I do not own DBZ or any of it's characters.
Precinct Z: The Best
There is no better precinct in the world than the Z precinct of Satan City. Of course what no one knows is that every single police officer working out of the precinct has superhuman powers, in fact three of them are aliens from a different planet altogether!
One of the aliens is Piccolo, who is a green Namekian from the planet Namek. He is in the investigation and undercover team and he's currently sitting on his desk, munching on donuts and reading a file from the case he has to work on with his partner 17. Now, 17 is half android and half human. The Z precinct found him and his twin sister tied to metal beds after they busted Dr. Gero for several crimes they couldn't prove he did. Piccolo himself was the one who got the warrant to search Dr. Gero's lab. They found enough evidence to lock Dr. Gero away for life.
Piccolo and Krillin, who was the shortest officer in the precinct, were the ones who found and liberated the androids. 17 was very grateful to Piccolo and decided to become his partner. 18 showed indifference to everybody but decided to join the force as well. She only talked to Krillin, her savior, at first, and of course her brother 17. However, soon the fierce android grew accustomed to her fellow officers and became more sociable.
The first person she broke that threshold with, was with Yamcha. Yamcha, of course, was a big chicken shit, but he soon saw that 18 had no intentions of hurting him. Yamcha, despite his fear, was not a coward. He was a good officer who was never afraid to make a bust. In fact, his biggest bust was made with Tien, which was a drug bust. Tien, who had been working the highway patrol, saw Yamcha working undercover and following the gang, and decided to stay nearby just in case Yamcha needed backup. Once Yamcha got the evidence he needed he raised his Ki and the guns came out. Tien and Yamcha effortlessly kicked away bullets, guns, baseball bats, feet, and fists, and soon the entire gang was in police custody.
However, despite the good work of the officers of precinct Z, the officers who made them the best precinct in the world are the other two aliens. They are from a warrior race called Saiyans. They are two of the four survivors of their entire race. Goku is the strongest of the four saiyans and he's partnered up with the second strongest and the prince of them all, Vegeta. Of course Vegeta hated being second best and constantly challenged Goku. They would either spar, or race to see who can make more arrests, and every single time, Goku won.
The only hard part about precinct Z working in the most populated city in the world, was the fact that they had to hide their amazing powers. They couldn't allow anybody to see them flying and shooting Ki blasts. Luckily the Z precinct has managed to keep the city safe by simply using their superior strength and when alone their forbidden powers. Up until now at least…
...
"Oh fuck you Kakkarot!" Vegeta yelled in frustrations. Captain Roshi had just announced the arrest numbers for the week and as usual Goku had won again. Goku flashed an excited smile and Vegeta was fuming. Of course the rest of the precinct was laughing quite hysterically.
"Would you guys come off it already?" Piccolo said in annoyance.
"Yeah right, like those two would ever stop competing," Tien said.
"Yeah, I just pray to Kami that they don't fall in the love with the same woman," 17 commented.
"That would be disastrous," Yamcha added.
"Me? Fall in love!" Vegeta said overhearing their snide remarks, "Ha!"
"If we're being realistic here," Krillin said, "Goku will always love food above any woman, and Vegeta, well…you know Vegeta."
"Yeah I suppose you're right cue ball," 17 said. The group snickered at the nickname, normally when 17 called Krillin that, 18 would smack him upside the head. Today however, she left early from her graveyard shift because of her monthly womanly issues. As if she didn't PMS enough.
"Ooo I'm gonna tell 18," Yamcha teased.
"Yeah, she'll come rescue you Krillin," Tien remarked laughing.
"Heh," Piccolo huffed, "I don't understand why you don't fuck that woman and get rid of all this stupid sexual tension."
"Hey!" 17 said outraged, "that's my twin sister you're talking about here."
"Yeah Piccolo," Krillin agreed, "besides I have a girlfriend, I don't think Maron would appreciate that comment."
"Oh please," Tien said, "Maron is a 5 and Android 18 is a 10!"
"Yeah besides, you know she wants you," Yamcha said, "everybody knows."
17 growled and clenched his fists then said, "hey stop talking about my sister as if she were a piece of meat!"
"Alright, alright," Yamcha said putting up his arms defensively.
Vegeta smirked and said, "who would want to fuck that tin can anyway?"
