Chapter One: It Started With A Secret
Author's Notes: This story was inspired by and revolves around Post Secret. A site that I enjoy immensely, I hope you all will go and give it a once over ( google if needed ) before asking me what it is. Honestly, the site is practically self explanatory (And he explains it all in one sentence...).
Also: This is a one-shot (after a long debate). There is not going to be a continuance, an epilogue – nothing. I know you're all probably pissed nothing else is up, but...I've been super busy and I had this almost finished, so I hope you'll all still love me in the end.
Warning/Disclaimer: NOT A HAPPY ENDING. If you do decide to question me into an oblivion as to why I wrote this or did that, why they couldn't they do this... I can't answer. I have no idea myself. There is shounen-ai and I think foul language. Hints of SasuSaku. I rated to be safe – so sue me. I don't own anything (neither Naruto or Post Secret), I make no money from this.
Chapter One: It Started With A Secret
For: Resuna, GaaraEatsTacos, SpiffyCaptainJ, and Thuggy Ninjette. Despite this being angst ridden, I really do love them.
Insert lots of love for my patient reviewers as well.
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Waking up wasn't the easiest thing in the world. It was hard. You have to fight with your eyelids, argue with your legs, and make sure your brain is working. Nothing at all about it is easy. You have to try your best to wrestle out of the sheets, dig to find your slippers and get away from the temptation of your pillows. You have to try to make it to the bathroom without tripping over your own two feet while you feel like you haven't peed in a year. Then you have to beat your alarm clock because you forgot to turn off the snooze.
At least that's what it was like for Naruto.
Sunday's were always the days where he didn't have a thing in the world to do. It was his unofficial day off. He refused to clean, didn't have to work, and promised to be lazy to the core. Occasionally a friend would stop by and they would hang out, but he mostly refused to go out. It would always be his day to relax.
Up until recently.
After sending in his biggest secret to let it be revealed to the world, something about the situation left him on edge. Or more along the lines of everything.
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Flashback – Two Weeks Earlier
"Alright, how's yours coming?"
Tan fingers tangled through frazzled blond hair, blue eyes stared down at the floor underneath him. He pushed himself up on his hands, laying on his stomach on the floor.
"It's almost done." He replied.
There was a chime of a giggle, and a hand gently shoved the blond and had him settling back on the floor. "I thought this was supposed to be something fun, Naruto."
He gave the girl a look of mixed embarrassment and annoyance. "Well Sakura, it's just a little different when things get down to it I guess."
Green eyes drifted to the tiny little post card that was in front of her friend, just glancing at it before picking up her own.
"How about we trade?"
He gave her an uneasy look. "You aren't even serious about this, how do I know that it isn't a joke?"
She sighed, "Because I think it's a wonderful idea. I can reveal my deepest secret to the world without having to show my face. Anyone would jump at the chance to get that type of weight off their chest."
"Yeah, the only difference is you're an arms length away which means you can still hurt me." He grumbled, sitting up and crossing his legs.
He grabbed the card and played with the corners with the tips of his fingers. He was nervous. It was one thing to send in his secret and wait to see if gets posted on the internet, no strings attached in a way. Its another to let his friend see it.
Post Secret was something he had gotten into once a friend from class showed him the site. The creator asked for people to reveal their secrets on post cards through anonymity and a certain amount would be posted every week after being chosen. It was a simple concept that Naruto found amazing. Occasionally there would be a very deep secret with personal art work that blew him away. Sometimes it would be something funny. It was always different. It was always promising though, every week. Every week on Sunday he saw something he related to that he didn't think anyone else felt or dealt with.
After showing Sakura though, she decided it would be an amazing idea if the two of them made their cards together and sent them in.
He passed his along to her silently while she passed hers over with a bright and eager smile. Naruto glanced at the card and smiled. He had forgotten what talent his friend had when it came to art. It was a beautiful pen sketch of a nurse and a girl. The little girl was crying huddled down and hugging her knees. The nurse was looking down at a medical clip board smiling.
I'm terrified I'll never reach my goal that I set when I was seven.
He looked up at his friend with stern eyes. "That's why you're so damn hard on yourself when it comes school! Really though? I can't believe...you'd..." He trailed off.
Sakura looked up from her hands with wide eyes, and then her brow furrowed. "Naruto...your secret..."
