BABY TALK
"Wyatt?"
Veronica shook her head. "Charlotte."
Logan read the next line of the crib instructions again. Attach one of the two stabilizer bars to the remaining holes in the scissor lift with the hex bolts. Why did I want to put this together myself? He glanced up at Veronica. She'd woken him up at three this morning to tell him she thought she was in labor. Then she had him rearrange the furniture in the nursery… twice, before handing him a screwdriver and pointing to the crib.
With her usual efficiency and organization, the nursery had been put together for weeks- all except for the crib. He knew it irritated her that it wasn't done, but she hadn't said a word. She'd remained patient while he was busy with carrier quals and training missions; seeming to understand his desire to be the one to build the crib. At least one of us does. He attached the stabilizer bars. "Why don't we play a game, winner gets to pick the name."
She was sitting…slouching… in the rocking chair with her feet on the ottoman. She did not look comfortable. He'd already suggested she go lie down only to be given The Look and he wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.
Her eyes lit up at his suggestion of a game. "Poker?"
He smirked. "I don't think so, Mars."
"That's only because you know you'd lose." She wiggled her toes. "Do I still have feet? I feel them, but I'm not sure if it's phantom pain."
Logan tweaked her toes. "Nope they're still there." He abandoned the floor. Sitting on the ottoman, he put her legs on his lap and used his thumbs to massage the balls of her feet. "When the doctor said bed rest; I think she meant an actual bed." And there's The Look. He hung his head. You're a slow learner, Echolls.
"That was before; plus she only said to stay off my feet and since I don't have feet…" She shrugged. "Now tell me more about this game you speak of."
Leaning forward, he splayed his hands across her belly. "But she likes Wyatt; don't you jellybean." He felt the baby move and arched a brow; see?
"She doesn't like Wyatt; she likes the sound of your voice." She rolled her eyes. "She's not even here yet and already she's Daddy's little girl."
Logan kissed her belly. If someone told him back when Veronica first left that they would be here together and having a baby, he wouldn't have believed it. Actually, I probably would've punched them in the face for even bringing up her name. He pressed his cheek to her belly. "I love you, Wyatt."
"Charlotte." She pushed his head off her stomach. "It's too hot."
His mouth opened and closed. The central air was cranked so high it was a frigid sixty degrees in the house; cold enough for him to be wearing a sweater and yet Miss Furnace in just a tee shirt was still hot. He went back to the crib. "I bet I could finish putting this together before you could get out of that chair."
"That's just mean." She tilted her head, "So all I have to do is get up and we name the baby Charlotte?"
Logan turned away before she caught him smiling. "No- that's not the game, that was just a little side bet." She humphed. He didn't really have a game in mind; he was only trying to keep her entertained. Attach stationary side to end panel with two long decorative bolts.
"I have to pee."
He abandoned the crib again. At this rate the baby will be in college before I get this thing together. Holding out his hands, he helped her up and noticed the slight wince as her feet touched the floor. They were swollen…edema…and the reason she was supposed to stay off them. She paused in the doorway and rubbed her belly.
"What? Are you okay?"
Veronica leveled him with The Look again. "You need to stop hovering; Dr. Villella said we have hours." She continued to rub her belly as she walked…waddled… down the hall.
Logan frowned. We have hours. It was not enough time. Nine months wasn't enough time. He was afraid. It was a deep-seated fear that wouldn't leave him alone. First it was his worry that he wouldn't be a good dad and then as Veronica got bigger, he started to worry about her. What if something happens during labor to her or Wyatt?
He took a deep breath and shut down his thoughts. It was too easy for Veronica to guess what he was thinking and he didn't want her to know how freaked out he was. Only one of them was allowed to be nervous and he wasn't the one pushing out a baby. Not that she seems worried at all. He went back to the crib.
"Logan?" She was leaning in the door, fully dressed, with her hand covering her stomach. Tossing down the Allen key, he jumped up from the floor and patted his pockets for the car keys. When she started laughing, he frowned at her. "It's not time yet; I'm hungry."
This isn't a newsworthy event; she's always hungry. "What'll it be?" He wisely left off the words this time.
"I want a dirty-water dog with the works from New York and a Yoo-hoo."
He did the math; half hour to the airport, six hour flight each way, trip from Kennedy to Manhattan, fifteen hours total, give or take. Logan frowned. If he went, he'd miss the birth. I'll get Dick to go. "Are you still going to want them by tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow? I want them now." Her expression was pained. She twisted her arm behind her body and started to rub the small of her back.
"As much as I love you and I do love you, no one can get to New York and back that fast." He planted a tiny kiss on her nose, wrapped his arms around her and started massaging her spine.
"There's a cart…wait, you were going to fly to New York?"
A sheepish grin spread across his face. "No, I was going to make Dick go."
She smiled. "There's a cart in San Diego. It's right in the gas station parking lot on the corner of…what?"
He wrinkled his nose in distaste. "You lost me at gas station parking lot."
