Charmed – oneshot
Slight Chris/Wyatt
NOT AU
Song fic set to Evanescence's 'Missing'. First song fic – be gentle with me and PLEASE COMMENT!
Disclaimer; I don't own Charmed. If I had then season six would have had more background info on Chris and Wyatt and there would have been a spin off based on the Charmed Brothers! I also don't own the hauntingly beautiful song 'Missing'.
CHARMEDCWCHARMEDCW
"Missing"
At night Chris sleeps fitfully, begging his brother in his mind…
Please, please forgive me,
It's not really his fault after all. That's why Chris is here. To stop it from happening, to save the future. To save his brother. So he can go home and have a family again, a mom who is alive, a dad who loves him, aunts who stick around even after they marry.
But I won't be home again.
Not that home was actually home anymore. It was a mockery of his childhood home. Chris had loved his childhood – an older brother to teach him cool stuff, aunts who doted on him and a mom who he could always talk to – but yes, it had been hard growing up as the less powerful Charmed son, always being told to 'stay close to Wyatt, Chris', feeling like he was a burden to his overprotective, macho, powerful brother; even though Wyatt never indicated that Chris was in his way. If anything Wyatt had revelled in protective Chris – right up until the day their mom died. Right up until the day the Manor had stopped being a home and had become a house of memories. Wyatt turning it into a museum… it was like poetic justice, except there was nothing justified about Wyatt's actions.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
Look up to the Heavens that you tore apart.
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
No one that cares.
"Isn't something missing?"
It hurts sometimes. Because you haven't looked up – you don't realise I'm not there. And when you do notice – you'll send someone after me half heartedly because you won't know weather or not you want me dead or alive. And that pains me – because I always wanted you alive.
You won't cry for my absence, I know –
You (Wyatt) didn't cry when Aunt Phoebe told us mom was dead. You didn't even let me cry – you just took me aside and told me that all we had was each other now – and we couldn't let anyone come between us. You didn't cry at mom's funeral, either. Or at Phoebe's or Paige's or Coop's or Henry's… of course, I later learnt that it was because you had them all killed, every single one of them right down to Phoebe's daughter Patty.
You didn't cry for them – you won't cry for me either.
You forgot me long ago.
You forgot love, you forgot morals and consequences. You forgot me – the little brother who idealised you and loved you to the point where it almost became unhealthy.
You forgot everything, and I don't expect you to remember now I'm gone.
Am I that unimportant...?
Didn't you feel me slip away? Is that how little I matter to you?
Am I so insignificant...?
Why haven't you come for me? Don't you realise I'm gone?
Isn't something missing?
I'm missing, Wy, and I need you to miss me.
Isn't someone missing me?
Am I that unimportant to you? It's hard to believe… sometimes when I dream I have nightmares in which you aren't an evil homicidal megalomaniac… In this nightmare I am mistaken and the future is an okay place – not too good, not too bad, a balance maintained by Wyatt; by you. It doesn't sound such a horrid place, does it? But what makes this dream a nightmare is that you still haven't noticed I'm gone, I'm the least important thing in your life in this dream. And that kills me. If the future is really like that, a future in which I am so insignificant that my passing hasn't fazed you at all – I'm not sure I'm strong enough to sustain a future like that, to fight for it.
I'm afraid that deep down inside me; I'd rather have you evil and loving me than good and not noticing me. Not missing me. At least if you are evil and not missing me then I can tell myself that it's the evilness which is clouding your judgement and dissolving our bond. At least I can make myself believe that – even if some days I;m not totally sure it isn't a complete lie anyway.
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
- I'm sacrificing everything I know and have and love in order to make things better, for you.
You won't try for me, not now.
- But you won't understand, won't see things from my side.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
- You don't understand that I'd rather die than live in a world in which you don't love me. Because I love you and I would die for you. I will die for you.
I'm all alone.
I just want you back – I just want my brother back and then maybe I won't be so alone, alone and surrounded by my family.
Isn't someone missing me?
Don't you miss me?
Please, please forgive me,
I'm sorry.
But I won't be home again.
Home is where you are now. But I can't be with you.
I know what you do to yourself,
You kill everything good around you, everything good in you. And I can't bare to watch that happen. But still…
I breathe deep and cry out,
Do you still love me? Do you miss me, big brother?
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"
Aren't you missing me? I still love you – and I still miss you.
And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Bleed our blood – Halliwell blood, Charmed blood. Your blood.
Knowing you don't care.
Knowing you can't care, you don't care anymore. Too far gone. Too evil inside.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
My only comfort are the few nights in which I do not have nightmares of reality or my fears, when instead pleasant childhood memories where you shield me from pain; both physical and emotional. And then later, in my early teenage years, other dreams of you that I share with no one…
I'll wake without you there,
Sometimes I wake up and I miss you so much I almost give in and just go back, go home to where you are.
Isn't something missing?
You.
Isn't something...
It's you – you are missing from my life.
And I'm gonna get you back – I swear on mom's life, I am gonna change things so we can have each other and the world will still be safe.
xxxxxCHARMEDxxxxx
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