"Look..." He sighed, running a hand through his wispy blond hair, ready to explain.
"Is it about who I think it is?" She asked quietly.
He barely nodded. "Yeah, it is."
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Present Time-
He rolled his chair up to the computer with a sigh, turning it on and letting it whir to life. As soon as it was on enough to function, he went straight to his e-mail. It had been two weeks since he talked to Sakura face to face. She refused. The best he got was an e-mail.
Sure enough, and lucky too, she had replied once again.
Naruto,
I can't believe how mature you seem through an e-mail compared to the normal you in real life. I'm guessing it's because you have time to go over what you want to say, where face to face you speak before you think.
Frank Warren was right in saying we see more of our real selves when letting out a secret. You were right in saying we free ourselves from our conscious. I know you didn't mean to hurt me, I could never even imagine you trying something like that, but you have to understand where I'm coming from. It's not only shocking, but it does hurt. Again, I know you don't mean it to, but it stings and a part of me feels betrayed. I hope you can understand Naruto that I just need a little more time.
-Sakura
Also- Go to the website.He knew what website she was talking about, but a part of him really didn't give a damn to check it at the moment. He felt like he chased his friend away. He was frustrated and upset.
"See why I didn't want you to see it?" He mumbled to himself.
He mentally debated on going to their frequently visited website that usually lead to hours of discussion and deep talks. He felt it was a little disappointing going to Post Secret without Sakura next to him; the two of them drinking hot chocolate and trying to talk over each other.
But, he didn't have anything to do until five that evening. He could at least pass ten minutes looking at wonderful pieces of art. A few minutes to see people pouring out their feelings.
The page loaded with a quick swipe of his keyboard.
It was filled with the new outcry's of weekly secrets. The first one, lucky enough, was something enjoyable and had him laughing as soon as he glanced at it. He couldn't really imagine what a mother-in-law could do to piss someone off so much. Then again, he had heard horror stories. There was another about questioned faith, which he found to be the most typical to be seen. One was about cheating on a diet. Another was someone admitting they never loved the person they were with. Some had hand drawn art smacked on in the background. Others had things from magazines, stills from the internet, personal pictures with faces covered up.
And then he stopped. His hand left the mouse that it was stilled upon. His mouth dropped open and he simply stared.
It was his card. It was his handwriting. It was his secret. It was sitting there, screaming out for the entire community to see.
There was the picture that he cropped and pasted and taped. It was covering the postcard he bought at the post office with Sakura a couple weeks ago. The only thing visible under the strips of paper that told his tale were two smiles. One was large and bright, excited and joyful. The other was small and discreet, but showing a great deal of happiness.
I can't help it...
He traced the tip of his finger over the picture and ran them over the sentences he wrote out on paper. One part was at the top, the second was written across the bottom surrounding the portrait of happiness.
Falling in love with you was the last thing I wanted.
"Holy shit..." He muttered, his fingers withdrawing.
A part of him felt relieved. It was out in the open, as explosive as it was. He knew what it meant, who he meant, what that held. A part of him felt excited, relieved, joyful. The other felt terrified, worried, stressed. This was the secret he sworn he'd carry to his grave. This was the secret he swore he wouldn't acknowledge. This was the secret that he now flung out in the open. His paranoia finally spoke at last with sudden thoughts of certain people possibly finding out. All his friends now looked at the website after Naruto insisted upon it. They would know those smiles, they would recognize the chicken scratch handwriting.
His heart though, decided to stop right around the time he realized there was a reply. Occasionally people would send in e-mails in regards to the post cards. Of all of them, he was surprised to see there was one under his.
He felt himself lean over and look it over before he felt like he was about to feint.
"No..." Me muttered, his chest suddenly heaving, the panic flaring. "This is fucking impossible."
It was one word that had him standing up and instantly leaving his computer abandoned. One simple thing that had him suddenly scrambling to just simply leave and get out of the house – to get away. One damn stupid word that he was so familiar with and now seemed to be engraved on his eyes so he could never stop seeing it.
Dobe.
Naruto avoided anyone and everyone he possibly could for three weeks. He still went to school and he diligently crammed for finals. He picked up extra shifts at work to occupy what could have been free time. He stayed after almost every class so he could to talk a professor and take up more of the social time that he usually had to spare.