"Does that offend your rich boy sensibilities?"
"That should offend anyone with sense and taste." He sighed. "Tell me where it is and how many you want."
She hesitated and bit the corner of her lip. "It's better if I come with you."
Her eyes were focused on his chin. He ducked his head to meet her gaze. "Are you sure you don't want to stay…" His sentence trailed off. An hour each way, more if there was traffic; Logan didn't want to leave her alone for that long. "I think we have hot dogs in the fridge."
She frowned. "That's not the same thing." Grabbing a pillow from their bed, she started for the front door. "I'll recline the seat and lay down; it'll be fine." There was no point arguing with her because he would lose. It was almost a foregone conclusion that their daughter would be named Charlotte for the same reason; once Veronica made up her mind about something it would take an act of Congress or a miracle from Jesus himself to change it.
Logan grabbed his car keys, set the alarm and followed her from the house. "Did you know that when you look up obstinate in the dictionary, there's a picture of you?"
"Me? I'm easygoing Veronica Mars."
"I didn't realize they changed the definition of the word easygoing- my mistake."
She rolled her eyes, leaned forward and turned the air conditioner to max cool. "I think it's broken." Waving her hand in front of the vents, she muttered something that sounded like, "Stupid new car."
Logan bit the side of his mouth to keep from smiling. In the hour it took them to reach her gas station, he was so cold his hands were numb. He was looking forward to getting out of the car to warm up. "How many do you want?"
"Two…no, three and make sure they put everything on them." She bit the edge of her lip. "Maybe you should get four."
He arched a brow at her. "We could have an eating contest?"
"Please Logan," she waved a hand at him. "I could eat you under the table before I was pregnant."
"So you should be chomping."
"At the bit?"
"No….just chomping." She frowned at him. "Chomping it means to munch or chew vigorously and noisily."
"I know what it means…are you saying I eat like a horse?"
No, I'm saying you could eat a horse. The quip was right there on the tip of his tongue, but he reined it in and smiled at his pun. "I'm saying that since you're so positive you would win, you should take me up on my offer."
"Ah, no. I don't want to hear you complaining every day until Charlotte goes to college about how unfair the contest was." Logan shook his head and started to get out of the car. "Don't forget my Yoo-hoo."
Despite his reservations about food sold in a gas station parking lot, he bought her four hot dogs with the works and two Yoo-hoos. When he climbed back in the car, her seat was already upright and she was holding out her hands for the bag. He passed her the food and listened to the groans and mmm noises she made while she ate. This time he didn't hold back the smile. He started the car and pulled out of the gas station. "You know since your word knowledge is obviously exemplary why don't we play Scrabble to decide?"
"All I'm getting from this conversation is that you didn't actually have a game in mind."
"I did have a game in mind." He gave her a wolfish grin. "But it was very dirty and not something we could play in public. Well, unless exhibitionism turns you on?"
"With the stakes this high, I could be…persuaded." He hazarded a quick glance in her direction. The expression was wide-eyed innocence, but her voice was all low and sultry. "Tell me how we play." Five words and he was completely ready to go home and show her firsthand the meaning of the words bed rest…okay not so much the rest part.
"I don't know Veronica; this game is played at the expert level and you tire easily in your current condition."
"If you're afraid…we could just play gin."
"Okay, but when you lose, remember you're the one who wanted to play."
"I hear a lot of talking, but I have yet to hear the rules." The last part of her sentence was said around a mouthful of hot dog; her third hot dog. Shit maybe she would eat me under the table.
"The game is played au naturel, as in completely nude and using our hands—" he wiggled his fingers at her "—and our mouths, we do whatever we want to each other. The first one that—"
She cut him off. "Logan, I think we need to go to the hospital."
His eyes darted to her. She was holding her stomach and she was biting her bottom lip. They didn't have her bag; it was back at the house, but if they went to the house they would drive past the hospital, which was pointless. I'll call Keith. He started a one-handed search for his phone when Veronica growled. Not a playful, teasing sound, but an actual deep, guttural growl.
"Fuck," she spit out the word and grabbed his arm, hard. Logan started to pull over, "no…don't stop…hospital."
"Are you okay?" I'll take dumb questions for a hundred, Alex.
"Drive. The. Car." It was low and menacing and sounded vaguely like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. He put his foot down on the accelerator and steered the car back into traffic. Her grip on his arm relaxed. "I spilled my Yoo-hoo," this was said in a normal Veronica voice and his possession idea started to seem more plausible.
By his calculation, the drive to the hospital was a few minutes short of eternity. He kept turning his head to look at her waiting for the reappearance of Pazuzu. She seemed fine now; perfectly content eating the last hot dog and drinking the new Yoo-hoo. He wasn't sure that she should be finishing her food, but he was not going to be the one to attempt to take it away from her.
She directed him through the maze of the parking lot. "We need to call my dad and Dottie to have them pick up my bag."
