"It is a cloudy, but overall pretty awesome day for Rosewood, at least it is for August."
Hanna thought as she sat parked in spot at the park in the center of her hometown. With the windows down in her Lexus and Kindle in hand she relaxed as she sat patiently waiting. She looked up from her Kindle to glance at her phone, no notifications. She looked at the dashboard, which read 12:45 P.M.
"Where is he?"
She looked around the parking lot. She had pulled in and went to the far corner of the lot to park so that they wouldn't be bothered by passersby. There was 3 other cars parked there, but they had been vacated by their owners who were sitting on the benches watching their little ones run and play at the playground area of the park. She glanced around taking in her surrounding, a habit she had gotten used to over the years of living in the city, and all her teenage years of A torture in this very place. A quick glance into her rear view mirror and all was good. She looked back down at her phone still noticing no notifications and sat it back down into her cup holder.
"He is never late…forgetful maybe, but never late…not for something this."
She picked up her phone again with a sigh and slid the button open to the home screen. She glanced around and back in her mirror again and hesitated to call or text him. He was 30 minutes late and she had to catch a plane in just a few short hours for a work conference in California. Her finger hovered over his contact in her phone book. There was a familiar ache in her stomach that she got when she began to worry.
"What if something has happened to him? He usually calls if he happens to be late, which isn't often... Maybe he had gotten hung up at work and forgotten…no, he called earlier today to make sure he had the plan down. Maybe I should text him…just in case…? Geez Hanna, slow your roll. He's coming. Maybe he had just forgotten the time."
Worrying had become something that Hanna did on a daily basis…it was all normal to her anymore. She looked around at the other cars to make sure she hadn't missed anything before she talked herself into a checkup text. Just as she had grabbed her it vibrated in her hand. She looked down at the screen and there he was, right on time. She opened her phone so she could read the text.
Caleb: So sorry. Ran into traffic & had to detour. Just now moving again. Be there in 10.
She smiled to herself and looked in the mirror one more time. She knew that there was no way he forgot about meeting her. She almost felt a little dumb for even thinking such a thing.
She hit the text screen to reply:
Okay. Don't rush, already here but I've got time to wait.
She hit the send button and as she heard the swoosh sound of the message sending she laid her head back on the head rest and looked back into the backseat.
"Hey bug, Daddy is running a little late, but he is almost here. Okay?"
She said to their 5 year old daughter Kenzie totally consumed in watching Doc McStuffins on her iPad.
"Ooooookay mommy!" she said, not even looking up from the screen.
Hanna smiled to herself and looked back out the windshield. Her phone buzzed and she saw his name on the screen again. She slid the screen open to her text screen
Caleb: I'm trying to get there. Han, I am so sorry. I promise I am trying. This traffic is a bitch.
She replied:
Seriously no big deal! Kenz is wrapped up in the iPad, so we are just waiting.
She hit send and watched as the reply bubble pop up on her text screen showing he was already replying.
Caleb: See you soon!
She opened her Kindle again, and began reading to kill the time. Fifteen minutes later, just as she was ending the chapter she was on, she looked up and saw the Jeep turning in the parking lot.
"Kenz, look!" she yelled excitedly and pointed towards his car "Look who's here!"
She looked back at her child and watched as she peeled her eyes off her iPad screen and looked in the direction of all her mom's commotion. Her eyes immediately lit up and it was followed by loud excitement as their toddler squealed.
"DADDYYYY!"
Hanna smiled at their daughters delight over the arrival of her father. Hanna unbuckled her seat belt and opened up the drivers' side door.
"Hey." She said as she glanced in his direction as he put his car in park a couple spots over from hers.
Caleb hadn't aged a bit since high school. He was still the tall, dark and handsome man he had always been. One thing had changed though; he was more than just the bad boy hacker– turned sensitive hunk that she had fallen in love with all those years ago. He was more. Now, he was all those things and the father of her child.
"Hey." he replied as he got out of his Jeep and straightened his shirt and put his phone in the front pocket of his jeans.
Closing in the distance between them, he looked right past her and into the back seat of her dark gray SUV. She followed his line of sight to see the shadow of her bouncing around in the backseat through the tin on her windows. She turned back to him and met his eyes, offered him a soft smile and turned to make her way around to the passenger side to open the door to help Kenzie out of her booster seat. Hanna opened up the door, only to find that the toddler had already unbuckled her straps and was climbing down before she could even get to her. Kenzie climbed down out of the car and squealed again as she started to run towards her father.
