Authoress: Whimsicality Unleashed (Whimsy)
Story: Tobi, Our Baby
A/N: Ohohoho xD; This idea just popped into my head when I drew gangster Pein and saleslady Konan during English Class XP Oh, and the plot isn't mine. It's originally from a good friend of mine. Anyways, this might be OOC, but hey, it's crack. XP
Disclaimer: I want to own Tobi xD -shot-
Summary: Konan finds a 3-year-old Tobi running around in a corner. Now it's up to the rest of the Akatsuki members to take care of him; by acting as one big family. Auntie Sasori to the rescue! -Crack, Yaoi-
Chapter 1: Holy Crud
Deidara turned around. He looked left and right. Up, down, under Tobi's bed, his drawers, and his treasure chest filled with teddy bears. Deidara groaned and headed on to the sparring field.
"Hey guys! Have you seen Tobi, un?" Deidara asked as he approached the others. Itachi was sparring with Kisame, Hidan with Kakuzu, Zetsu with Sasori.
Sasori looked blankly at him. Hidan raised an eyebrow. Black Zetsu rolled his eye while White Zetsu sighed. Kisame looked sideways. Itachi looked the same old neutral him. Kakuzu's eyes shone.
"What if we hold a search and announce if soemone sees him, they have to give us ten million ryuus?" Kakuzu suggested. Sasori turned his head.
"Give "us" instead of give them?" he said with no expression at all. White Zetsu snickered.
"You are really evil when it comes to money..." he smirked. Black Zetsu smiled.
"How sinister of you! ...good job." his lips tugged an subtle smile. Hidan rolled his eyes.
"Oh, why bother on searching for that brat? We all know that we don't need him, since I am here." he replied confidently. Suddenly, Pein entered the scenario.
"Best you all follow me. I have something quite urgent to announce." he walked away, automatically signaling the others to do so. As they made their way to his office, Deidara drooped his right arm on Zetsu's shoulders.
"Now, what could that news be, un?" he asked. White Zetsu shrugged.
"And he never asked anything on Tobi's whereabouts at all." Black Zetsu scoffed.
"Bah, leave that brat. If Pein doesn't check up on someone, then he would be useless to us now." Kisame joined in.
"True, but Tobi's the one bringing us a little fun after once in a while, so we DO have to be concerned of him, even a little, ne?" Kisame grinned. Deidara nodded.
"Looks like we're here, un." he sighed. They proceeded in his office. Behind Pein's seat was Konan, her back facing them.
"What's with Konan?" Deidara whispered at Sasori. Sasori rolled his eyes.
"Nothing for me to care."
"Why is she here when we were sparring?" Itachi asked, a hint of annoyance evident in his tune. There they were training their asses off, and she just lounges here? Lucky she was with Pein. Itachi sighed.
"I've brought you all here today on some...intriguing news." Pein rested his arms on the desk.
"It seems Konan found something...interesting." Konan turned around. They gaped. Even Itachi and Sasori. In Konan's arms was a baby boy in an Akatsuki cloak. Only smaller. He wore a swirly orange mask and he had spiky hair.
"Mommy Mommy!" he grabbed the hem of Konan's cloak and nuzzled his face on her...chest. Sasori twitched, Itachi had a "WTF" face, Deidara was twitching uncontrollably, Kisame was snickering, White Zetsu blushed, Black Zetsu rolled his eye, Pein coughed, Kakuzu took pictures of it and planned to sell it with a very high price, and Hidan's eyes sparkled with awe.
"Oh! What majestic sight to see! It is comparable to my beauty!" Hidan clasped his hands together, earning a hard smack at the back of his head by Itachi.
"It seems that Tobi became an infant." Pein spoke too late. Tobi squirmed.
"Mommy Mommy I wanna go to Daddy!" Konan blushed while settling Tobi down, dusting her hem after doing so. Tobi trotted to Pein and reached for him.
"Daddy Daddy! Tobi is a good boy! Daddy!" his hands went open and close, trying to reach Pein. Pein stiffened. Deidara approached Pein.
"You know we couldn't just abandon baby Tobi. We still need him, un." Deidara raised his eyebrow mischievously as he rested his right elbow on Pein's desk. Pein really wanted to punch the daylights out of Deidara, but since Tobi is currently stretching his cloak, he couldn't. For now.