Logan resisted the urge to tell her he knew where he was going and what calls needed to be made. Being in charge and making decisions were a balm for Veronica and if bossing him around would make her feel better, he'd shut up and take orders. Hell, I do that every day- at work and at home. He smiled. Plus she's way hotter than my CO.
They'd taken a prenatal tour of the hospital weeks ago; filling out their pre-registration paperwork and arranging for a deluxe maternity suite. Veronica rolled her eyes at the three-room, two-bath suite, but he wasn't planning on leaving her and he wanted to make sure they would all be comfortable. Her protests, 'Logan, people in luxury hotels have less space than this' fell on deaf ears and he wouldn't be budged. The room allowed her to stay in one place for labor, delivery and recovery; it also meant that they wouldn't be separated from the baby at any point in the process.
"We need to go to the third floor." He nodded and let her lead the way to the Labor and Delivery Unit. There was another pregnant woman in the elevator and she was in a wheelchair. Logan looked at the chair and glanced at Veronica. She muttered, "Don't even think about it."
Keeping his tone breezy and unconcerned, he asked, "Think about what?"
Her eyes narrowed as she judged the veracity of his words. Veronica was exacting under the best of circumstances, it was going to be hard trying to keep his mouth shut and not make her angry. Quit bitching, Echolls- your job isn't the hard part.
They waited for their turn at the registration desk. While Veronica presented her photo identification, signed the last forms needed and got their wristbands, he called Dr. Villella's office to let her know they were at the hospital. As he hung up, the nurse came to escort them to their room. She went through what he guessed were routine questions: when did it start, how far apart were the contractions, their length and then she asked, "Did your water break?"
He said, "No," at the same time Veronica said, "Yes." Logan gaped at her and she shrugged. "If I told you, you would have made me go right to the hospital and I really wanted that hot dog."
The nurse smiled. "I guess I don't have to ask if you've eaten or had anything to drink." She held out a gown to Veronica along with a cup for a urine sample. "After you change, we'll check your vitals and listen to the little one's heartbeat."
Uh-oh, that soothing, overly-solicitous tone is going to irritate Veronica. He leaned in close and whispered, "Think she's Ms. Stafford's sister?" The corner of Veronica's mouth twitched. "Come on buckaroo; we're burning daylight here." That earned him an actual smile. He kissed the top of her head. "I'll call your dad while you change. Unless you need some help getting naked?" He waggled his eyebrows at her.
"Your obsession with getting me naked is how we got here." She patted her belly.
"I can't take all the credit, Bobcat. I seem to recall loud moaning and a lot of harders and fasters." A pink tinge suffused her cheeks. It was amazing to him that, after all this time and all the things they'd done, he still had the ability to make her blush. It was very alluring.
She batted her eyes at him. "It's not my fault you required directions." With that, she disappeared into the bathroom.
Logan pressed his palm against the closed door. I love you, Veronica. He no longer remembered a time when that wasn't true. His entire world narrowed down to this moment, to her and their baby. Please don't let me fuck this up.
He let his hand fall away from the door and dug out his cell. Keith had the keys to the house, but Logan was reluctant to call him. Hey, Mr. Mars this is the guy who knocked up your daughter. Things were...okay...between them, but it didn't stop Logan from feeling that Keith blamed him for Veronica's decision to remain in Neptune. He called Dottie instead. Coward. "It's Logan. Veronica's in labor and we're at the hospital."
"How's she doing?"
He had no idea. "Good?"
Dottie chuckled at his uncertainty. "Do you need me to do anything? Call anyone?"
"Uh, yeah." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Can you call Keith and let him know?"
"Logan." Even with the gentle tone, the admonishment was hard to miss, but she didn't take it any further. "I'll call him now."
"And can you stop at the house before coming here? Veronica needs her bag. It's right by the front door. Oh and the ice pops. There's a big box in the freezer."
"What about you? Do you need anything?"
More time… lessons on how to be a good dad… "No, I'm okay."
"We'll be there as soon as we can." That was the only call he needed to make. Veronica established a phone tree so they wouldn't have to be distracted. Keith would call Wallace who would call Mac and she would get in touch with Dick.
Veronica was back from the bathroom, unhappy and in a very pink, very large hospital gown. "I look like a bottle of Pepto-Bismol."
"Albeit a cute bottle of…" Her glare silenced him. Logan helped her on to the bed and Nurse Perky checked her pulse, blood pressure and temperature.
"This is an ultrasound transducer," again the tone was pacifying, but it didn't seem to raise Veronica's annoyance level this time. The nurse strapped the transducer over the abdomen. "It will pick up the baby's heartbeat and this," she strapped another contraption to the top of Veronica's abdomen, "Will record your contractions." She attached them both to a monitor.
Logan frowned. Veronica was too quiet. He picked up her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "What's going on in that beautiful mind of yours?"
"It's just like…"
He knew exactly what she was thinking. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he brushed her hair back and tucked it behind her ear. "It's not like that at all. This is a happy occasion; we're going to have a baby." He smirked. "You're going to have to do most of the work though, okay?"
