"Be brave and want me back"
Dear Diary – I think I've lost her forever…
"Be brave and want me back" is all that is going round and round in my head right now. We had to shoot a scene today, where Naomi walks away from Emily but no one knows it was really me walking away form Kat. I know I haven't written a diary for years but I feel I really need to get it down on paper, it's driving me insane. So Kat Prescott you remember her from drama school days the cute red head that always caught my eye, well we've ended up working together on a TV series called Skins. But that's not all our characters Naomi and Emily have a lesbian storyline. Ironic right?? I mean back in drama school I was always to scared to let the cute red head know how I was feeling I mean Lily isn't gay!!! It was easy enough to hide the feelings the drama school was a summer thing and I never saw her again, until now. I remember the first time we saw each other at the script rehearsal I literally looked across the room and was like Oh Fuck. I'm not kidding within seconds all the feelings came rushing back : ( I thought I had buried them a long time ago, I mean I have a boyfriend now and I love him or at least I thought I did.
The first time we talked it was like there was something between us that we both didn't want to come to the surface. Looking at her though was enough to make me wanna run away, I mean I may come across all confident but I'm really not. I am so shy and Kat is the confident one. She told me about the lesbian storyline we had, see I hadn't even realised that in the script but Kat picked it up straight away. The way she said it made me think she was excited we had this storyline, like she wanted to kiss me. I don't know why but Kat does send off the gay vibe but she really is beautiful and I found it so hard not to stare at her all the way through the script reading. Think I must have been doing it more than I realised because Kaya came up to me after the reading and was like do you and Kathryn have history, I nearly spat out my drink I was so shocked she asked me that – was I that obvious?
So anyways lets get to the point of this diary the point where I think I've broken Kat's heart. The night before the shooting of the lake scene where Naomi and Emily have sex, Kat and me went out. Nowhere special just hit pizza express and the cinema but it turned into more than I expected. From day one I made it clear I had a boyfriend, almost like I was saying 'I'm not gay, I have a boyfriend.' How wrong was I : ( so over the meal we spoke about the scene 2moz and how it was gunna be so embarrassing with all the camera crew. Every time Kat spoke I literally got lost in her eyes, I kept gazing down at her lips, so much so that she noticed and smiled at me without saying a word. I was so glad to get into the cinema because at least it was dark and she might not notice my facial of expression of 'god I think I'm falling back in love with her' sadly I was mistaken Kat reads people so well or at least she reads me really well. Half way through the film she put her hand on top of mine, I didn't flinch at all it felt nice. I can't believe I'm writing this but her touch send shivers all the way through me that I haven't felt in a long time. When she entwined her fingers in mine I had to bite my lip, to make sure I didn't make a sound.
We just sat like that the whole way through the film and towards the end of the film Kat rested her head on my shoulder, I was shitting myself she was gunna hear how rapid my heart beat was going. I didn't see much of the ending I had my eyes glued to the beauty resting on my shoulder. That moment meant so much to me, I mean just a touch and my heart felt like it was running a marathon. On the way back to the hotel Kat asked me if I was ok and I literally couldn't speak I just held out my hand to hold hers and smiled. Her smile is so beautiful, she has this cheeky little innocent grin that you know isn't innocent but she pulls the look off very well. So we got back to the hotel room and we were buy her door I was about to lean in to kiss her ( I know I have a boyfriend but I couldn't help myself) anyway the kiss didn't happen Meg opened the door literally just as I was about to be brave and take the plunge. It was funny though Kat fell backwards because she was leaning on the door and I fell straight on top of her. If it wasn't for Meg standing over us I think summit may of happened right there on the floor LOL. Meg was like I'm going to bed and asked Kat if she was staying here or in my room. That surprised me but I think the twins have a weird connection Meg probably knew what was going on. Kat looked at me at this point and don't ask me why I did but I said she could come stay in my room. Made out we were gunna watch a DVD, which at this point Meg was laughing because none of our rooms had a DVD player.
