JC: For the #Misawaday 2016 mini-event; for the theme 'Battery'. Made it just in time. I've been planning to write a story like this for ages now and this was a monster to write. No one's going to die here, that much I assure you, but this piece will focus on a character's internal struggle and how he manages to cope with his condition. It's not going to be an easy journey, so please prepare yourselves.
Disclaimer: I don't own Diamond no Ace or its characters.
Transcending Gaze
The sun was shining brightly on that summer day. Only one more team stood in their way. One more game till Koshien. With the ace number on his back, Eijun Sawamura adjusted his cap and scraped the dirt with his toe. The tenacity in his golden eyes, the energy he unleashed had the crowd silenced in anticipation. Excitement flickered through everyone like mass static electricity.
This was the moment of truth.
He moved his entire body weight back behind the pitching rubber and went into a windup. He lifted his leg high with no strain at all. Then he thrust forward, delivering the pitch with much passion. Such a crazy form, Miyuki thought with a grin, admiring the pitcher's unorthodox yet beautiful pitching form. The ball left his hand like a bullet shot out of a gun—straight and true. The batter swung, but the ball slammed into the catcher's mitt with the impact of a car into a brick wall.
A terse silence fell upon the stadium before the umpire shouted the verdict. "STRIKE! BATTER OUT!"
A roar erupted from the crowd.
"And that's game! What a spectacular play!" The announcer's voice boomed in delight. "The Ace Sawamura pitched till the very end!"
The fielders and majority of the team from the dugout rushed up to their ace to congratulate him.
The shortstop Youichi Kuramochi gave him the usual kick from behind, along with his signature laugh. "Don't get too cocky, Bakamura!"
All the hugs, pats on the back, and praises were enough to make him so emotional. Sawamura couldn't help but cry tears of happiness, tears telling everyone that he was grateful, honored and proud. He had always been so expressive, and everyone knew just how much his success meant to him. He had come a long way from a humble beginning. All his hard work and dedication were really paying off. He was truly grateful for being part of Seido.
The catcher made his approach, removing his headgear with little effort, and stopped in front of the players surrounding their pitcher. There was a small, fond smile etched on his face, as he gazed upon Sawamura, who was currently in Kuramochi's grasps.
"M-Mochi-senpai, let go!" Sawamura demanded, struggling from the tight headlock. "I-I can't—Oh!" He was going to rant out when his eyes caught sight of the catcher.
With a cackle, Kuramochi released the poor pitcher from his clutches and pushed him toward the catcher. "Don't you have something to say to him, Sawamura?"
"I know! You didn't have to push me!" Sawamura exclaimed with a pout before he turned his attention to the catcher.
In that moment, amid the cheer from the crowds, the deep, rich gold in Sawamura's eyes—precious gems that made him feel loved—were honest, sincere, yet they also sparked with fire. Miyuki clenched his hands silently, his throat clogging up with unwanted emotion.
Sawamura raised a fist, a smile full of pride gracing his lips. "Nice lead," he said, fist bumping the catcher's chest, "Okumura!"
Miyuki almost bit his lip, watching the scene before him unfold from the dugout. Koushuu Okumura, a first year, had always been emotionally distant, cold and taciturn, but he was a superb catcher, a brilliant thinker, and a premier strategist. Truth be known, Miyuki couldn't ask for a better player. Okumura's presence on the team was unshakable. Apart from that, however, he could never shake off that uneasy feeling whenever Okumura was around Sawamura, especially now. He was overcome with vexation and jealousy, watching how Sawamura easily made Okumura's eyes sparkle with light, how he'd lit up his cold features.
Sawamura's sunny smile and those fiery pools of gold—those he deemed priceless were supposed to be directed towards him, not Okumura. Jealousy and possessiveness were ugly traits, Miyuki admitted quietly in his head, and he was gratified that his finely honed instincts had prevented them from showing up on his face.
Due to an unfortunate event last month, he had to take a backseat since the start of the summer games. The coach didn't want to risk it, considering the circumstances, and Miyuki knew he had no right to complain. Okumura and another catcher named Kaoru Yui had been fulfilling his role excellently all the way. Miyuki was, of course, proud of them, but he still wanted to be the one crouched down behind the plate, the one batting cleanup for the team, and the one leading everyone in the game.
Moreover, he wanted to be the one to catch for Sawamura as the ace.
The Seido Team celebrated their victory with a party at the Spirit Dorm. There were several delicacies and nibbles on the table, plus the colorful stacks of sushi, and there was music. Everyone was chatting and enjoying the party atmosphere, while a few first years were busy taking a tray of drinks around to everyone. The players were talking loudly and laughing even louder.
Miyuki just sat watching them enjoying the celebration together. He definitely could see Sawamura making the most of this party, and everyone was proud of him. It was a close game, but the team pulled through and won it in the end. Okumura had been calculative but daring with his leads, and Sawamura had responded to him with pitches that exceeded every expectation. Both of them had been tenacious as a battery. As captain, he couldn't be any happier with such performances, but he couldn't help feeling bitter that it wasn't him in that diamond that time.
When he came back from the hospital, almost everyone questioned his wellbeing. There was no doubt they were worried about him.
"Are you sure you're okay enough to play in Koshien, Captain?!" Sawamura's voice pierced through the tranquil night air. The younger boy had followed the captain all the way to the vending machines. He couldn't help but worry about his battery partner.
"Hey, now… I went to the doctor after the game, didn't I?" Miyuki grinned, taking a sip of his coffee, his lean, muscular body swaying ever so slightly in Sawamura's direction. "I'm fine."
Sawamura eyed him suspiciously. He can be quite perceptive for a guy who seemed to be naïve about most things. "Are you really, really sure that you're okay?"
Miyuki ruffled his hair, as if he was a tiny puppy, and giggled. "My little kouhai is concerned about his senpai. How cute!"
Sawamura slapped his hand away and shot him a glare. "Shut your mouth, Miyuki Kazuya!"
"That's Miyuki-senpai to you." Miyuki threw the now empty can of coffee into the trash bin, then slung an arm over his shoulders and pulled him against him. "Come on, where's the respect?" he breathed into his ear, making him blush like a bright Christmas bulb.
"If you weren't such an asshole all the time," Sawamura grumbled, looking upset and a little nervous. "You really scared me that time, you know…when that guy collided with you…" He lowered his gaze to the ground, pursing his lips.
"Things like that just happen…"
The ill-fated event happened at an exhibition match a month ago.
Miyuki knew they had to defend the inning with all their might, and he was confident in Sawamura's pitches. The pitcher was on top of his game and had the full support of the team. It was the bottom of the 7th inning. A base runner was positioned on third and the count was 2-2. The audience was brimming with anxiety and anticipation.
Sawamura looked at him—the very gaze of faith and trust was alluring; far as the eye could reach; one burning like the sun that gave him goosebumps. As Miyuki gave the sign, Sawamura smirked and nodded.
And there was the windup and that beautiful pitch.
The runner broke from third the instant the batter hit a grounder to second. For a moment there, everyone thought the opposing team was going to score. But the ball was skillfully caught by Haruichi Kominato, the 2nd baseman.
"BACK HOME!" Miyuki exclaimed, and Haruichi delivered.
However, the back home throw to Miyuki arrived roughly at the same time as the barreling runner.
CLASH!
Miyuki almost cringed at the memory. The catcher was pretty much a contact-heavy position, so things like that were bound to happen. He and the runner were taken off the field and taken to a hospital after that. The game still continued and ended in Seido's favor.
After three nights at the hospital, where Miyuki struggled with concussions and pain around the right part of his head, he returned to Seido and assured the team that he was fine. But the doctor had told the coaching staff that he needed a good amount of time to recuperate. And so, he was banned from any form of strenuous activity. He wasn't even allowed to catch for the pitchers.
More than a week later, he was allowed to train with the pitchers again. He did look fine and felt fine, and he felt that he may be able to join the others on their regular regime by next week. But there was a limit to his good health.
Two weeks after his release from the hospital, Miyuki had barely made five swings in the batting cages when he was nearly confounded with an excruciating headache around his right eye. He tried practicing the next day and the next day, but playing seemed to just trigger a headache. Honestly, he was baffled by all this, but he didn't want to tell anyone. He especially didn't want to tell Sawamura what he was going through.
But after a week dealing with the headaches, eye pain, and constant blurriness, Miyuki paid the doctor a visit again. The doctor had prescribed some medications, and he had been taking them regularly.
"Sawamura, look at me…" Miyuki whispered, completely touched by his concern, his teasing grin morphing into something softer and warmer. According to Kuramochi, Sawamura nearly broke down after witnessing his home-plate collision. But Sawamura was able to compose himself and pitch till the very end. Miyuki understood that Sawamura had been through a lot, especially since he constantly visited him in the hospital.
Sawamura grunted, and his cheeks flushed red. Hesitantly his eyes came to rest on Miyuki.
Miyuki ran a hand into his soft, dark brown hair. The clear, shining, slightly tan skin of Sawamura's face, accented by the gold hue of his eyes, and the gentleness of his expression caused him to catch his breath. He was sure that Sawamura was the most attractive and charming boy he'd ever encountered. Yet, as he stared at him, he knew that the feeling welling up in his heart was from a cause much deeper than physical features. He looked deeply into his eyes and read there the depth of the love that had been in his heart for him.
Slowly, almost tentatively, Miyuki brushed his lips lightly against Sawamura's, the simplest whisper of a kiss. He could feel Sawamura's heartbeat speed up under his lips. He smiled and returned his gaze to Sawamura's eyes, now filled with desire. Before Sawamura could even speak, Miyuki kissed him again, full and soft, then harder and more urgently. As he wrapped his arms around his body, Sawamura kissed him back, clinging to his chest. Heat rose in his body, and Miyuki relished the feeling of Sawamura's lips on his.
He and Sawamura had been going out since fall last year. They shared the same guarded secret that many of the couples like them did. They were in love with each other and had been sleeping together occasionally, and had been careful around others. It wasn't a perfect, lovey-dovey relationship, but they were happy with one another.