"What about we pretend to be a family. For the sake of Tobi." Konan blurted. Everyone faced her. Tobi smiled and trotted to her.
"Mommy Mommy! So we're a big happy family now? Tobi wants a big happy family! Tobi will be a very good boy if we are a big family!" he said it so cutely that Deidara and Kisame wanted to melt. Kisame picked Tobi up.
"Say Uncle Kisame!" said he. Tobi blinked.
"Uncle Kisame." he followed. Kisame laughed.
"This boy is smart!" he announced.
"And he said it cutely, un!" Deidara nodded.
"Now say Uncle Deidara, un!"
"Uncle Deidara!" Tobi squirmed happily in Kisame's arms. Deidara gave Tobi a light noogie.
"Good Tobi!" he piped. Tobi squirmed again.
"Uwa! I want to go to Uncle Plant! Uncle Plant!" he ran to Zetsu and reached out for him.
"Uncle Plant! Uncle Plant! Unnnnnn!" he opened and closed his hands. As White Zetsu, was about to reach him, Black Zetsu smacked his hand off and grabbed Tobi by the back collar of his cloak.
"Strange. How could the brat turn into a more diminutive brat? And my name is Zetsu." Black Zetsu spat. White Zetsu grabbed Tobi with his other arm.
"Don't call him a brat, now! And you DO mean, OUR name!" He pulled. Black Zetsu pulled Tobi by the other arm.
"No! We shall devour him!"
"Don't do this!"
"I have no time for your silly whining!"
They were yanking Tobi back and forth. Tobi was being shaken like a ragged doll. Konan shook her head and took Tobi off them.
"It'd be better if you don't go near him. EVER." she glared. They both hushed into silence.
Silence filled the room.
"...so, should we be a big happy family?" Kisame spoke up after three minutes of silence. They looked at each other. Hidan, Zetsu (mostly White), and Kakuzu surrounded Konan.
"...ugh. Immature idiots." Itachi groaned. Sasori nodded.
"Really, it's just an infant. Why make a big fuss, and more importantly, why do we have to be a big family for him?" Sasori scoffed.
"Because Pein said so." Konan replied bravely, earning a gasp from Deidara. They looked at Pein. Pein looked at them furiously.
"I never said anything on--" Konan narrowed her glare, giving him the 'If-you-don't-want-to-have-all-your-piercings-be-roughly-ripped-from-your-skin-agree-on-what-I-said-biatch' look. Pein sighed.
"A family we are...then." Pein rubbed his temples. Konan secretly smiled and took a look at Tobi. She DID used to love babies when she was still young.
"Now, we shall be uncles! But if everyone wants to be aunts, don't hesitate to speak up!" Kisame exclaimed. Deidara whistled slowly and elbowed Sasori on the ribs.
"Agh!" he growled.
"Auntie Sasori it is, Sasori!" Kisame pointed his finger up. Sasori wanted to abruptly oject, but he was rudely interrupted by Deidara.
"Yeah! So we're one big family then, un! One question!" he asked. They looked at him.
"...who cooks good here, un?" asked Deidara. Crickets chirped. Itachi smirked. He pointed at Kisame.
"Fishboy'll do it."
"WHAT?! OI! ITACHI-SAN!" Kisame screamed. Konan coughed.
"So Kisame will be our cook then." she nodded. Crickets chirped again.
"...so uh, what are we gonna do now, un?" Deidara asked. Suddenly they heard a loud, farting noise. A strange smell started to waft through the air.
"AW MAN WHO CAUGHT THE CHEESE, UN?!" Deidara made his way out. Konan politely tossed Tobi to Pein.
"Catch you later Pein." the rest of them left the room, leaving Pein in misery to take care of Tobi.
"Daddy, I made boom-boom!" Tobi said innocently, his index finger on the right corner of his lips.
Pein thought that this was the worst day of his life. And he didn't know that he was so wrong in so many ways. His (and the others') days were about to get even more hectic with baby Tobi around. Ah, yes, the joys of being an Akatsuki member. Not.
LOL I think I made them OOC. u.u
Tell me on what you think. I tried making them in-character. Hope I made it okay somehow! :D
-Whimsy