Once in the room I felt like I was a little kid again on the first day of school. The nerved running though me were unreal, how could she make me so nervous?? I looked the door and turned the telly on flicking through the channels asking her if there was anything she wanted to watch. Kat didn't say a word and when I looked around she rolled her eyes and smirked at me, my heart was literally in my mouth. I knew what was gunna happen, I wanted it to happen but I was so scared that it was all going to go pear shape and the rest of the summer working with her was gunna be a nightmare. I laid down next to her on the bed and she pushed my hair out of my eyes and said "Lily you really are beautiful, you know." I had no idea what to say back and I could feel my eyes filling up, it was to late a tear dropped and rolled slowly down my cheekç I sat up and held her hands in mine and explained literally everything how I'd liked her since drama school and how I'd been pushing the feelings to the bottom of my heart because I was afraid to admit to myself. What she said next I'll never forget "Lily I knew you liked me in drama school but I knew you weren't ready. Everything happens for a reason and there's a reason we're both on skins and that our characters fall in love. Because Lily Naomi and Emily are me and you, it's fate playing its magic to make us see what we could be."
Beautiful isn't it?? This girl really is the sweetest person I've ever known. Her theory made sense and I leant in and kissed her, it was soft at first but then it intensified and hearing her moan was enough to drive me crazy. Clothes started coming off and feeling our skin together was bloody hot. I'm not joking when I say she literally was the best I've had, no bloke can measure up to Kathryn Prescott. I got lost in the moment and nothing else mattered apart from me and her. I have to admit I was bricking it the whole time because I've never slept with a girl before but hearing Kat moan in my ear made me think I couldn't have been that bad LOL. After hours of mind blowing sex, Kat fell asleep in my arms. I didn't sleep at all I was afraid I'd wake up and it would all be a dream. Kind of wish I had gone to sleep because then I wouldn't of seen my phone light up. It was my boyfriend sending me a text telling me he loved me and wishing me luck with my episode. The guilt that rushed through me was to much to bare, I carefully unwrapped my arms round Kat and picked up what I needed for the day and left Kat sleeping peacefully in my bed. Kind of like the scene we shot yesterday, see the lined between me and Naomi are blurring. I stayed with Kaya until I was called on set to do the lake scene. We were meant to do the sex scene first but they had changed the schedule of the day and we were doing the scene where Emily wakes up and Naomi is about to cycle off without her. Kat was standing with Meg, her eyes full of pain. I felt like such a bitch before I could explain the director yelled 'places everyone' and I had to be Naomi.
"Twice you're gunna do this to me twice? Naomi no, you fucking, stop right now, don't you dare leave me in your bed again. I know you Naomi I know you're lonely I think you need someone to want you, well I do want you so be brave and want me back."
The pain in her voice when she said it made my heart seize up, I was a horrible person to walk away from her but I'm so scared no I'm terrified. The acting was amazing everyone said but it wasn't acting that wasn't Naomi and Emily that was Lily and Kat. : (
My eyes haven't been dry since shooting that scene, walking away from the one person that makes me happy. Happy, listen to me. I am such an idiot, why did I walk away from someone who makes me happy? Why didn't I turn back around and run into her arms and tell her how I really feel? I'll tell you why and it's pathetic really but I don't think I'm good enough for her and I'm scared that I'll break her heart, more than I already have… Yes you read it right Lily Loveless is scared. I've never felt like this before EVER I'm not used to opening up to people, I mean I think I'm a bit like Naomi, she doesn't need friends – she doesn't want friends, she does fine without them. But this time I really think I've fucked up : (
I know I made out I loved my boyfriend to Kat but it was all lies. Thinking about it now making love to her felt like it was my first time and I was an idiot to leave her alone. But now I'm alone, sitting here crying in my hotel room because again here's that word, I got scared. I stupidly walked away from her left her, just like Naomi left Emily near the lake. So now I sit here with 'be brave and want me back' running round and round in my head. The word brave stands out, even though it was Emily's words not Kat's, it's made me realise I need to be brave I need to see her. OMG I think I'm finally admitting it to myself. I do need somebody, want somebody I want Kat. I want to feel her skin against mine again and feel the warmth between us, I need too hear that husky sexy voice OK I admit it I need her. I've got to go tell her now, I need her to know how I feel I need to tell her that I love Kathryn Prescott.