When Miyuki broke the kiss, he remained holding Sawamura tightly. "Stop worrying about unnecessary things," he cooed, brushing his cheek, "or else you're going to mess up your game."
Sawamura pouted and shrugged. "What do you mean by unnecessary?! Isn't it normal for me to worry about you?! We're a battery!"
Miyuki pinched his cheeks and laughed. He couldn't help teasing the younger boy. It was so easy to rile him up, and he had always enjoyed his reactions. Teasing him was also one of his ways to show his fondness for him.
"You're just making fun of me, you crappy four-eyes!" Sawamura exclaimed, pulling away from him.
"Hey, now… I'm still your senpai." He reached out, ruffling his hair in an almost fraternal gesture. "And your boyfriend…"
Sawamura whimpered something incoherent, cheeks flushing red as he tried to look away.
"Let's win Koshien, partner."
Sawamura blinked up at him, looking a bit stunned, before his features changed into a more confident expression. "You bet we will! I, the ace Sawamura Eijun, will definitely lead this team to victory!"
"Well, you better get a good night sleep after the party, oh-benevolent-Ace-sama," Miyuki said with a snicker. He has got to hand it to Sawamura for being so optimistic and confident. Honestly, it had been secretly a dream of his to catch for Sawamura as the ace in the Summer Nationals. Sawamura, who had fought long and hard to get that number 1 on his back, was worth the trouble. Miyuki felt the excitement brewing in him as he visualized the pitcher on the mound in the Nationals.
And there wasn't any doubt in Miyuki's mind that the team will climb great heights in Koshien.
Two days later, Miyuki woke up in a cold sweat from a terrible dream, bolting straight up in his bed. Beads of sweat from his forehead rolled down his cheeks, his heart a wild mustang galloping and his own cries stuck in his throat. He closed his eyes, lifting a hand to his face. His fingers trembled as he covered his left eye. The fleeting memory of the dream filled his mind, and desperately he wished it would stay a dream.
Slowly, but apprehensively, he opened his right eye.
Putting his glasses on, he tossed the covers off himself and climbed out of bed, yet he was careful enough to not disturb his roommates. Grabbing a jacket, he padded out of the room only to be greeted by the chilly morning air. The sun has yet to rise, but the skies were clear enough to see. Knowing that it would be impossible to go back to sleep, he decided to take a walk.
Everything was going to be fine, he told himself, running a hand through his hair. He took a deep breath and kept his emotions under control; he wasn't going to let himself breakdown. He was going to remain calm. Nothing was going to stop him from playing baseball. He would still lead the team as captain, bat as cleanup, and catch for the pitchers in the Summer Nationals. And he'd still be able to watch Sawamura play.
He went to see the doctor that day, leaving Kuramochi in charge of the team and in making up excuses for his absence. Of course, that didn't stop the shortstop from berating him for not telling Sawamura the truth. It was tiring for Kuramochi to carry that burden, especially since he cared for Sawamura so much, and he'd probably kill Miyuki if something were to happen to their underclassman.
When Miyuki arrived at the doorstep of his dorm room that night, Sawamura was there, leaning against the wall with hands stuffed in his pockets. "Yo, Sawamura! Haven't seen you all day. Are you here to ask me to catch for you?" He snickered, pretending that all was right in the world for him, despite the heavy feeling in his chest. "Might as well hit the hay."
"Are you all right?" Sawamura sounded anxious and almost tense, and Miyuki instantly wondered if he was busted. "I've been calling you all afternoon. Why didn't you answer your phone?" He had been desperately worried about him all day and he had been calling since noon and only getting the voicemail.
"I've been busy, obviously," Miyuki said casually, almost remorsefully, knowing he had to lie again to Sawamura. He hadn't exactly come to terms with everything that were going on in his life early that morning. He felt guilty about the deceit—about not telling about the checkup and his condition—but didn't want to cause unnecessary worry.
Smiling and laughing had always been easier than explaining his problem—something that may only be a burden to the team and to Sawamura. They were going to compete in Koshien. Instead of shackling them down with unnecessary concerns, Miyuki opted to pretend again.
Wearing a mask had always worn him out. Faking was fatiguing. But he had always done so in the past. He'd smile when he wanted to cry. He'd tease when he wanted to be quiet and distant. He'd pretend like he was happy when he wasn't.
"You were at your dad's the whole day, right? How is he?" Sawamura sounded a little frantic. "Kuramochi-senpai said that you had to go home due to an emergency."
"Just some trouble at the factory, that's all. Dad needed a hand."
"So…everything's all right now?"
"Yup! Everything's all right!"
Sawamura sighed in relief. "That's good to know! I thought your dad got rushed to the hospital or something… Thank goodness it wasn't the case." He rested a comforting hand on Miyuki's shoulder and grinned. "You should have told me before you left. You had me worrying the whole day, you know!"
His gold eyes were so honest, his sincerity for him easily seen, and Miyuki felt drawn to him again. "Yeah, yeah, my bad…" Then he put his hands on either side of his face and kissed him lightly on the lips.
Sawamura gasped. "W-What?!"
Miyuki merely smirked and kissed him again, this time wrapping his arms around him and probing with his tongue. Sawamura responded, much to his surprise. After a while he stopped to look at him.
Sawamura felt like he was going to melt under his gaze. "W-What? What is it?"
Looking at Sawamura now—even if he hadn't been in love with him, that part of Sawamura that loved everything about baseball, Miyuki would still have wanted him. And there was nothing more beautiful to him than his eyes. He realized more than ever how much he loved him, how important he was. But the reality of his situation dawned on him again.
"Sawamura, you know that I won't always be there to catch for you, right?" He was hiding the pain of his heart behind a smile, behind a mask. It hurt him to speak such words, but he knew that he had to say them. "You've gotten this far by your power and strength." With a smile he laid a hand on his head. "Even with me gone, I'm sure you can still grow stronger and get better. Your potential is limitless."
Sawamura blinked in surprise, then pressed a hand to Miyuki's forehead. "Are you sick again?"
Miyuki shrugged. "Huh? What's with that reaction?" He grabbed his hand and flicked his forehead. "I was being sincere here."
Sawamura pouted, rubbing his temple with his free hand. "You didn't have to flick my forehead! Besides, being uncharacteristically nice is beyond creepy!"
"Oh, so you prefer me teasing you all the time?" Miyuki said with a smug, gently squeezing his hand.
"T-That's not what I meant! It's just that you're always—"
Miyuki stopped his words by kissing him on the lips again. "You're too loud. Now go back to your room unless you want me to ravish you right here." And he absolutely adored the sight of Sawamura's flushed face. "Make a face like that and I'll attack you."
"You wouldn't dare, you pervert!" Sawamura yelled, backing away comically with arms in an X before his chest.
"Oh? So you want me to?" Miyuki couldn't help but tease him more.
"NO, THANKS! I WILL HEAD TO MY ROOM NOW!" With that said, Sawamura spun around and dashed away.
Miyuki chuckled to himself and leaned back against the door. Seriously, he just can't get enough of Sawamura. There was always something striking about him, in a funny, charming, wholesome way, and he couldn't help watching those golden orbs again. But then a frown greased his lips. He thought about his condition once more and felt miserable. This morning he had convinced himself that everything was going to be fine.
After his trip to the doctor, Miyuki wasn't sure what to think anymore. His team was finally going to Koshien, with Sawamura as the ace, and he wanted to play baseball with everyone. Most of all, he wanted to be the one catching for Sawamura and to watch him on the mound. After all, they were partners.
He pressed a hand against his right eye and sighed. He felt a headache coming, so he decided to head to the vending machine to purchase a nice, cool bottle of drink. However, he didn't count on meeting Kuramochi there. "Yo, Kuramochi!" he greeted the shortstop with a grin.
"And here I was thinking of hauling your sorry ass out of your room," Kuramochi murmured, his features hard and stern. "Now spill."
Miyuki blinked up at him innocently. "Spill what?"
Kuramochi had known something was off. Miyuki looked all fine to him now, but he couldn't shake the feeling of dismay. He knew that Miyuki was definitely hiding something. He didn't know what it was, but he knew instantly that something serious happened. "Don't screw with me, you shitty four-eyes," he threatened, eyes narrowing dangerously like a predator.
"You're starting to scare me, Kuramochi-kun," Miyuki said in a teasing voice. "It's nothing serious. I'm not hiding any injuries this time."
Kuramochi seized Miyuki by his shirt, gripping the fabric tightly, as he glared at the bespectacled catcher. "You're full of shit." He spoke with tightness that suggested controlled anger, and noticing his strained expression, Miyuki felt guilty.
Despite his delinquent-like appearance, Kuramochi was observant and had always been perceptive. It was one of the qualities Miyuki liked about Kuramochi.
Miyuki sighed. His eyes clouded with doubt as he looked at his friend, and for a moment he couldn't bring himself to say the words. It should have been easy for him to lie, to make some silly and believable excuse, yet he owed it to the shortstop to be honest at this point.
Kuramochi released him with a shrug. "Are you sick?"
And once again Miyuki fought the urge to make up an excuse. Running away seemed like a good choice. Then again he remembered that Kuramochi had the fastest legs on the team. He turned his eyes away with quiet desperation. He took a quick breath and finally admitted everything.
The news of Miyuki's condition had Kuramochi scattered. "Seriously?" He clenched his hands and looked away from that shit-eating grin of his. This glasses-bastard had the nerve to smile as if there was nothing wrong with him.
"You didn't buy all the crap that I was saying, did you? C'mon, do I really look like I'm sick?" Miyuki's voice was playful and teasing. "Don't take this seriously, okay? And the doctor was just overreacting."
Kuramochi wanted to punch him right in the nose. How dare he act so nonchalant about this! "Are you an idiot?! You think this is funny?!"
Miyuki chuckled a little. "Oh, don't let this fool you. I'm scared shitless, believe me."
Kuramochi had gone quiet, his eyes looking off into the distance.
Miyuki grinned and nudged him. "Kuramochi, don't tell Sawamura and the other guys about this, okay?" His tone was conversational as ever, but Kuramochi felt there was a tinge of desperation and fear.
