Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
He knew something was wrong with him.
He knew it the moment he had gone back through the Gate for the third and final time, to that other world.
He felt it the moment he returned to what Eckart called "Shamballa".
It surprised him:
When he returned to Amestris, he didn't want to leave.
--
He'd never considered himself a people person.
Back in Amestris, though it had pained him initially, he'd willingly given up his home, his family, and later on, his life, all for his younger brother.
That was how much he loved his brother.
For years, he'd convinced himself that the only reason he lived was for his little brother.
--
By the time Alphonse joined him in the parallel world, he realized that he, Edward Elric, had not only been living for Al.
All along, though he was never aware of it until now, he had been living for something else too.
That "something else" came in the form of sunshine blonde hair, deep blue eyes, the most cheerful smile he'd ever seen, a tinkling laugh, a love for automail, and lastly, a silver wrench tightly grasped in one hand.
She was Winry Rockbell, Resembool's prodigious automail mechanic, but more importantly, she was Ed's best friend.
--
He'd never realized it until now.
Maybe it was because it had always been there, refusing to let go.
Upon returning to this world, he'd much time to himself, to think.
It was only then that he came to that mind-blowing conclusion: He loved her.
But now, they were separated, not only by distance, but by time and space.
That nearly broke his heart.
He missed her, badly.
--
Upon his return, those around him (and they were few) noticed he was more somber, quiet, and pensive.
He never gave their remarks a second thought.
He didn't care what his colleagues, who he once strived to impress, thought anymore.
All he wanted was to go home, to remember, to lift that desperate feeling off his heart.
--
All he wanted was to see Winry, his Winry, just one last time.
One last time to apologize for all the times he hadn't been there, hadn't been grateful, hadn't stopped to thank her for everything she did for him.
If there was alchemy somehow in this world… maybe he could do something.
But there was no alchemy in this world.
And even then, it would impossible to return, for the Gate had been closed forever.
Forever was certainly a long time; it was next to eternal.
--
He thought it funny, and he certainly laughed at the irony of how one split second could determine one's fate.
He found it strange how he was separated from all of those he had known and loved.
It had happened so quickly, in the blink of an eye.
And in one blink of an eye, he had found himself in Winry's arms.
One second, one glorious second that he wished could last forever.
--
When he returned to this world, she was all he could think about.
Was she safe? Did she miss him?
He tormented himself with questions concerning her, questions he knew would most likely never be answered- short of some miracle.
Most of all, he wanted to know if she loved him.
Maybe, if he was still there, he might have gotten up the courage to ask.
--
The truism that absence makes the heart grow fonder was true, yet he loathed the saying.
All he wanted now was to go back home to Amestris, to Winry.
But by now, it was too late.
He knew all the wishing- he refused to call it 'pining'- in the world would not and could not change it.
There was nothing he could do about it.
He wanted to move on, but at the same time, never, ever wanted to forget.
Even if he wanted to move on, he knew he never would.
And upon his return, he clung to his memories of her, as a drowning man clings to a life preserver.
They were all he had left of her, all her would ever have.
Yet, he did not despair, but rather clung to them with hope.
Finis.
A/N: Wow, talk about spur of the moment there. I was listening to the song "Brothers" with the Russian lyrics in it from the first FMA OST and got into a very angsty mood. That's a very unedited oneshot there, so if you spot any errors, PLEASE let me know!
I was aiming for a nice, introverted-type, drabble there, and I hope I didn't disappoint anyone! I always hate it when something looks so good and ends up to be kind of a letdown. Meh.. well, reviews (concrit, definitely) are love! Even though I should be doing my essay for English, this kinda counts as writing, yeah?
Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.