Wish me luck
Lily xoxox
"I'm all about experiments me"
Dear Diary – I still think I've lost her forever…
Ok so where did I leave you last time? Oh yeah I was gunna go tell Kat how I felt, well that unfortunately didn't go to plan : ( We still had the sex scene to film and believe me I was praying for rain all through my lunch break hoping it would be called off and we'd have to reschedule. No such luck it was drizzle and apparently drizzle isn't enough to call it off, grrrr. So this is what happened after my last entry and believe me its not good. I'm alone in my hotel room, writing in a diary think that sums up how well it went : ( After my last entry I had to call my boyfriend and explain what was going on but I didn't feel right telling him over the phone so he's meeting me 2moz. I mean it's better to dump someone face to face rather than over the phone, surely??? So after that rather awkward phone call I headed down the corridor to talk to Kat before we had to shoot the sex scene in the woods.
I was bricking myself the whole way down the corridor going over and over in my head that I had to tell her how I was feeling and why I did what I did. Anyways I got to the door and I was just about to knock when I heard shouting coming from inside the twins room. The twins don't get on like you'd expect, so shouting was normally what was heard from the Prescott's room. However this time the argument was about me. I know I should have walked away but when you hear I love her and then Lily it was kind of hard to move my feet after that. I pressed my ear up against the door and listened:
"Kat why are you letting that bitch get to you?"
"Meg I love her"
"What the fuck you hardly know her!"
"I know it's all sudden and love's a big word"
"yeahhh"
"will you let me finish, actually forget it don't even know why I'm talking to you. You don't care how I feel."
"Kat I'm sorry ok I was just surprised, I know we have this love hate relationship but I do care. I could tell earlier how much she's hurt you that scene was amazing."
"Yeah well I wasn't Emily then I was me, Lily has run away from she did leave me in her bed and right now I hate her so much that I do not want to do this next scene."
"Kat don't cry come here, look I'm sorry I didn't realise what had happened but you can't let her muck up your career. You're a fantastic actress can't you just pretend its not her or summit, I mean what's his face from the OC broke up with the girl who plays summer in real life and they still managed to film scenes together."
"Yeah I guess so, thanks Meg"
"Anytime Kat as much as you hate me I am still your sister, here for you always."
"Same to you sis, honestly tell me do you think I have any chance with Lily?"
"I can't really answer that I think you need to talk to her, maybe after the scene?"
"we'll see, right I'm gunna go for a walk clear my head"
I heard the door opening and I literally bolted down the corridor, sat down actually lets rephrase that, fell down on to the floor, with my back against the wall and buried my head in my knees. I couldn't stop the tears I was a horrible person I can't believe I hurt her, she deserves better than me. I couldn't move, my feet felt like they were glued to the floor. I heard someone call my name and looked up, it was Kaya. She picked me up off the floor and took me into her room. I told her what I heard and how I've really fucked everything up. She smiled and me and told me I hadn't, she could tell how much Kat liked me. She told me the scene was full of so much emotion and watching Kat walk off the set crying made Kaya realise she wasn't Emily back there being heartbroken because of Naomi she was Kat being heartbroken because of Lily. Hearing that the tears just wouldn't stop Kaya held me close letting me let it all out. It was time to go to the set I wiped my eyes and thanked Kaya. I walked down the corridor looking at my feet when I knocked into someone. I recognised his shoes and looked up and my boyfriend or soon to be ex boyfriend was standing there. He must of came up literally straight after the phone call, I think I made it obvious we were ending and he wanted an explanation. He was about to yell at me when he noticed the tear stained look and hugged me asking me what was wrong. Here comes the heartbreaking bit I peered over his shoulder and there was Kat holding a bunch of lily's. Me and Kat had watched imagine me and you on the first week of shooting as it was on the box and the character Luce said 'lily's mean I dare you to love me.' I remember making a joke asking Kat if she'd dare to love me. Think even on the first week of shooting I was showing how much I liked her. I looked over at her and seeing the pain in her eyes AGAIN killed me. I watched her run off, I called after her but she was gone. I noticed a small note had fallen out of the bunch of flowers, I opened it up and it read;
Lily
Do you remember asking me if I would dare to love you? Well… I want to, I really want to love you. Please can we talk after the shoot? see you on set.