Kuramochi supposed there were certain things that not everyone needed to know. He understood the need to keep this a secret from the rest of the team. But Sawamura? This bastard was seriously looking for trouble. "Out of all people, Sawamura deserves to know about this the most," he told Miyuki. He was fully aware of Miyuki's relationship with Sawamura, and had always looked after Sawamura like a big brother would.
At last Miyuki sighed, and his shoulders slumped in defeat. "I just can't bring myself to tell him…yet..." He looked up at the night sky for a moment. "Sawamura has his own stuff to deal with… I don't want to burden him with my problem."
"You really are an idiot," Kuramochi said a bit angrily. "He'll find out eventually…but yeah…whatever." He shrugged. "Does the coaching staff know?"
Miyuki smiled sadly. "This is our last chance at Koshien. I want to give it my all with everyone on the team."
"Don't do this again, Miyuki," Kuramochi said, still looking angry and upset. "You should follow the doctor's—"
"Just one game," Miyuki said, bowing his head, "that's all I ask…" He needed to play despite his condition, and he didn't want to quit even when things were this hard for him. He needed to feel the air of the competition, to play for the team. He wanted to fulfill his duties as captain and cleanup. And his desire to stay as a battery with Sawamura was stronger than ever. "Please…Kuramochi…" he pleaded, fists slightly trembling.
"Dumbass, I swear!" Kuramochi clicked his tongue and turned his head away. "Make sure you don't push yourself too hard or else I'll fucking hit you in the gut.
Miyuki gave him an odd, crooked smile. "Thanks, Kuramochi."
The next day was interspersed with regular practices and meetings.
Miyuki's time in the bullpen was peppered with the usual, almost blatant flirting with Sawamura, much to everyone's dismay, and mostly teasing from his part. All his worries and doubts would simply fade away whenever he was with Sawamura. The bright, mesmerizing sun of their team, the cheerful yet gullible ace, Sawamura was the only one who could make him smile genuinely. He had constantly been a positive influence.
And Miyuki loved watching Sawamura play.
Later that night, Miyuki and Sawamura decided to spend some alone time together in one of the now empty practice fields. It was on that very same field where Miyuki first met Sawamura. He was a hot-blooded youth, mostly driven by emotions and intuition, but he wasn't afraid to rise to a challenge, which made him all the more interesting to Miyuki.
"I can still remember that day," Sawamura said, feeling nostalgic, as he walked up to the mound. "It all started here." He turned around and smiled at him. "And now I'm the ace. Sometimes I feel like I'm still dreaming."
Miyuki snickered. "Wake up, idiot, this is all real."
Sawamura shrugged. "I can still remember how much of a sneaky bastard you were back then… And you still are."
"Thank you," Miyuki replied with a grin.
"That wasn't a compliment!" Sawamura yelled back.
"Whatever you say," Miyuki said, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants. "Hey, it's getting late. We can't have our ace be sleep-deprived. What will your fangirls think when they see you with huge bags under your eyes?"
Sawamura flushed like a little school boy. "A-As if I'm worried about something like that! Anyway…" He let out a pout and turned his eyes away. "Hey…Miyuki…" He hesitated for a while and shifted in place. "Can you…um…crouch down behind home plate?"
Miyuki raised a curious brow. "And what's this about? Are you trying to—" He stopped himself when he saw the earnest look in Sawamura's face. Though it was somewhat dark around them, he could still see the flash of Sawamura's golden eyes through the murk. He considered his request for a moment and decided to enlighten him. "Okay, if that's what you want." He was more than happy to oblige. He walked over to the home plate and took his place behind it. Pretending to have a mitt on, he extended his hand forward in a catching position.
"All right!" Sawamura smiled like the bright sun and pumped a fist into the air. "Let's get cracking, partner!"
Damn it, Sawamura looked so good. His dark brown hair glowed in the moonlight and in spite of Miyuki's effort to remain casual, his heart lifted at the sight of him even though his mind insisted he was suddenly being sentimental. Sawamura had always shown him a sight he'd never seen before and will definitely continue to surprise him more in the future. His crazy pitching form, his whip-like throw, and those fluid movements—everything about him was worth watching.
Suddenly, as Sawamura went into his windup, Miyuki's right vision distorted even more. He almost missed the way Sawamura pitched his imaginary ball.
"And that's a crossfire to the batter's chest!" Sawamura exclaimed cheerfully.
Miyuki's heart jumped with trepidation. He couldn't see Sawamura quite clearly and almost couldn't control the panic that washed inside his veins. But despite his condition and concern he faked a smile. "Nice ball, I guess?" he said in a teasing manner as he stood up. "So, are we done here?"
"Yeah, yeah, we're done!" Sawamura jogged up to him and fist bumped his chest. "Let's show everyone in Koshien why we're Seido's most aggressive battery!"
The fear inside was growing. Even with such close distance Miyuki's vision was still hazy. As Sawamura started walking away, Miyuki stayed glued to his spot. His breath hitched the more the distance grew between them. Sawamura was fading and fading with each step of the way. He didn't like this one bit. He was in deeper trouble than he thought.
His heart throbbed agonizingly, and he felt as if he was going to lose it. His hands began to shake.
No, he didn't want to lose Sawamura. He didn't want to live in a world where he couldn't see Sawamura ever again.
Then suddenly, his arms were around Sawamura. He embraced him from behind, stopping him from walking away.
"W-Wha—Miyuki?!" Sawamura tensed and blushed. "W-What are you trying to do?"
"I just felt like I had to hold you…" Miyuki's voice was a whisper in his ear. His arms enfolded Sawamura's body in their tender embrace. Part of him worried that Sawamura would hear his heart racing, but another part of him didn't care. And when he spoke, his voice trembled slightly. "Hey…You came to Seido because of me, right?" He sounded dazed, and almost a little scared, but he was having a hard time concealing his feelings under his mask.
"Why are you bringing this up now?" Sawamura shrugged, feeling a little embarrassed, and yet he still brought a hand on top of Miyuki's. "But yeah…if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here right now."
Miyuki squeezed his body tighter. "Couldn't resist my charms, huh?" he teased, hiding the discomfort he felt, and he almost laughed when he heard him pout.
Sawamura rolled his eyes. "You're so full of yourself."
He let out a little chuckle. "Humor me…"
"I couldn't forget that moment when I pitched to you…that sound of the mitt…" Sawamura admitted, a smile gracing his lips at the fond memory of that day. "I came here because I wanted you to catch my pitches. Maybe this sounds a little embarrassing and I know you're gonna make fun of me…but if it's with you I know I can grow stronger and aim higher. Baseball is all the more fun with you around, Miyuki-senpai."
Miyuki was happy. Happy that he was sharing such a moment with Sawamura; that he considered him so important in his life; that he'd appreciated his presence and guidance in spite of all the teasing and pranks. At the same time, he couldn't help feeling sad. Baseball was the invisible red thread that connected them. Without it, there was nothing left to hold them together. He was afraid of losing Sawamura and baseball. He just wanted to love him forever and play baseball with him.
"Seido High School has announced a change in players. Replacing Furuya-kun as pitcher is Sawamura-kun. Uniform No. 1, Sawamura-kun."
And with that announcement, the crowd roared in cheers.
This was Seido's first match in Koshien. The team was living the dream.
Miyuki couldn't help but smirk behind his mitt as he watched Sawamura ran up to the mound. He could see fire in those golden eyes, and once again he felt drawn to them like a bee to a flower—a fresh, wonderful sunflower in full bloom. He wasn't biased with any of the pitchers of their team and treated them all fairly. Moreover, Sawamura would chew him out if he'd ever play favoritism just because they were in a relationship. While Miyuki loved the guy to bits, he wasn't the type to give special treatment. He was a respectable captain, and everyone looked up to him for that, especially Sawamura.
Joining him on the mound, Miyuki disclosed important matters regarding the batting lineup and the status of their team. Sawamura listened to each word carefully, and Miyuki could see that he was focused and ready to pitch. Miyuki was also eager to catch for him. Their battery had always been a spectacle to see. It was even mentioned a few times in articles, and he was proud at the fact that they were Seido's most aggressive battery.
"You can do it, can't you?" Miyuki challenged him, tapping his yellow mitt against Sawamura's hard, solid chest.
Sawamura grinned confidently, and Miyuki couldn't resist admiring the passionate fierceness in his eyes again. "Of course I can! Who do you think you're talking to, Miyuki Kazuya?!"
Miyuki chuckled. "That's our ace."
"Hmm… Are you okay?" Sawamura asked, peering at his face. "You look pale…and you're sweating a lot."
Miyuki chuckled. Truth be known, he woke up to a splitting headache that morning, but the medicine managed to push the pain away. As of that moment, well, there was a slight headache throbbing around his right eye, though remarkably it wasn't much of a distraction to throw him off his game. "Nothing to worry about," he reassured the pitcher.
"You better not be lying, Miyuki Kazuya," Sawamura said with a shrug.
"Forget about that and focus on the game, Ace," Miyuki said with a smirk. Their opponents were up by one run, but Miyuki was sure they can defend the inning with Sawamura. The pitcher was packed with an arsenal of weapons, and Miyuki knew just how to exploit them against the batters. "Let's get aggressive, Sawamura."
Then, only taking a few steps away, Miyuki was floored by an intense pain around his right eye. His headache intensified to an alarming rate. Shockwaves of emotions filtered through his thoughts as it felt like thousands of little needles pricked his nerves.
"Miyuki?"
His posture might have given something away because he felt Sawamura's curious gaze upon him. He hadn't felt sick in a long time and wondered why this was happening now. Just when he was about to catch for Sawamura…
"Something wrong? Or do you have something else to say to me?" Sawamura asked in his customarily cheery manner, but there was a touch of concern in his voice.
He had to stay strong. He had to push the pain back. Pain was nothing, he told himself, nothing that could not be suppressed. This was their first match, an important game, a hurdle they have to overcome. Blacking out or losing control was not an option for the team captain.
