A/N – Updated - 10-10-2010 (Today isn't an especially special day, but the date seemed appropriate to be able to update chapters and change my incorrect grammar/spellings/ and everything. Thank you for bearing with me on them, please enjoy yourselves!)

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto: Shippuden or any of its characters, although I do own this story and any copies or forgeries of this storyline will lead to HUGE rage. Thank you.

Forethought: This story isn't for the faint of heart. If you don't like RAPE, SEX, and the like. DO NOT READ! Should you feel that you have the stomach to continue, please do so in a mature and orderly fashion!

Chapter 1
-Remembrance-

"What we remember from our childhood,
we remember forever.
They become permanent ghosts,
stamped, inked, imprinted, eternally seen...
Even if we don't want them to be."

~Cynthia Ozick

Sakura Haruno Age: 19

Being a medic isn't all it's cracked to be. I mean… I love helping people, I love fixing the sick and wounded, and I love the smiles I get when my patients are feeling better, but the amount of death I've seen in the past few years has turned me cold and at times, cruel. Too many hard missions full of dead comrades and fellow brothers in arms, an abundance of betrayels, and a trail of tears so long, I'm sure they could reach Heaven. This isn't the life I dreamed of when I wanted to follow in my parent's footsteps, I'd always assumed everything was rainbows and butterflies, a stark contrast to the reality of things when I finally realized what it meant to be an ANBU Kunoichi.

I don't want to see another Shinobi dead, another twisted face, contorted in pain as their last few moments are spent screaming. Yet, I've come to the mind numbing conclusion that along with this life I've chosen as a ninja, and along with my career choice as a doctor, that this is all I'm good at and all I'll be able to do. If I don't do it, no one else will, even Lady Tsunade is shying away from this occupation and immersing herself in her Hokage duties. At times I wonder if she really ever wanted to be a doctor, or maybe she had the same mindset I did when I started, thinking I would be helping people. What I don't think either of us realized in the beginning what being a medic honestly meant, sure we supposed to learn how to heal people, but we needed to know how to kill them too. In my time as the Slug Princess' pupil, I've learned how to kill a ninja in seconds without so much as brandishing a weapon. Poison is an ideal choice to protect one's self from enemies, ranging from toxic gas fumes from a smoke bomb, to a lethal, injectable poison that can shut down a man's system in moments. It's sometimes sickening to wield techniques and power like this.

The older I get, the more I begin to realize how much this life warps the mind, twisting it in such a way that emotions don't come easily for some, although I would say that Naruto seems to cope quite well being a Shinobi, yet there are moments his life when even he sees the endless slaughter and wonders if it'll ever stop. He is a clouded youth though, just like me, innocently or not always charging ahead and moving on.

I wish I could see the world as he sees it, full of opportunities and light, but I seem to constantly fall into the darker recesses of my mind and allow the blackness to sink in. Things make more sense when the sake glass is half empty, they're a lot less disappointing too. Here, in this quagmiring pit I've created of my life, no one can hurt me, nothing effects how I function, and no one can betray my trust. I may not be at peace with myself, but I'm safe. The emotions I feel can easily be bottled away without a thought, left to rot on a shelf until I can deal with them later, although the only problem I seem to have come across while I do this, is that the shelf is swiftly running out of room for more bottles.

"Ms. Haruno?" A young medic touched Sakura's arm and pulled away when she flinched wildly, almost flailing her arm out to hit the would-be intruder upon her thoughts. "I-I don't mean to bother you, but Lady Tsunade wishes to see you." She bowed respectfully to her superior and skirted away without another word, the young medics were always so skittish around the pink haired ice queen, made so by years of hardening one's heart towards the outside world.

The walk to the Hokage's hospital office was long and only made longer by Sakura's intense fatigue, she hadn't slept in days, hadn't eaten in longer, and couldn't remember the last time she'd said a word to her friends. So many things were gnawing at her that she simply forgot how to continue sustaining herself and in the back of her exhausted, starving mind, Sakura hoped her mentor wasn't going to reprimand her for it. It wasn't as if the starvation or sleep deprivation was intentional, but her nights had been spent in the hospital, tending to the sick and wounded, and what little shut eye she did manage to catch was spent amidst the thrall of thrashing nightmares that always seemed to violently jerk her awake.