All my love Kat
Xoxo
I collapsed on the floor again, it's becoming a bit of a habit, and hit my head against the wall. I was such and idiot and I don't know how to fix this, I keep hurting her maybe she's better without me : ( My boyfriend asked me what was going on and I told him I didn't love him anymore, that I've fallen in love with someone else. He stormed off in the opposite direction to Kat and I sat in the corridor watching the two hearts I had broken walk away from me.
I had to compose myself we had to film the sex scene, believe me I really did not want to do it. I didn't know how I was going to act convincingly enough because right now all I want to do is explain myself to Kat and try and mend what I've broken. I walked in silence to the set and Kat was sitting with her head on her hands, Meg had her hands wrapped around her. Meg noticed me walking towards them and she shot me this death look, before I could say anything the director called out places and yet again I had to play Naomi and try and push aside everything that is going on inside my head.
Kat didn't say one word to me, she sat there in silence until the director yelled action. "do you wanna do blowbacks"
"I never got blowbacks, why can't people just smoke the damn thing straight"
"Its Have you even tried it?"
"No but being all seeing I already know its shit"
"Come on everything once"
"Oh Fuck it, go ahead and disappoint me."
After the blowback we had to stare into each others eyes and then Naomi had to lean in and kiss Emily but the Director yelled cut before I leant in. He came over and asked if Kate was alright, he had noticed a single tear descend from her eye. She wiped it away and said she was ok to film. We carried on, I kissed her and it wasn't Naomi kissing Emily it was me kissing Kat. I needed to tell her I loved her and I thought I could do it through a kiss. I was very wrong : ( we started to film the sex bit and the director yelled cut again, this time it wasn't Kat's tears but the director said he could feel aggression and hatred between us. He explained the scene was meant to be about love and passion and Naomi realising she wanted Emily. It made my heart bleed hearing that he could see aggression, how have I managed to screw things up so bad. The third time round we shot it perfectly and the director and all the crew said they were all very impressed with our performances. I couldn't give two hoots about how they felt as soon as they said we could go I ran over to Kat and pleaded with her to listen to me. She looked at me with such pain in her eyes, all I could say was please. Meg came over and Kat said "there's nothing else to say, I saw you with him. I got the message Lily, I'll manage." I sighed and pleaded for her not to walk away from me, I explained it was over with my boyfriend. She walked off anyway and I can't blame her really, I've really let her down. Meg stopped me running after her "let her go" she told me. She said if I really wanted to explain myself that I could do it later when she was going out with Kaya but only if I promised not to make Kat cry again. I nodded and Meg said that Kat would be alone in the room at 9.30. It's 9.20 now, five more minutes and then I'm making sure I explain myself and hope Kat finds it in her heart to forgive me.
