--Disclaimer: I wish I owned it cause then I could take credit for such great characters . --

-- This story is a re-write of the original story, which is also mine. If you've read the original, you don't necessarily need to read this one, as it's the same thing, but the song(s) in it have changed, as has some of the wording. Thanks for reading and please R&R! 33 --

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In My Heart Forever

The sun shone down brightly on the walls of New York's 27th Precint, radiating through the faint clouds off the colors of the flowers which sprouted up all around the area. Inside, the florescent lights kept the place looking as bright as the day outside, just as the activity swarming the halls was just as busy as the traffic all throughout the city. Though nothing compared to the honking and chattering of the outside, the precinct was full of the sounds of rustling papers, computers, telephones, angry voices of criminals being questioned or taken off to jail and calls back and forth between officers and dispatch exchanging information or plans for after work.

One office, however, was quiet in comparison to the rest of the building. The door was shut and inside, the blinds were closed against the bright sunlight outside. Two desks filled up the considerably large office, along with filing cabinets, two comfortable armchairs in front of each desk, as well as a computer chair behind for the officers. There was also a couch in front of the window, sided on one side by a small tree and a table on the other. One of the desks was covered in clutter... Miscellaneous folders and stray papers were littered all over the desk and around the computer, in front of which sat the man to whom the cases belonged to.

Detective Dee Laytner sat staring down at the case in front of him, his hands in his raven black hair and dark circles under his eyes... Eyes which were usually such a bright, twinkling emerald green but now seemed fogged over, as if a cloud had come down from the sky and settled right in his eyes. His skin tone had also changed over the past couple years, becoming more pale from all the time he spent inside rather then always out in the sunshine like he once had. After several hours, still a long time away from when his shift was due to end, he slapped the file closed and buried his face in his hands, trying to block out thoughts of the case so his head would stop swirling with information. His headache ceased after a few minutes, or at least lessened, but with those thoughts gone, other more painful ones were free to swarm into his mind from deep in his memory... Thoughts of his partner who had been so brutally killed in the line of duty only a couple years ago...

Looking over at the unoccupied desk next to his own, Dee was forced to smile softly at the sight of Ryo's old mug in the same place as always, as well as the vase of fake sunflowers on the corner of his desk. After Ryo had died, everyone in the detective department had tried to get Dee to take on a new partner, but he'd refused them all, saying his partner was still with him always and that it was nothing they could ever understand, especially since his care for Ryo had run so far... So deep that he'd longed for him everyday after first meeting him. That day, he'd almost immediately fallen head-over-heels in love with the dark eyed, blonde haired man who had instantly become his better half...

The things we did, the things we said
Keep coming back to me and make me smile again
You showed me how to face the truth
Everything that's good in me, I owe to you...

Two years. That was all that had passed since that day when Ryo MacLean had walked into his life. Over that time, Dee had hit on him constantly, trying desperately to get into his pants at almost every opportunity, whereas Ryo was constantly pushing him off and trying to keep his clothing on as Dee pawed at him. Ryo had always been the more mature and serious type, making Dee's playfullness and laziness shine out even more then usual. Finally, after almost a year of nagging, begging and deep, passionate kisses, Ryo had finally accepted his love just as the other was ready to let him go. They had moved into Ryo's house and adopted Bikky as their own, which Ryo had planned to do even before accepting Dee into his life.

For a year afterwards, they had lived happily together and even the commissioner, Berkley Rose, had admitted that the quality of Dee's work had improved over that time. Then one Tuesday, a normal day just like any other, the two of them had gotten a call from one of the other officers that backup was needed down at an abandoned warehouse where a gang was holed up and had apparently started firing at the police trying to arrest them. The two had rushed down and were met by the chief, who told them that Dee was to stay on the ground with the others behind the positioned cop cars and wait to see if any of them gave in. The two snipers, Ryo and JJ, were to go up on the roof of the neighboring building then hop onto the warehouse roof and slink inside to stand watch on the rafters and take out the gang if they started shooting again at the police on the ground.

Twenty long minutes later, right after the snipers had called in that they were in position and the suspects were in view and range, gunshots were fired at the ground police again, the sound echoing off the buildings as the bullets ricocheted off the cars, making the cops duck to prevent being hit. Over the roar of the gang's guns, smaller gunshots were heard and the shooting stopped abruptly, leaving a few of the gunmen laying in pools of their own blood, shot dead by the hidden snipers above them.

The police outside rose a little, cautious but wanting to see what had happened. Upon seeing the still figures on the ground, they congratulated the snipers on the excellent shots through their earpieces. Unbeknownst to any of them though, was that one of the gang members had slunk away upon hearing the shots from above and had climbed slowly unnoticed up the ladder on the far side of the warehouse. Once up, he crawled silently towards where one of the shadowy figures was crouched, watching closely to make sure they didn't turn and see him.

A scream of terror suddenly ripped through the night, a scream that would haunt Dee's dreams for years to come, and all the cops stood up from behind their cars, a few cringing from the sound of JJ screaming out Ryo's name into the earpiece. Multiple gunshots rang out, making the cops duck for cover again, then the scream cut off abruptly and the whole street fell to complete silence... No sound except the soft crackle of their radios and the faint sound of cars on distant streets. Then in the darkness, the door of the warehouse suddenly opened a bit and a shadowed figure was thrown outside.

