Disclaimer: I own none of the original characters from Twilight!
Chapter 1
Edward brought me into the forest in order to tell me that he didn't love me. Wow. I didn't see that one coming. I didn't think that a few words could destroy my life so thoroughly. The only thing that would hurt more than him not loving me would be him leaving me for another woman, worse than that would be a woman Vampire.
So. Ok. Here's the deal. With the meaning in my life gone, and a large, angry gaping hole where my heart used to be, there are only a few options left for me.
Kill myself and get it over with.
Stay alive, pretend to live, and never love again.
Drown out my pain with substances
Go find my meaning for life, which is like grabbing at straws.
None of the options looked preferable. Option number one would be good; I'd never have to feel the pain again. I remember that Edward said that he'd never live without me, if I died. He told me that he didn't love me. Would he kill himself? I can't deal with the fact that I would possibly be responsible for his death.
Option number 2. I stay alive, for Charlie and Renee and Edward's sakes. Pretend to live and do what I need to do. Only problem is the pain. Not preferable. Death is inevitable.
Option number 3. I can use substances to drown out the pain. Alcohol and drugs would be erasers for the pain. Likely option. No pain and as a plus I get to forget and feel something instead of the void I was left with. Death is a possible consequence.
Option number 4. I can go out and search for him. Not likely. He'd disappear and even if I found his family, there's no guarantee that he's still with them. It'd only rip open a new wound, which would lead us back to option number one.
All options left me with option number one in the long run. The pain is unbearable anyway, why fight it? If Edward killed himself because I killed myself because he left because he didn't love me anymore, then it would be his fault. Technically there's no guilt on my part. Charlie will hate me, and Renee will be destroyed, but like he once said: the mind is like a pensive. They'll eventually forget me. How do I get around to doing it, though? I could use Charlie's gun, quick and painless. Bit of a mess, though. I could use the blade to the wrists, again more mess than necessary, and a lot more pain than I preferred. I could overdose? That would make the death linger, though, and possible to find me and reverse the drugs' effects. I could go missing, or jump off of a high building. That would be quick, and relatively painless.
light bulb What if Alice saw what I planned to do? Would she try to stop me? Would she even care enough to try? I'd have to do it quick and without thinking it through first. That suggested the precision of the gun. Charlie had his gun on the coat hanger after he comes home from work. I could do it in the middle of the night. She couldn't stop me forever, could she?
I didn't see a reason to live. The option that gave me the best outlook was number one. I didn't want to walk around in a daze for the rest of my life thinking about him and what could have been, what should have been. I will never heal from this, no matter what happens now.
"Bella?" Charlie yelled from the foyer. He must be home from work early. I hopped off of my bed and made my way downstairs, trying to hide the new serenity that flooded me from the thought of it all ending soon. Charlie and Renee had already come and take me away, possibly sending me to a crazy house, not that I'd mind that either.
"Volturi…" A little voice in my head whispered. I forgot! Eventually, if I did live, they'd kill me. If I ended it now, I didn't have to face an eternity of life without him and possibly meeting him again. Not to mention the pain from the transformation.
"Good day?" I asked, monotone, not that I cared. His day went like it always did. The fog I used for protection kept the pain to a minimum, and that meant that I didn't respond like I should have.
He didn't respond to me, it made me think why he called my name out if he didn't plan on responding. I pulled the casserole out of the oven and turned the oven off. I got a large plate out of the cupboard and put a quarter of the small casserole on the plate for him. He already had a cold drink at the table.
Dinner was uncomfortable. I hadn't noticed before how far we'd grown apart. Maybe my new realizations were from the guilt of killing myself tonight. I shouldn't care, and didn't care. I needed to keep up my façade for Charlie; if he found out that I was killing myself tonight he would have the proverbial cow.
"RRRRRIIIIINNNNNGGGGG." The telephone interrupted our uncomfortable silence. My mind went into third gear. What if it was Alice calling to tell Charlie about my plans?
"Sure. Yes. I'll do that. Bye." Alice couldn't have told Charlie that I'll kill myself; she'd sound crazy considering that she hasn't seen me in a long time. Charlie hung up the phone and sat back at the table, finishing up his supper. I tried not to ask him about the call, but it was getting difficult. I lost my appetite, threw out the rest of the casserole, and washed up the supper dishes.
"Do you feel ok, Bella?" Charlie asked out of the blue. My suspicions arose from the phone call. We haven't talked in such a long time; there must have been a reason.
"Fine." I muttered, finishing up the dishes.
Charlie looked at me sceptically and shrugged his shoulders. He seemed to give up the struggle, and made his way up to bed.