Disclaimer: I do not own the Star trek the characters nor to I profit in from this writing.

Warning. Total angst-fest. Do not read this if it has been a bad day! I have warned you.

Au: This is not canon. If non-canon stories upset you, best go elsewhere.

Thanks: My two betas are Atana71 and The Night Was Moist and who are generous with their time and comments.( They are both having therapy to recover from beta-ing this story.) Thank–you so much.

The Signal.

Captains personal log.

""Captain's Personal Log, Stardate 2263.54.

These past months have been some of the most difficult of my command. The entire crew is still struggling with the loss of the shuttle, nine weeks ago."

Jim saw again in his mind's eye those few awful seconds as Uhura collapsed silently over her console and the rest of the command crew sat frozen in disbelief. By the time Kirk was capable of movement there was an urgent incoming communication from Ambassador Sarek seeking information. He did not ask if Spock was dead; he already knew.

Kirk snapped out of his revere and continued to dictate his person log. "I have previously detailed the loss of the shuttle including its unexpected disintegration and the death of all 5 crew including my first officer and close friend. The reasons for the destruction of the shuttle have been detailed in the report I have forwarded to Starfleet in the hope that similar tragedies can be avoided."

Kirk sighed. Knowing how and why the crew had died had not helped him. There had been no reason, no glory or honour in this death, just tragedy. The captain desperately needed to fight an enemy and to take vengeance to do something. But there was no one to fight and no vengeance was possible.

They had not even had the poor comfort of a proper funeral. No bodies were recovered. An obscure set of spatial co-ordinates were their burial ground. There was no grave to visit and nowhere to lay flowers.

"I believe Spock would be amazed to see the effect his death has had on the crew. Because it is clear that, although the other four crew were good star fleet personal and are missed, it is the loss of Spock himself that is causing the most grief."

"Everywhere I look I see it. Sulu has packed away all the 3 D chess sets in the rec room. They stood unused for over a month and the crew were avoiding the area. Sulu himself had been coached by Spock and had developed into an excellent player. When I asked him why he had stopped playing he replied that he didn't have the heart for it anymore."

Kirk rubbed his hands across his face before continuing.

"The Enterprise has been experiencing an unusual number of engine and warp core problems. When I asked Scotty about them, he replied that the Enterprise 'missed Spock'. Logic must lead us to reject this reason as fanciful and an instance of projection. Nonetheless, Spock was instrumental in the building and development of the Enterprise. He helped develop its superstructure, he designed many of its systems, and he wrote the code for some of its essential processes so, in a way, the Enterprise thinks like Spock. Is it so fanciful that the ship may somehow sense his loss and miss him?"

The young captain shook his head. "Computer, delete that last thought." He rubbed his eyes. "You are really losing it," he said to himself. He knew he was not the only one. Bones always took the death of any crew member as a personal insult. But the loss of Spock, the doctor's favourite nemesis and sparring partner had meant the doctor's fuse had gone from short to nonexistent. Bones was working excessive hours and was demanding too much of himself. He was also drinking too hard, and Kirk dreaded having to be the one to tell him so.

Then, of course, there was Uhura. She moved around the Enterprise like a ghost, an efficient ghost that more than adequately performed her duties, but a ghost nonetheless. From the time she had regained consciousness on the bridge those nine weeks ago, she had not shown any sign of real emotion. She only spoke in the course of her duties and her expression and demeanour was almost Vulcan.

Kirk knew Bones was worried about her, and so was he. Kirk also noticed how crewmembers avoided her eyes and moved away slightly as she walked down the corridors. It was as if she was surrounded by some force field that gently but firmly repelled people.

The only time he had seen her show any sign of life was when the Starfleet science department sent a request, a demand really, for all Spock's personal notes and journals in addition to his official research data and computer records. Kirk knew these vultures. They would pick over Spock's ideas, insights. How many mediocre scientists would build a name for themselves using Spock's brilliance, relegating him to a footnote, while they claimed the kudos?

Kirk considered "accidently" losing the journals, but knew that Spock would not have approved. In the end he discussed the issue with Uhura. He had seen anger spark in her deadened eyes when he informed her of the request. At her insistence, he had appealed to Admiral Pike for assistance.

