The Chapter Numero Uno
A/N: Sooo, this is pretty random. I was bored and I'd gotten kind of tired of reading all the stories where people go into comas from a car accident usually and the rare cancer stories and thought, hey, why not make bad stuff happen and make it amusing. I get rather depressed reading the others and thought I'd do this. Review please. : Also, I know its weird, and I know it makes no sense. Its not really supposed to, so go with it. :
Disclaimer: I don't own jack squat, if I did, I wouldn't write fanfic. I'd write the real thing.
"HAHA!! Nicky!! Stop tickling me!" screeched Miley as her longtime boyfriend the extremely hot Nick Jonas as he was tickling her mercilessly. "Seriously, if you don't stop I might die!"
"You're not going to die. Maybe be a bit winded but not die surely," he laughed while continuing to tickle her with no sign of letting up in the least.
"Nick, I'm serious. I really can't breathe!! Ahhhhh!!" Suddenly, Miley slowly stopped squirming and yelling and it went down to a slow and rather sick looking twitch then finally, she ceased all movement.
"Miley? Seriously, this isn't funny. What are you doing? MOVE!!" Nick screeched at her as she shook her body vigorously. He felt for a pulse, when he found none, he quickly dialed 911 on his cell phone.
"Hello?"
"Yes, please state your emergency."
"It's my girlfriend Miley, I was tickling her and she stopped breathing!!"
"Did she tell you to stop doing so?"
"Well, yeah, but what does this have to do with anything?"
"Since you didn't listen, technically you killed her."
"What the hell?!
"We'll send an ambulance over momentarily sir"
"Umm, okay. Thanks, I guess…."
He hung up the phone quickly, showered, and got ready. He needed to look good when the ambulance showed up. He was Nick Jonas after all.
--20 minutes later--
Miley was pronounced dead at the hospital and Nick just stood there in disbelief. They didn't have a Pinkberry in the hospital. What the hell?! What kind of hospital was this? As he left his dead girlfriend on the stretcher in the hallway a bloodcurdling scream reached his ears as someone yelled for him to get out of the way.
"NICKKKKKKKKK!! Move!! I can't stop this thing!!"
Nick quickly whipped his head around and the last thing he saw before dying was his brother Joe driving a golf cart through the hospital waving golf clubs around his head.
Shortly after, Nick Jonas was pronounced dead as well. Joe got off with a warning that he shouldn't ride golf carts around the hospital any more in order to avoid this type of thing happening again.
--Joe & Lily at the Zoo--
"Ohhhh!! Look Lily!! It's the hippo that that nice fan got for us!! Isn't he cute?"
"He's adorable Joe"
"I'm going in to see him."
"Uhhh, Joe, I don't think that's wise…"
It was too late; Joe had jumped the fencing and went to go see the hippo. He was trying to feed it when the next thing you know, his arm was gone. Then slowly, the rest of his body disappeared into the hippo's mouth as well.
"Damn. He was my ride…" Lily said slightly disappointed.
As Lily was leaving the zoo and trying to think of a way to get home a man came running up to her waving a knife around.
"What the hizzell?!" screeched Lily as the man approached her.
"You're Lily Truscott are you not?" he inquired with a rather strange and random British accent.
"Umm, yes, yes I am." She murmured with uncertainty.
"Oh good, I didn't want to stab some innocent person" he stated with a sigh of relief.
"But, I AM an innocent person" she explained as though to a mental patient.
"Did you, or did you not date the one and only, sexiest man alive, Joe Jonas?" he inquired in all seriousness.
"Yes, I did. Why?" she asked still a tad uneasy with the strange man.
"I am president of the GGJAS," he said while proudly sticking out his chest.
"That's sooo cool!! What's the GGJAS exactly?" she said with a hint of excitement.
"GGJAS stands for, Gay Guys Joe Admiration Society. I'm the president and I'm here to kill you for taking him away from us! DIE!!"
With that he lunged for her and stabbed her until she was nothing but a bleeding heap upon the ground. Once the deed was done, he happily skipped away while humming the tune to Burnin' Up.
--Oliver--
"I'm telling you Jackson, aliens are real. One day, you'll see. Just wait, they're biding their time," with that said, he took his nachos and surfboard and headed towards the beach.
As Oliver was walking along the beach checking out the waves and girls a beam suddenly appeared and surrounded him. Next thing he knew, he was being floated up into this strange aircraft floating 100 feet in the air. Once he was inside the beam disappeared and he was faced with none other than aliens. Yes, that's right. Aliens. Just like he'd said.
"Welcome, Oliver Oken of the earthlings. We are the aliens. You are one as well. Welcome home"
Once they said their piece they walked away chatting about the latest Hannah Montana episode leaving Oliver to process.
After nearly 5 minutes of staring into space he thought about what the aliens had told him, accepted it in 2 seconds and began to wonder where he could get a donut.
--Kevin--
"Wahhhahahaha!!" Kevin sobbed into his pillow. He'd been watching Smallville reruns and Mr. Kent had just died. It got him every time.
Kevin was lonely. After stating that he was bi, everyone basically abandoned him. All he had left was his cat and Smallville reruns. He was nothing.
All of a sudden he heard a knock upon his door.
He opened it to find a rather peculiar looking fellow(think Deadalus Diggle description from HP) that proceeded to introduce himself as Lone Lee Ness.
Kevin let him enter. Shortly after he did so, the old man knocked him out and proceeded to devour him. Turns out Kevin was in fact eaten by the infamous cannibal Lone Lee Ness.
The End
A/N: So, there it is. It was completely retarded and pointless. I was bored and did it. Did anyone get the Lone Lee Ness thing, like loneliness. Yeah, Kevin was eaten up with loneliness. Whatever. It made sense in my head. Hope you got a chuckle or two out of these bizarre deaths. I had fun writing it. Review!! Please? Love you for life!! And, BTW, no I didn't have a Beta. Get over it. Sorry if there are grammatical errors or something.