I'll let you know how it goes
Lily xoxxo
"I do want someone, need someone you were right…"
Dear Diary – I love her
I only have a little time to write down what happened because we're about to go on set and film the cat flap scene but I can spare 15 minutes to let you know what happened last night with Kathryn. Ok so I'll start from when I walked out of my room with my heart literally beating like I was being chased my a serial killer LOL lets just say it was intense. I stood outside her door for what seemed like hours, trying to raise my arm to knock on the door. When I eventually did it my heart rate sped up again, I was so nervous. For a few minutes I didn't hear anything, Kat wasn't coming to the door and I was starting to think this was a set up by Meg. But then I heard the lock click and Kat stood in the doorway in the cutest pair of shorts and vest but the tear stained face made my heart sink. "What do you want?" she said, not even looking at me in the eyes, the amount of pain in her voice was almost too much to bare. I bite my lip and all I could come out with was "I'm sorry" I know it was shit I mean sorry doesn't really cut it does it? But I really couldn't speak my eyes were glued to her face and all I could think about was it was me that caused her this pain. I really felt like a fucking cow. "Sorry, you're sorry. Well congratulations I'm glad you've managed to apologise hope you feel better and you can go play happy families with the boyfriend now" OUCH her tone of voice literally felt like a thousand pins stabbing me in the back. She went to shut the door on me then, but I held out my hand and stopped it closing. "He's not my boyfriend anymore… I don't want him anymore, I want the one person I've loved since I set eyes on her back in drama school. Please Kat let me explain myself." The tears started to fall and Kat actually looked up from the floor and locked eyes with me. She let go of the door and gently wiped my tears away, I threw my arms around and her and embraced her tightly. We collapsed on the floor and held each other letting the tears flow. After a few minutes Kat let go, she closed the door with her foot and then looked me in the eyes "do you really mean it Lily? Do you really love me?" I nodded and took her hand and placed it on my heart "can you feel that?" she nodded "my heart never beats like this unless I'm around you. I think it's trying to tell me that I love you and making sure I don't let you go." She then took my hand and placed it on her heart "ditto" we both smiled and I leant in and kissed her. It was a gentle kiss but it meant so much : ) I really have fallen hard for this girl and I won't run away again.
We stayed up talking for hours I explained that I was afraid because I didn't think I was gay and how sorry I was for leaving her in my bed. I told her how nervous I was when we had had sex and that I wasn't good enough for her. Everything spilled out I explained about the boyfriend calling and how I felt so guilty but then I realised it wasn't him I felt guilt for it was her. I didn't want to have a boyfriend, I just wanted to have only her and that I needed to sort it out with him before I could truly give myself to her. The time kept on going by, there were tears and there were laughter. It wasn't until Meg fell through the door and I mean literally fell through the door that we realised we'd been talking for 6 hours. Meg was so wasted that Kat had to help her into bed. I then asked if she wanted to stay at mine tonight and she asked me if I was going to leave her again, my response was NEVER. We left Meg tucked up in bed and walked hand in hand down the corridor to my room. On the way we saw Kaya "you love birds made up now?" she was just as out of it as Meg was "Yeah thanks Kaya" is all I said "off for some midnight loving" oh God Kaya was sure embarrassing herself, Kat thankfully laughed it off and said "see you in the morning Kaya."
When we got to my room I quickly got changed into my shorts and tee for bed. I sat at the end of the bed and was just about to put my T-shirt on when a pair of hands started tracing letters on my back. Have you ever played that game when you were little, when you wrote a word on a friends back with your finger and they had to guess what it was? Well Kat traced the words ' I want u' on my back and I smirked at how forward she was being. I didn't expect it after all the pain I'd caused but I guess this was a way I could make it up to her ; ) I remember turning around slowly and Kat was biting her bottom lip, which is so hot – I'm not kidding its enough to umm how do I put it, make me wet. "oh do you now" I said in my absolute rubbish sexy voice. "yes please" It is not fair Kat seriously has the sexiest voice I've ever heard. I mean how could you refuse her after that LOL.