But the pain kept increasing. His vision started to blur, and without warming, he crumpled.
As he fell, Sawamura sprang forward and caught him. "Miyuki! Hey! What's wrong?!" It happened so suddenly that it immediately frightened him. "MIYUKI!" In his arms, Miyuki was considerably paler than ever. Holding him carefully, he sank to the ground and took off his headgear, pushing his hair aside.
The whole team was worried for their captain, but only the fielders and the coach had run up to him in the middle of the diamond. The stadium was suddenly, eerily silent; the audience, the officials, and the opposing team stunned by what happened.
It was only a moment or two before Miyuki opened his eyes, but it seemed like hours. He looked up, eyes squinting in pain, and then found himself immersed in his gaze. The gold of Sawamura's eyes was shrouded in tears threatening to fall and he regretted it that he was the cause of his distress.
"Miyuki, you said you were fine… so why—" Sawamura shook his head, biting his lips with such force. "Your eye is swollen! You have to rest!" he cried, turning to the coach. "BOSS!"
Miyuki grew apprehensive, struggling with the increasing pain. "Wait, coach, I can still—"
"No, you can't and I won't let you," the coach interrupted, voice firm and solid as his gaze. "Get Okumura ready." Coach Tesshin Kataoka was a serious man, but he was also a man with a big heart and cared a lot about his team. He would never risk letting Miyuki play under such conditions.
And so, Miyuki was taken out of the game, with Okumura serving as his replacement.
It was frustrating to any player to get taken out of the game due to an injury or sickness, even more vexing that he wasn't able to catch Sawamura's pitches or the fact that he had to leave for the hospital. Players have had motivations for playing through injury, such as wanting to take part in an important game.
But this was no injury and he was diagnosed with this condition a month ago. He had gone through a series of test to determine the results. He still remembered them clearly in his head.
Tonometry measured the pressure within his eye. Using eye drops to numb the eye, the technician used a tonometer to measure the pressure inside. Next was Ophthalmoscopy, a procedure where his optic nerve was examined. Eye drops were used to dilate the pupil so that the doctor could see through the eye to examine the shape and the color of the optic nerve. The visual field test, Perimetry, was next, which helped the doctor determined his field of vision. During the Gonioscopy exam, eye drops were used to numb the eye again, then a hand-held contact lens was gently placed on the eye. The contact lens had a mirror that showed the doctor the angle between the iris and cornea. Pachymetry was the final test to determine the thickness of the cornea.
He grew weary after each test. He knew something was definitely wrong. It didn't look good. The doctor and technicians were considerate yet professional, but Miyuki could tell something was off.
"So, sensei, what's your diagnosis?" Miyuki asked, keeping up a carefree façade.
"The eyes are made of such sensitive materials. It is best to be pragmatic in receiving proper care," the ophthalmologist explained, going over his test results one more time. "Apart from your impaired eyesight, you also suffered from a blunt trauma caused by your home-plate collision."
Miyuki's heart skipped a beat. He was beginning to feel nervous, but he didn't outwardly show this. "Sensei, just give it to me straight."
"Miyuki-kun, I'm sad to say," the doctor started, posture poised and face professionally schooled. "The problem we are dealing with now is Glaucoma."
"Glaucoma…?" Miyuki felt a knot form in his stomach and his throat tightened up. He had read about the disease before on a whim, but he never thought he'd be a victim of it. He stopped to compose himself before he spoke. "Sensei…Why…?"
The doctor spoke in a soft professional manner. "You see Glaucoma is called the silent thief of sight because it slowly damages the eyes. Until today, researchers still don't know what causes it in most cases. There are treatments to delay vision loss, but no cure. Normally, the eye fluid flows out of the front part of the eye through the pupil and is absorbed into the bloodstream. In your case, damage occurred to the optic nerves when you took a blow to the face, which led to an increase amount of eye pressure in your right eye."
Miyuki swallowed hard, yet he still made an effort to remain calm. "Then what should we do?"
"I'll prescribe special eye drops and you must take them regularly to control high eye pressure, or you risk permanent optic nerve damage. Left untreated, then it could lead to blindness."
"Blindness…" Miyuki felt numb. He couldn't believe this was happening.
"And we also need to focus on saving the vision in your left eye and maintaining balanced pressure in both eyes."
He fell silent, lowered his head, and shut his eyes. After a while he spoke again. "Just my luck…" He suddenly let out a laugh.
The doctor was stunned by his reaction. "This isn't a laughing matter, Miyuki-kun."
The smile didn't leave his face.
He sat there in the hospital bed the whole time with a feeling of dread that grew to blind terror by the time he was prepped for surgery. With the bags under his eyes, he looked unusually somber.
The nurse led Miyuki into a small room. He had never been there before and it seemed quite ominous. He was going to be operated to relieve the pressure behind the eyes. He tried to keep his mind off why he was there and what was going to happen. He kept reminding himself that he needed this for the sake of his future.
Miyuki delighted in reminiscing the first time he made love with Sawamura, the way their bodies melded together. Just imagining Sawamura's charming and happy face made him feel better and less nervous.
It would have been nice to watch Sawamura play in Koshien. Miyuki was sure that he'd give the opposing team a run for their money. He wished he'd been the one crouched down behind the plate yesterday, giving him signs and leads designed to fuel Sawamura's pitcher instincts. He had wanted to catch his pitches in Koshien, to watch him and admire him from home plate.
The doctor came in finally, and Miyuki feigned a smile as he glanced at his records.
"We could have done this sooner, but you were being very obstinate about playing." The old doctor was being frank with him, but it seemed like he was trying to think of a way to soften his words. He was really a nice man, and Miyuki had always liked him. "It appears from the X-rays the optic nerve has been severely damaged due to all the pressure that had built up."
Miyuki had been in so much agony yesterday. He was given something to relieve the pain, but it was only a temporary solution. "Will I be all right after this?"
"We are merely going in to remove the pressure behind the eye. I've already explained this to your father as well."
Miyuki and his father did not share a close, loving relationship, but they still cared for one another. It gave him a sense of relief to know that his father was just outside the surgery room, waiting for him.
"Are you ready for this, Miyuki-kun?"
He was nervous, that much he could tell, and as he thought about baseball and Sawamura once more, he told himself that he was going to be strong for this. "Yes, sensei, I'm ready."
Fatigue right after surgery was not uncommon for patients, and Miyuki had been experiencing a lot of stress due to his condition. He'd been dead asleep for a while. For how long he didn't know, but he'd been hearing voices around him. He wasn't sure if he'd been dreaming them or not, yet he was able to make out the voice of his own father talking with the doctor. There were the voices of the nurses too.
Then, there was that voice.
"Miyuki…"
Miyuki could barely hear it, although it became the voice he wanted to hear the most. He could probably be just dreaming this. In his current state it was impossible to separate reality from dreams, but for somehow reason, Miyuki felt drawn to that voice.
Then he felt something warm touch his cheek.
"Miyuki Kazuya, you bastard."
Sawamura…?
Miyuki couldn't believe what he was hearing. There was no way Sawamura could be there. Was he still dreaming? He wanted to open his eyes, but his body wouldn't listen to his will. A part of him worried that if he did manage to open his eyes the dream would shatter, and the presence beside him would disappear.
"I told you before, didn't I?" Sawamura's voice was barely above a whisper, but Miyuki could hear disappointment and sadness in it.
No matter how much he'd deny it, Miyuki knew that he had hurt Sawamura.
The hand lifted from his cheek, then carefully touched his limp hand. Long, calloused yet slender fingers entwined with his. His skin felt warm and rough, but strong. "Don't take on everything by yourself, Captain. We're supposed to be partners, aren't we?"
Miyuki felt like he just got stabbed in the heart. Yes, they were supposed to be partners. They were supposed to trust one another, yet Miyuki kept his condition a secret from Sawamura. Miyuki had told his father and Kuramochi, but not his own boyfriend. And that was because he'd been afraid all this time. This disease could take away more than just his sight, and he'd be helpless.
He didn't want Sawamura to leave him behind.
"I'm going to give you a piece of my mind once you wake up, you damn tanuki," Sawamura went on, his voice taking on a loud, stricter tone. "For now, just focus on getting better. I'll be waiting for you on the mound."
There was something comforting about Sawamura's words and voice, and Miyuki hadn't felt that way in a while. In a way it made him happy. It was just the sort of thing Sawamura would do, and it warmed his heart. Maybe this was just really a dream. He couldn't really tell, but he wanted to see him badly. His ordeal hadn't been pleasant, but at least his time in the hospital had given him a nice memory to remember.
He only regretted that he never had the chance to see Sawamura's face, even if it had been just a dream.
I want to catch for you again…
He woke up to a bright white room. He sat up slowly, reaching for his glasses on the bedside table. His right eye was still bandaged up, but his left eye was still able to see well with the glasses. Just as he'd expected Sawamura was nowhere to be seen. Silently he sighed.
It had just been a dream. If only it could have lasted a little longer…
Sawamura…I can still catch for you, right? I can still watch you play baseball, right?
No one was there to answer him, no one there to assure him. Miyuki felt empty, conflicted, and suffocated.
Time passed and things have changed for him.
As he continued his medication, Seido moved on without him, barreling through the tournament like a speeding bullet train. The young Kominato, a genius batter, was setting a brilliant record of homeruns and RBI hits, Maezono's swings were full of power, and the ever-reliable Kuramochi was leading the team tenaciously as the acting captain. All the members were playing to their fullest, showing their opponents nothing but excellent teamwork, skill, and talent.
And there was Sawamura, that bursting ball of sunshine, still yelling 'osh osh osh!' every time he'd retire a batter. His form was still so beautiful to look at. It was unorthodox but effective, and batters still had a hard time figuring out what pitch was coming simply by following his delivery. In addition to that, Okumura was performing exceptionally well as his partner, which made Miyuki wallow in a pool of regret and jealousy.
Then he remembered his dream, remembered the voice—his voice.
"I'll be waiting for you on the mound."
He still had a chance. He could still see. He could still play and he could still catch for him.