The guys broke out in laughter and 17's face turned beat red. "Vegeta you fucking prick!"
"Come on guys," Goku said in his normal jovial tone, "that's not very nice. 18 is a great gal!"
The guys snickered mischievously and 17 gave Goku an appreciative nod. 17 smirked as an idea struck him, and he aimed his hand at a metal bar supporting a wall. He shot a Ki blast that ricocheted off the bar and hit every single man in the room except himself and Goku. Goku broke out in laughter and Vegeta growled and took a fighting stance recovering the quickest. The others groaned in pain and Piccolo gave a low growl.
"That's what you get for talking about my sister," 17 said.
Vegeta looked ready to pounce and the room went quiet as they waited for his reaction. Even Piccolo seemed interested. Goku just sat there with his goofy grin, but everybody knew that if Vegeta pounced, Goku would jump in and stop him. Vegeta and 17 had a small stare down and then every single person, including Piccolo and Vegeta, broke out into a hysterical laughter.
"Man I gotta admit," Yamcha said in between bouts of laughter, "you got us good."
"What I don't understand is why you hit me," Krillin said clutching his stomach which was hurting because of all the laughing.
"I just like messing with you cue ball," 17 said, "besides my sister does actually have a thing for you."
"Really?" Krillin said seriously.
The guys broke out laughing again and Yamcha said, "what is she, blind?"
"Asshole," Krillin muttered.
"Alright guys settle down," Captain Roshi said coming back from his donut break. The guys wiped their eyes from laughter tears and sat down. "I always miss the good jokes."
"Hell no," 17 said, "you guys better not mention this to that pervert."
The guys laughed and Roshi smiled knowingly. Roshi knew what he was and he wasn't ashamed of it. The guys knew better than to bring their girlfriends around, well except Krillin who lives in the same complex. Maron doesn't seem to notice the advancements though. "Alright guys," Roshi started getting serious, "18 called in sick so Goku I want you to take the graveyard shift tonight."
"Did she seem angry?" 17 asked nervously.
"Yes, very much so," Roshi answered.
"Oh shit, I'm so dead," 17 whined.
The guys chuckled and Roshi continued, "anyways we have a new secretary in our office. I know how much Tien hates being put on secretary duty, so I met up with Ox, the mayor, and he gave us the budget to hire a permanent secretary."
"Oh thanks so much Captain," Tien said gratefully.
"Yes, let me introduce her," Roshi said, "come on in sweetie."
A dark haired, beautiful girl walked into the room nervously. She had a headband holding her hair back and a timid expression on her face. Roshi gave her a nod and the girl waved and said, "H-h-hi my name in Launch."
"Tien I want you to show her how to use all those complicated phones" Roshi said, "now Vegeta I have an assignment for you. You'll be working with Yamcha on this because Goku has the grave yard shift for the week."
"I have to work with the weakling?" Vegeta whined scowling.
"Sorry but Yamcha is the only one with experience in undercover work," Roshi said, "besides you'll also be working with Radditz."
"Ha, good luck working with my brother," Goku said, "he's quite a handful."
"Ah I know," Vegeta said, "I'll put him in his place."
Yamcha sighed and said, "looks like I'm the bitch of this mission. Captain how come we have to work with Radditz isn't one saiyan enough?"
Launch gave him a confused look and Yamcha bit his tongue. He had forgotten that she was there. Roshi cleared his throat nervously as if trying to get her mind off of it. "Um Radditz is on this mission because you guys have to go undercover in North Star City, Mr. Popo, the mayor of that town, said that he wouldn't let any other police force go undercover in his town unless one of his own went with us. Radditz is the star of precinct A, so Mr. Popo refused to send anyone else."
Vegeta 'hmphed' and said, "if the problem is in North Star then why are we getting involved, let them deal with their own damn problems!"
"No these guys are rumored to be the brains of the gang Yamcha and Tien took down a few weeks ago," Roshi said, "this gang is our case so we have to finish it completely."
Yamcha sighed sadly and said, "when do we leave?"
"Tonight," Roshi answered, "Next order of business, we have kidnapping case and I want 17 and Piccolo to read over the files and start an investigation. Now this girl is extremely high profile and I'm not allowed to say who she is, but it is imperative that we find her…alive. That's all for today guys."