He refused to go anywhere near where his friends hung out. He didn't bother answering his phone and he ignored everyone who came to his door. If his group of friends saw that secret, they'd know exactly who it was supposed to be about. He couldn't face that yet.
He sighed, settling into his computer chair. Again, it was his free day. Again, he was starting Sunday like he did every week. This time was different though, because now he had nothing to be on edge about. His secret was out to the world, or really, whoever had read it. The only troubling thought was what his friends thought if they saw it.
Pushing those thoughts out of his mind; the worry, the fear and the pin of regret he scooted his chair forward and flicked at his mouse.
He typed in the address and leaned back in his chair, taking a sip of his coffee as he scrolled leisurely down the list of secrets. It was therapeutic, he thought to himself, starting a day off knowing he wasn't the only person on the planet with some certain type of problem. The start of the day was even better remembering he was back on speaking terms with Sakura.
His cell phone rang next to him, and absently he grabbed for it and silenced it. He'd get back to whoever when he was finished reading. This was his morning time to himself to wake up and start the day stress free. He scrolled more, and looked down when his phone started ringing again.
He picked it up figuring it was either an emergency or something else of great importance.
"Hello?"
That was when he saw it. The same time he heard the sniffle on the other end of the phone, he saw it. At the same time Sakura's voice struck his ear, he read it.
"Did you know about it?" She asked, "Just tell me the truth, Naruto."
It was the same picture he had sent in that was staring him down in the face. His bright smile and a discreet one next to it. The handwriting, he instantly and easily recognized. It felt like a block of ice formed in his chest and then slid down to settle uncomfortably in his stomach.
"Were you lying to me?" Sakura whispered, her tone pained.
This was the day I unwillingly fell in love you...
"Sakura!" He snapped out of his shock and pulled his eyes away from the screen. "I had no idea about this. Honestly."
He heard her sniffle again, and the phone jostled around, he only guessed she was wiping at her face. "You're supposed to be my best friend."
He felt a sharp pain stab at his chest at the tone and he flinched. Her voice was so small, but so full of malice, hurt and betrayal.
"You know me Sakura, you know I wouldn't do anything like that. I would never steal your boyfriend." He promised with the most sincere voice he could muster. "I don't...I mean, I never...fuck Sakura,
I'm so sorry."
Naruto's head snapped around at the knock that came to his front door, and too worried about his friend, he ignored it. He opened his mouth to try and say something, but the knocking returned
instantly. Picking up in volume and grabbing his attention once more; he held back a sigh and stood. He glared at his own door, as if the fierce look would make the noise disappear. The knocking kept coming like a woodpecker at a delectable tree. His brain was in a scramble to talk to Sakura and find the right words. The other was trying to wrap its head around the secret he just saw.
"I don't know what to think, Naruto..." Sakura finally spoke, her voice shaky with emotion.
"Sakura..." He said with a pleading voice. "You know I didn't mean for any of this to happen..."
The knocking continued, never really having stopped. He shuffled awkwardly to the door, listening to his friend cry on the other line. He wasn't surprised she was at a loss for words either. Naruto was in love with her boyfriend, and apparently her boyfriend was in love with him as well.
He finally pulled open the door, the phone still glued to his ear and his eyes sharpened into a glare. He was annoyed and frantic. His friend thought he stole away the love of her life.
He barely registered dropping his hand, which left the phone to hang by his side. He couldn't really comprehend the deep, dark eyes he was suddenly staring at.
"Naruto..." Sakura's voice was light and trailed off, barely heard in the background. "He left me."
He couldn't really comprehend what exactly was going on. He felt a hand slide against his own, and suddenly his phone was gone. He looked at the pale hand that held it delicately like it was a thin piece glass.
He watched the thumb graze over the 'End' button and still heard Sakura crying, it echoing out of the phone. He watched the door get bumped shut, and watched as the phone was shut off suddenly.
"Sasuke...what in the hell are you doing here?"
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Two Years Prior--
It was just like any other ordinary day. It started exactly the same as it did every Saturday morning. Naruto struggled to rise from his sleep, wrestling with not only his alarm clock but his sleep cap. He could hear the invasion of his friends from down the hallway, no doubt coming in using his 'hidden' spare key.
His bedroom door opened with a long creak and the blond peaked out of underneath his shielding pillow to find his best friend standing there, looking as perusal – annoyed.
