Too Sexy

by Totally-T3ii3

Tsume singing and dancing to the song I'm too sexy. Songfic. AU. Marysue.

This was just some fun stuff I had to write because the song is so funny and I know that this will be loved! Please enjoy.

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Tsume leaned against the wall of the abandoned, broken down building, the room he stood in was once a bathroom. But now, after the nobles attacked this pathetic city it was destroyed, the toilet was shattered! And the sink was rust covered, the tub was so full of filth and debris it was a wonder it hadn't fallen through the floor down to the foundation of the building. The only thing in tact in this room was the mirror above the sink, even that had a crack going from the top corner to the opposite bottom corner.

Tsume walked a little closer to the mirror, he was covered in sweat, and blood; he took his own breath away. They had been trying to save all of the wolves that were crushed during the attack, all of them died, and Toboe was even damaged! Tsume was on guard to watch the cub whilst the others tried to find survivors, Tsume knew it was hopeless. But now, looking into that mirror, into his own eyes, he realized just how sexy he was. In fact, he was so over come by his beauty a song came to mind.

I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me

The words flowed from his mouth as he began to move and sing to the beat repeating itself in his mind. The sweat was pumping once more down his brow and to his chest and soaking his jacket and undershirt.

I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt
so sexy it hurts

At this he ripped off his jacket and undershirt and swung them about his head and tossed them to the side. His sweat on his chest glistened as the rays of the sunrise hit him. Even though his eyes were shut one would know he was enjoying this far too much!

And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan
New York and Japan

At this verse Tsume kicked some of the debris on the ground and continued to sing and dance. Shaking his head and arms tossing his head and rubbing his hands on his stomach and chest. His tongue pressed pass his closed lips and he licked the sweat from his upper lip and chin. Then made a satisfied sigh.

And I'm too sexy for your party
Too sexy for your party
No way I'm disco dancing

He abruptly stopped dancing and waited, clicking his tongue three times before continuing to move and groove, tossing his head and sighing contently as his fingers pressed against his chest and stomach. Sweat poured from every inch of himself. If a young girl were to walk in at this moment she'd faint of pleasure, such a sexy man covered in sweat and singing in such a delicious voice!

I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I do my little turn on the catwalk

He opened his eyes and strutted towards the mirror then looked deep into his own eyes and turned around promptly and strut back two feet to where he had been standing. He placed one hand on his forehead and wiped away the sweat then licked his hand as if he were a cat.

I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car
Too sexy by far

He pretended to be driving an invisible car and when he said "too sexy by far" he imitated to open a car door and get out! He danced some more, sweating all the while, he was hot and sticky now but the song in his head was not over, and he was having such a good time.

And I'm too sexy for my hat
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that

He put his hand up just a bit away from his forehead and moved his hand about the non-existent brim of the hat and twirled it and tossed it off, in his mind a hat flew out the window and he danced more, glad be rid of the head covering.

I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touché on the catwalk

He advanced on the mirror once more and leaned too close, for if the mirror were a person it would have shoved him away. His hot breath fogged up the glass, all he could see now were his beautiful yellow eyes, filled with lust. He licked the mirror and kissed it, and seemed to be trying to get the mirror to make up with him. In the back of his mind, the part that was not enjoying anything right now, he was hoping he would cut his tongue on the cracked mirror.

I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my

"Way too sexy" he panted and once more rubbed his stomach and chest with delight and pleasure. "mmmm" he moaned and tossed his head "yeah…" The way he felt he was hoping a girl would walk in and see him, he's love to do something with a girl. But, right now he was keeping himself entertained.

'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk yeah on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touché on the catwalk

He proceeded to shake his little touché whilst rubbing his stomach. He was so delighted his mind thought the mirror had eyes! He was appalled that someone was checking him out, but charmed as well. So he cranked up the show and began to un-do his pants and shimmy them down, just for the mirrors pleasure, of course.

I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat
Poor pussy poor pussy cat

He then spun once and totally discarded his pants; now all he wore was a pair of tight, white, briefs! He held his hand up and petted the air then tossed his hand backwards and the imaginary cat flew and splattered against the wall! It was too bad for the cat that he couldn't care less; he was too busy hoping to keep the mirror entertained.

I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me

At this statement he fell to his knees hoping the mirror would believe just how upset he was that his love would leave him, but then realized he didn't care because he was so sexy. He jumped to his feet, and spun twice then once more made out with the mirror! He leapt back and snapped his head to look down at the floor.

And I'm too sexy for this song

He put both arms out to the side and jerked his hip to the left, then the right, then threw his head back and belted out the last syllable for the word "song"! Once he felt the mirror was satisfied he took a deep breath. That was fun; he decided and was considering doing it once again but heard someone clear their throat. He spun around and saw Toboe standing there staring in horror, his face burnt red in utter humiliation. Had Toboe seen all of that?

"T…Toboe?" he stammered "D…. did you s… see…. everything?"

"Y… almost…"

Both of the wolves were too humiliated to do or say anything, it was far too odd for Toboe to see Tsume singing and dancing in his underwear, and Tsume was too terrified to say something. He gathered together his clothes and slowly began to put them on, Toboe walked out of the room.

"Well, that was an amazing show, you are too sexy."

Tsume spun around blushing, if Toboe had said that! But Toboe was not there, and it was not Toboe's voice. He fearfully looked over at the mirror; Tsunichi's reflection was there in that mirror smiling. She was another wolf they saved; Tsume realized she was the one he was trying to impress!

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Tsunichi is my own character and she loves Tsume, so yeah. I hope this is loved by all. My first attempt at humor, enjoy.