I pulled her top off and placed light kisses on her collar bone, I pushed her down on to the bed and she pulled me down on top of her. The kiss was full of so much passion, she bit my lip and moaned. I traced her body with my fingertips, starting from her breasts and finishing at the waistline of her shorts. I was scared as fuck because last time it was Kat in control and now I was taking over. I felt her tongue brush my lips asking for entry, which I of course allowed and god feeling her tongue wrap around mine was dangerous for my health, I've never felt my heart beat so fast or my temperature rise so high. I took her shorts off and felt in between her legs, which were soaking God the memory of it is making me get all excited. SHIT I've got to go to set now we're filming some more scenes from my episode. If I have time I'll finish this entry later but to sum up Kat and me are officially together and I've never felt happier.
Lily
xoxxo
"I do want someone, need someone you were right…"
Dear Diary – I love her
Ok I told you I'd fill you in on how the rest of the day went, I'm meeting Kat in half an hour to take her out on our first official date : ) ahhh I'm so excited but then very very nervous. I don't think I've ever felt this nervous before, feel like I need to have a stiff drink to get rid of the nerves however I don't want to turn up at Kat's door drunk. So I think I'll just have to listen to some music to calm me down before I go. I've spent the last hour trying on clothes LOL I know embarrassing right? I feel like a little girl going on her first ever date, asking myself all these questions. Does my hair look better up or down? Shall I wear trousers or a skirt? Do I buy flowers or chocolates? I know I think I'm going a little bit crazy but this is Kathryn Prescott we're talking about, I mean she deserves the best and I need to be the best. Little part of me still thinks is all gunna go tits up, I mean God how do I tell my parents, my friends? Everyone I know thinks I'm as straight as I dunna know what's straight? A ruler? LOL no you can get those bendy ones now, to fit in your pencil case hmmm I guess everything's a little bent LOL. But hey lets not worry about any of that right now, I still feel bad about my boyfriend but he'll find a girl who actually wants him and he deserves that. I was thinking about it this morning when Kat left my room to get ready for the day that I don't think I ever really loved him. I believe a little part of me was holding out for Kat and what Kat said about us being on Skins, it makes perfect sense.
So the scenes we shot today went really well and the director didn't have to yell cut at all. Well apart from one scene but that was my fault. We were filming the cat flap scene, where Naomi tells Emily how she feels through the barrier of the door and Emily does the sweetest thing and puts her hand through the cat flap and holds onto Naomi's hands. Well after me and Kat making up last night and well you know having amazing sex I wanted to tell her how Lily was feeling and so I kinda altered the lines. The lines were originally;
"I do want someone need someone you were right"
"And?"
"And when I'm with you I feel happier less alone, less lonely'
And I kinda altered them to;
"I do want someone need someone you were right, I want you I've always wanted you."
"And?"
"And I promise I'm gunna make it work, because when I'm with you I feel happier, less alone, less lonely."
So yeah I got told off for changing the lines, Kat was pissing her self on the other side of the door. Before they yelled action Kat said thank you and told me she's always wanted me to. I was smiling so much after that the director had to tell me to look more upset LOL. After that scene there was only one more scene to do, which was the scene with Naomi's mum and Kat was standing by the director watching me. I've never been a nervous actor before but knowing Kat was watching me I dunna I was kinda aware that my girlfriend was there, didn't wanna fuck up my lines. The scene went down perfectly and I'm serious the lines between Naomi and me are blurring into one. Naomi's mum's line really made me think of Kat and I was hoping my mum would be this cool when I tell her about Kat and me.
"The people who make us happy are never the people we expect, so when you find someone, you've got to cherish them."
It's a good line isn't it? I really do have to cherish Kat make sure I treat her right and make it work. So after filming me and Kat went off for a walk round Bristol talking about what we were gunna tell the rest of the cast. Kaya and Meg already know, well they think they know but Kat came up with the idea that we all go out to dinner and tell them together. I thought it was a good idea but asked if we could wait till another night, as I kinda of planned on taking her out by myself tonight. She smiled and kissed me on the cheek saying of course it was. I wanted to plan the perfect date so told her I'd pick her up at 9. I kissed her goodbye and went straight to the flower shop down the road.