"Hurry up." He snapped, huffing lightly when Naruto buried his head back under the pillow.
"NO!" Came the blond's muffled reply.
"Sakura has been planning this crap for months." He sighed, running a frustrated hand through raven colored locks. "She'll be in here next..."
It seemed the low key threat was what had Naruto springing out of bed, adjusting his boxers that were twisted awkwardly and shoved in places uncomfortably.
"I'll be out in a minute Sasuke." He rushed out, dashing into his walk in closet and slamming the door in his haste.
While Sasuke was 'patient' with him to a certain extent, Sakura had long since forgotten the meaning of the word when it involved Naruto. Sasuke could, on rare occasions, practically throw Naruto across the room to get him from one point to the other. Sakura, his dear and loving friend, would flip her lid and make sure he was close to death if he dare didn't listen to her.
"Does Hinata have any idea?" Naruto called through the door.
Sasuke heard a few thumps and a loud bang, shrugging as he assumed Naruto fell over something.
"No, she still doesn't know."
"She out with Kiba?" Naruto asked.
"Yes."
Naruto tumbled out of the closet, bouncing on one foot like a Tigger wanna-be trying to slip on his shoe. Sasuke watched with unsurprised eyes when Naruto made an miscalculated jump and went face first to the floor.
He bounced up, laughing and shrugging it off like it never happened.
"Do I look too overdressed?" Naruto asked, turning to Sasuke.
He was wearing a light gray button up shit, a black tie, and black slacks. Of course, Naruto being Naruto, still had his sneakers on.
"Obviously not." Sasuke replied.
He was in the same type of get up; a deep blue button up with a white tie and black pants. He, on the other hand, had put on appropriate shoes for the occasion.
"I just wanted to make sure." Naruto stated, fumbling with his tie that loosened. "I know it's a party to celebrate her promotion, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't overdoing it."
Coal eyes landed on Naruto's sneakers and snorted. "Clearly."
By the time they had gotten to the place that had been rented out for the evening, it was already packed full of people. Hinata almost jumped out of her skin when everyone yelled 'surprise' upon her
entry, Kiba was the one who made sure she didn't hit someone while the shock was still full blast. Naruto and Sasuke were somewhere near their closer group of friends, most of them huddling around Hinata talking about anything that came to mind. The blond figured it would be a good time to reminisce about a prank he had pulled, to the guy whom he pulled it on.
Naruto laughed, curling into himself at the force, clutching him stomach that had muscles bouncing. He punched Sasuke's shoulder lightly before grabbing onto it so he wouldn't fall over in his delighted fest of giggles.
"Come on!" He whined loudly over the voices of the large crowd. "It was a funny joke."
Sasuke looked over at his friend with a scowl. "No, it wasn't."
"I know, not to you at least. I found it hilarious with you walking around with lime green hair. Personal opinion, I know."
Naruto turned away for a moment, Sasuke nodding politely to a few people that said their hellos and turned back to find the blond giving him something.
"Here." Naruto said, thrusting a small wrapped package into Sasuke's surprised hands. "It isn't much, but happy early birthday."
Sasuke paused for a second, trying to figure out where Naruto had conjured the package up from but decided against asking.
"Why didn't you just give me this tomorrow?" He asked, tipping the box that sat in his fingertips.
The blond shrugged. "I couldn't wait."
"It's one day, Naruto." Sasuke extended the package. "Just give it back tomorrow."
Naruto turned, stamping his foot in frustration. "Just open the damn thing."
Sasuke sighed, admitting some type of small defeat. He technically didn't want to hear Naruto whine for the next few hours over something menial. His fingers gently tore away the shiny blue wrapping, taking the bow and unseeingly placing it on Naruto's head. The last shred of paper slipped off and he looked up at Naruto actually curious.
"A camera?"
"Yeah. No one has like, any pictures of you. I've known you since we were kids and I don't have a single one. I figured you could be like those trend setting 'hipsters' and could take one of those gay mirror shots. Maybe the over-your-head ones so I can have positive proof behind your emoism."
Sasuke rolled his eyes at least three times throughout that entire statement. The thought of being one of those people who toted a camera around made his lip curl. Standing there taking ridiculous pictures of nothing awe worthy, the memory card cluttered with stupid pictures of him and his friends. He really couldn't understand why on Earth Naruto would buy him something he would never use.