It was wishful thinking.
The ball dropped to the ground, the sound echoing in Miyuki's ears. In that moment, he desperately wished everything was just a dream. He crumpled to his knees, hand gripping his right arm. The storm came over him with clouds of uncertainty. The pain in his arm was nothing compared to his struggle through the typhoon whirling inside of him. And this torment will become his downfall.
"I'm so sorry, Miyuki!"
The pitcher's voice was full of guilt, but Miyuki could never blame him. He had brought this upon himself. He should not have asked him to pitch for him when he was clearly in no condition.
"You idiot!" Kuramochi knelt down to his level, obviously irritated but worried for his friend. "And I can't believe I still let you go through with it. Damn it, Miyuki! I told you it'll take some time to adjust!"
"I shouldn't have agreed either."
"Don't worry about it, Nori," Miyuki said with his signature grin. His arm no longer hurt, but his heart was bawling inside. He looked surprisingly calm; resigned, even. Part of him had always known this was going to happen, just as he always half expected, every time he visited the doctor. "I guess this is the result of going blind in one eye."
Norifumi Kawakami, also known as 'Nori' to some, was a 3rd Year sidearm pitcher who's been good friends with Miyuki and Kuramochi. Though Miyuki told him not to worry about it, he still couldn't help feel anything but concern for him. The vision in Miyuki's right eye was already gone due to the massive damage of the optic nerve. Vision lost due to glaucoma could not be restored and therefore the doctor immediately turned to saving the vision in his left eye. Due to numerous trips to the hospital Miyuki was unable to return as an active player on the team. The news was especially difficult for the whole team to take when the coach told them what he heard from the doctor.
"That stupid grin isn't fooling anyone, Miyuki," Kuramochi said with a shrug, and Miyuki merely chuckled.
A few weeks had already passed since the Summer Nationals. He hadn't seen the team for a long time since the doctor visits and surgical procedures started. Heck, he rarely stayed at the dorms anymore. His father had been quite supportive in his own reserved way, and Miyuki was thankful for that. However, Miyuki was definitely suffering from withdrawals due to being away from baseball for a while. Moreover, he had missed Sawamura so much.
He had received calls and text messages from several members of the team after his first surgery, which was chock-full of 'get well soon' messages. There was some insults and scolding inserted here and there, especially from his two vice captains, Kuramochi and Kenta Maezono, though he received nothing from Sawamura back then.
He'd asked Kuramochi about Sawamura, only to receive a well-deserved 'I told you so' from the shortstop. Miyuki already expected this much, considering how he'd managed to destroy the trust built between them. Kuramochi wasn't exactly helping the situation by rubbing it in more. And when he finally did visit Seido, he got hit by a ball. For Miyuki, however, it felt like a stab to the heart.
Kawakami had good control. The pitches and trajectory were smooth and even. Miyuki caught the balls easily at first. However, catching started to get a little more complicated once the pitches started getting more difficult and sharper. Next thing he knew he was making errors in catching. Ultimately, he got hit.
"Let's get you to the infirmary," Kawakami said, helping the catcher back to his feet.
"No, thanks," Miyuki said, concealing whatever fear bubbling inside of him, as he adjusted his glasses. "I can't stay long either. My dad's picking me up any minute for a doctor's appointment."
Kuramochi narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Really? You can't stay long enough till Sawamura comes back?"
Miyuki's heart thudded painfully in his chest as he thought about Sawamura, fear growing with every beat. He couldn't face him yet. How could he face the pitcher now that he was in such a state? Despair had spilled over, let loose from the deepest depths of his mind. What would Sawamura say? What would he say? No, no, he couldn't face him.
"Tell Sawamura I said hi," Miyuki told Kuramochi, giving his friend a pat on the shoulder, as he walked toward the exit.
Kuramochi let out a sigh of exasperation. "You're an even bigger idiot than him, you know."
Miyuki smirked darkly. "Tell me something I don't know."
And so he went straight home after the visit to the doctor. He was so mentally exhausted that he skipped dinner and went straight to bed.
He dreamed of Sawamura that night. He dreamed catching for Sawamura in Koshien, his golden eyes gleaming with confidence, his sunny smiles drawing him in. He dreamed that they play in the finals, crowds cheering them on, announcer calling out to them as Seido's most aggressive battery. Kuramochi and the whole Seido team watched them, their trust in them clear as the blue summer sky. He dreamed they were a battery again, the two of them. Sawamura's roar silenced his own laughter and grins.
Miyuki woke up in the morning to nothing of the sort. A palm brushed across his face and a sigh escaped his lips. All good things must come to an end.
His phone rang. He put on his glasses and peered down at the caller id. It was none other than Sawamura calling. Biting his lip, he ignored the call and buried himself into the comforts of his pillow.
This was his reality, his struggle, and his demise.
Miyuki felt ashamed of himself. When he saw Sawamura get close, he would make up an excuse. He wouldn't eat meals with him anymore. He wouldn't let him touch or kiss him anymore. They used to have late night chats, but not anymore. He wouldn't even let him pitch to him anymore. Miyuki felt so miserable for treating Sawamura like that, but he was afraid of exposing himself—his inability, his weakness, his failure, his pain—everything he couldn't bear to feel and see. He felt so damaged and he tried to hide from Sawamura.
But he missed Sawamura. He realized more than ever how much he desired to hold him in his arms, to kiss him senselessly, and to never let him go. He missed teasing him and ruffling his dark brown hair. He missed the sound of his loud, obnoxious voice, and the way he'd yell out his full name. He couldn't help the desperate longing to feel his intense love. More than anything, he missed looking into those golden eyes, seeing the fire and passion within them, and those beautiful, sunny smiles on his pretty face.
Sawamura haunted his dreams, and Miyuki had to fight back the urgent demands of his body—the relentless craving. He had always felt that Sawamura completed him. But he swore to himself, each time he'd see Sawamura that he wouldn't give in to the whispers of temptation. Nevertheless, he was only human and he loved Sawamura way too much to prolong this unbearable distance.
Miyuki could feel his heart thundering at the sight of him. Sawamura was at the indoor training facility, practicing his pitches as usual. The pitcher, however, was not alone. Looking at Sawamura's training companion evoked bitter feelings in him, and Miyuki swore he had never seen Okumura smile like that. It really wasn't fair that Okumura almost looked like an angel when he smiled or the fact that Sawamura was enjoying pitching to him. He wasn't jealous, he told himself. He was self-aware enough to know Sawamura and Okumura were just teammates, but seeing them together made him a little irrational.
Four-seam, two-seam, fastball, cutter, curveball, slider, splitter, palm ball, changeup—Sawamura had repertoire of pitches that would rouse envy in a grizzled veteran of the mound. His flexible joints, his strong lower base, and sweeping left-hand were enough to harass batters who face him. Sawamura had a deceptive way of releasing the ball, a good moving fastball and an excellent change of pace. He was already formidable on his own now, but he would be even more dangerous when paired up with a good catcher.
He had always loved the way he pitches and that gunshot sound that Sawamura's fastball would make when it collided with his mitt. He heard that very same sound just now. Unfortunately, it wasn't his mitt that caught the ball.
"Nice ball, senpai," Okumura said, his usually dull green eyes lighting up with life, as he threw the ball back to Sawamura. "Let's call it a day."
"What? But I wanted to pitch some more!" Sawamura pouted. "Come on, Okumura! Just a few more!"
"No," Okumura deadpanned.
"Just ten more?"
"No."
"Okay, five!" Sawamura pleaded with puppy-dog eyes.
Okumura sighed, removing his headgear. "No means no."
"Geez…You're stingier than Miyuki-senpai," Sawamura moped, throwing the ball up and down with one hand, as he walked over to Okumura.
Miyuki's heart skipped a beat, but he continued to stay hidden from them.
"Is Miyuki-senpai ever coming back?" Okumura asked, putting away his gear meticulously, before he looked up at his upperclassman.
Sawamura grimaced, lobbing the ball into the basket. "I don't know…"
"He and the other 3rd Years will be retiring soon."
"Yeah, they are… They're going to be busy with school and exams."
"We're going to have a new team by fall, but I'll make sure to be the main catcher," Okumura declared, looking straight into Sawamura's eyes. "I want to catch for you, senpai, and bring out your full potential."
Sawamura blinked in surprise, his expression clearly showing that he had not expected such statement from the freshman. Then he laughed out loud and slung an arm around his shoulders. "I'll be counting on you, partner!"
Partner…
Miyuki felt like his heart was about to break into pieces. The way Sawamura smiled at Okumura, the way he held him close—he couldn't bear it, and so he turned and walked away. The team no longer needed him, he thought, as he almost stumbled along the pavement. When his body collided against the wall, he leaned into it and lowered his gaze to the ground. Okumura was talented, reliable, and moreover, he wasn't broken like him. It was clear to him. He could never deny it.
Sawamura no longer needed him.
"Running away again?"
Miyuki looked at the unexpected passerby sideway and straightened up. "Hey, there, Kuramochi-kun," he perked, even though he knew that putting up a front before Kuramochi was meaningless.
"Go see him," Kuramochi demanded grumpily: the tone one used when he was seriously irritated and considerably done with his shit.
"Nah, he's kinda busy at the moment," Miyuki said lightheartedly as he turned away, but Kuramochi suddenly kicked the wall beside him, locking him in place. The physical gesture caused him to pause and actually look into the shortstop's face. "Kuramochi, I don't want to deal with this right now."
"Sawamura's concerned about you," Kuramochi exhaled, and the sigh was laced with frustration. His patience was beginning to wane. "He wants you to catch for him again."
And the look Kuramochi gave him prompted Miyuki to temper his own tone. "Oh, come on, you think he'd still want to see me after avoiding him like that?" The tone itself may have been patronizing, but to Kuramochi's ears it was just a sad attempt to hide his feelings. "And should I remind you what happened the last time? As if I can still catch for him… Besides, he already has Okumura—"
"Damn it, Miyuki!" Kuramochi grabbed him by the front of his shirt, twisting it around his hands, and yanked him up. "I know you're an insufferable bastard, but I never took you for a coward!" he yelled out of frustration. "Just stop! Stop the lame excuses! Stop running away!" He was really forced to swallow down the urge to slam his fist into Miyuki's face.