"What else is new?"
"Hey, I'm only here to look pretty." He kissed her forehead. The sound of the baby's heartbeat from the monitor made her visibly relax. Logan wanted to kiss Nurse Perky in gratitude until she ruined it by telling them she was going to do an Amnisure test to double-check if her water actually broke and Veronica tensed again. It was only a quick swab and didn't look painful at all, but Veronica squeezed his hand like she was being tortured. It took him a second to realize it wasn't the test, but a contraction. "Nice long slow breath."
He felt like a jackass reminding her to breathe. The labor class explained that, unlike the movies with the rapid panting, in this stage of labor a long slow exhale helped relax tensed muscles, but he still felt like an ass. Some genius, probably male, invented this crap so I could feel like I'm doing my part.
The nurse was gathering supplies for an IV and Veronica shook her head. "No drugs." It was the one thing on which they disagreed. Logan smirked. One thing? Yeah, that'll be the day. She was determined to do the entire thing, labor and delivery, with no pain relief.
Nurse Perky nodded. "It's hospital policy to keep it nearby in case you change your mind." And hell might freeze over too.
"I won't."
Dr. Villella's arrival put an end to the argument before it even got started and Logan was a little disappointed; he loved watching feisty Veronica do battle. Dr. Villella waved off the nurse. "How do you feel?"
"Like I'm not going to change my mind."
The doctor smiled. "I have no doubt Veronica, but I meant in general." She checked the monitors, examined Veronica's belly, and went through all the same questions they answered for Nurse Perky. After consulting both the chart and the nurse, she pulled out the stirrups.
Logan gulped. "Already?"
Dr. Villella chuckled. "No, Dad; it's just an exam. I'm going to check her dilation." Dilation, right. He'd spent hours searching the Internet for every piece of information on the different stages of labor and what to expect, but now he couldn't remember a single detail. Except for the videos- those were still crystal clear. "—four centimeters."
He'd missed something. Was she at four centimeters or were they waiting for four centimeters? Veronica was staring at him expectantly for an answer and he didn't know the question. "Uh…" An alert from his cell phone kept him from having to confess his mistake.
Logan pulled the cell from his pocket and Veronica leveled him with a withering stare. "You need to turn that off."
It was a text message from Keith. "Your dad and Dottie are here with your bag." He took a step toward the door and paused. "Should I go get it?" She nodded. "Are you sure you don't want them to come in?"
"Positive." It was another thing she'd decided, no drugs and no visitors in the room until after Wyatt was born. Hell, I should be happy she's letting me be here.
"I'll be right back." He smoothed his fingers over her cheek and kissed her nose. "Don't start without me."
"Should I zip tie my ankles together? Would that work for you?"
"Hmm... zip ties and ankles huh?" Pressing his lips against her ear, he whispered, "Maybe if you remove the word together."
"Just go." She barked the command, but a smile teased her lips and her eyes were sparkling with amusement.
"I love you, Veronica." Logan's gaze moved over her, the monitors, and Dr. Villella. Active labor typically lasts between four and eight hours. The random fact popped into his head, but it didn't make it easier to leave. He needed to give himself the same reminder he gave her: it's nothing like the last time we were in the hospital. Stopping at the door, he gave her another smile and went to find Keith and Dottie.
They were in the waiting room; Veronica's suitcase at Keith's feet and the box of ice pops on Dottie's lap. She'd also remembered to bring the birthing peanut and exercise ball. Keith stood when he saw him. "How is she?"
Logan smirked. "I expected a lot more yelling and threats of physical violence, but so far she's been really calm." He shrugged. "It's not so bad."
Dottie laughed and shook her head. "Oh, Logan." She gave his arm a condescending pat. "You've only just started." There was a wide smile on her face. "And if I were you, I wouldn't repeat that anywhere near Veronica."
He nodded and dragged a hand over his head scratching at the short crew cut. "I won't." Glancing around the waiting room, he noticed that they were the only two familiar faces. "Did you call everyone?"
"They'll come after the baby does. No point in all of us being here." Keith picked up the suitcase with a firm grip on the handle. "I'll help you carry all this back to the room."
Logan wasn't sure why Veronica didn't want any visitors. When he'd asked, she told him 'it's not a party' and he'd made some joke about canceling the clown, but he wasn't going to argue with Keith. He put the peanut under one arm, took the ice pops and wrapped his other arm around the exercise ball. The walk down the hall was a lot longer on the return trip.
He'd been alone with Keith maybe five times total since Veronica's return to Neptune; the longest was when they moved her stuff into the house and tried to bond over baby shopping. It was still strained and awkward, but Keith was the only good father he knew. "Got any advice?"
"For helping Veronica through labor? You're on your own kid." He smiled. "You seem to do all right holding your own with my daughter; I'm sure you'll be fine."
"I meant for being a dad." Logan stopped walking. "Pretty much the only thing I know is- don't be Aaron."