As Starfleet Science had learned to their cost, you did not want Pike as an enemy. Pike was incensed when he learned what was happening. He was a man of action and was very pleased to have a battle he could fight on his long time protégée's behalf. Heaven knows how he managed it, but in the end, it was agreed that all requests for access to Spock's personal papers would be vetted and approved by Chekov, who was intensely grateful to be able to do something for his mentor and friend.

Kirk slumped in his chair. He felt doubly cheated. The mind meld with the elder Spock on Delta Vega had shown him the long friendship the other Spock and Kirk had enjoyed. The very existence of the elder Spock seemed a testament to the younger Spock's long term survival. Kirk had trusted in this absolutely. He realised now that the experience had, in a way, made him feel invincible and that he had extended that invincibility to Spock. Now that illusion was shattered.

On top of that he and Spock had truly become friends. They always say command is lonely and Spock had buffered Jim from this loneliness in a way he was only now coming to understand and he felt his loss more deeply than he had ever imagined possible.

As Kirk sat sunk in memories the com sounded. There was an incoming message from Ambassador Sarek.

After the usual formal exchange of greetings Kirk enquired, "How can I assist you Ambassador?"

"Captain, I have contacted you because I am concerned about Lt. Uhura." Sarek stated.

"I can arrange for you to speak directly to the Lieutenant," Kirk replied

"Captain, the Lieutenant does not wish to speak with me. I have attempted to contact her and have been rebuffed, courteously, but firmly."

Kirk was at a loss as to what to say, so he remained silent and simply nodded.

Sarek continued, "You may not be aware that I was opposed to my son bonding with the Lieutenant, and she does not think well of me. Be that as it may, I am contacting you out of genuine concern for her and also because my son would have wished it." Kirk saw that Sarek's composure slipped a little at that point.

The Ambassador paused and breathed deeply. "There are issues Captain of which you may not be aware," said Sarek, "I assume that you are aware that Vulcans are touches telepaths and that bond-mates share a deep telepathic bond. "

"Yes, I am aware of that," Kirk replied.

"When a telepathic bond is served by death the surviving party experiences 'the great silence'." For an instant, the ambassador's face appeared thoughtful. "This is a poor attempt at translation; other attempts include 'the profound void' and 'the eternal absence'. Unfortunately there is nothing in your language that can adequately express the experience of the severed bond. To use human idiom …'the silence is deafening'." Sarek paused. He looked pensive.

"I can't pretend to understand something so far out of my realm of experience, but it sounds devastating," Kirk replied.

The Ambassador nodded "The bond between mates can be profound. I believe the bond Spock had with Lieutenant Uhura was such. The Vulcan phrase used when referring to a deeply cherished bond mate is 'k'hat'n'dlawa' which means 'half of my heart, half of my soul'. Captain, we are not a people who use such evocative language lightly. This is what Lieutenant Uhura will feel…that she has lost half her soul."

Kirk was unable to imagine what this would feel like. He asked, "How can we assist her to deal with this, sir?"

"Vulcan's train all their lives to develop mental disciplines. Even so many among us struggle with the 'great silence'. We draw great support from our other familial bonds. Also we tend to re-bond with quickly. The lieutenant lacks the Vulcan training, mental disciplines and familial bonds to support her. She is also unlikely to bond with another Vulcan. And she in among people who can not understand what she confronts, no matter how good their intension. Please believe my sincerity when I say my son's bond mate is profoundly alone and … she may be in jeopardy. "

"You are telling me that the Lieutenant is a suicide risk?" Kirk asked.

"Captain, I do not know the Lieutenant well enough to provide an answer. I only seek to ensure that you have a fuller understanding of her situation," replied Sarek.

Captain Kirk nodded, "Thank you for you concern Ambassador." Sarek inclined his head.

"And Ambassador" said Kirk, "I grieve with thee."

"And I with thee," replied Sarek.

Kirk stared at the blank screen for a long time before going to visit Bones.

Captain Kirk's detractors would have been surprised by how seriously he took his role. Under the bluster and swagger, there was a keen mind. He was captain of the Enterprise and nothing on the ship escaped his notice.

