Our Little Secret
"Get out!' his words stunned me. I staggered backwards from shock; tears streamed freely down my face. "Traitor", I thought, everything we have been through, everything we had shared, now meant nothing to him.
†††
I did not notice John leaning against the fireplace, till I turned at the sound of the loud crackle of the hungry fire burning fresh wood. I turned around, instantly I knew something was wrong. The way his strong shoulders were sagged made me want to reach out and comfort him, but something pulled me back making me hesitate. Leaning the broom against the nearest wall I slowly made my way towards him.
Want
"John...are you okay?" his head lifted ever so slightly and mumbled "Elizabeth is unwell". I had to inch forward just to hear those few words that had been causing him pain. Without realising, I reached out and held him. I could feel John stiffen and suddenly I was aware of what I had done, I quickly went to remove my hands. But I was stopped when his rough hand reached towards mine. I looked down, feeling myself blush. I raised my head up I saw John look at me with his deep brown eyes. I looked back at him and felt my heartbeat quicken.
Desire
He held for my hand and put it near his heart, he whispered 'Abigail, you are so beautiful, I want you'. Then he leaned in and kissed me so lightly I didn't know it was even called a kiss, I looked back up at him, shocked and said 'Are, are you sure this is ok?' I stammered.
He looked at me, smiled a reassuring smile that said everything was going to be ok. Then he leaned in and kissed me again, He told me 'love my children as if they were your own and you must never even hint to Elizabeth about anything, this shall be out little secret' giving me another one of his smiles. I agreed enthusiastically, my dreams coming true before my eyes.
One-sided Love
John Proctor wanted me. Me of all people! I felt so happy that he had chosen me instead of his wife. I skipped around the room in happiness, and cleaned up the kitchen. I heard a scream as one of his sons came running into the room crying. I immediately dropped down to my knees and said 'what is wrong child?' he sniffled and said 'I hurt my knee' I pulled him close, and said 'there there my dear...it'll be ok'. John came to the door, looked at me and smiled that smile I had grown to love and knelt to wipe the tears that streamed down the little boys face telling him it was just a scratch and to be strong.
Later that night, John and I were sitting on the couch. He leaned towards me, and started to kiss me a little harder than usual and started to undo my shirt. I understood his intentions immediately and wrapped my arms around him, wanting him more than anything else in the world. What happened next was definitely the best thing to happen in my whole life.
Lust
Our secret was never revealed, in the morning I went about my daily chores, looking after Elizabeth and the children while John was at work and then late at night when Elizabeth and the children were in their deep slumber, he and I would hold each other near the fire and he would always whisper to me "I want you".
Secrets
That night was just one of those nights, the fire had just been lit and once again John held me in his arms, making me feel protected and loved. He leaned down and whispered in my ear those three words "I want you" and brushed his lips against mine. "I knew it" John suddenly stiffened and pushed me away. Dazed I turned around, there stood Elizabeth Proctor, her hands up near her face covering whatever emotion was underneath. Our secret was revealed. John looked down and faced me, a disgusted look on his face "How could you do something like this to me, you little whore!"
I flinched and started to protest, "You wanted me…didn't you" "I never wanted you Abigail".
Greed
I made no movement hoping this was all a dream and I'd wake up in his arms and everything would be all right, but it wasn't. I felt a strong grip on my arm, looking up to see John, I was still in a daze not realising that he was dragging me to the door, thrusting it open he shoved me out onto the cold, grimy soil, I turn around to see John look at me with hurt and what seemed to be regret and then the rotted wood planks of the door. No no no! This should be Elizabeth lying here not me, I slammed my hands against it. This isn't supposed to happen. my plan I made for us was ruined, we were suppose to run away together maybe even bring the children with us and leave her behind, but no I'm the one lying here instead and she's inside with my love near our fire probably holding him like he held me. I felt used, trembling with anger, I clenched my fist. Now looking at the closed door, once my home, my life where I was loved has been taken away from me because of her… I chuckled and smiled don't worry John Proctor soon it will be Abigail Proctor and Elizabeth will be no more.
Jealousy