My Heart Loves You
It was always Min Seo Hyun. For fifteen years only that person has lived in my heart. I never once looked elsewhere, not even when she was far away. I wait for her every time she leaves because I know that she will come back. I know that she won't leave me alone.
I realised that I fell in love with her years ago. It was an instantaneous moment that everything slotted into place. I knew at that moment who my heart truly belongs to. A great feeling overcame me as she held my life in her hands. Everything I do, and everything I've done is all to become worthy of that person.
I was never the kind to believe in silly things like re-incarnation, but she changed that. I know my love is too great to have existed in only one lifetime. I know that when I fell in love with her it felt like I had been looking for her my entire existence, and I only just realised.
I felt so guilty that I hadn't realised sooner. I should have known from the very first moment that I saw her. I failed her by not knowing that first instant, and my life now exists to atone for that mistake. I live so that one day I might be worthy of knowing her existence. I will never be worthy of that, but I have to try.
I cannot allow myself to see any other person. My eyes are reserved only for her. My ears are only for the sound of her voice. My mind is only for thoughts and memories of her. Every part of me, and more, exists for only that one person.
I love her. I will always love her. My heart only belongs to her. That is the only way, and it is my fate.
It was a stupid moment of weakness. I turned and there that person was. Not the one who I love, but another girl. I had first thought that they were different, I was wrong. They were very similar. They both have a presence that can't be denied. They both touched my heart.
We spoke a few times, and I fell in love slowly. I fell in love with someone else. I loved someone who isn't the one I promised myself to. All of my efforts to mould myself into someone she would love were all in vain. I failed her, my own reason for existence, and I no longer meant anything.
It was alright when I was speaking to that other person. I wasn't aware of the guilt when I spoke to that other person. It was when the words stopped passing between us that the guilt overcame my heart. It was in the small silences where we took our life sustaining breaths that tore my heart and soul into pieces.
I had no other option than to force her away. My heart belongs only to one person, and a newcomer cannot change that. However, even if I end my association with her I still cannot escape what happened. I gave some love to someone other than who I promised myself to, and I will always be tainted for that.
I can never love her. My heart can never stray to her again. This is the only way.