"One down coppers!" One of the gang members called from the building. "You send any more in and they'll start coming out in pieces!" With that, he abruptly shut the door, blocking the bullets the cops behind the cars had shot towards the door. From that point on for the rest of the night, Dee's memories became nothing but a blur. He heard JJ crying softly into the earpiece, quietly repeating "Oh god... Oh god, they shot Ryo... Oh god..." and then heard someone screaming out Ryo's name. Later one of the officers told him that it had been Dee himself that had screamed out the desperate, anguished scream, and that many of them had had to grab him as he tried to run out to retrieve his lover. He remembered gunshots being fired as a few officers stormed the building from a back entrance, killing off most of them with JJ's help before bring out the remaining members in cuffs. After that, he remembered blood... The blood was just everywhere and especially covered his hands when he was finally released and ran to Ryo's side. Luckily, the sight of his murdered lover had been too much for his mind to handle and he couldn't conjure up the image of Ryo's bullet-riddled body, even if he'd wanted to. What he did remember, however, was horrible enough...

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold
On to a time when
Nothing mattered
And I can't explain
What happened...

After the autopsy, even though one only had to look at him to determine how he died, Ryo was taken to a beautiful funeral home where the wake was to be held. The only people invited were his aunt and uncle, of course, the people who had been at the scene when he'd died and Berkley because he was the commisioner and, as he explained to the other cops who'd wanted to go but were not allowed, it was his duty to attend the wake of an officer who had died in his precinct, although that wasn't the only reason he wanted to go. The rest were not allowed to attend so that the funeral home wouldn't be too crowded and stressfull, although they were invited to the funeral afterwards.

Dee spent most of the time between the incident and wake/funeral at Ryo's house or at the office, pouring over cases like they were his lifeline. He tried not to spend too much time at Ryo's, since the memories were so painful, but because he'd lost his apartment the previous year after not paying rent, he had only there and work to be at, thus resulting in an increase in finished paperwork and a full clean-up of his office. The funeral was the nicest he could afford with the money he'd been saving up and although Berkley and a few others offered to pay for a nicer one, Dee refused. He said that Ryo had loved him for what he was in life, and that he wouldn't expect or want anything better now in death.

Almost the entire 27th Precinct showed up, since Berkley had asked other precincts to cover their calls for a few hours, for which Dee was grateful. The monotone of the priest as he read the last rights drifted in the otherwise silent air, mixing with the smells of the roses and sunflowers which were spread around the casket. Dee hadn't let himself cry since the day his lover had died, more out of shock then lack of grief, but as he went up to place his rose on top of the casket, he let out a sound like a wounded animal and fell to his knees, rocking and holding his face in his hands as he sobbed. Others rushed over and tried to comfort him, but Berkley pushed them away, telling them he didn't need a crowd. Then as they backed away, Berkley himself kneeled down, took Dee in his arms and held him there against his chest like a child while he cried...

Without you, the hand gropes, the ear hears, the pulse beats.
Without you, the eyes gaze, the legs walk, the lungs breathe.
The mind churns (The mind churns)
The heart yearns (The heart yearns)
The tears dry, without you.
Life goes on, but I'm gone.
Cause I die, without you...

After the funeral was over and Dee had finally calmed down at least enough to stand, he thanked everyone for coming and, with one last look at the casket, walked slowly out of the graveyard. He'd gotten a ride there in the limo that had also bourne Ryo so now he wandered out onto the street, declining rides home from friends as he went. The bright sunlight seemed to insult his darkened mood as he walked slowly, almost dazedly, back towards the house where Ryo had so lovingly let him stay even before they had been together.

Now as he sat at his desk, staring at the other that had remained unoccupied for so long, he could almost see Ryo sitting there glaring at him and scolding him for not working. "You're so lazy, Dee! Why can't you ever do your share of the paperwork, huh? I'm always stuck here, doing your paperwork, whild you're over there lounging in your chair, eating donuts and doing god-knows-what on your computer because it's sure not police work!" ...Yep, he could hear it now, just like he could hear him complaining that he was late for dinner or that it had been his turn to cook but because he and Bikky had gotten so hungry, he'd ended up having to make it instead. Of course, with all the complaining he'd done, Ryo had always countered himself whenever someone else claimed that Dee was too lazy or not a good cop... "Don't you dare say that about Dee! He's a better cop then a lot of you in this precinct and just because he doesn't do the paperwork sometimes doesn't mean anything! He's just better qualified out in the field chasing after murderers while the rest of you cower here behind your desks so don't you DARE say he's not a good cop, EVER!"

No one had said anything about it since then, at least not to his face, and Dee was content with that. Ryo had always stood up for him, no matter what, even before they had gotten together. A small tear slid down his face slowly as he sat staring at his lovers abandoned desk, picturing Ryo in his mind as his sweet, encouraging voice echoed through his mind...

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I cant be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart...

After a few moments of staring, Dee left his office and got another cup of coffee... His fourth for the day. As he walked back in, he could almost see Ryo's annoyed face and wished it could be more then just the foggy image he could conjure up if he thought about it hard enough. Despite all the pain and grief he was feeling, though, he knew that somewhere Ryo was watching over him... His little guardian angel there now to protect him from his pain, even though his heart could never be fully healed of the piece that had died the same day as his lover.

The only thing that kept him going, he said when people asked how he was doing, was that he knew Ryo's death wasn't a permanent seperation and that when he himself died, (Hopefully a cool death, not just dieing in his sleep or something), he knew that Ryo would be there with open arms and a waiting kiss just for him. Every time he told someone that, he became more assured himself and as time passed slowly, the pain in his heart lessened and his heart itself mended the best it could, though the scar would be there forever... A memory of the piece that had been cut out for his love to take with him and keep forever...

Never gone, never far
In my heart is where you are
Always close, everyday
Every step along the way
Even though for now we've gotta say goodbye
I know you will be forever in my life...

"I love you, Ryo..."