The blond shrugged. "I didn't know what else to get someone who has everything. I figured memories were gift worthy."
"Memories?" Sasuke questioned.
The blond smiled, turning to look at him. "Yeah. I mean, memories take care of themselves, but it's nice to have one trapped in time to look back on."
The blond snatched the box away quickly, both of them turning to the trash can behind them. Sasuke disposed of the wrapping paper, and Naruto discarded the unnecessary things from the box and the bow.
Naruto fiddled with the camera, jamming batteries that he hid in his pocket into the appropriate place before looking up at Sasuke smiling. Sasuke glared, crossing his arms defensively over his chest with a grunt. He; in no way, shape or form wanted to take a picture.
The blond swung his arm around Sasuke's shoulder quickly, flipping the camera in his hand as he adjusted it to what he assumed was a good position. He gave a giant smile as he clicked the button, Sasuke making a sound of annoyance.
Naruto laughed as he twisted the camera around in his hand, staring at the picture. "I must have hit the zoom."
Sasuke peaked over, noticing it was zoomed in on their faces alone, the party behind them disappearing with a snap of the photo.
"Alright, I know this hurts you, but let's try again."
Sasuke scowled. "Aren't you going to erase that?"
Naruto snorted. "No. I have proof you can smile. With me no less, I locked the damn thing."
The blond snapped the next picture with Sasuke; he was turned glaring at him, his lips pursed and Naruto's smile wide in a laugh.
It was that smile that stole Sasuke's heart.
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Present Time
"Why have you been avoiding me?" Sasuke asked, tossing the phone off to the side on the waiting couch.
"Why did you do that to Sakura?" Naruto asked in a whisper.
"I don't love her, Naruto." He said calmly. "There's no avoiding that."
"Then why in the hell have you been with her for four years? Why lead her on?" Naruto asked desperately in return.
"Many reasons."
Naruto took a step back, his face twisting slightly. "Don't tell me you used her..."
Sasuke stepped around Naruto, fully allowing himself into the small area of the living room. The blond turned around stiffly, his face screaming in confusion.
"It wasn't socially acceptable for the youngest Uchiha to be single to the public eye. My parents threatened an arranged marriage."
"And you never told her? You just lied to her the entire time?" Naruto asked, his stomach curling.
"Yes." He replied simply.
"You...you told her you loved her. How can you lie about love?"
Sasuke sighed, glancing at the computer screen that had been left up. He turned to face Naruto with his impassive, masked face.
"I do love Sakura." Sasuke stated. "As my friend alone. Nothing more, nothing less. I never lied."
"So you just love me as a friend?" Naruto asked without thinking, the first question to fly off his tongue.
"No." Sasuke stated gently. "And you know that. It's more than that."
"I can't do this..." Naruto whispered. "You just left one of my best friends for me. That's like the ultimate betrayal."
"You're going to give up on this love?" Sasuke asked lightly, hiding the pang that struck his chest.
"I can't do this to Sakura." He replied shakily, his nerves being tested to their limit. "I can't..."
"But you're going to turn your back to me?"
Naruto screamed a strained sound through harshly clenched teeth, his fists balling up by his sides.
"You're making me choose, aren't you? Between her and you."
"In a way..."
"Why?" He snapped. "That isn't fair, Sasuke. You know I care about my friends, you know how I feel about you."
"Then the question at hand is, do you love me more than them?"
Naruto's mouth fell open in shock. It was the worse question to ever be asked. It was wrong and borderline manipulating. He loved his friends with all his heart; they were there through everything with him, the bad and good times. They were the shoulder to cry on, and the one to lean on when they were laughing too hard. He loved Sasuke. He truly loved Sasuke. It felt like life without him would be a meaningless resistance. He could feel in his heart that it would be walking through life like a hollow shell. Sasuke was a big reason why he woke up in the morning, a reason he always smiled, a good reason to live. For him.
He knew though, if he was with Sasuke they would have to leave. Sasuke would have to escape his cage of being an Uchiha and Naruto would go with him. He couldn't be around the people who would no doubt look at him as an awful friend.
Without either party, it would be pointless.
"I'm sorry." Naruto whispered in defeat. "I can't. Not like this. I can't do that to Sakura. I need time."
"My parents know about my split with Sakura. The arranged marriage will begin the set up process tomorrow, if that's the case." Sasuke supplied in a whisper. "I don't know when we would get another shot."