"That's definitely a good start." Keith frowned. "I wish there was some list to give you, a set of instructions- do this, don't do this and you'll be great, but it's not that simple." A wry smile crossed his face. "And some children are more difficult than others." His hand grazed the top of his head. "Believe it or not I used to have hair." He grew serious again. "But they're never difficult to love and that's what they need most. Not just the words. They need you to be there; your time and your attention. Being a parent is a gift, Logan- appreciate it."
"I will...I do."
"You and I have had our differences in the past, but if you need me for anything- advice, help, someone to talk to, I'll be here. We're family now." They walked the final few feet to Veronica's door and Keith put the suitcase down. He clapped Logan on the back. "You'll be okay. Now you better get in there before my daughter thinks you've left."
"That's never going to happen."
A minute of silent communication passed between the two men. This wasn't Logan promising to not leave the hospital; it was his promise to never leave Veronica or the baby. Keith squeezed his shoulder. "I know, son."
He watched him walk down the hall before pushing open the door to the room. Veronica was sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for him. "Stop to get a bite to eat?"
"Took a nap too." He smirked. "Because somebody woke me up at oh-three-hundred hours."
"Aw, poor baby, want to switch places?"
None of the monitors were hooked up and she was disconnected from everything. He dropped the stuff and rushed to her side. "Are you okay? What happened?" Crouching down in front of her, he cradled her belly between his palms and felt slightly better when the baby moved.
"Well nothing better have happened to my popsicles."
He glanced over his shoulder at the discarded box. They were probably a melted mess by now. "Nag, nag, nag." Placing a soft kiss on her belly, he nodded toward the monitors.
"I needed to pee and I want to change."
"Change? But you're such a fan of the pink." After putting the popsicles in the freezer, he got her suitcase from the hall.
"It's itchy." She'd stolen two generic blue gowns during their tour of the hospital and brought them home for several washings until they met her desired level of comfort. Logan helped her change and noticed the lack of an IV- that's my girl. "Let's take a stroll around our ridiculously expensive, not needed, luxury room."
"It was totally needed; how else would I keep your popsicles cold?"
"Uh-huh." They managed to make it from the birthing room to the living room before she had another contraction. She squeezed his hand and leaned against him. There were no growls this time, but she cursed worse than some of the sailors on his last cruise. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she swayed her hips back and forth until the contraction passed. "Thanks for not singing this time."
When they'd practiced the move during their birthing classes, he'd sung The Time of My Life in her ear. "You didn't seem to like it." He gently massaged the small of her back. "Want to go lie down?"
"No, let's keep walking." Logan walked with her to the bedroom, through the living room to the delivery area and then they did it again. "Twelve women could give birth in here."
He remained silent. If she wanted to have this argument again, she was going to have it by herself. Granted, he agreed that the four thousand dollars a day price tag was absurd, but it wasn't about luxury or space, it was about security. Guards kept strangers off the wing, the staff was carefully vetted and, most importantly, Wyatt would never leave their sight.
Veronica bent over and made a low keening sound from deep in the back of her throat. Logan supported her body and massaged her spine. "I'm here Veronica; I've got you." Her features were contorted in pain and he felt his heart constrict. Watching her suffer was going to kill him one contraction at a time. Dottie's words 'you've only just started' suddenly terrified him. "Are you sure you don't want an epidural? There's probably still time." There was a window where it was safe, but once they'd moved past the point of no return, she wouldn't be able to change her mind.
"I'm... sure." They completed another loop of the suite. "I think I want to lie down now." He helped her into bed. "Give me the peanut." Rolling on her left side, she put the peanut between her knees. "Come lay down with me."
Logan stretched out on the bed and spooned her body. "Want me to rub your back?"
"Save that for when it gets bad." Gets? "What were you and my dad talking about in the hallway?" He shook his head. It was impossible to keep anything from her.
"He told me you were a difficult child and the reason he's bald." He kissed her shoulder. "As if I didn't know that already."
"I can't believe he's still trying to pass off that story. I was a perfect child and he's been bald since the day he was born."
"Are you saying he lied to me? Wait, does this mean there's no such thing as Santa Claus?"
"Sorry," she murmured. Lifting the hair from the back of her neck, he gently started to rub from the base of her skull, down her spine and over her shoulders. "Logan? I'm scared."
His hands stilled. Hearing her, his Veronica confess to being scared, rattled him. "You've got this Veronica; you're going to kick labor's ass." Logan kissed the side of her neck. "They're going to write stories about you and tell other women- this is how you do labor."
She rolled onto her back and gave him a tremulous smile. "Not labor...okay, labor, but...I'm going to be a horrible mother."
She barely finished speaking and he was shaking his head. "You're going to be a great mom. You're already a great mom." She started to cry and his heart twisted. "Listen to me Veronica Mars. You are amazing. Our daughter is lucky to have you as her mommy." Logan placed his palm on belly. "Who researched every baby item to make sure it was the safest? Bought organic food and made sure she was eating properly? Had the fire department install the car seat? Who's doing all this—" he waved his hand over her body "—without any drugs because you don't want to take any chances with Wyatt? You."