I was gunna buy Lilies but thought I'd go with roses this time. I mean pink roses are so beautiful I thought I'd get three of those and three white roses too. I then went to this cute little Italian and booked a table for 9.30. Then I thought we'd go back to my room where I'd treat her to a back massage, yeah I have some skills up my sleeve. On the way back to the hotel I walked passed a jewellery shop, thinking is it to soon to get her a piece of jewellery. I decided it wasn't to soon, especially after I walked away from her the first night. So yeah I'm not really a mushy person I mean I never really done this before but I spotted a gorgeous silver butterfly necklace that I couldn't resist. I remember her and Meg talking about butterflies, saying how they are such beautiful creatures and Kat was thinking of getting a butterfly tattoo. So I think she'll like the necklace. When I got back to my room Meg was walking up the corridor she was so sweet she said thank you for making my sister happy. This made me smile, the twins make out they hate each other but really they love each other and Meg really does love Kat for who she is and I hope she'll accept me as Kat's girlfriend.
Shit its nearly 9 OMG I don't know if I look alright, my phones ringing……. For fuck sake its my ex boyfriend he's begging for me to take him back I told him to Fuck off! He's not ruining this night for Kat, she deserves to be treated like a princess and this is exactly what I'm going to do. Right I've got to go, I decided with the skinny jeans and a simple top. Flowers, shit where did I put the flowers? ah got them, right gunna leave the necklace here and give it to her at the end of the night. Ok wish my luck and if the ex boyfriend ruins this night he better watch his special place.
Lily xoxxo
Dear Diary – It was an eventful night
Ok so this may be a bit of a long entry a lot and I mean a lot happened last night. Before I get started on how the date went, I'll give you a little clue hehe I'm writing this entry in bed with a sleeping red head in my arms : ) She really is stunningly beautiful, and the noises she makes when she sleeps are just so cute. Sorry finding it hard to concentrate and write this entry, keep looking down at Kat. Her hair so soft, can't help but stroke it. I have a weird fetish as well with cute little ears and Kat has the cutest ears I've ever seen LOL Ok I'll shut up now and let you know how the date went.
So when I turned up at her hotel door I was practically shitting myself, I wanted everything to go perfect but I had a feeling it wasn't going to go as planned. You may have noticed I'm not a very optimist person; Lily does tend to always think about the negatives rather then the positives. So after three deep breaths I knocked on the door and waited. Kat took her time to open the door, making me freak out even more LOL When she finally opened the door I stood there, practically staring at the beauty in front of me. She chose the cutest black dress, showing off her stunning toned legs and her 'I'm so gay' denim jacket : ) I couldn't actually believe she was going on a date with me, I must of looked a right mess next to her LOL. I gave her the flowers and told her how beautiful she looked. This actually made her shed a tear, it was my turn to tell Kat that it was a compliment and not a reason to cry. That made Kat laugh, she took the flowers and put them in water. "There beautiful, thank you" she said, I kissed her gently on the lips and whispered in her ear "time for dinner beautiful" and couldn't help myself, I squeezed her unbelievable cute ass : ). We walked hand in hand down to the Italian restaurant.
It was a clear night and the stars were out, I know this sounds corny but it really was a perfect night to be taking such a beautiful women out on a first date. When we got to the restaurant I noticed how I was doing all the traditional guy things on a date e.g. opening the door, taking off her coat and letting her sit down first. It's making me laugh writing it but I've never done anything like this before, she really makes me nervous. Once we were seated I couldn't help but stare across at the cute little red head reading the menu, she looked over her menu and smiled at me and asked what I was staring at? All I could say was "you" I bite my lip and held her hand across the table. "Thank you for giving me a second chance, a part of me always was holding out for you from the first moment we met and nothing is going to stop us being together now." Kat just smiled and held my hand tight she was about to say something when the waiter came over "awwww young love, ready to order ladies" I rolled my eyes "give us 10 minutes" as he left, Kat leaned in and kissed me. Now the old Lily would of get scared of people around watching but right then I didn't care. No one else mattered, the restaurant was filled with people, but all I could see was one. "Thank you for bringing me out tonight and thank you for not giving up on us." Kat made my heart beat so hard against my chest, it was just everything about her. I smiled and said it was the least I could do.
