((A/N: This was co-written by Musegaarid and Serpensortia and will soon get into an M rating. Warnings for slash, het, BDSM, language, and promiscuity. Don't like, don't read. Yes, it is crack. We don't really believe angels would act this way. But it is well-written crack and consistent in its own universe, so there.))
"He went for that hooker so fassst, it was all I could do to get the paparazzi in there in time." Crowley was half sprawled on the floor, grinning, loose-limbed, and flushed with his own success. That and copious amounts of celebratory wine.
Aziraphale was slightly more composed. He was, at least, still vertical. The angel gave a tight, disapproving smile. "Explain to me again why this is an achievement, dear boy?"
Said dear boy rolled his eyes. "He's a politician. Who made a public vow of abstinence. He funded programs. And did speeches. And then was caught with a hooker." Crowley spoke slowly as if he were explaining to a child. Or as if he were incredibly drunk and having to concentrate a lot on his words, which was altogether more likely. "That takes someone with talent. A massster tempter."
The angel snorted inelegantly.
"Problem?"
"Oh, no. Just… Oh my, your glass is empty."
Crowley glared at him in a vaguely unfocused way. "Stop avoiding the question…"
With a sigh, Aziraphale sat back. "You know I can't approve of your work, but I'm afraid you may be deluding yourself if you think inciting a human to lust means that you're a master tempter. You won't understand them fully until you understand love and you'll never understand love, because, well... because of what you are."
The demon essayed a wounded expression, but he was really more indignant than hurt, and he looked more like a dead fish gaping up than either. "What do you mean?"
Aziraphale gave a condescending little smile. "I mean you won't be a master tempter until you truly understand love as opposed to base desire, and, I'm sorry to say, demons aren't equipped to understand love."
Rising unsteadily, Crowley frowned. "Oh, and high and mighty angels get it, do they? What the fuck would you lot know about love? You're jussst a bunch of bloody voyeurs. You'll watch, but participating is just too messy and real for you to handle."
"You know we're not allowed..."
"Oh, yes. I know. Thanks to your constant reminders. Convenient, isssn't it?"
"I hardly think once every couple of decades when you've had too much to drink is constant," huffed Aziraphale. "You never did stray far from your first 'forbidden fruit' trick."
Crowley frowned and sobered up with a wince. "Fuck you, Aziraphale. You're just jealous that I can have it all and you can't."
The angel gave him a cool look. "Fine, Crowley. Prove me wrong. Prove to me that you understand love and I will admit that you're a master tempter."
"I can and I will, angel," said Crowley. "Watch and learn."