A/N: This is just a one shot I wrote because I haven't settled well with how things turned out, because if this fanfiction really happened, a lot of things would have been different, because this is all that needed to happen. So, if you haven't seen the 2 episode OVA (or finished the series... in any case), then you are more than likely not going to get this a whole lot. But anyway, it's Shinku x Suigintou, but it's really light and there isn't much fanfic on them. They're my favorite couple, so I wanted to contribute, even if it wasn't by a lot.
This takes place before Souseiseki breaks from the group to begin playing in the Alice game in Rozen Maiden: Traumend.
Summary: Shinku finally gathers herself to tell Suigintou how she really feels about the day all went wrong after many nights of regret.
So cruel and unjust, she had been. She went about doing all that she could do to ensure she was a perfect candidate for Alice, all that she could to be the perfect lady, the flawless girl that Father wanted. She had thought she had done her work beautifully; whatever she had to do to increase her likelihood of becoming the ideal girl. Yet, such cruelty she had shown was no behavior a lady should have.
All she had wanted for Suigintou was for her to be able to live happily with her young medium, yet she didn't think for a second about what Suigintou wanted for herself. Because she wanted to force this life upon her, a life of a doll where the Rozen Maiden game didn't exist, Suigintou had figured out harshly about the Alice game and that them, as dolls, could not live to be the sisters that Shinku had that the illusion that they could be.
A growing hate had singed within her, and because of her, the so-called perfect girl that she wanted to be, she had ruined the mindset of someone that could have been very close to her as of now.
She had stated that she could never be a Rozen Maiden doll because she was incomplete, born without a Rosa Mystica, left behind. After giving her hope, teaching her to walk with the strength she had, growing fake hopes within her of Father and how delighted he would be with the silver-haired doll, she took them away with a passive expression that held regret that had been read at pity and crushed any futures she had stored preciously next to her heart.
She deserved the hate she received, but she did not deserve the regret that she felt and how things should have worked much differently. If she had just one chance to go back and change things, that would be all she needed. Imagining Suigintou with them now, sitting around the table, sharing cups of tea, watching the new installment of Detective Kun-Kun, lay around drawing and reading… she could have allowed her into all of this, yet she started off on the completely wrong foot with her.
All this time, her cowardice prevented her from speaking to the First, stopped her from trying to find reason, halted her words in her throat in a choking blockage of hesitation any time she tried to beg for the forgiveness she did not deserve. She took the beatings, fought unnecessary fights, and only drove Suigintou farther into her despertality to achieving her ultimate goal. She could have said all the right things, yet why had she gone with the polar opposite? Why did she have to say so painfully that Suigintou would never be able to meet Father because of what she was, rather than what she could be?
It pained her so deeply so whenever she saw the intent in those dazzling yet intense light ruby eyes. Father brought her back, and that was reason enough to drive Suigintou in what seemed a never ending loop of hunger for their Rosa Mysticas. Because she had said all the wrong things in a time where Suigintou needed her reassurance most, she was rewarded with the black deeds of a vengeful sister, the doubt in her previous words fueling her every ambition as she continually plotted to make the dolls nothing but mere objects.
There had been many nights like this one where she stood in her case, pondering how long this all could possibly go on for. Hold long would it be until the Alice game finally took one of her precious sisters? It was inevitable, but the thought if it being any time soon pained her. There would be nights like this where she would part the hatch to her case and quietly exit Jun's room. She would make a steady and unhurried progression down the flight of stairs and to the eerie room where all the storage had been, numerous sheets covering the boxes that held forgotten pieces of memories.
A familiar stretch of mirror stood in the center of the room, its framing carved with dark, rich woods that curved into beautiful swirls. Soft azure eyes contemplated the piece, as she did often, but she knew she wouldn't try to go anywhere tonight. She gazed into her still reflection, shrouded by the dark that so easily clouded around her. Had there ever been more of a coward?
Why couldn't she just face these troubles and address them?
Ah, but the perfect girl would never had something as begrudging as a problem in her perfect life. The perfect girl never had regrets and the perfect girl never went back. Mostly above all, the perfect girl didn't mess up. Unbiased, fair, and lovely in all aspects, she was still following the line of the perfect girl she had set herself out to be, even if she had created an error. She was ignorant to think that it would just disappear, though.