After we ordered we spoke about when we were going to tell the others and we even talked about telling our parents. I know major step but truth be told, it doesn't frighten me, I want to tell them! Kat was so cute when we had pudding there was only one chocolate cake left and being the nice girlfriend I said she could have it. When it came she teased me by licking the spoon, rather seductively I may add : ) and was telling me how yummy it was, I gave her the Lily glare and then she fed me a spoonful and it was rather yummy. It started off innocently feeding me some of the cake but it soon turned into Kat putting cream on my nose and licking it off. I had to remind her we were in a restaurant LOL but only after I took revenge with the cream : ). After the restaurant we went for a walk up Clifton hill, it was so beautiful with the stars and the old fashioned street lamps. Holding Kat's hand felt so right, I was so happy I wish I could of got lost in that moment.
We lay down on the hill looking up at the stars, entwined in each other's arms. Kat started pointing up a certain stars and being a big geek she told me their names. Then my phone rang and yep u guessed it! Seriously men do you not get the hint when a girl says she doesn't want to be with you anymore and that they've fallen in love with someone else. Would of thought he wouldn't have been stupid enough to call me when I told him to fuck off. Kat asked who it was and I explained that he was having a hard time letting go but I was ignoring the call this was our night and no one was going to ruin it. She kissed me and laid back down in my arms, with in seconds of her laying down the phone rung again. I apologised to Kat and took it out my pocket to turn it off, Kat took it off me and answered the phone. I stared at her in shock when she said "Look stop calling, Lily doesn't want you anymore so please leave us alone." She turned the phone off, threw it to me, snuggled back down in my arms and said "he won't be ringing anymore" she smirked at me and I couldn't help but kiss her, think I got a little bit over excited because we ended up rolling down the hill. It was funny, until we realised all our stuff was still up the top, which meant we had to climb all the way back up. After fits of laughter we walked in hand in hand back to the hotel, we talked about the scene we were filming 2moz and I was becoming the jealous girlfriend who didn't want her to do the scene with Olly.
When were back in the hotel room, we passed Meg in the hallway. She smiled at me as if to say she approved of my relationship with her sister and then she called "don't stay up to late" before winking at Kat and heading into her room. I smirked at Kat and opened my door and stood there in shock. The whole room had been filled with candles and there was a huge bouquet of white Lilies "I dare you to love me" Kat whispered in my ear. "How I mean the room looks amazing, so romantic but how?" Kat kissed me gently on the lips "its not all that bad having a twin" she took my hand and led me to the bed. I still can't believe Meg did that for us it was so sweet of her to help Kat be amazingly romantic. I have to admit Kat had me in tears, I mean the last time I saw lilies it was when she ran off crying and now we're officially together. She started kissing me but I had to stop her the necklace was under my pillow and I wanted to give it to her before anything else happened.
I pulled it out from under my pillow, told Kat to close her eyes and I placed the box in her hands. I told her this was to let her know how much I love her and I wanted to make her happy and make our relationship work. When she opened it the smile was enough to let me know she liked it. "It's so beautiful, how did you know I liked butterflies?" "Got a good memory" I explained, she asked me to put it on her. I moved her hair out of the way and placed the necklace gently round her neck. I placed small kisses on the back of her neck, which made her shiver. I turned to face her, she looked so beautiful in candle light and we spent the nigh making love and I have never felt happier : ) Right I better go, she's gunna wake up soon and she is not allowed to know about my diary entries heehehe
Lily xxox