For the past six months, she'd been the strong one; carrying them through this decision with her trademarked self-assurance and determination. That she was letting him see her uncertainty and fear, sharing this with him, made him fully realize they were in this together. It was his turn to be the strong one for her. Logan used his thumbs to brush the tears from her lashes and kissed her nose.
Veronica took his hands in hers. "I love you."
"Always Veronica, always." He kissed her.
She crushed his fingers. "I need to get up, now; I need to get up."
Logan scrambled off the bed and lifted her on to her feet. Veronica wound her arms around his neck and started swaying; first side to side and then back and forth. It didn't look like it was offering her any relief. She was clenching her jaw and groaning. "Breathe. Deep breath." He did it with her. "Slow exhale." Her exhale came out as a long ooooo. He hunched down further for her to get a better hold and she started rocking.
When her hips slowed, he knew it was passing. "I'm cold."
Pulling the blanket from the bed, he wrapped it around her shoulders and stroked her arms. "Do you want to lie—"
"No."
"Want to walk some more?"
Veronica nodded and leaned on him. They managed another slow circuit of the suite before Nurse Perky returned to check her vitals and hook her up to the machines again. "I don't want to lie down."
"That's fine. Do you want to try sitting? Maybe on your exercise ball?" The nurse checked her pulse, temperature, blood pressure, and used a fetoscope to listen to the baby's heartbeat. "I'm going to get you a telemetry monitor so you can still move around, okay?"
It made Logan nervous. "But everything's fine, right? That's just instead of hooking her up to the EFM? It's not because something's wrong?"
Nurse Perky gave them a reassuring smile. "Everything looks good. I'm only getting the other monitor so Mommy doesn't have to lie down."
He felt Veronica cringe at her use of the word mommy; he didn't know if it was because it was coming from the nurse in that mollifying tone or if she was still worrying about being a bad mom. Probably both.
Logan drew her closer and wrapped his arms around her. He assumed it was normal to be scared by the idea of becoming a parent; to be completely responsible for a tiny human being. There were too many ways to screw it all up. Even if, by some miracle, you did everything perfect, there was still the outside world and other people to hurt them. Elizabeth Stone wrote that having a child was 'to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.' Logan smirked. He already knew exactly what that felt like because his heart walked around outside his body in the shape of a petite, sassy blonde with a penchant for trouble. "Want to try Nurse Perky's suggestion and sit on your exercise ball?"
He felt her chuckle. "Nurse Perky?"
"Too harsh?"
"Not harsh enough," she mumbled against his chest. "Aren't nurses supposed to take sensitivity training? Learn how to make patients feel comfortable?"
Logan laughed. Her sensitivity was the reason she was so irritating to Veronica. If he could get Nurse Perky to make one sarcastic comment, roll her eyes, or maybe even issue a scoffing grunt of disapproval, Veronica would feel much better. In time with his thoughts, Nurse Perky returned with the monitor and another wide smile. Come on lady, you're killing me.
The telemetry unit was the size of a cell phone. The nurse let him hold it to feel how lightweight it was before strapping it to Veronica's leg. When she was done attaching it, the nurse patted the monitor's band and offered another smile. "Now, how does that feel?"
"Like a strap around my thigh." Veronica's ill-tempered comment made him grin. He loved watching her get riled and be angry-Veronica. Maybe there was something wrong with him. Maybe, Echolls? There's definitely something wrong with you. Logan mentally shrugged. Fuck it. He loved everything about her. Even ill-tempered and moody, she was the best thing to ever happen to him.
"Do you need anything else? More blankets? A robe?"
Veronica shook her head in answer to the nurse at the same time her knees buckled and she groaned. Logan tried to help her up and she bared her teeth at him, growling. Gripping his hand for balance, she lowered herself deeper into a squatting position. Her jaw was clenched and her mouth was clamped shut like she was trying to hold it in and maintain control. "Let it out Veronica; if you want to yell, do it." She pulled her hand away and got down on all fours, spreading her knees wide and rocking, but still being stubbornly quiet except for the low groan.
There was a scarf in the suitcase for this position. It acted as a hammock for her stomach, allowing Logan to hold the ends and keep the weight of her belly from pulling and putting pressure on her back. He splayed his hand across her abdomen and rubbed her spine. I feel fucking useless.
She let out a long puff of air. "Help me up." He did as she asked. Hours, she has to do this for hours. Logan didn't want to do anything that felt good for hours. He couldn't even begin to imagine what she was going through; it was beyond his comprehension. "Can you get the suitcase?" Pressing her hands into the mattress, she leaned forward looking for relief on her back. Could he get the suitcase? He'd get her anything she wanted. Hell, I'd rip out my own kidney and give it to her if she asked.