If she was a fraction of the girl Father wanted, though, then she knew that she had to settle this, for herself, not the ideal image that she was still trying to ultimately obtain.
Would she actually take initiative tonight? Had decided now, after so many nights of holding herself back? After so many nights of debate, had she actually set herself on fixing all that she had started with Suigintou?
At this point, did she have a choice to fight what she knew she had to do?
She extended a petite hand so that her fingers brushed against its reflective surface, the mirror extracted a wondrous light, its shape depleting into a portal that would take her to her requested and much feared destination.
It was rare, if not unheard, for her to fear something. Though her stoic expression showed nothing, the quiver at her hands were evident. Her steps were heavy and she started to have doubts, a thing the perfect girl should never have. She saw that there would be many boundaries she would cross upon that went against her morals tonight, though.
The sky illuminated no light from its dark abyss, the various scatters of the remains of the forgotten dolls seeming to give more glow then its deep and endless pits. Towers and towers of things, shattered and ramshackle buildings, broken glass, torn soils, no signs of life… she was in the correct place.
"This is quite the change, Shinku. For once, I don't have to go after you for your Rosa Mystica… you come to me yourself," a sly voice echoed, halting the red clad doll in her steps.
Blond brows pulling to a furrow, her cerulean eyes searched for the source of the lurking speaker. "I have not come to play the Alice game, Suigintou." Her own voice portrayed nothing, an equal and calm stream of words, though it wasn't an ounce how she felt. It would be easier to just fight the doll and leave rather than try for the impossible.
A fit of giggles sounded, one that sent chills down her spine. She must face this, no matter what. "Then what, oh what, dear sister, do you require of me?" A seated figure suddenly met her view, positioned in a leisurely sit as she leaned back, her skirted legs kicking out in an unheard rhythm, her light ruby-like eyes peering into her with degrading shimmers, a chilling smirk at her lips.
If only this was as easy as she had pictured it all, but even then, in her thoughts, this feat seemed unreachable. Her lips parted to speak, but no words met them. Familiar hesitation quelled her, but this time she fought. Another thing the perfect girl would never allow herself to endure was hesitation. The perfect girl always knew the topics in which she was dawdling in.
"Well?" The seductive note that had called was suddenly much closer, barely a foot away from her. Indeed, there she was, dark garments worn in unison with lighter under layers, pale skin and silvery strands of hair that reminded her of the moon, shadowy contradicting wings that left feathers in their trail, and those eyes that bore into her and gave her an itch that she could not relax.
"Suigintou, I—" Giggles cut her off as the taller doll back away, hands strewn behind her back.
The previous bout of laughter faded almost immediately to be replaced by a sour frown. "You're boring me," She bit coldly. "do something fun. I always provide you with the best times, don't I?" Another smirk cursed her lips.
Shinku's eyes drew downwards, her fists balling up lightly at her sides. She let silence take her before she was able to conjure herself again to meet those eyes.
"You're really not good company, you know th—"
"Enough of this." It was her turn to cut off the other. An unamused knot of Suigintou's brows easily portrayed her annoyance.
"You're in my H-field, remember? If you have something you want to say before we play, you better make it quick. It's my rules," she continued, her words cold.
What possessed her to think that she could do this? What?
"I… would like to know if you would join me for a spot of tea."
There was a pause before a crack in Suigintou's cold expression animated a laugh. "You've gotta be kidding me! It that was you came here for?"
"I'm serious." Shinku backed herself, not finding the matter funny in one bit. And like that, the fits disappeared and were replaced with a harder mask. Suigintou was tricky, but she could be reasoned with.
"This better be really fun, Shinku." She warned, sounding a bit playful, though dangerous.
It had been such a long time since she had last recalled sharing a cup of tea with her. Though she was really the only one participating in the event, it was the thought that counted most. A focused and uninterested Suigintou sat in a designated chair across from her, arms crossed and eyes wandering, as she glanced at her from the top of the tea pot. They had retreated to her own H-field, automatically allowing her to be much more comfortable, or at least allowing this to be a bit more bearable.
She held off talk for at long as she thought possible, her conscious still in disbelief that she was going through with this. There were no hopes of going back now. She had trapped herself in this and she would get herself out.