The silence that rushed in after the flare-up rang with tension. For a good half minute Miyuki just stood there, staring at the narrowed eyes of his friend. "Kuramochi…" he began, but Kuramochi cut him off.
"Fuck you!" Kuramochi pushed him so hard that he stumbled into the wall. With a shrug, he turned his back on him. "You're afraid of losing him—afraid of being forgotten, ignored, and replaced. But he's not the type of person who'd just abandon you at the drop of a hat. You, of all people, should know how sincere he is about you." He clenched his fist hard. "Okumura or any other catcher can never replace you, dumbass."
Miyuki stared hard at the ground, biting his lower lip in frustration. Kuramochi was right about him being a coward. He'd been busy thinking about his own problems instead of facing his own fears.
"Miyuki-senpai?"
Miyuki froze in place, then slowly turned his head and found Sawamura's golden eyes staring back at him questionably. Standing right behind him was Okumura. "Sawamura, hey…"
Kuramochi clicked his tongue and kicked him in the ass, forcing him to stagger toward the pitcher. "Don't chicken out this time, you crappy four-eyes," he chided before he turned and walked off. "Okumura, you're with me."
"Yes, senpai," Okumura replied promptly, following Kuramochi's lead. But his pair of green eyes looked straight at Miyuki, expressionless and cold. As he walked passed Miyuki, he muttered words in a scarcely audible whisper. "He wants you."
Miyuki barely hid his surprise, but he stayed rooted in place, contemplating on what to do or say. Now that he was finally alone with Sawamura, he fought the overwhelming urge to flee. He tried to laugh just to ease the heavy tension between them. "So…How have you been, Sawamura?"
Sawamura averted his eyes. "Finally decided to talk to me, huh?" The hands on his sides balled into fists.
Miyuki could sense that Sawamura was exhausted from the strain of worrying about him. He sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I've been thinking about a lot of things—about baseball..." He paused for a moment. "…about us."
"That's no excuse to avoid me!" Sawamura yelled out.
"I know…" he whispered. "I know…" He looked up at him finally, with half a smile. "And I'm sorry, Sawamura...But I'm not as strong as you think I am."
"Of all the things to apologize for," Sawamura scoffed.
"Then what should I apologize for?" Miyuki's tone was a little more casual now.
"For avoiding me…for lying to me and for making me worry."
Miyuki lowered his gaze, smiling a sad smile. "I'm sorry," he apologized again.
"I kind of understand why you did it." Sawamura looked mildly irritated, but his voice was comforting. "I think you're an idiot, of course. You should have told me. Miyuki-senpai, don't you trust me? What had I ever done to not make you trust me?"
"I do…I do trust you, Sawamura."
"Then why did you push me away?"
Miyuki could only offer silence as a response.
"When I saw you at the hospital, I felt so frustrated and I wanted to help, but I didn't know what to do. I tried to call and text, but I just didn't know what to say back then."
So it wasn't a dream after all. Sawamura really did pay him a visit after his first surgery. He was so hurt for him, and Miyuki could see it in his eyes.
"I may not fully understand what you're going through, but it hurts to know that you can't even rely on me to support you!" Sawamura stared hard at him, his fists trembling with controlled anger. "We're supposed to be partners, aren't we?! More than that…we're supposed to be lovers…and yet…you decided to take on everything by yourself again."
Miyuki was ashamed of himself. Now more than ever. He closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them again, it was to find him staring at his own fist. He wanted to run away again, but he had to face his fears. "I can't play baseball anymore," he began, feeling a big lump in his throat.
Sawamura looked at him in surprise.
Miyuki pressed a hand gently against his right eye and smiled crookedly at him. "I'm already blind in one eye. And when you don't have two good eyes, you'll have a problem when it comes to depth of field." He let out a mockingly painful laugh. "So, yeah, I'm pretty useless as a catcher and cleanup."
"You…."
"Sorry, Sawamura, but I can't catch your pitches anymore," Miyuki said as good-naturedly as possible, even though it devastated him on the inside. For a guy who used to play catch with the one he loved and used to help him with baseball all the time, it absolutely crushed him to admit these things to him. "Ah, but I am retiring since I'm a senior, and you still have Okumura and Yui to catch for you."
"Are you just going to quit baseball?" Sawamura's eyes were clouded with bleakness.
"That's a given since I can't—"
"Don't say that!
"But I'm no good. Heck, I can't throw properly either." Miyuki's brows pulled together as he frowned. "Who would want a catcher who can't even catch properly? If I try catching for you now, I'm sure you'll only be disappointed. I'll be a waste of your time. It's better if you just leave me behind. Okumura's got the skill and you can depend on him."
Sawamura glared at him, first anger and then hurt touching his eyes. "Is that what you think?! That I want to leave you just because you're disabled? That I can just easily replace you? Is that why you've been avoiding me like a plague?! So that you can just walk out of my life?!" he shouted, his lips trembling. "And I thought I was the idiot here, but you're an even bigger idiot than I am!"
Miyuki said nothing.
"You answer me, Miyuki Kazuya! I'm right, aren't I?!"
"I thought I'd lose you!" Miyuki expressed, his face finally bared with emotions of pain and misery. "I'm a catcher and if I can't even—"
"I don't care if you're blind in one eye; don't you ever push me away again! I knew something was wrong and you told me there wasn't!" Perhaps Sawamura could never really understand what Miyuki was going through, and his words were, in reality, blunt. But this wasn't like Miyuki at all. Sawamura couldn't bear seeing Miyuki looking so defeated, so dejected.
"I'm sorry," Miyuki said quietly, looking away, as he bit his lower lip, trying desperately to hold back the tears. He was truly a walking contradiction. He didn't want to lose Sawamura, but he ended up pushing him away. He was usually so composed, so level-headed, but in the end, he was just a coward.
Sawamura realized he was yelling and sighed. "I can't stay mad at you…" He scratched the back of his head uncomfortably. "But no more lying and no more hiding things from me. We're in this together."
Miyuki shook his head. His throat felt tight. "I can't burden you like that." He ran a hand across his face and kept his head down.
"You'll never be a burden," Sawamura said tenderly, making his way towards the catcher.
"How can you say that? There's no cure for this disease. There's still a possibility that I might go completely blind one day, and it's fucking terrifying. For all we know, I'm might wake up blind tomorrow."
"Then I'll be your eyes."
"I won't be able to catch for you anymore and I can't stand the thought that I will never be able to see you again…to see you play…to see you on the mound."
"Then I'll stay by your side."
Miyuki took a deep breath and let it out. "It's not that easy."
"Did you ever trust me to stay with you, no matter what? That I wanted to be with you, no matter what? It's true that I came to Seido because I wanted you to catch for me. I'll never regret that decision because I got to fall in love with you. You've become more than just a catcher for me, Miyuki Kazuya, and don't you forget that."
After a long silence, Miyuki looked at Sawamura again, who was now standing only a feet away from him. The pitcher's face was the gentle, friendly one he'd known for so long. Miyuki could see love in Sawamura's eyes, the compassion and understanding. He knew he meant what he said. "I guess…my fears got the best of me."
"Well, you're only human," Sawamura said with a grin, reaching over and caressing his cheek.
Miyuki closed his eyes for a few seconds, relishing the warmth of Sawamura's palm against his cheek. When he opened them again, they were filled with tears. "You really are the best, Sawamura."
"Woah…You're crying?" Sawamura gently wiped the tears with his thumb. "That's something I don't see every day. I thought Miyuki Kazuya was too cool to cry."
Miyuki chuckled. "Hey now…Like you said, I'm only human." Sawamura gave him his best smile, and Miyuki was once again fascinated by that sight. It felt so good seeing his smile up close again. "I've missed you, Sawamura." He pulled the pitcher to him, hugging carefully as he buried his face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his clean, masculine scent.
Sawamura's arms went around him and tightened in response. "Catch my pitches again, okay?"
Miyuki pulled back and gazed into his eyes, which seemed to have grown a shade lighter. "But I—"
"There's always a way to make a bad situation into a positive." Sawamura smiled brightly at Miyuki. "It doesn't matter if you're blind in one eye. You can still work hard and make it through anything."
Miyuki sighed. "Has anyone ever told you that you're too gullible?" he teased.
"W-What?!" Sawamura looked instantly annoyed. "You're making fun of me, aren't you?! I can't believe—"
Miyuki's fingers tightened against his scalp as he dipped his head and silenced the loudmouth with a kiss. Sawamura was so sincere and possibly as big as a fool as he was. How he managed to end up with someone so beautiful, so optimistic, and loyal—well, he wasn't really sure. Sawamura held the air of a man who was noble and honest. He couldn't find any deception in Sawamura.
"Look! They're huddling up!"
"Are they going to do it?"
"They're going for it!"
It was the final round of the Fall Tournament. Both teams had entered the park preceded by a bass brand. The crowd buzzed in anticipation as one particular team huddled, in which the players all face inward in a tight circle. Bearing the blue, yellow, and white colors, they placed a hand over their chest, looking mighty and proud, as all eyes focused on their captain.
A bright, confident smile lighted up the captain's charismatic face. His golden eyes blazed with pride as he spoke out the words they awaited the most. "We are not the kings," he said, and almost everyone couldn't help but smirk smugly. "We are the challengers."
The members from the dugout, the other players on the bleachers, the managers and the fans were growing more and more motivated. The thrill on their faces was as clear as day.
And then, in a voice deep and loud, the captain declared his words. "Who shed the most sweat?!"
The team responded with an immense yell. "SEIDO!"
"Shed the most tears?!"
"SEIDO!"
"Are you ready for the fight?!"
"YEAH!"
"Bearing pride in our hearts, we're after the National Crown! Let's go!" The captain lifted his arm high, raising his index finger, signifying victory and number 1, and the others followed suit, yelling, "YEAH!"
