son, a little brother for both Alexis and Audrey. With his daddy's blue eyes, and his sense of humour, his kookiness. His strength. Images of Audrey and a little brother as a playmate make her throat tight with yearning. Someday.
Castle surges up, hands bracketing her face as he kisses her fiercely. She gasps, fisting her fingers in his shirt as she sways, caught up in him and this and everything.
Kate pulls away slowly, smoothing a hand against his side. "I gotta go check on her."
Castle nods. "Right. Okay."
Once she reaches her daughter's room, Kate finds her daughter squirming in her crib, face pinched up in discomfort as she cries. Instantly, Kate's hands scoop under her four-month-old daughter's body, pulling her into her arms and rocking her gently. She's attuned to her daughter's cries now – an idea she had found so surreal before they'd had Audrey – and knows this is simply that she was lonely and wanted attention. No matter how often she berates Castle about it, tells him she should be teaching Audrey to self-soothe, she can't help answering to her daughter's cries.
Settling in the rocking chair, she begins to hum. Audrey's eyes open, transfixed on her mother even as she cries, so she sings softly to her angelic daughter.
It takes at least three nursery rhymes, but soon enough Audrey has stopped crying, letting out a few stubborn cries as though trying to make a point. Kate continues singing anyway, until Audrey's eyes droop and she settles, calm and peaceful in her sleep.
Kate continues rocking in the chair anyway, basking in this moment with her daughter, soft and peaceful and – everything.
She wakes to the sound of his voice.
Gentle and soothing, she wakes to find him lying beside her, fingers in their daughter's hair as she rests curled against Kate's side. He's murmuring about how glad he's home, how much Audrey has grown since he left, how beautiful she is, like her mommy. At that, she can't help but smile, and he must notice it because he pauses.
"Kate?"
"Mhm," she murmurs, voice husky with sleep. "M'awake. You're home early."
"Yeah, well, only by a day."
"You're s'posed to be in France. On your book tour."
Castle shrugs, his hand settling on his daughter's stomach as she shifts in her sleep. "Caught the first flight back as soon as I could. Wouldn't wanna be in the city of love without you."
Carefully extracting a hand from beneath her daughter, she rests her palm against his cheek, humming as he leans down to kiss her. It's only been 2 weeks without him and they'd skyped almost every day, but she's missed him a lot. More than she's willing to admit.
Between them, Audrey shifts again. They pull away to see her staring up at Castle sleepily, expression perplexed at first until she grins around her pacifier, limbs failing temporarily and pacifier falling out of her mouth as she crawls over to him.
"Daddy!"
Castle's face goes slack with shock as Audrey snuggles into her father's side, staring down at her in wonder.
"Kate – Did she just – "
"She missed you," Kate says simply. "We both did."
His eyes fill with tears, looking back up at Kate. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Sitting up, she scoots closer to them, settling her palm against the plane of Castle's ribs. "I figured it would be a nice surprise to come home to. I'm surprised she didn't say it on Skype, really."
Castle splays a palm against Audrey's back, presses a kiss to her hair. "Love you, munchkin."
Audrey sighs in content, already slipping back into the realm of dreams, and for a moment Kate is tempted to sneak away so she can take a picture of the two of them. Her most beloved people in the world. How lost she would be without them.
But then Castle's hand rests atop hers. "Sleep, Kate."
She smiles, kissing Castle one last time before she settles beneath the covers. Kate keeps her hand resting on Castle's side, Audrey sandwiched between them, and she falls asleep thinking that, somewhere up there, her mom must be smiling.
The End