A Letter To Soda

Dear Soda

Thank you for your letter and the money. I'm okay, I promise. Me and Johnny are fine.

I can't tell you where we are, I'm sorry. I just can't.

Dally does know where we are, obviously, or I wouldn't have gotten your letter.

I'm sorry Soda, I'm so sorry. For everything.

For running away when Darry hit me, for being there when Johnny killed that Soc, for coming to this place, everything.

Please don't be angry with me. Please.

Johnny didn't mean to kill that Soc. The Soc tried to drown me in the fountain, and he couldn't do nothing. And I'm grateful that it's that Soc instead of me.

I wish no one had died. I just wish I hadn't got so upset when Darry hit me. I wish I didn't run away. I wish I hadn't dragged Johnny into this. I wish I was safe in bed with you, talking about some ridiculous thing that doesn't even need talking about.

I wish me and Johnny were at home, where we belong. I wish that Soc was still alive. I wish we hadn't gone to the Nightly Double.

But someone did die. I did get upset. I did runaway, and I did drag Johnny into this whole mess. But we did go to the Nightly Double, and now look. A Soc is dead.

And I'm not even home with you and Darry.

I miss you, Soda, I miss you so much.

I wish I was at home with your arm around me, keeping my bad dreams away. But this is haunting me, every time I go to sleep. I still dream about that body just lying there.

That body used to be a person, a living thing. But now it's nothing. It's a lifeless nothing. Like Mom and Dad.

The fact is, we got ourselves into this mess, and there's nothing I can do about it.

How can you say Darry cares about me, Soda? He doesn't, he really doesn't. If he really did care about me, like you do, then he would be the one sending me that letter.

I love you and miss you alot,

Ponyboy Curtis