Dear jailbreak outs, and, police, and, judges,
So today when I came home from work I came into the house and went to the dining room table.
Usually Carlisle would be waiting there or be on the phone in the living room with a client, but he wasn't there.
"Carlise?" I called. "Are you home?"
No one answered.
I looked around and saw a message waiting. I turned it on,
"Hello, Esme," Carlisle had said, "So I am sorry to end it this way, but I am in Paris. I have found someone els –Shut up!"
"Um…what?" I said out loud.
"HE'S KIDDNAPPED ME!" A woman's voice yelled.
I scratched my head.
"Shut it, Val! We are here to elope!"
The woman's voice came back after a few seconds, "But I'm already married, to a guy named Jeb! And you're married too! That means it's illegal, you know."
"Yeah, well I already filed the divorce, and they don't hve to sign because I said they were dead and that's why—oh crap! The phone is still on. Uh…oops—Beeeeeeeepp."
I pressed the button for the beeping to stop.
What…? But I thought my husband would love me forever! To the end of time! What shall I do?
And…Jeb; that name rings a bell. Oh, yes! He works in the offices beside mine at the interior design firm. And he is most likely not dead.
So a few seconds ago I realized that when men say they will love you forever, they don't actually mean it. Even if they are vampires.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do now…
Maybe I will… so make some fake Italian food. Yeah!
Iggy: FINALLY!
Me: What? *innocence*
Iggy: It's been, like, a year since the last one of these!
Me: Yeah…well, whatever. It's up now.
Oh! Also, anyone want a parody with a different two books? It could be like these ones, or a different, plot-type thing.
Books I would be willing to do: Uglies, Midnighters, Maximum Ride, The Host, Twilight, So Yesterday, Vampire Kisses, Peeps, and…some other stuff I cant think of cause my memory is crap.
Iggy: Got that right.
Me: Shuddup…