Tien and Krillin let out an audible sigh, if Roshi didn't address them then they would spend the day eating donuts on patrol. Well after Tien trained the secretary at least. They all migrated out of the room and into their respective offices. 17 and Piccolo immediately began reading the files, being the hard workers that they are. Krillin went out to his patrol car and went to radar Maron's neighborhood, that way he could work and be with his girlfriend.
Goku went home to eat and sleep, in order to be ready for the night shift, and Vegeta and Yamcha went to lunch together and awaited the call from Radditz.
...
"Alright girlie," Tien said gently, "now this is very easy to understand and I'll probably teach you once and you'll never have a problem again."
"Thanks Lieutenant Tien," Launch said taking out a notepad like a nerdy little school girl.
"You're, uh, gonna write it down?" Tien said, "it's not hard at all."
"No silly, I'll get that quickly," Launch said sweetly, "what I want to know is what is a saiyan?"
Tien started sweating bullets almost instantly. What can he say? He can't tell her the truth…can he? He started sputtering and finally said, "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't lie to me Lieutenant," Launch said, "I heard Sergeant Yamcha mention it, and then everybody in the room paled."
"You're too smart for your own good," Tien said.
"I knew it was something important, now tell me," Launch insisted.
"Sorry Miss Launch, that information is classified," Tien said.
Launch gave an exasperated sigh then wrinkled her nose. Tien looked at her curiously as she wrinkled her nose even more and opened her mouth in an 'ah' shape. Tien jumped when Launch sneezed loudly and almost flew off her chair. "Bless you," Tien said looking down on his shirt to make sure it didn't have any snot. When he looked up the sweet dark-haired Launch wasn't there anymore, now the was a fiery blonde glaring daggers at him. "What the…"
"Tell me!" she said dangerously, "what is a saiyan?"
"Uh Miss Launch…"
"Tell me now!" she yelled.
"I told you it's confidential," Tien said keeping his normal calm self.
Launch yelled in frustration and attacked Tien head on. She grabbed Tien's head and started trying to bash it against the wall. Tien grabbed her arms gently but firm enough so she wouldn't move and Launch promptly kicked his shins. Tien grunted in pain and stumbled back slightly, knocking down the chalkboard on the wall behind him that had all the messages and reminders for the day. Chalk dust filled the air and Launch sneezed again pushing herself away from Tien who took a small defensive stance.
"Ok Lieutenant," she said cheerfully catching Tien completely off guard, "teach me how to use these things."
...
The phone rang and Vegeta picked up angrily, "what the hell took you so long Radditz?"
"Sorry, I was in the middle of a threesome," Radditz said chuckling.
"Threesome? That's so vulgar," Vegeta chastised.
That seemed to catch Yamcha's attention and he said, "Threesome? Oh lucky bastard! What was it two girls?"
Vegeta sighed and said, "I refuse to ask him that, weakling."
Radditz, though, had heard Yamcha's question and said, "a girl and a guy."
"A girl and a guy? Really?" Yamcha said.
"He doesn't know does he?" Radditz asked Vegeta.
Vegeta growled and said, "Hey idiot, in case you didn't know Radditz is bisexual."
Yamcha blinked in surprise and he heard Radditz chuckling on the line and saying, "hey Yamcha don't act so surprised, everybody's doing it now-a-days."
"What sleeping with people of the same sex?" Yamcha asked sarcastically.
"And speak for yourself asshole," Vegeta said, "I'm not gay."
"Ha, I know Vegeta you're too much of a pompous asshole to actually be into men," Radditz said, "we're really sensitive ya know."
"Prick," Vegeta muttered.
"Hey Vegeta, tell Yamcha to watch it while we're on this mission, I've had my eye on him," Radditz teased.
Yamcha 'eep'ed and Vegeta broke out in laughter. "How are you Kakkarot's brother?"
"You're lucky Kakkarot's not like me Vegeta," Radditz teased, "if he was you would be his bitch."
"Shut the fuck up!" Vegeta howled.
This had Radditz and the bit shaken Yamcha rolling on the floor in laughter. "Alright, all joking aside," Radditz said calming down from the laughter, "so tonight, we're meeting at a friend's house before we start our undercover work."
"What exactly are we investigating?" Yamcha said.
