For my (wonderful) friend, TwilightRose2, aka the Queen of Tokka Angst—and Tokka in general, now that I think of it.
Pimpage? Maybe. But she deserves it :D
It was dinnertime.
This had come to the attention of Toph some moments ago, as she lay sprawled across the ground, clutching her stomach and moaning with the pain of hunger.
"Snoozles," she groaned. "Snoozles."
Sokka looked at her fiercely, and brought his finger to his lips. "Shh," he hissed out of the corner of his mouth, with an exaggerated point towards the possum-chicken only a few feet away, munching on the grass. "I'm trying to hunt. And besides," he added, almost as an afterthought, "You sounded like you were having sex with someone and moaning some pet name while you were fu—"
"Snoozles," Toph hissed, cutting him off. A deep blush taking hold of her complexion, she ground out, "Food. Now."
Gulping, Sokka nodded quickly. "Right," he whispered. "Just another minute."
"It better be," she muttered, flopping flat on her back to stare sightlessly at the sky. They'd been traveling together for some two weeks now, as they made their way to the Southern Water Tribe for Katara and Aang's wedding. Of course, Sokka had been forced to come and drag her away from her Earth Rumble Tournament, as any wedding invitation received had either been discarded as junk mail or dubbed a dirty attempt to trick her out of the competition.
Vibrations traveled over as Sokka crouched down, newly-purchased machete held high above his head. At last, with a loud battle cry, he dove for the prey. "You're mine!" he screeched, blade whistling as he swung it through the air.
And missed the targeted possum-chicken by mere inches.
The startled creature looked up, blinked it's wide, unintelligent eyes, and with one last mouthful of grass, scurried off into the forest. Sokka stood there, dumbfounded, until he slowly began to remove the machete from its six-inch dive into the ground.
"Sokka," Toph said slowly, "Did you just lose our dinner?"
"Hehe…hehehehe…" Sokka scratched the back of his head nervously. "We could have…nuts?"
"Oh, I know whose nuts are really in trouble," Toph screeched, stomping towards him in the perfect epitome of blind fury. "You. Lost. Us. Dinner!"
"Hey," he defended, falling onto his ass and desperately scrambling backwards, "Hunting isn't easy, you know! It's hard! It's an art form! And I bet you couldn't do it half as well as I can!"
Sokka froze.
Toph fumed. "Oh, really? Well then, why don't I prove you dead wrong?" Marching over, she yanked the machete right from his hands, with a snippy, "Give me that," and pointed deep into the heart of the forest.
"Four feet away," she announced. "A nice, plump, juicy—"
"Rabbit?" Sokka inputted, drooling.
"No," Toph corrected, "Turkey-duck." He frowned.
She tiptoed over, attempted to copy Sokka's squat, and, when judged a good distance away from the turkey-duck, swung the machete downward with a screeched, "Dumbass! This is how you do it!"
Five seconds later, she found herself sprawled across the dirt, and the brand-new machete broken into across the very knee of the earth.
"My weapon!" he howled, clutching the ground and tearing at his hair.
"Yes, your weapon," Toph agreed, relieved for a distraction from her rather magnificent failure. But alas, it was not to be.
Suddenly, all traces of the weapon fled Sokka's mind, as the scene he had just witnessed returned. "Wait," he said slowly, turning to face her and squinting carefully as he did so, "You can't hunt, can you?"
"Of course I can," Toph snapped, crossing her arms and getting a very, very bad feeling about this. "Duh."
"No, you can't," Sokka answered, with a jubilation normally only expected of him at hot-girl parties and lavish banquets. "Tomorrow," he announced gleefully, "I am going to teach you how to hunt!"
"But—but I can!" she sputtered.
"Hunting lessons, hunting lessons," Sokka sang, dancing around the fire. "And I'm going to teeeee-ach them," he warbled passionately, before falling to the ground in euphoria and continuing his outbreak of joyous song face down in the dirt.
Recognizing him for a lost cause, Toph did the only thing really left to do.
She despaired.
And then, Toph was hit by a sudden realization.
Hunting.
Well, there was one man hunt she'd very much like to continue.
As for conventionality—don't even joke.
Hmph.
As if the word was even in her vocabulary.
And suddenly, the idea of going back to school seemed a hell of a lot more interesting.
Promptly at the crack of noon, Toph was rudely awakened by one over-enthusiastic Water Tribe warrior (of a sort). Having dragged himself out of bed approximately two minutes beforehand, with a strangled sort of moan Sokka managed to sloppily throw his machete at Toph's head, ending in a reminiscing of the sleep-on-edge attitude she'd taken during the days of the war, and one supremely pissed-off earthbender.
"Fine then," she grouched, rubbing her bruised head, "Teach me, o wise one."
"I am, aren't I?" Sokka agreed, before beginning hastily at Toph's fierce expression, "Lesson one: stealth.
"You've gotta be pretty damn sneaky to really get close to your prey," he explained. "Stealthy like a ninja," Sokka whispered, dropping to the forest floor and slithering around on his belly.
Toph scowled. "I can do that—ha." Dropping to the floor, she wallowed around in the leaves like a warthog in a mud hole. The forest immediately came alive with the sound of desperate animals, racing to get out before the fearsome beasts came within their midst and ate them alive.
"Lesson one," Sokka repeated. "I officially give you, as a grade…"
"A, right?" she asked smugly, rising from the ground and leaning back against a tree.
"F," he finished.
At his answer, her mouth dropped open.
"Hey," Sokka interrupted before she could even begin, "You were pretty much big ole' scary Toph-monster to them. Now, if you really wanna be super-sneaky and use awesome ninja skills like mine, heh, to get close to an animal, you gotta…"
Ignoring any advice he had in store for her, Toph fumed and ground her teeth. Watch and wait. Watch and wait. Watch and wait.