"Ah, Sakura," Tsunade commented, waving Shizune away like some annoying horsefly, "leave us. I need to speak to Sakura alone." Her assistant didn't pout, although Sakura sensed some annoyance at being sent away, but if Lady Tsunade had something to say, neither was going to argue.

The door clicked behind the young medical-nin and the pinkette flinched again when the sound boomed in her ears, "Lady Tsunade. Good morning."

"And good morning to you," she paused as she signed a few more documents and finally gave her full attention to her charge. She was looking immaculately pristine and modest today, a change from her normal loose fitting kimono top that hung so low her breasts practically popped out. For once her top was securely fitted around her body, hiding her enormous assets, and her hair swept back completely into a ponytail. She looked like she was dressed for a funeral, although no one of importance had died wondered if it was her own the woman was looking good for.

Hokage's breath sharply inhaled and Sakura knew that the older woman had something important to say, even if it wasn't something she may have wanted to hear, "Sakura. I've heard a few things around the hospital. Not good things." She interlaced her fingers and leaned her chin on them as was her normal position when she spoke seriously.

"Some of the other medical-nin have been telling me that you've become… exhausted. Some of them have even claimed your making mistakes on the job now as well."

Sakura's eyes concentrated hard on the floorboards, she wanted to melt into the wall and pretend this conversation wasn't happening. Worst of all, she couldn't deny the accusations, she had been messing up and she was beyond tired.

"Do you have anything to say about this?"

The girl shook her head solemnly, feeling more and more like a tiny child every second that passed her by while she remained in this horribly tacky looking office.

"I think I'm going to move you to a field nin medic for a short time. It'll allow you some time to rest between missions, and get you to be around your friends, I've heard from Naruto that you've been very distant and haven't visited lately."

"Damn you Naruto!"

"Yes, ma'am. Will I be able to return to the hospital when you feel I've completed my punishment?"

"Sakura," Tsunade's voice was soft, almost motherly, the amount of affection in her voice stabbed her pupil like a hot poker to the soul, "this isn't a punishment. You need to rest, your friends miss you, and you've spent too long in the emergency wing without a break. That much death shouldn't be visited upon anyone-"

"But you handle it, Sensei," Sakura defended.

"I am also… contrary to popular belief… much older than you," she was trying to make a joke, but the exhausted ninja didn't catch the humor and Tsunade cleared her throat. "Well, I will call you and your rather unused team for a mission in the next few days. Please go see Naruto and Sai before you head home today. I know both have been missing you terribly." It was almost humorous to think of Sai actually missing anyone, and if Sakura had had the energy to chuckle, she would have.

That seemed to be it, the conversation just ended and the Hokage snatched up more paperwork. When she noticed a stunned Sakura had yet to move, she looked up from her desk of scrolls and gave the girl an expecting look, "is there something else, Ms. Haruno?"

"No… No, Hokage," she turned around slowly and went for the door, avoiding the flying wood as Shizune came bursting back through, she had the most impeccable timing and in most cases the most irritating.

Sakura slowly made her way down the hall, a strange silence seeming to have overtaken the hospital. All the medical-nin had conveniently disappeared, the patients seemed locked away in their rooms, not even the nursery, just a hallway over, had the sounds of life. It was like everyone was holding their breath as the pink haired nin made her silent, brooding exit.

"I can't believe it. I can't believe I've been benched from the hospital. How could this have happened? Wasn't I doing a good job? I thought I was Lady Tsunade's best medical nin."

She sluggishly trudged her way towards the training field, always a good bet for finding the blond ninja and she of course heard him before she saw him. When those eyes caught her, that old half-cocked grin graced his still young features as he bounded towards her. He still had his academy aged crush on her and though the pinkette had never honestly entertained the thought of sharing any type of relationship aside from the teammate and best friend kind, he still held deep feelings for her.

