Rating: T for some cursing.
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls belongs to Amy Sherman-Palladino and the WB/CW.
A/N: Thanks to Andra-ggfan for all her support.
A kiss and a book.
His book. Between her palms.
Unhurried tension of long fingers at her elbow.
Inquisitive, she reached a hand into his hair. Longer now than when they were teenagers.
Habitual.
A book still clasped in the other.
A kiss. A book.
Time telescoped by living memory.
But when he found her waist the flood of guilt was sickening and familiar, and she started out of his grasp.
"Jess, I'm so sorry. I just - -I -"
"What?" emerged thickly out of his throat as he pulled himself upright.
"It's ... I'm not - -Not everything's fixed, okay? But it will be, just -"
He watched her set his book down and shook his head sharply as if waking when she started clawing at her pockets. "What're you talking about?"
"Two minutes. Gimme two minutes," she said, pulling out her phone, a hand on the door-knob.
"What? No! Rory, what the hell -"
"Please," she said, turning back. "Just gimme a sec, okay? I have to -"
"Rory, tell me what the fuck is going on 'cause I'm not digging this deja vu you're -"
"God! Voicemail," she burst out, phone at her ear. "Of course it's his voicemail. Lousy -"
"Whose -? - -Wait." His eyes flashed. "You are fucking kidding me."
She looked down.
Too composed, he folded his arms and asked flatly, "Whose voicemail, Rory?"
"Jess, it's not what you think, it's just I'm ..." She paused. "Technically -"
"Oh, technically? Well technically, Rory, just get the fuck out of here, okay?"
"What? Jess, no. You don't -"
"I said get out. I don't feel like getting used right now, so just go, alright? I mean it."
"Jess, it's not like that. I can't even look at him since -"
She stumbled in the rush, but flew on "- - I don't want to be with him. Just -"
"Who then? Come on. You got my interest. Who is it? And tell me it's not that guy with the fucking Porsche."
"It is. He was," she said and watched him roll his eyes. "But it's over. Or it would be if I could just get him on the damn phone." Stabbing buttons to redial.
"Unbelievable," he muttered.
"I know. I know it is. I'm sorry." You've reached the voicema- "But it's not what you're thinking. Honestly, Jess. I didn't -"
"Oh, you didn't? I'm not as dumb as I look, Rory."
"You don't -"
"Why though, huh? I mean, he's a Grade A asshole, but screwing an ex? Really?"
"You don't know -"
"No? Christ, I don't even wanna ask 'Why me?' What is this, payback or something?"
"Jess -"
"You know what, I don't care." Shoving his hands in his pockets, a curt nod indicated the door. "Just get out."
"No," she said and stood firm after turning fractionally but deliberately towards him. Door at her back. "I wanted to see you. I was going to thank you."
"Please," he sneered. "This is priceless. Seriously, price-"
"Jess, shut up and listen to me for God's sake. I just wanted to see you. Remember New York?"
He pulled his head back like she'd swung to hit him, confused now as well as furious. "Do I wh-? What are you talking about?"
"I came to see you because I missed you, goddammit. That's so hard to understand? I missed us being friends."
His arm shot out fast beside him. Back there. "That doesn't happen to friends."
"Well, no, but -"
"But what? What are you doing here, Rory? In Philadelphia for fuck's sake. And here - -And you kissed me back," he lashed out, "so don't even -"
"You're not listening! I wanted - -I don't know, he's out of town and -"
"Oh come on. You're not -"
"Just shut up and let me fucking explain, Jess!"
"Huh." She'd wrong-footed him again, but this time he hadn't visibly shied away from the blow. "Little unexpected maybe," he went on evenly, "but -"
"Oh, I'm shocking you, am I?" she bit back. "Well here's another one. I did want to see you. And you wanted me to come. Don't deny it."
"Maybe. Whatever. But this -"
"Is crazy, I know. And I'm sorry," she relented, urging more softly, "But I wanted to see you. To see you happy. - -In your element. Like you were in New York."
"Stop talking about New York." His hoarseness, its edge, took her by surprise.
"Wh-? Why?" she managed.
"It's not the same and you know it."
"It is, I -"
"Actually," he said, affecting thoughtfulness as he scratched his chin and spat out, "Yeah, I guess it is. Because you were with another guy then, too, right? And if we missed each other - -Jeez, why am I saying this?"
"Say it."
"It wasn't as friends."
"Maybe not, but -"
"You got a whim, Rory. Then too. Like scratching an itch."
Her eyes were wide. Wounded but fierce. "Don't you dare say that. Think that. That is not fair. Not now and definitely not then."
"No, huh?"
She bit her lip and blinked hard. "I ..." What she choked past strained her voice. "Why would you tarnish -"
"Fine. I'm not, alright?" He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. Let heavy arms fall. "I'm not."
Silent. Catching fast breath.
Rory broke it quietly.
"I didn't come for - -For that. To cheat on him." She pulled an elbow across herself. "And I didn't come to hurt you, either. It's not payback, Jess."
"No?" he said, still acid.
"No. And I do miss you. Talking to you. Arguing -"
"Like this?"
"No."
"Good. 'Cause this part has always sucked."
He hadn't calmed much.
"Debating then," she said. "We ... we had fun, didn't we? And today. I had such a great time today."
"Yeah?" His frown lessened almost imperceptibly.
All she saw was his sternness and continued in her conciliatory tone, "Please, Jess. I swear I didn't come for that. I would never - -You don't deserve that. And I'm still glad I came."
"Huh." The slight jut of his chin was sharp when he said, "Me too then, I guess."
"I thought we could talk. More I mean. Generally." Twisted fingers twisting. "Be in touch, maybe. Just ... I don't know. Reconnect. As friends."
Still twisting, but no longer able to lock down her gaze.
"Okay," he breathed, shrugging minutely.
"Okay?"
A slight nod and the smile barely shaped itself on her mouth. Eyes, mainly. Lit brighter. Seeing contempt gone out in his.
But when she licked her lip the kiss came back. The phone weighted her hand.
He dragged a palm down his jaw and over his mouth. A weary, too-noisy breath let out like he'd been holding it.
"You gonna leave a message?"