"You better have something good planned, because I'm starting to get really, really annoyed." The silence was finally betrayed as the lighter haired doll spoke first. Keeping her tea cup to her lips, she glanced back down at Suigintou's own unused piece of finery. She took a sip and lowered the cup to the holder she had propped up.
"What was it like when Father brought you back?" She decided to approach, trying to find a way to work herself to where she wanted to go with this starting inquiry. Though she was awarded with a scoff, it was start.
She was surprised by the lack of response that she had gotten. Peering back at the doll from the tea pot, she could have sworn her eyes had exponentially softened. Perhaps she was calling upon the memories? She waited patiently as her answer was rewarded to her, and in a fashion she expected it to be.
"I would imagine like how you were all were created, except for it was better." She spat, though it didn't have as much sting in the words as she usually had.
"I see." She simply stated back. "What an honor indeed, to be able to have a chance like that." She complimented, slowly sipping at the brownish liquid in her cup one again.
The First rolled her eyes, shrugging her shoulders. She shuffled where she sat, reaching up to swipe some strands of hair from her forehead. "Of course. Father wanted me to continue on in the Alice game for him."
"Did he speak to you?" Shinku asked quietly.
She nearly jumped at this. "He did. But I'm not telling you what he said." She snapped.
"That's fair enough." The blond doll replied.
Suigintou inspected her thoroughly, initiating a pause before scoffing once again. "And why is that?"
"Since I have not treated you right in the past, I do not expect fairer treatment. To hide something as precious as what Father said, his very own words to you, is torture enough to only pay smally for my past deeds." She had stopped drinking her tea, now. It was getting cold anyway.
"Well, I hope it is torture to you, Shinku. It's what you deserve," her response came, low and calculating.
Placing down her tea pieces, she realized how badly those words settled with her.
It's what you deserve.
How had she managed to fester so much hate into the girl before her? Perhaps she was still yet to see how utterly wrong her actions against her truly were. She was the horrible one here. Her opposite wasn't a single word to blame. She had done so much wrong. "Yes, I know." She found herself saying, her eyes drawing down and refusing to meet her's as they accusably attempted.
"No you don't." She fought back, though Shinku didn't find much point in such.
"Watch, Suigintou." Her calm command came as she swiped the tea pot aside and the other appliances that rested on the polished wood table. Reluctantly, Suigintou's eyes followed her every movement.
She lifted her cup, still filled with the cooling amber liquid, and tipped it so that its contents pooled onto the wood, making a mess of the clean surface. "Do you see how easily the tea is lost from the cup? How it falls without hesitation and collects itself on the table?"
"No duh, get on with it." She replied, completely drained of her fight, seemingly.
"The tea is no longer in the cup, but we can still return it, can't we? It is a difficult feat, but it can still be obtained. It's not impossible, but we can work at it to return the tea to the cup." She explained, glancing down at the liquid she had spilled.
"I don't… get your point. What're you trying to say? That you can clean up the mess, but it'll take a minute?" She stated, making a small smile crack on Shinku's stoic mask. "This is stupid."
"It's an analogy." She explained with the patience that took practice. She allowed there to be a pause so that she could think it over and apply it, if she would be as quick to. It was fine if she didn't, and quite frankly, she still hadn't caught on. But she was thankful to get a chance to explain herself more.
"It symbolizes us. The tea and cup together is the peace we had with Sara when I had not told you about the Alice game all that time ago." She began, azure eyes trailing to her guest. Her eyes darkened into a rage she knew was starting to build. "With each lie I told and each time I taught you daily necessities, more of the tea leaves the cup and contributes to the peace that I was taking away from us."
This caused the other doll to stand. "This isn't fun at all." She retorted sourly. Shinku forced herself to continue, though it pained her to recall upon these times.
"As all the liquid leaves the cup completely, you have entered the mirror into that H-field in which Souseiseki had cut you in half because of my failure to tell you of the Alice game."
By now, she was fuming, teeth clenched together, fists clenched, rage written all over her. "Don't talk about it like it's a cup of tea like that, Shinku!" Her voice rose, and Shinku knew she was running short.
"At that point, there was nothing for me to do, thus leaving us with this mess." She presented the spill, displeasing the First even more.
"You think this is all just time to pick at the past, don't you? Recalling your selfishness to get a kick out of what you did? I thought you were done with making a toy out of me, a plaything! A doll like you could never become Alice!" Assaulting words where exactly what she saw coming, and she stood on this, placing the cup delicately onto the table.
