I hear it again, as I lie here in bed, the sound I would love to hear by anyone, but not him. I've noticed the tiniest changes in him, things no one else would notice, that let me know when he cries. The way his breathing becomes the tiniest bit deeper, the way he can't seem to stop shaking, the way he has to cry or it won't end. I can hear as his tears slide down his face and hit the pillow. I wish I could help, but I don't know what he will do if I let him see I'm awake. Will he pretend nothing is wrong? Will he refuse to acknowledge my presents? Or will he seek comfort from me, like I wish he would? I hate that noise, I've come to realize. I do not know what to do when I hear it anymore, but I can't help but want to do something to help him.
I take my chances and slowly turn around, his back is to me. I slide my arms around him and hold him tight. He knows I'm awake, and tries for a moment to pretend everything is fine, but then cries again and turns toward me. Burying him face in my shoulder he cries silently. I don't know why he cries, but I know I will hold him until morning comes.
Magnus wakes, still in my arms, at noon. He lifts up his head to see me staring at him, "Am I that hideous, you have to stare at me?" he asks, but I don't laugh.
"May I ask?" It is better to ask if you can ask about some things.
"It was a dream, darling, nothing to worry about."
"Then why do you not tell me about it?"
"It was about my father. May we find a different subject now?"
I except this, his father was a cruel man, if you can even call him one, and even I hate him for hurting Magnus, "Okay, how was your night, aside from the dream?"
"Wonderful, the most beautiful girl in the world by my side, how could it not be?"
"There was another girl here?" I play along.
"Oh, yes. You didn't see her? She's a couple inches shorter than me," he starts playing with my hair. "long wavy brown hair, the most beautiful chocolate brown eyes, this breathtaking smile. In fact, I think she's still here."
He pulls me closer, his arms wrapped around me. I look into his eyes and imagine what it would be like to wake up to them every day forever. I lean into him, our foreheads touching slightly. I watch his eyes move from my eyes to my lips, I know what he wants, and I can't deny I want the same thing. I had thought about it before, but now I could never say no. I close my eyes and lean towards him even more.
His lips are soft and smooth as they press against mine, caressing my mouth. He licks my bottom lip, asking permission, and I happily oblige. He tastes like glitter-if that's even possible- I feel his hands move around me, one holding the back of my neck, the other roaming my body curiously while keeping me ever so close.
I move my own hands, but don't focus on them too much, I'm too preoccupied. He breaks away first, in need of air, but doesn't let me go. He stares into my eyes, looking for something but I don't know what.
"Magnus? You're staring at me." I say softly.
"I am."
"Why?"
"Because you are beautiful, and caring, and kind, and I love you." He says with a smile.
"You don't mean that, Maggie. I know you don't."
Magnus sighs before answering, "You once yelled at me about comparing you to Alec, and now you're the one doing the comparing. Maybe, I don't love you the same way as him, but I know I do love you. I can feel it every day, it grows stronger and stronger, and you may not see it, but I do."
Smiling I answer, "I love you too."