"Sakura! You're here! I mean you're actually standing here in the flesh," he clapped her lightly on the shoulder, grinning like some feral cat that had just caught a mouse, "it's been ages since you've stepped foot in the field. What made you come?"

Green eyes downcast towards the ground as she shook her head and struggled to find something to say, anything but the truth, "I just thought we should do some-"

"Lady Tsunade fired her." A tall, agile shadow leapt from the trees and landed softly nearby and it didn't take a rocket scientist to know that Sai had just intruded.

"I wasn't fired!"

Naruto blinked curiously, looking from Sai to Sakura, "come on guys don't-"

"Ugly, it's okay to admit you're a bad doctor," Sai smiled and didn't see the flying foot to his face until he was thrown across the field. He rolled a few feet before finally coming to a stop, his art supplies were strewn all over like a tornado had ripped through the training ground, and it took all Naruto's strength to prevent his crush from murdering the art ninja.

"CALL ME UGLY AGAIN, ASSHOLE! I DARE YOU!" Sakura's face was flushed and her eyes flared fired red behind green irises. Everyone within a mile's radius knew who was screaming and that someone was about to die.

"Now, now kids, that's no way to treat teammates," Kakashi strode in carefree from the outer training gates, his porn book clutched tightly in one hand, and a set of bright blue stress balls in the other. His one showing eye squinted into a smile as he came to Sakura and Naruto's sides, "here, use these to feel better. Lady Tsunade filled me in on the situation." He dropped the squishy, squeak toys into the medical-nin's palm and turned to the fallen ninja, still plastered to the hard, dirt ground, sputtering and coughing up sizeable rocks.

"You shouldn't treat, your teammates like that, Sai, especially if it's Sakura. You're liable to lose a limb, and maybe a limb you're not willing to part with at such a young age." The man smiled underneath his mask, his eye closing slightly into a joking gleam.

"What's that supposed to mean!" The young female ninja screamed, squeezing the stress balls so hard Naruto could almost hear them shrieking out for mercy.

Kakashi grinned to his old pupil and raised his hands up in mocking surrender, there were times when she scared even the new White Fang of Konoha. Since his father's passing, it seemed he'd taken on that title from many of the generation that still remembered. "Nothing, Sakura. Only scolding Sai."

The pink haired dragon sighed heavily and rubbed her temples with her free hand, "I'm tired, I'm going to go home." She didn't even give them a chance to retort and turned from the group towards town, night fell fast during the winter times and she didn't want to get caught out in the cold night air.

"I should've brought a coat." Sakura shivered in the night air, rubbing her arms over each other for friction. The apartment was just up the road and if she hastened her pace it wouldn't be more than a few moments of chilling air before a nice, soft comforter could be within in reach.

She suddenly felt the tiny hairs on the back of her neck prickle, as the sense of something sinister watching took a taloned grip on her mind.

"Hello?" Her voice was strong, unafraid, enough ANBU ranked missions as an ANBU medical nin had made her used to things that would have scared any normal person.

There was no answer.

Her eyes darted from the well lit street ahead, towards the darkened alleyway to her left, a cold zephyr wind suddenly kicked up dust and swirled it around her ankles.

"Sakura," a whispery voice came to her ears, familiar, yet so far gone from her mind that she couldn't place it. A shadow darted across the alleyway, slowly taking the form of a human being.

"Who's there?" Sakura took a cautious step toward the figure, her right hand inching towards her weapons pack on her hip.

"Sakura," the voice repeated in a whispery tone, a pair of golden eyes appeared from the darkness and a white toothed grin came forward. All the rosette nin could think about was how much fear those eyes seemed to instill in her. It froze her in place and she felt helpless to whatever this specter had in store for her.

"I've come for you," the grin grew wider and then leapt for her, she had only a second to react and threw herself to the pavement.

The shadow remained cloaked in darkness, but a nearby street lamp cast a tiny bit of light onto her attacker's body, and Sakura Haruno gasped, the wind completely taken from her lungs, "Sasuke?"

He cackled in his demonic form and charged her again and everything went dark in Sakura's world…

A/N – Okies, hope you guys had a fun time reading this first chapter. As always, glad you read it, thank you and please REVIEW!