"But, it can be fixed, with work, just as this spill can." Shinku did her best to ignore her previous comments, though they did hit deeply.
"You've already done what you wanted to, haven't you? Why are you trying to meddle with things further?" A dangerous hiss was he reply, sending numerous chills down her spine.
"Because, Suigintou, I have hated how things have ended up. I hate how I have been ignorant to your needs, as well as what I needed to do to ensure that we could live peacefully. If that was my motives all along, for at least you to live a happy life with Sara, then I was a fool to see that simply hiding what made life difficult for us dolls would fix a thing." She neared the other doll, brushing her fingers against the table top as she circled her way over, eyes downcast and face shrouded in an uncharacteristic gloom.
"Of course you're a liar, it's what you do best. You manipulate others to how you want them to act and then snatch away whatever is most precious to them, like the succubus you are." Even more cruel words were spat at her, but they hit her even more with the cooled tone she had. She would have rathered being yelled at.
"But you admit those times we had were precious."
This had caught her off guard, and it gave Shinku the chance she needed.
Her face contorted into an even more unlightened sadness, strange as it was from her usually composed self. This isn't right. Suigintou thought. "No," she lied a bit shakily, finding it sinuous to even utter the syllable. That was a lie if she ever did give her best one, and she hated herself for it. She was no better then Shinku at this point. No better. She hated… hated…
"Don't you see?" Shinku continued, as if she had never spoken her denial. "If I had known lying wouldn't really hold our happiness together, I would have thought upon it or at least waited until I could tell you about the Alice game myself!"
"Shut up." She tired to fight. She didn't like where this was going at all.
"That was the last way possible I could have ever imagined that you would see the battle that we must endure… I tried to protect you from it, not teach those things and help you to have your pity! I helped you because you're a Rozen Maiden, no matter your condition, no matter whether or not you have a Rosa Mystica, no matter how much you might hate me, no matter what Father did or has done or wants us to do!"
Another rare thing that showed itself tonight. Once in a blue moon did Shinku ever, ever raise her voice higher than necessary to that of a lady. Could she really even call herself one any more? "Do you see? Do you?" Her voice shriveled at the end, any signs of her stoic mask completely gone from sight.
Suigintou's struggle to maintain her anger with the collision of suffocating emotions was difficult to behold. She seemed to keep her anger, but she knew her façade was breaking. Her fists trembled as she gripped them tightly, hey eyes showing a strange gleam she'd never seen before, her fight for words that would not come as summoned. She knew she could not hold this up much longer, and quite frankly, neither can Shinku.
With a sigh, she pushed through the knot in her throat, forced her limbs to move, and did something she should have done a long time ago.
With every regret she felt, she melted them away as her arms wrapped around the midsection of the taller doll, pulling her close in an embrace that made her knees weak and put a sinking feeling inside her. Shinku buried her face into the folds of her dark dress, finding it even less lady like to allow herself to cry onto another woman.
Suigintou remained stiff for a hard moment, feeling cavernous winds chilling her entire body upon the sparks that lit as Shinku took her in a hug. This isn't right. She found herself thinking once again, feeling the hot tears through her dress. This isn't right. What was this? What had just happened?
"This isn't right," she murmured, unsteadily bringing her hands down to wrap her arms around the Fourth in turn, her shoulders drooping, eyes vacant, face empty, so confused it felt unrepairable.
"I know, I've never made things right, but I would like to now, if you would just award me the smallest, most generous time to make it up, even though I don't deserve it." Her muffled reply came, Suigintou's teeth pressing together as she rested her cheek against her temple, still no words allowing passage past her lips, her eyes unfocused and seeing nothing.
"Please? Please allow me to rid of this regret solely." Shinku continue, sounding beat, as if she hadn't already done her job. Shakily, a single one of her hands came up to stroke a collected strand of her long blond hair, her breath hitching in her throat. What was she to do?
When she was holding her like this, every sort in her weakness, she didn't know what else to do but hush her and her words quietly. "Just stop speaking," she instructed, past malice gone and dissolved into the soft stature she didn't even recognize now.
Shinku took that as her yes, taking it within herself to return slightly to her ladylike manners, saying thank you again, and again, and again…
"...it can be fixed, with work, just as this spill can..."