The Seido fans went absolutely wild.
"Eijun-kun, this is the final match," Haruichi said heartily, giving the captain a tap on the shoulder. "Let's do our best."
"Make sure you hit some homers today, Vice-Captain," Sawamura replied, pumping a fist enthusiastically.
"You got it, Captain," Haruichi said before running off to the diamond.
Sawamura couldn't wait to get on the mound again, but he had to do something first. He looked searchingly across the audience, scanning each row carefully until his eyes stopped on one person in particular. He smiled earnestly, taking off his cap and waving it cheerfully at him.
"Well, would you look at that?" Miyuki couldn't hold back a smile as he squeezed a neon ball with his right hand. "He better focus on the game or I'll be troubled."
The girls on the rows in front of Miyuki, however, started cooing, giggling, and sighing dreamily, while spouting nothing but words of admiration for Eijun Sawamura. And that was enough to put a slightly irritated expression on Miyuki's face.
"Hyaha! I bet Sawamura was waving at these girls," Kuramochi teased with his signature cackle, and Miyuki merely shrugged in return as he squeezed the ball harder. "And I bet one of them wrote that love letter he received yesterday."
Miyuki raised a brow. "Love letter?"
"Oh? He didn't tell you?"
Miyuki grimaced and made a mental note to himself to find that love letter and burn it later.
Kuramochi knew exactly what he was thinking and let out another laugh. "You're a real piece of work, you know? Anyway…" He glanced back at the field to find the ace pitcher already standing on the mound. "I think we made the right decision about him."
Miyuki agreed unequivocally. "Sawamura's a positive influence to the team. He's naturally the type of who attracts people to him. He builds up the people around him—not just once, but over and over again. He has the mental strength, the determination and tenacity—qualities befitting a true leader. With a captain like him, the team will only get better." There was no denying the admiration Miyuki felt for the pitcher. He entrusted the team to Sawamura because he believed in him and in his increasingly limitless potential.
"You've got it real bad," Kuramochi said good-humoredly, giving Miyuki a good slap on the back.
Miyuki grinned, tossing the ball up and down a few times in his hand. "You think so?"
And Kuramochi grinned back. "I know so!"
Miyuki couldn't even begin to describe the feeling. To still be able to gaze upon the pitcher he loved was a blessing itself. He watched as Sawamura raised his right leg without a hint of doubt. His form, balanced on one leg, was truly beautiful. Then, with a motion so smooth and fluid, Sawamura delivered a stunning pitch. The ball launched from the tips of his fingers, speeding through the air and past the swinging bat, and the sound of the ball hitting the catcher's glove echoed around the stadium.
"Nice ball," Miyuki muttered under his breath, cherishing the moment, as if he was the one crouched down before the pitcher. Eijun Sawamura was truly a beautiful piece of art, and as a catcher, he wanted to catch for him again.
"Hyaha! Your heart's spilling," Kuramochi pointed out, and Miyuki just laughed. "By the way, what's up with that ball? You're always carrying it around."
Miyuki rotated the ball in his hand, looking at it fondly, remembering the day he received it. "Sawamura gave it to me."
Kuramochi raised a curious brow. "Sawamura did? What for?"
Miyuki paused, then grinned and winked at his friend. "It's a secret."
Kuramochi rolled his eyes. "Figures…" He looked over to the field in time to see Sawamura jam another batter. "Hyaha! Sawamura's in top condition. By the way, how did the counseling go with the coach? Have you decided on a university?"
"Yeah…"
"You're still going to play baseball, right? Sawamura doesn't want you to quit."
"I can't risk straining my one good eye, so official matches are out of the question..." Miyuki's words trailed off into a sigh. "But…" He remembered Sawamura's words, the encouragement and the strength he'd given him, and simply smiled at the thought. There was always a way to make a bad situation into a positive. "…I'll never say that I'll quit baseball again," he finished as his lips curled up in a devilish smile.
"Now that the Fall Tournament's over, I'm sure you guys are all looking forward to Winter Camp." Miyuki had a smug look on his face, and Sawamura looked like he wanted to strangle him. They were hanging around the vending machine, drinking their favorite drinks, and Miyuki just had to talk about the upcoming Winter Camp. It was also dubbed as 'hell on earth' due to the extremely intense training under the cold weather. It was going to be an interesting winter, especially for the freshmen. The sophomores already knew what was coming to them. They had already pictured themselves as almost dead by the end of winter.
Miyuki and the other seniors had already retired from the team, had already moved out of their respective dorms, and had been focusing on their studies. They'd come to visit the team occasionally to help out and sometimes they'd play games with their underclassmen. The team had often seen Miyuki coaching the pitchers and batters. He still had a nasty personality to go along with his so-called 'coaching', but he was pretty effective, especially when it came to a certain southpaw.
Sawamura seemed uncomfortable, slightly haunted, as he recalled last year's winter camp. "There's no avoiding that," he said with a sigh, then he perked up. "But I'm sure the team will emerge stronger and better afterwards!"
"Good luck with that, Captain," Miyuki said, slapping Sawamura on the back playfully, as he laughed.
"Before that…" Sawamura threw his now empty can of milk coffee into the trash bin and looked squarely at Miyuki. "There's our match to look forward to!"
Of course, Miyuki knew what he meant. It was the scrimmage between the current team vs. the retired seniors. Unfortunately, he couldn't bring himself to join in the excitement with his fellow 3rd years knowing that he wouldn't be able to play. And he hasn't caught for anyone in matches for a long time. The last thing he wanted was to be a burden to others.
"You're not sitting this one out, Miyuki-senpai," Sawamura told him, as if he read his mind. "You're going to play!"
Miyuki raised a sarcastic brow. "Huh? How do you expect me to do that? Sawamura, have you forgotten that I'm—"
"Are you just going to run away again?"
Miyuki opened his mouth as if he wanted to reassure Sawamura that he wouldn't, but the words got stuck in his throat.
"It's all right, senpai," Sawamura said, pulling him into his arms. He patted his shoulders gently and murmured into his hair, "Everything's going to be all right. I've got you."
"Sawamura…" Tenderness pulsed through Miyuki, mingled with the desire that refused to dim. Sawamura was so warm, so mesmerizing, but his attraction to the pitcher was so much more than that. Sawamura had the optimism and courage that he lacked. "You really think I can do it?"
Sawamura pulled back and smiled, looking all too bright. "Of course! You're Miyuki Kazuya after all!"
The way Sawamura was looking at him, like he could see straight through him, unnerved in Miyuki something zealous. Sawamura's effect on him was the one thing he didn't seem able to control most of the time, which excited and intrigued him. He let out a laugh and ruffled Sawamura's hair. "Can you not blow up your expectations of me?"
"Hey! I meant it, you know, and that's because I trust you!"
Miyuki sighed. "Yeah, yeah, now shut up. You're too loud."
"And that's how you respond?! I can't believe you!" Sawamura pouted like a child.
Miyuki let out a chuckle before he leaned forward to kiss his mouth. Sawamura, who awkwardly accepted, tasted like milk, sugar, and coffee. He pressed his palm to his cheek, further deepening the kiss. He loved kissing this pitcher. Loved how his mouth fit so perfectly against his. How swiftly his tongue danced with his. His flavor and scent were the sweetest delicacy.
After a long, passionate kiss, they finally broke apart, breathing hard. Miyuki looked deeply into his eyes, admiring how they seemed to glow, despite the lack of light. Sawamura had always trusted him, had never had any doubts in him as a catcher, and had never pitied him for his condition.
He had already discussed this with the 3rd Years and they'd all agreed to let him be the acting coach. He knew the team inside out and coming up with strategies was his forte. He doubted they would ever let him have a chance to play, considering his circumstances, but if given the opportunity, he would immediately grab it. He longed to call pitches and catch balls in a game.
But what he also desired was the chance to catch for Sawamura again in a game.
Sawamura had once again upped his level of play during the Fall Tournament. He had gotten much stronger, more versatile, and his fastballs had become faster. His breaking balls were sharper than ever and his bunts were dependable, which never failed to amaze everyone. He was also fulfilling his role as captain and ace fairly well, even though the pressure got to him at first.
Miyuki was happy that he was able to see how much he'd grown. Nonetheless, there was no better sight he'd rather see than Sawamura on the pitcher's mound from home plate.
With Coach Kataoka's cry of "Play ball!" the game between the current team and the retired seniors was underway. It soon settled into a pitcher's duel, the two teams trading single runs in the 6th inning. By the 7th Inning, Furuya was switched out when he walked the 3rd batter on four straight pitches nowhere near the strike zone. The 3rd Years were putting lot of pressure on their underclassmen, and Furuya had certainly felt their resolve from the mound.
As Sawamura started his warm-up throws, Miyuki felt the surroundings come to life with excitement. Or was it just him? Well, he certainly didn't miss the euphoria of fan girls calling out Sawamura's name, which he immediately opted to ignore. This was going to be really interesting, he thought, a mischievous smile curving the corners of his lips. Sawamura was a tricky southpaw pitcher, and Miyuki was sure that Okumura would put Sawamura's variety of pitches to good use.
Even Kuramochi looked excited to have a faceoff with Sawamura. "He's gonna be hard to break," he said with a grin.
The 4th Batter for the seniors was up and he was none other than Kenta Maezono. Miyuki missed batting cleanup for the team, but he had faith in Zono's ability. He had the most power to drive in runs and extra-base hits. But it seemed like Okumura knew exactly what to call for. Sawamura pitched to him splendidly, managing to get Zono out via an infield pop-up.
The next batter stood deep in the batter's box and watched Sawamura go into a full windup. The first two pitches were on the outside, one of them picking up the corner for a strike. The third pitch was a fastball—head high and dangerously inside. The count was now 1-2.
Miyuki raised his brows, impressed. The ball almost hit the batter's face, which could have given him a free ticket to first base or to the infirmary. Okumura was sure getting more aggressive. Perhaps Sawamura was rubbing off on him.
And after a set of fouls, Sawamura finally got the batter out by throwing a very low and outside fastball.
