Hello! This is the second fic I wrote for Hetalia, again with my favorite character as the main character, Romano! the first fanfic I published it in Spanish hehehe sorry, I like to write in both languages XD anyways I hope you like the story and leave a comment! thank you!
Tears…
"I promised to myself I won't cry. I won't shed a tear and I will not suffer about anything!"
That has been my promise, even when nonno left me behind I didn't cry. I didn't even cry when I saw my fratello again, knowing by that that nonno had gone away… forever.
I didn't cry when Austria separated me from my brother and gave to Spain like if I were nothing for him.
But then… in that place…
Something changed…
I felt different…
I felt this urge for crying, that I usually change for a headbutt that was directed to Spain.
And then …
One day…
While being alone… thinking…
Realizing that I was left alone by everybody… feeling lonely…
Then, something broke… …outside and inside.
I felt something warm rolling through my cheeks and my vision getting blurry. I was crying. I didn't know if I was crying for what I was thinking or because I was getting scared since Spain hadn't returned yet.
But I broke my promise, I was nervous, I felt different since I came here, Spain was different, Spain didn't reject me. Even though, I was useless and blow everything up, he always smile at me. But he hadn't returned yet, maybe he got tired, he didn't want to take care of me anymore. I was desperate, nervous, and anxious; I wanted to see him opening the damn door right now! But it didn't happen!
Fuck!
I cried more and I even wet myself. The tears were overflowing. Damn! Did I hold so many tears during all these years?
Suddenly, the damn door got opened; Spain was coming in and of course… Spain got surprised by the fucking mess that I had done. He got pissed off; I could see it in his eyes. My reaction… well… I went to him and punched him. Maybe I wanted to tell him not to leave me alone ever again, but instead when he asked me if something was wrong, I scream out loud that I wet myself because of him… and even if I didn't scream too… I was mad because I broke my promise…
The days went off… I didn't cry any other day.
But… I kept feeling different; I kept doing everything wrong…
He kept smiling…
I kept trying to do my best, it went to the opposite…
I kept giving him headbutts; he just kept his happy face…
I spent nights without sleeping because I was sick, he was the only one, in my entire existence, who spent the whole night with me, taking care of me.
Then, another day, we were working on the tomato fields and I got lost. I didn't listen to Spain singing, I looked for him and I couldn't see him. I immediately thought I was abandoned by him. Again, I was scared; I felt my face getting warmed and my vision getting blurry.
"Spain…" it ame out of my mouth with my voice shaking "S…sp…spain"
Again, that liquid was rolling down my cheeks and little sobs were coming out of me. "He left me; he wanted me to get lost on the field" that is what I thought. I was trying to get control of myself. I didn't want Spain to have control over my tears.
I was burying my face in my hands. Again the bad feelings, the bad moments were coming back to my mind. Then, there were not just little sobs, I was crying desperately. I wanted to scream, I wanted to hit someone –specifically Spain- I couldn't listen to anything, except me, crying, tears dropping down my eyes.
When suddenly, I looked up… I saw a blurry figure that was coming to me, that figure was running and throw himself towards me, then took me into his arms. It was Spain.
He lifted me and pulled me closer. He was telling me something I couldn't understand because he was speaking and kissing my forehead at the same time.
"Idiot, I don't understand what you said, bastard!" I said.
"I was worry for you, I heard you crying and I panicked because I couldn't see you, but you are OK and that makes me happy, you are OK!" he expressed to me.
"I am NOT OK" I screamed "It's your fault; it's your fault, bastard!"
"I know, I should have watched better over you"
"It's not that idiot! I broke my promise twice because of you, damn it!"
"Promise?!"
He looked at me surprised and curious, I was still sobbing and trying to get my voice to sound normal; because I knew the reddish tone I had gained wouldn't go away so easily. He then sat down, still holding me, still looking at me.
"What promise?" the question echoed through my mind.
"I'm not telling damn it!"
"Is it an important promise? If it's important, I want to know because I made you broke that promise…"
"Of course it's important bastard! I was supposed to never cry!" I screamed the truth aloud and more tears were forming in my eyes.
"And why wouldn't you cry? It's normal to cry and it can also work as a medicine and…"
"NO! Crying means I'm weak and I'm not weak!" I screamed again punching him on his face.
"That's not true, tears can give us courage" he said trying to clean my tears.
"It's a lie! I was brave, I didn't cry for nonno nor Veneziano or even for being alone! I was brave!" I exclaimed shaking my head "But you did something to me!"
"I did? What did I do?"
"I don't fucking know! But I cry because of you! You did something to me! Damn it!"
He kept trying to put apart my tears from my face, nut it was useless because I was still crying. I couldn't understand this guy, we were talking serious issues and he was smiling. He then pushed me closer to him and patted my head and brushed my hair with his fingers.
"I see what is wrong, let's make a deal, you are going to make a new promise and right now I want you to release all those tears you have been holding all this time"
I nodded because I couldn't make any sound with my voice. Then, I cried, I cried for nonno because even if he left me behind, I love him and I would have loved to spend more time with him. I cried for being a bad brother with Veneziano for being jealous of him; because I couldn't tell him how much I do love him. I cried because I couldn't do anything right even though I tried so hard. Then, I cried for Spain… because no one had loved me as he did, no one had taken care of me as he did and because no matter how hard I tried I couldn't say thank you for being with me, I couldn't say that I didn't want him to leave me alone… I cried because I couldn't speak out my true feelings.
I don't know how much time I cried, but I fell asleep. When I woke up, Spain was holding me in his arms, the sky was already dark and I could see some stars on it. I looked at Spain and he was already looking at me, smiling.
"Nice to see you are awaked! Now Roma, pay attention this is going to be your new promise" he said and I nodded "You are going to cry every time you feel likes is necessary"
"Why?" I asked a little mad.
"Because when you shed a tear, you are letting your heart and soul speak, you are being brave by allowing others to see your real feelings, if you hide your feelings and you try to pretend you are brave, you are being actually a coward" He explained to me with an expression that was more serious than usual. "So, Roma, please promise me you are going to leave your tears come out every time that is necessary" He asked looking straight into my eyes.
"Yes" I couldn't say no, even if I tried.
The days, months and years passed, I let my tears coming out every time that was needed. More than once I heard Spain's stupid friends –France and Prussia- calling me a crying baby and then I heard him defended me by words or sometimes –when he was kind of drunk- by some punches against his friends. Sometimes, I guess, France and Prussia were right, but maybe I was still holding tears from the past or maybe I wanted to look really brave in front of Spain. Because let's remember, he told me that someone brave will show its true feelings with tears, right? So why should I hold my tears?