"We'll talk about that when you get here," Radditz said, "the address is 8749 Capsule Ave, North Star. Be there at 7pm and don't be late."
"See you there," Vegeta said.
"Yeah," Yamcha agreed.
"Can't wait to see you Yamcha," Radditz teased seductively. Yamcha shuddered and Vegeta hung up laughing.
...
"Baby!" Maron said excitedly sitting on the hood of Krillin's patrol car.
"Maron," Krillin said getting out the car, "I'm supposed to be patrolling, if people know I'm here they'll slow down. It'll destroy the whole essence of a speed trap."
"Oh I hate those," Maron commented, "I would have gotten twenty tickets last week if I didn't have such a good body, now I only got five."
"Five tickets! How fast do you drive?" Krillin asked bewildered.
"60 on the streets, and 90 on the highways," Maron said carelessly.
"Maron, we don't give out tickets to be assholes, we do it for your safety and the safety of other people, you have slow down," Krillin said, "no more tickets."
"Oh well that's easy, the five tickets I got are from the same officer, I simply just have to avoid driving at night," Maron said.
Krillin sighed, very aware of Maron's flirtatious ways to get out of a ticket. "So what the guy who gave you the five tickets is gay?"
"Guy? Oh no, no guy could resist me Krilly," Maron said, "it was a woman who gave me these fines, I would have gotten out of it if she was a lesbo, but no."
Krillin couldn't help but chuckle and shake his head in disapproval. "What am I gonna do with you girl?"
"The question is what can you do for me in order to get laid," Maron said seductively.
"I like that question better," Krillin said with a smile.
"What you can do is get me out of these tickets," Maron said batting her eyelashes.
Krillin sighed, having done this several times before. "Alright give me the officer's name and I'll give you her schedule, you simply reschedule the court dates to a time where she's busy. That way she won't show and you'll be home free."
"She doesn't have a name," Maron said.
"What do you mean she doesn't have a name?" Krillin said.
"Yeah under issuer she wrote the number 18," Maron said.
Krillin paled and almost threw up. "Oh jeez! Maron she's in my precinct!"
"That makes it easier than the other times!" Maron said.
"No, I know her very well, she will never miss a court date and she leaves her schedule open so no one can try to pull a fast one on her," Krillin said.
"Krillin you HAVE to do something," Maron whined, "If you don't I'll owe over 5 thousand dollars in fines!"
"FIVE THOUSAND!" Krillin shouted, "how can you possibly get fines that big?"
"Well speeding in a school zone, passing red lights, littering, not turning on my headlights, you know the normal stuff," Maron said.
Krillin's jaw dropped at the level of stupidity this woman had. He had been dating Maron for five years when they did that android bust, and when 18 joined the precinct Krillin became torn. He was engaged to Maron but at night he dreamed of 18. When he had sex with Maron he imagined it was 18 underneath him. When Maron talked and talked for hours, Krillin wouldn't listen anymore like he used to, he would just start daydreaming about 18. Krillin cursed his good heart. He didn't know if what he felt for 18 was lust or love and he definitely knew that she felt lust. His good heart couldn't let him cheat on Maron and if he broke up with her to be with 18 and it ended out being a one night thing, then he ruined the longest relationship he's ever had.
"I KNOW!" Maron screeched making Krillin flinch.
"What?" Krillin said almost in an annoyed tone.
"Talk to her! Bribe her to make her ditch the court date," Maron said.
"Oh no, she would kick my ass," Krillin said.
Maron got closer and batted her eyes. She gave him a small pout and said, "please?"
Krillin sighed, he could never say no to that girl.
...
"How is this possible?" 17 said in frustration.
Piccolo let out a breath of frustration and said calmly, "we just have to read them again."
"We've read them all day, it's almost midnight!" 17 said.
"It is not possible that the mayor's daughter was kidnapped from her room and there was not a single shred of evidence!" Piccolo said, the frustration starting to show in his voice, "I mean her room is in the center of the mansion! There's cameras everywhere and nothing registers! The room was left absolutely spot less, no sign of struggle, and the windows were barred shut, so they had to come out the way they came in, which is through those cameras!"
"Just how smart are these guys!" 17 said. The two looked at each other as another possibility came to mind. Then 17 said, "What if she wasn't in her room when she was kidnapped?"
"Or what if she wasn't kidnapped at all?"