Placing the suitcase on the bed so it would be easier for her to reach, he unzipped it and laid it flat. Veronica took out the Thermacare heat wraps, the belly scarf, and a beige stuffed bunny with floppy ears and a pink nose. She waved it at him. "What's this?"
Stretching his arm behind his neck, he ducked his head and gave her a bashful grin. "I bought it for Wy— for the baby; its name is Cuddles."
She held it to her face and stroked her cheek with its soft, plush head. A tender smile started to form and then it wavered. Tears filled her eyes. Fuck. He didn't mean to make her cry. Logan put his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, if you don't like it, we can throw it away."
A vehement shake of her head and she clutched the bunny tighter. "I love it." Years of being able to read her silent cues, told him what she really meant was I love you.
Logan kissed the top of her head. "I love you too, Veronica." She was getting better at saying it; at expressing her feelings to him and for him, but he knew it was still hard for her. It was yet another way for parents to fuck up their kids- abandon them and leave them with trust issues. That thought brought him up short. Lianne. Maybe that's why she didn't want to have any visitors? Because her mom wasn't here for her. Moms should be here for this. His mind was moving perilously close to a subject he didn't want to think about now, or ever. He grabbed the box of Thermacare and got on his knees. "Heat wrap?"
"And an ice pop?" The request was so innocent and sweet, it reminded him of when she was twelve and wanting ice cream.
Logan smiled. "What flavor?"
"Whatever will turn my tongue blue."
He closed his eyes and briefly rested his forehead against the small of her back. He didn't know how he could love her more than he did, but every minute he spent with her proved it was possible. The lyrics of that silly pop song from the sixties played in his head: I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow. Logan ripped open the heat patch and put it on her back. "Maybe we should name the baby Newton? Like Newton's second law of physics? We can call her Newt."
Veronica groaned. "You mean like the little girl in Aliens."
Dropping a kiss on her back, he stood. "Right, scratch that." Traversing the suite, he got her a blue raspberry ice pop from the freezer. It was a little misshapen, but frozen solid. He discarded the wrapper and brought it to Veronica. She was sitting on the purple exercise ball, lightly bouncing. He raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Does that really help?"
She shrugged. "Don't know, don't care." She sucked on her ice pop. "Tell me a secret."
He shook his head. "What are you five?" Aside from the fact that she was very pregnant, she could be five; sucking on an ice pop and bouncing on what resembled a child's inflatable hoppy ball. When she pouted at him, he laughed. "I love you."
"That's not a secret; I've known that forever."
"Did the nurse slip you some happy pills when I wasn't looking?" She stopped bouncing and frowned. "I'm just kidding Veronica. What kind of secret do you want to know?" She shrugged. "Hmm... my call sign is Mouth."
Veronica stared at him for a second and then started laughing. He knew he was in for months… years… of teasing, but the sound of her laughter was totally worth it. "Oh, you have to—" Dropping her ice pop on the floor, she bent over and grabbed her stomach. A loud moan escaped and she pressed her lips together.
"If you're not going to scream, I'm going to do it for you." He opened his mouth to do exactly that when she parted her lips— probably to yell at me— and let out a nice long howl. "That's it." He kneaded the muscles in her back like they practiced; gentle enough to not cause her pain, but firm enough to offer relief.
The howling eventually stopped and Veronica got off the ball. She nudged it with the edge of foot sending it across the room. "No." At his puzzled expression, she said, "It didn't help."
She started shuffling toward the bed. He wrapped his arm around her for support and she sagged against him. "You're doing great." They were coming faster now and lasting longer; he'd been timing them in his head, but he didn't need to tell her that, she was living them.
His count didn't reach two minutes before the next contraction started and all conversation ceased; the only sounds now coming from Veronica were brutal and heartbreaking. The telemetry monitor did its job, alerting Dr. Villella to the increase in contractions and she came to check dilation.
"Seven centimeters." She said it like it was a good thing and Logan almost passed out. Seven? They needed to get to ten. His panicked expression must have been obvious because she frowned at him and nodded toward Veronica. Cowboy the fuck up, Echolls. Dr. Villella softened. "This is the shortest phase."
Transition. Logan was glad the doctor didn't try to hand them a bunch of crap like it will be over before you know it, because it might be the shortest, but he knew it was also the most intensive and then there was still the actual delivery. They cycled through the labor positions they'd learned: standing squats, sitting, walking, kneeling. Each one seemed to work for awhile and then nothing seemed to work. When she was too tired to walk anymore, she finally relented and let him put her in bed.
Logan wiped her face with a cool washcloth and fed her more ice chips. He'd lost track of time. Shortest my ass this is interminable. He was afraid to touch her. She was on her side, gripping the edge of the mattress and her eyes were glazed over with pain. "See? Kicking labor's ass." There was no reaction to his words. He was pretty sure he could recite the Constitution to her now and she would have no clue what he was saying. Logan draped the cool washcloth on the back of her neck. "I love you, Veronica. You're doing great."
Dr. Villella was back to check on her dilation and finally asked. "Okay, feel like pushing?"
