She stands there so politely, utterly self aware. Tohru's slanted frame leans against the doorway, and as sunlight floods the room, her hair flickers yellow. She asked me something, I think. She's looking at me, mouth slightly ajar, eyes hesitant, like she just asked me something.
"What are you looking at me like that for?" I ask, snapping my head back toward the open window. I hear the harshness of my own voice fill the room, startling the sunlight. Then I see Tohru's face react, like one would to the cold.
Shit.
"Oh, uh. Sorry, Kyou. Did you want any of the rice balls I -"
"I'm not hungry."
Tohru smiles, even though I've given her no reason to. She's always smiling in that dopey, crooked way. Without reason. She lingers for just a moment before turning away from where I sit on floor and returning to the kitchen. She traces her finger along the wood paneled wall as she walks, before dipping around the corner.
My school work surrounds me in a sad pile. There's no point now. I shove my books aside and turn to where Tohru was standing, framed in the doorway. It looks so empty now.
In the light, her hair looked like a batch of sunflowers.
What the fuck am I thinking.
"Yum! You've done it again, my sweet Tohru!" Shigure's voice bursts in from the other room. He's always fawning over her, but not in a proud way. More like how one would treat a small child who tied her shoes for the first time. Patronizing. He mistakes innocence for naivety.
Yet, there is something I could learn from him. Confidence, maybe? I should have accepted the offer of rice balls gratefully. I should have followed Tohru into the kitchen and asked her about her day. But I can't do that now, especially with Shigure there as witness. Of course I can't. For other reasons, too.
But maybe tonight, after Shigure locks himself in his study and Yuki is at his damn secret base. I can ask her about her day then. Maybe I can make up for my bullshit.
I spend the evening staring out the window. Knowing I should be outside training or at least working on that damn paper. But there's something so pleasant about doing absolutely nothing. My mind blank, not thinking of cats or rats or any other four legged beast.
"Sitting on your ass, as always, I see." It's him. Yuki, just returning from school. Head turned, always posing his girlish face. So much for peace and quiet.
"Had fun with your fan club, pretty boy?" It's the first thing that slips between my clenched teeth. He's giving me that dignified look I hate more than almost anything. He ignores my remark and makes his way to the kitchen without another word.
As I sit alone on the floor, I know Yuki is asking Tohru about her day. With such ease.
It isn't until a few hours later, once the house is quiet, that I slip in the kitchen to eat. Tohru of course has saved me a plate of rice balls, neatly wrapped up in the fridge. They're good, too.
As I sit at the table eating, I hear light footsteps coming down the stairs. And of course they're Tohru's footsteps. Yuki and Shigure are far more noisy. Normally, if she were approaching, I'd make my way into the next room or at least brace myself. Avoid her or put my guards up. But not tonight.
"There you are, Kyou!" She says. I know she thinks she's caught me by surprise. But I'm here on purpose.
She's been studying. I can tell by the pencil marks on her hand and her tired eyes. Constantly working.
"How was your day?" I ask, mouth full of rice. I get the words out before I lose my nerve.
"Oh! It was good! How was your day?" She pipes up, eyes as big as dinner plates.
I nod.
"Are they okay?" She gestures to the rice ball in my hand.
"Yeah." I say. They're amazing, Tohru.
"Oh good!"
We stare at each other for a moment, and she waits for me to say something more. But I don't.
"Well, good night, then," she says as she turns to leave.
Tohru's hair fans behind her as she walks away.
"Wait!" I say suddenly. Surprising even myself.
She whips around.
"Your hair - in the light, your hair looks like sunflowers."
Why the fuck did I say that!?
But then Tohru smiles. And I think, this time, she smiles with reason.
And I smile, too.