It was not surprising that when the Captain was alerted to some unusual transmissions being sent from the Enterprise he investigated. The signals were almost undetectable and could have been written off as unimportant. They were sent late at night, when most of the personnel were asleep and only an automated watch was kept. His first thought was that it might be espionage. However, further discrete investigation revealed that the messages were sent by Lieutenant Uhura and Kirk would stake his life on the fact that Uhura was a loyal to Star Fleet.

Kirk arranged for the signals to be transmitted to Commander Antony Garth, a good friend from his Academy days who was a researcher and expert in the field of deep space communication currently stationed at Star Fleet research centre attached to the Academy. Tony was discrete, and had access to the equipment needed. As captain of the Enterprise Kirk had to know what was being transmitted from his ship, but he was reluctant to ask Uhura. The truth was he did not want to do or say anything that would add to her pain. He was just not ready to ask her directly, especially since, considering the sender and the destination, he had a theory about the signals.

A week later, he had his answer.

"Jim," Tony said on the view screen, as he shifted nervously in his seat and ran a hand through his hair. "Sorry this took so long but this was complex and I really don't know how to tell you what we found."

"Just tell me straight, Tony, ok? No geek talk."

"Ok. Well firstly there were the signals themselves. They are very unusual; we have never seen anything like them before." Kirk noticed that Tony's voice had the familiar excited geek tone as he continued. "I remembered reading a journal article about the theory behind this. It was beautiful science Jim, a brilliantly conceived, elegant theory. It was written by a crew member of yours Jim, a Commander Spock. I remember him from the Academy. I was shocked to hear he had been killed. He was a hell of a loss." Tony sighed and the continued.

Kirk nodded mutely. It was strange, but he realised that he had not thought about what a loss Spock was to both Star Fleet and the scientific community. He had been too immersed in his personal grief.

"I'll give it to you in plain language, but believe me this is anything but plain. The core signal is densely packed audio code, tightly wrapped in a coating of charged signal that protects the inner core. This means the signal is almost undetectable, especially if the airwaves are busy, so you did well to even find it. Also this baby can pass through influences that would distort or degrade a normal signal. You with me?"

Kirk nodded.

"The message is sent at high speed until it reaches its target destination, that is a matter of precision timing, and the outer layer collapses releasing the message, clear as a bell to whoever is there to receive it. Jim, it could change…."

Tony looked up and saw Kirk's expression, "Ok, geek stuff later. The core signal itself had us stumped. Then one of the team spotted that what I had thought was a code was in fact Ancient Vulcan. So we thought a code in Ancient Vulcan made sense. I mean, even before the genocide it was almost a dead language and now hardly anyone understands it. That was part of what delayed us. We had to dig up someone to translate. Evidently ancient Vulcan is quiet different from the post-Surakian language. It's highly descriptive and emotional and is often chanted or sung when recited. Well, I found a student who is doing Vulcan as one of her languages. After translating half of it the she refused to do any more. She left in tears."

"What was the message?" Asked Kirk growing impatient.

Tony's face became almost sad and serious, "Just read it yourself, OK? I'll send you what we've got. Jim, I need to discuss this signal with whoever constructed it. I mean that. It is important, and you owe me, remember? And one day you'll have to tell me what this was all about. Later." Tony smiled weakly and disconnected.

Kirk loaded to message on to his padd and read the translation. Kirk now knew Uhura's response to the great silence. She had meticulous constructed the signals and fired them through space to the point were Spock died where they opened like blossoming flowers of pain releasing her anguished desperate song of love and crushing loss.

James T Kirk stared at the transcript in front of him. As he read it, he caught a fleeting glimpse of the incomprehensible…what it is to lose half your soul. His eyes blurring, he dropped his head into his hands.

In the darkened ship, the captain wept. Once again, Uhura walked in silence along the corridors of the ship toward the communications lab. Ensign Chekov meticulously reviewed requests to access Spock's journals. Dr McCoy drank another glass of bourbon. Scotty patted the warp core housing as if comforting a distressed animal. Sulu carefully packed away his personal 3D chess set.

And like a great whale swimming Earth's oceans, the Enterprise floated through the vast cold expanse of space and singing its pain and grief into the great silence.

The End.

Au: My humble apologies for the gastly techno-babble.

AU: I would love to hear you comments….