"Yes, please." Desperation clung to Veronica's words.
It was organized chaos like watching the crew on the flight deck. Everyone knew their jobs and they did them. Getting Veronica into position and bringing out a bunch of scary looking pieces of equipment that Logan couldn't identify; didn't want to identify. He took his place at her shoulders to assist with the pushing. His mind called bullshit on that euphemism. Again, he was positive that he was superfluous to this entire process and that he wouldn't be assisting with anything. Just another term to make Daddy feel useful.
Veronica started pushing and there were no more attempts at controlling the yelling; she screamed like a wounded animal, her face turning fire-engine red. Come on, you can do it Veronica. Push. He had no idea if he was actually saying the words or if he was chanting them in his head- her own cheering squad.
The pushing was a lot longer than he thought it would be. She had to push with each contraction, but they seemed to be coming so fast it looked like one long hard push to him when in reality he knew it was push…pause…push…pause. Her exhaustion was evident in the slack expression and the amount of effort it took to keep herself upright.
"The baby is crowning. I need you to stop pushing, Veronica."
Dr. Villella's words made her start crying. Her hair was plastered to her head with sweat. Logan smoothed the damp strands away from her forehead. "Ssh, it's okay, baby, it's okay."
"Loooogaan." It was wrenched from Veronica's limp body; a distraught plea to make it stop and he wanted more than anything to make this better for her. He wanted them to give her drugs or knock her out with anesthesia, anything to make her stop hurting.
"Okay, push Veronica."
Completely drained, she struggled to get into position. Logan slid his arm beneath her back and helped her from the mattress. "You're doing great, baby."
An eternity passed, before Dr. Villella announced, "Her head is out."
Logan ducked down to the end of the bed to see. It was simultaneously the most wonderful and most terrifying thing he'd ever seen. "Amazing," he murmured the word. Veronica was amazing. It was no longer talk and plans; it was real. She was here giving birth to his baby. It was humbling.
"Come on Veronica we need to get the shoulders out." The doctor's words sliced through his thoughts. And she needs you, Echolls. Logan went back to her side.
"I need...a break...I can't…"
Logan wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Did Veronica Mars just say I can't? That's crazy, there's nothing you can't do." Her eyes flashed with a mix of murderous rage and smug pride. "I've got you; come on, you can do this."
Her face scrunched and turned a deep shade of burgundy. The sounds she made were indescribable- it was like nothing he'd ever heard before in his life. And hoped to never hear again. Then he heard Wyatt cry.
Dr. Villella put her on Veronica's chest. She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He looked at Veronica. Well maybe the second most beautiful. His eyes found Wyatt again. Definitely a tie. Watching them together was profound.
Veronica's gaze was riveted to the baby with an expression so tender it took his breath away. Her fingertips stroked the top of the tiny head and trembled as they slowly traced each feature of her face. Holding first one little hand and then the other, Veronica counted the perfect fingers and kissed them. It was like she was trying to burn this moment into her memory, absorbing each detail of their daughter.
Raising watery eyes to his face, her gaze locked with his. The raw emotion in their depths reflected his feelings. This was the two of them stripped bare and exposed. She once said she wanted to get to a place where they could be really intimate; this was that place. Logan caressed her cheek.
"Ready to cut the cord, Dad?" That must have been the question they asked earlier when he wasn't paying attention. Don't fuck it up, Echolls. The silent warning wasn't just about the cord. Logan took the scissors and followed Dr. Villella's instruction.
The nurse took the baby to clean her up, while the doctor stayed with them to finish. Logan cupped Veronica's face. "I love you, Veronica Mars." He brushed back her hair and tucked it behind her ear before leaning in closer to kiss her.
When they returned with the baby, Veronica nodded toward Logan and the nurse placed her in his arms. Don't drop her...cradle her head...so small...don't drop her. It was a litany in his head...cradle her head...so small...don't drop her. "Hi jellybean...I'm Daddy." For the first time, words failed him. He'd always relied on them. Sarcasm and barbed comments to keep others at a distance, flippant remarks and pithy retorts to demonstrate his lack of caring, flirting, teasing words to get his way and angry, harsh words uttered to hurt. They were always there and available for whatever he needed, but none of them came close to describing this moment. My daughter.
He looked at Veronica. Her eyes were round and soft; a tired smile on her face, and her hair was soaked with sweat. Beautiful. They were a family. Logan sat on the edge of the bed. This...this is what he'd been missing his entire life. This sense of belonging, of being needed, loved. He mouthed the words thank you to Veronica. She rested her palm against his cheek and used the edge of her thumb to brush away his tears. My family.
The baby's blue eyes were open and staring at him. He was right; she looked like her mommy. "I love you Charlotte."
"No." Logan glanced at Veronica and she smiled. "Wyatt. Wyatt Leigh Echolls."
"Are you sure?" She nodded. Wyatt Leigh Echolls. He kissed the top of the baby's tiny head. "I love you, Wyatt."