The game turned into a pitcher's duel again with no score going into the bottom of the eighth inning. Everything Sawamura threw was unpredictable. He has been getting them out with low and outside fastballs and changeups. He was still the same brash and loudmouth kid, yelling 'Osh! Osh! Osh!' on the field, but he had matured as a pitcher, as a captain, and as a player. More than anything, he had grown up to be a fine ace.
"You just fell in love with him all over again, didn't you?" Kuramochi questioned, dropping onto the bench beside Miyuki.
Miyuki was smiling. Surely his eyes were shining with a sort of soft affection that could never go unnoticed by Kuramochi. How could he even deny that claim when it was completely true? He falls in love with Sawamura every day. Every day for a new reason. Every day for the same reason. Every day for all the reasons he loved him from the first moment. Now that he thought about it, it might have been love at first sight for him.
Mesmerized and unable look away, Miyuki continued to watch him. Time suspended, as Sawamura went into a full windup once more, and Miyuki found himself reliving their first moment together. And when he saw that stunningly executed pitch, Miyuki felt goosebumps all over. He wanted to catch for him so much that sometimes it hurt.
The game was almost over, so was his chance. Miyuki expected this much. He was a little upset, but he did not show it, telling himself that he had to accept it although he did not. He turned to look at the southpaw from the dugout, who was currently giving his team a good pep talk. When the announcer, one of the female managers, started broadcasting the change of players, he met Sawamura's golden eyes. In that moment a spark passed between them.
"Replacing Okumura-kun as catcher is Miyuki-kun," the announcer said, her voice crystal clear, "catcher, Miyuki-kun."
Miyuki's eyes widened in surprise and his mind quickly filled up with questions. Did he…Did he just hear that right? That was his name, right? He was replacing Okumura? Why Okumura? Shouldn't it be Ono? Ono was the catcher for their team. Okumura was on Sawamura's team. What the hell was going on?
"Hyahaha! Just so you know, we're not going to hold back," Kuramochi told him, slapping his back spiritedly.
"Huh?" Miyuki felt a bit lost. "Wait… What the hell is going on? Explain the situation to me right now."
Kuramochi sighed and kicked him hard on his buttocks. "Dumbass, are you just gonna waste this chance? Just go already!"
Miyuki yelped a little as he quickly regained balance. The kick was pretty painful, but it sure got his thoughts straight. With a smirk for a smile, he walked out of the dugout and made his way across the field. The retired 3rd Years cheered him on with every step of the way. The underclassmen were waiting for him, but it was Okumura who greeted him first.
The first year catcher looked the same as the first time Miyuki had seen him, and with the same blank gaze on his face, void of emotions. "Sawamura-senpai has been waiting for you," he said, lowering his eyes to the catcher helmet in his hands. "I may be his catcher now, but no one can ever replace you."
Miyuki's brows jerked up in surprise. Those words were totally unexpected coming from the usually distant and taciturn Okumura. And when Okumura looked at him again, his green eyes started to display a bit of emotion. "You know, I'm expecting great results from you in the future," he told Okumura honestly. "Please take care of him."
"I will," Okumura responded with a ghost of a smile and helped him into his gear.
To be perfectly honest, he was nervous, but he did well in hiding it. Here he was, about to catch Sawamura's pitches once again in a game. He wasn't as confident as he used to be, but he wasn't going to let his opportunity slip through his fingers. He was positively brimming with excitement, but he did not let it show. There was only a smirk behind the mask as he walked up to home plate, armed with his big yellow mitt.
The warm-up throws were caught without any problems, though Miyuki had to be extra focused due to his unfortunate condition. His heart was still in a light frenzy, but he felt like he could manage himself. As the game resumed, he crouched down behind the plate and held out his mitt.
"Bottom of the ninth inning," the manager announced, "Batting first and shortstop, Kuramochi-kun."
Walking up to the plate, Kuramochi let out his signature laugh. "Hope you didn't go rusty on us, Miyuki," he said with a grin, swinging his bat back and forth for good measure, as Miyuki chuckled. He shifted his gaze, turning to Sawamura, as he pointed his bat toward the mound. "Get aggressive, Sawamura!"
"Just wait and see, Cheetah-sama!" Sawamura shouted back, returning a grin, as he watched Miyuki give him signs.
Luck was not on Miyuki's side. Or maybe he was just meant to agonize about this forever.
It was the bottom of the ninth inning. The score was 3-2 in favor of the retired members. Miyuki had failed to stop Kuramochi from getting to first base, failed to stop him from stealing a base, and now he had failed to stop the shortstop from coming home due to a passed strike three and a throwing error to first. He couldn't catch Sawamura's breaking ball properly, couldn't anticipated the way it broke away, and his throwing had been quite sloppy.
What the hell was he doing making such errors like that? He was entrusted to carry the team and yet he couldn't produce any results. Perhaps he wasn't cut out for baseball anymore? He seriously didn't want to struggle against negative thoughts during a game, but reality was cruel.
"Time out!" Sawamura hollered, bringing Miyuki back to his senses. "Miyuki-senpai, don't just stand there! Hurry up!"
Miyuki took a moment to collect his thoughts, tried to calm down, and jogged up to the mound—and then slight panic set in again. "Sorry about that, Sawamura, I—"
"What are you apologizing for?" Sawamura gave him a good slap on the shoulder. "We're just getting started." He still looked so bright, so full of vigor, as if the pressure meant nothing to him.
The bitter feelings that filled his heart made him ill at ease and uncomfortable. Miyuki frowned, feeling ashamed and distressed. "I'm no good like this," he muttered behind his mitt. He no longer had confidence in himself. "I shouldn't have played in the first place."
Sawamura raised a brow. "That doesn't sound like the Miyuki Kazuya I know."
"Hey, now, I'm being serious here."
"I'm being serious too." Sawamura let out a sigh. "Remember… There's always a way to make a bad situation into a positive. I didn't give you that ball for nothing."
Miyuki stared at him, his own expression frozen, as he recalled the neon ball he'd been playing with for the past month. The loss of the eye made it hard for him to catch. So after he had received the ball from Sawamura, he'd go outside and start throwing it up in the air. He'd attempt to catch it as a way of figuring out his depth perception. Sawamura didn't care if he was blind in one eye, he just worried that Miyuki wasn't going to be able to play baseball anymore. Sawamura knew how much the sport meant to him.
"We practiced, didn't we? So stop over-thinking things," Sawamura said, slinging an arm around his shoulder, "and just trust my pitches."
Miyuki relaxed and breathed deeply. He was usually the calm and composed one, but now the roles have changed. Sawamura's words had the desired effect, his childlike enthusiasm and expectant smile calmed him. It felt refreshing somehow, and Miyuki couldn't help smile tenderly at the pitcher.
"Seems like you're ready to play again…" Sawamura withdrew his arm and drove a fist into his glove. "Let's get cracking…" he said, tapping his mitt against Miyuki's chest. "...Partner."
Miyuki held back the tears that threatened to surface and put up a confident front for Sawamura's sake. His partner had that much trust in him, so he better not disappoint him. As he walked back to home plate, his thoughts once again wandered to the day he first met Sawamura. He could still feel the tug at his heart and the feeling he had felt when he caught his pitches. His eyes had chased him ever since. He couldn't look away. He'd like to see more of him. His angry face, his troubled face, his bright, smiling face—he wanted to see more and more of them.
Crouching down, Miyuki punched the sweet spot of his glove and felt a new wave of exhilaration course through his body. The confidence once lost was slowly being recovered from the depths of his broken soul. Sawamura stood there on the mound, looking proud and strong, gazing at him with those eyes full of conviction for him. This was the pitcher that had chased him to Seido, the very same pitcher who had been obnoxious and persistent, and the pitcher he had fallen in love with.
A smirk curved the corner of his lips and finally he gave the sign.
Sawamura acknowledged him with a nod and went into his windup, changing his grip on the ball as he did so and lifting his right leg into the air. He pulled the ball out of his glove as he strode forward and then sent the pitch toward the plate.
Everything about you draws me in.
The fastball popped into his mitt with a sound like a gunshot, yet it felt like it was a fastball straight to his heart. Miyuki felt goosebumps all over. The batter wasn't able to do anything. It was a strike.
Fiddling with the ball in his right hand, Miyuki stared at it and wondered if it was just his imagination. The ball felt like it flew right into his mitt way too smoothly. Heck, he didn't even move his glove when he caught the pitch earlier. He looked at the pitcher again and found him grinning like a proud little boy who just won his first competition.
Seriously…I just can't take my eyes off you.
The next two pitches managed to jam the batter, which made them go foul. Now that the batter was cornered, Miyuki knew it was time to retire him. With the series of mishaps, he should still have doubts about catching the ball. But he knew he could trust Sawamura. He could see it in Sawamura's eyes, like he was looking into his very soul. He gave out the sign and put out his mitt.
Your honest and sincere eyes…
To be entitled to see the pitcher he loved so much go into a windup had always been a treat. The pitching motion was so graceful, wonderfully picturesque and beautiful. Sawamura's slender leg went up over his head and when the ball came down, the pitch smacked into the catcher's glove right in the middle of the plate.
"Sawamura," he began casually, the corner of his lips turned up into his signature grin, "Nice Ball!" In that instant, he was finally graced with the best sight unimaginable. It was amazing how much he loved that moment—the moment in which their gazes exceeded the distance between them. An intense emotion poured out from those golden eyes, powerful yet calming, and he simply marveled at the sight of the smile that could rival the sun.
Miyuki never thought it was possible that two people could be so right for each other, so perfectly intertwined, but when he met him he knew that he wanted him forever. He was in too deep and he had no plans of losing sight of him ever again.
I'll never look away.
JC: And that's all for this fic. It was tiring yet fulfilling to write this. I can relate to Glaucoma patients to a certain level, because I'm a Glaucoma suspect myself. I've heard stories from other patients and how they struggled with their condition, which later on inspired me to write this, though I've tortured myself by giving my favorite battery a hard time. Thanks for sticking with me till the end. I hope you enjoyed this fic.