"Daddy! Daddy!" she yelled as she ran towards him.
Caleb stopped and bent down on his knee and smiled. "Hey Bug!" he yelled back at her as he opened his arms for her to land in "Daddy needs a hug!" She ran straight into them and he wrapped his arms around her and stood up, swinging her back and forth as they stayed embraced.
He absolutely glowed with excitement and love when he had her. She loved to see the way he interacted with Kenzie. She always knew that he would be a good father. With everything that he had been through and not really having any real parents growing up and finding them when it was pretty much too late to salvage a childhood memory or two with them. No offense to his mom or Jamie, they made up for it in their own time, but Caleb really needed a parent like he was to Kenzie, at her age.
"Gosh, I have missed you so much" he said as he pulled back and wiped the stray hairs from her face "We're gonna have so much fun! You excited?"
"I missed you daddy! FUN FUN FUN." she said with her head buried in his neck. She threw her arms back around his neck and tightened her grip. "FUN FUN FUN" she yelled.
They couldn't help but laugh at their daughter. She was always so excited and hyper…and loud. She was definitely part Hanna Marin. Mostly, she was her father's daughter to a tee. She was a little taller for her age like he had been growing up, and she had dark complexion and to die for cheek bones. She had Hanna's blonde waves which were pulled up into pigtails complete with large hot pink bows on each one. She also had her attitude and Hanna now knew what the phrase "Paying for your raising" meant. Kenzie loved her clothes and Hanna swore that she had a purse for EVERY outfit she owed. She could also work an Apple product better than Hanna ever could. She was her father, in smaller little girl form.
Most of all, she had Caleb's eyes. His large almond shaped chestnut brown eyes. Every time Hanna looked at her daughter, she saw Caleb. Sometimes it hurt more than others. Some days she looked at her and it filled her heart with so much joy that he was her father and that they had taken some of the best love they had ever made, and created a something so perfect. Then there were some days that seeing her father in her eyes, reminded her that the perfect life she always wanted for them, all three of them was not what came. Instead it was replaced with every other weekend and holiday and extra times when it was possible. She wouldn't trade having Kenzie with Caleb for the world, it was all she had wanted since the moment she knew she loved him. Getting married, having babies, house with a white picket fence, and a dog. Happily ever after…
These were moments always cut her to the core. She wanted so badly for them to be a family again. That's what was so tragic about these small visits. For a very short amount of time, in her mind…she imagined that they were a family. That he had never left, and that he still loved her as much as she still loved him.
Love was never the problem between the two of them, it was time, and careers, and egos. They loved deeply and for so long, it was just them against the world. They fought tooth and nail for their entire relationship. Against California, and Ravenswood, and A.. She took that for granted. Everything that they had fought through was something beyond their control. Slowly but surely she sabotaged their relationship thinking that they could always work it out. Five blocks in the pouring rain, one halfway empty closet and a cellphone left on the table later, she realized that you can only stress a relationship so much before it broke into a million tiny pieces, taking every piece of heart with it.
She loved him still, there was no denying that. She still got the butterflies in her stomach when she saw him and those multiplied by a million when she saw what a good father he was to their daughter. When they made eye contact she could feel her heart jump into her throat, and although they haven't actually touched in years, but she was sure if they did fire would fill her body. She kept all these things to herself though.
A shine caught her eye and she glanced down at his hand. There it was. His wedding band. Catching her eye as a sick reminder that things would not as she imagined, they were not a family. At least not a happily ever after family, they were two exes that made something wonderful and one moved on to their own happily ever after with someone who treated their daughter as one of her own, while the other held on to letting go. He had moved on and found love with someone else, and she was happy he was happy…and unhappy that he was happy with someone other than her.
She held onto the door handle of the car and tried to fight back the lump in her throat that had started to form. Caleb opened his eyes and noticed Hanna standing back at her car, eyes on the ground. She glanced up at him and caught his eye…he nodded towards the park.
"Got time to let her play some? We can work plans out?" he asked
"Um, yeah, just let me grab my keys and my phone." She said and turned back towards the car. She pulled the keys out of the ignition and grabbed her phone. She locked the car and headed towards them still standing there.
"Hey bug, you wanna go play with the other kids for a few minutes while mommy and I talk?" he asked her.