"What? Why? Why can't you just give this situation time to cool the hell down. Give me time to think! Give everyone less time to be so angry."
"I can't marry Sakura." Sasuke stated, "I'd rather marry a stranger. My parents want a marriage to happen now. I need to carry on with my life. I either carry on with the life they chose for me or you."
"Why even bother thinking about me? We can't-"
"I'd throw everything away if it was you. Only you." Sasuke said, quickly cutting the blond off. "The money, the house, the cars, the name - everything."
Naruto stiffened. The Uchiha name meant every little thing to Sasuke. His name was his life, his pride, his job. Everything he lived for and strived for rested on that name, and he would give it up.
"You're lying." Naruto responded shakily.
"It's a decision you need to make now, Naruto." Sasuke said firmly. "I don't know when we'll be able to be together otherwise..."
He couldn't help when the pins started prickling at the back of his eyes. His panic flooded his chest. His anxiety shook him to the core. He blinked rapidly, trying to fight away the tears of being overwhelmed. He couldn't lose anyone, especially Sasuke.
"We can't do this." Naruto whispered. "We can't throw away everything we've worked for. There has to be a way for this to just work out."
"It doesn't always happen that way." Sasuke replied dully. "Not everything works out in everyone's favor."
"So it's either me now or arranged marriage?" Naruto asked shakily.
"There are no other options." Sasuke replied.
"Why?"
"Because I either spend the rest of my life with you or live the pointless life my parents have decided for me. If you can't make the choice now, I simply can't risk it. Without you Naruto, there really isn't any other point. So I would simply continue on with my hollowed path hoping one day that we'd have more time together."
Naruto shook his lightly. "You don't have any more time?"
"No. I either run tonight, or follow tomorrow. Time is fate."
Naruto reached forward with his hands, his fingers grasping Sasuke's shirt in his hands. He wanted to hold him there and force him to stay. He didn't want him to follow along with his parents plans. He wanted Sasuke to throw his life away and wait. He wanted him to wait for things to settle down. For Naruto to be able to not only have his friends, but him as well. Naruto knew how extremely selfish that was, but he didn't care. Naruto want to have all his friends, without thinking of him as a backstabber and a thief, all while Sasuke stood next to him. But Sasuke was right. Time was fate. It was also the enemy.
Naruto leaned forward, tilting his head up and connecting their lips, tears finally sliding down his face as he slid his eyes shut. He felt Sasuke's warm hands come to cup his face. They held him steady while he tried to fall apart. Their lips pressed together firmly in a simple yet heart stopping gesture. Their bodies pressed against each other in a show of not wanting to part.
The simplistic kiss was full of meaning. One simple kiss – a gentle touch of lips – said everything it would take them otherwise a lifetime to explain. It expressed their love and their hate. Their frustrations and their joy. It said hello and it said goodbye.
They pulled apart slowly, Naruto frame trembling from what he knew was to come. He slipped his eyes closed to try to fend off tears that were threatening to overtake him.
Sasuke placed one last gentle kiss against Naruto's forehead, a few stray strands of hair getting caught in the action. He let out a small sigh against the tan skin, his lips ghosting against him.
"I'm sorry." Sasuke whispered. "All I want for you Naruto, is to be happy."
The blond felt himself swallow, trying to rid himself of the lump that bubbled up in his throat, his emotions testing his limit.
"I love you." Sasuke whispered, the words ghosting themselves against Naruto skin, burying themselves in his brain. "All I want is for you to smile. I can't steal that away from you."
"Sasuke..." Naruto tried, biting back the emotions that were flooding him.
There was another sigh that escaped Sasuke lips. It was always rare for him to do something like that when it wasn't out of sheer annoyance. Twice seemed nearly impossible.
"I'll always love you, but I can't take away the rest of your life..." Sasuke mumbled. "We both have expectations to live up to, and I suppose you're right."
He pulled back, his hands still cupping Naruto's face. "One day..."
Blue eyes strained to remain focused, blurring from forming tears. Sasuke was faltering with his words, trying his best to word everything right.
"I hope one day we'll be able to have the happiness of each other like we want. Trying to make you choose me now is selfish. All I want you to do is live your life..."
"I don't..." Naruto choked out.
Sasuke brushed his lips against Naruto's scarred cheek. "I don't want to live without you either."