Meanwhile, Sokka wondered why he even tried.
"Lesson two, corner your prey."
"Whatever, whatever," Toph grumbled. "I'll just shut the poor animal in a box, 'kay?" As she spoke, an unfortunate squirrel wandered its way in front of her. Without hesitation, four earthen walls rose on all sides of the furry animal.
Wrinkling its nose, the tiny creature stuck its snout out of the open ceiling in a display of extreme cuteness…
Only to have the box snapped shut around it, accidentally squishing the squirrel to bits in the process.
Toph looked a bit disappointed. "Aw. Looked like it woulda made good eating. Oh, well," she sighed, resigned to her fate. "What's my grade?"
Sokka, on the other hand, seemed to be in shock. "You…killed it…"
"Snoozles." She turned to him, a funny expression on her face. "Are you…crying?"
"No," Sokka sniffled, turning away to wipe his nose on his nonexistent sleeve, "I just—I just got something in my eye." Glancing back at her, he added weakly, "F. You can't eat something—that cute—I mean—that squished—" his lower lip wobbled, and he mumbled something akin to "you monster."
Toph contented herself with wondering how the hell she fell for someone quite this big of a wimp. (WATCH AND WAIT. WATCH AND WAIT. WATCH. AND. FREAKING. WAIT.)
"Lesson three," Sokka growled out, still a bit torn up over the death of his cute, fuzzy friend. "Coming in for the kill."
Toph grinned, and rubbed her hands together. "I'm looking forward to this."
The time to spring was coming. She could feel it.
Grumbling to himself, her makeshift teacher spoke clearly: "Just—dart in for the kill. But no..." Sokka winced. "Just nothing cute. Or fuzzy."
"Dumbass," she muttered to herself.
Seriously.
It was a freaking squirrel.
Toph managed to find a suitable, ugly, snake.
Watching it with a mixture of disgust and fear, Sokka squeezed one eye shut. "Just kill it," he whimpered. "Before it bites me—I mean, dies of fright from being in my manly prescence." Yet Sokka had no strength to put the cocky actions behind his words.
As she attempted to stab it with an earthen icicle, and missed, the snake began to hiss and rattle its tail. Toph, more than a little unnerved, backed away. "Shall we run?"
Sokka made a desperate attempt at bravery—
And failed.
"Yes," he agreed gravely, "We shall."
Racing back as fast as their legs could carry them, they stood, panting, until, at last, Sokka caught his breath. "Good choice in a life or death situation," he complimented, "but not hunting. So, once more, I give you F. I mean, it's not even dead! It could come kill us in our sleep!" Sokka couldn't help adding rather frantically.
"It's six inches long," Toph said truthfully. But, hey, she didn't wanna end up snakey-snake dinner. And it wasn't like she could let herself get killed—die a virgin? As if. (Which Toph wasn't. She just...hadn't had really awesome really great sex yet like she wanted to. Yeah. That's it.)
Sokka frowned. "Feet."
For once, Toph let the obvious exaggeration go uncorrected.
"Now," he announced haughtily, still sure to distance himself from his particularly offensive friend, "You may prepare yourself for the final assessment."
And this, Toph thought.
This was where things started getting good.
At the end of the day, Sokka had a big old pile of regret.
And Toph?
Toph had a plan.
"Okay, final assessment," Sokka announced that night, albeit wearily. "As it stands, you have an F. Assuming you manage to do it right this time, you'll get a good grade and it'll bring you up to passing. Hopefully."
Sokka took a deep breath, as Toph let out an exasperated sigh. Honestly. As if it was that important. At least, in the way that Sokka was talking about.
"So pick your prey, and show me what you've got. Assuming you've got anything at all."
Toph made a fierce expression, and Sokka backed off. "I mean…" he swallowed. "Hehehehe. You know….you're…err…actually…very attractive when you're angry…" Sokka improvised desperately, only realizing the truth in the words as he spoke them.
"Hpmh." Toph withdrew the unspoken threat, though, and instead chose to voice dryly, "Y'know, Snoozles, part of this might be because you're not exactly the best teacher in the world."
"Hey!" Sokka protested indignantly. "I'll have you know that I am very well known in a lot of places!"
"Like what?" she smirked.
"Like…err…" he rubbed his hand across his mouth, morphing the sound as it came out. "And…" Sokka repeated the gesture, as an exasperated look came across his companion's face.
"Let's just get on with it." And oh, was she looking forward to it.
"Okay," the warrior began, "Like I said, first: pick your prey."
She had her sights set on him. Or, well, close enough.
"Now: stealth." Sokka looked green, as though awaiting this new and all the more horrifying disgrace to the ancient and sacred art known as hunting.
"I'm so stealthy, you never once saw this coming," Toph announced cockily. Sokka, in answer, regarded her nervously.
"And…lesson two?" he gulped.
"Corner your prey," Toph smirked, taking a few steps forward and leaning into him precariously. The effect was nearly, but not quite, lost by the severe difference and height. Raising her chin defiantly yet arrogantly at the same time, Toph was somehow able to stare right up at him with sightless eyes. "Done, done, and done."
Sokka was getting a feeling that this wasn't just any hunt. "Lesson…three…" he said weakly, "Strike without….err….hesitation."
She did so, with great jubilation.
Pressing her small body perfectly against Sokka's, Toph darted upwards and collided her mouth with his. Eager and obviously warranting a reaction, she wasted no time in hasty introductions: no, Toph dove right in and made sure that he knew how much she'd wanted to do this for who knows how many years.
When she drew away at last, both of them panting and thoroughly satisfied—for the moment, at least—she had the nerve to add one last thing.
"So," Toph asked pompously, "What's my grade now, hm?"
He gave her an A.