"Please stay." Came the blond's choked reply.
"I can't be the reason you lose your friends." Sasuke stated with a shaky breath. "I can't be the one that tares away your smile."
"If you leave..." Naruto sputtered out.
"Your smile will come back." Sasuke whispered in a sure voice. "They'll bring it back, your friends."
"A little more time." Naruto whispered out. "Please just a little more time."
His lips pressed against his other cheek, "You know we don't have that time."
"If I can't have both, then I just want you..." Naruto muttered, furiously wiping away tears as he fought around Sasuke's hands.
"No you don't." Sasuke sighed. "You can't live without your friends."
The blond stamped his foot, nearly pounding on Sasuke's. "I can't live without you!"
"I'll be around." The raven said in a sure whisper.
Naruto knew that was the biggest lie Sasuke ever told. If they couldn't be with each other, they wouldn't want to be around each other. He would hope their love would fade and their memories would fall into nothing.
Either way, Naruto was going to die inside.
He had to believe years down the line they would have their chance again. When everyone was more mature and adult. When Sakura had gotten through her pain and let go. When Naruto wouldn't lose everyone in the process.
"Missing one is easier than missing a group." Sasuke said as he pulled back.
Naruto didn't agree at all, one bit, in any sense. But he knew Sasuke was trying to make it easier for the both of them. Something to help them get through the new pain they were about to endure. Sasuke just wanted Naruto to be happy, even if it was without him.
He knew Naruto wouldn't be able to bare it; having all his friends turn their backs on him, having his loved ones form a dislike. He couldn't put Naruto through that.
One person walking away still loving you was better than walking away from a group of people who now hated you. He knew Naruto would be looked at as a backstabber, dishonest and cruel. He couldn't do that to him.
"You just..." Naruto swallowed as best as he could. "You just came here to say goodbye, didn't you?"
Their lips connected again, Naruto's hands still clinging to Sasuke's shirt. Pale hands were entangled in blond locks, getting one last feel for something he never wanted to forget.
They pulled back, Sasuke's right hand coming to cup Naruto's face, his thumb running along his trembling bottom lip.
"One last smile." He whispered. "Please."
Naruto's mind flashed back to the first real friend he ever had. The first person to ever accept him. The first person who ever loved him. The only person he knew he would always love.
He pushed through the hurt and the realization and felt his lips pull into a smile. It wasn't as big or flashy as his usual one was, but it was something.
Sauske leaned in, his hand dropping and Naruto's fingers losing their fight to hang to his shirt. His lips pressed against Naruto's temple briefly as he whispered.
"I'll always love you."
The pain of watching Sasuke walk through that door; Naruto felt like he was being torn apart, bit by bit, every last piece of him. The resounding snap of the closing front door had him crumbing, falling into himself. A decision he knew he would regret for the rest of his life. He knew Sasuke was never going to come back. He knew their friendship died and their love was buried. Nothing was ever going to come out of it because Naruto let him go. Sasuke wanted an instant decision, and he couldn't throw everything away on a chance at love. He wanted to, so desperately did he want to. Deep down he wanted nothing more than a life with just Sasuke. Love and lust entrapping them. He knew though, he could have left everything else in the dust. With one faltering moment, he lost it all.
He didn't remember picking himself off the floor. Mentally he felt empty, lost and dead. He felt like his head was simply a buzz of thoughts of nothing as he wondered towards the couch in his living room.
Naruto absently grabbed the house phone that lay abandoned, dropping himself into the cushion of the couch. In a daze he dialed Sakura's number, returning the call that had been suddenly disconnected.
He heard the ringing stop, the phone pressed his ear, he felt small breaths buzz into the phone.
"Sakura?" Naruto whispered into the phone. "I'm sorry, my house phone died."
The line held the silence for a moment, before her cracked voice reached his ear. "He went to you, didn't he?"
Naruto let out a shaky breath, leaning forward on his knees and clutching his hair. "He's not coming back Sakura."
That was the line that shattered Naruto's heart.
Author's Notes: Again, I have no answers. I don't know what I was thinking – not one bit. Read, review, and enjoy. Hopefully new chapters are coming soon.
Also: I don't know if Mr. Warren posts something that was sent in weeks ago. I do know how retarded the postal service can be from time to time (constantly), so pardon if that was an error.