She looked up from his neck and smiled at him "YES!" she said and wiggled for him to let her down.
He bent down to sit her lightly on her feet and as soon as they hit the pavement she took off towards the slides. Caleb laughed at her and looked back to Hanna as she was walking towards him.
"Let her get some of that energy out before our long drive back to the house." He said as they walked towards the benches.
"Good plan. Thank you for meeting me out here, Caleb. I really appreciate it" she said as they reached the benches and sat down.
"It's no problem really. I like the drive out here anyway. Ya know, nostalgia." He replied.
Caleb lived about an hour north of Rosewood, which was closer to Hanna's house than here and would've actually been more convenient for them to meet somewhere between the two. Since her mother was taking her to the airport, so she wouldn't have to leave her car there she did have to make the drive here anyway so she had asked him to drive an hour out of his way to meet her.
They sat in silence for a while, just watching their daughter as she slid down the plastic slide giggling, and then hopped up when she reached the bottom and hurried around to climb the latter to go down again. They both smiled in her direction.
"So, I will have her until next week? What day will you be coming back into town?" he asked as he turned his stare towards her.
Hanna kept her eyes on her fingers knotted in her lap, never meeting his glance, "Yeah, I will be back here on Saturday. Is that okay? If that doesn't work for you, you can always get mom to meet you and pick her up." She finally glanced up at him as he watched Kenzie slide for the fourth time. "Her and Ted will be here if you need them to watch her."
"Nah, it will be fine. I'll enjoy the extra time with her before school starts in a couple weeks." he said.
Hanna watched him as the excitement of being with his daughter lit up his face. She smiled to herself. He loved Kenzie, and that made Hanna smile inside. Things had been so screwed up with them these last couple of years, but him loving their daughter as much as he did, made Hanna feel like it would all work out for the best.
"She is really excited to spend time with you. She talked herself to sleep last night telling me a bedtime story about all the fun things you were gonna do together…including ice cream for dinner?" she said in a playfully scorning tone and she turned her head to look at Caleb.
"Yeahhhhh, about that" he said with a laugh and glanced at her "Kids they have such a good imagination."
"I bet" she deadpanned.
"I let her have a scoop one time for dinner, and she has never let me forget it. Don't worry, she won't be getting ice cream for dinner…"
"Hey, you got her for a week. You get her hyped up on sugar; you're the one that has to pay for it"
They sat and watched as she played with the other kids that were still in the park, talking about the coming schedules and who would pick her up on what days from school.
"Oh, and mom took her swimming the other day, and she came home with an ear ache. I packed her medicine in her bag though. She just needs two drops in her…well, you know what to do." She said with an awkward laugh "either way, directions on the bottle."
"Oh, and the doctor also gave her something for her allergies too. Just give them to her if they start acting up. We've been dealt fits with the weather changing. She just gets stuffy and her eyes get a little puffy. I packed those too."
"Hanna, I have done this before" he said with a laugh, "She'll be fine. We take real good care of her. She will eat, and play and she will get her medicine when she needs it. And I won't send her back with a tattoo or piercing, I promise."
They shared a small laugh.
"I know. It's just…" she looked back towards her daughter who was now in the sandbox with a copper top little boy, who was throwing sand everywhere.
"Great! Sand in her hair. Lovely!"
Slightly distracted by the thought of what a mess that would be, she fell silent.
"Let me guess, you're so worried because this time you won't be just right down the road this time, right?"
She looked up to the sky to try and fight the overwhelming tears that formed and burned the corner of her eyes.
"Well please don't, she will be fine. I swear. Scouts honor." he reassured her.
"I know you can take care of her. That's not what I worry about. It's just that I will be on the other side of the freakin country. That's…I don't know how many miles away, it is but it's a lot. And I tried to get out of this as many times as I could without getting fired and I really can't afford to get fired. And…and I just feel bad for leaving and going so far away from her. What if..."
"Just breathe and calm down. One, you're an amazing mother. Second, work happens, there isn't anything you can do about that. And trust me; I have seen firsthand how demanding the fashion business can be."
"Ouch Rivers!"
She winced inwardly at the thought. She knew it was an intentional jab at her. She couldn't blame him though.
"Yeah." was all she could muster up to say.
They sat in silence and kept both sets of eyes on their daughter. Occasionally she would yell for them to watch as she did something like go down the slide on her stomach or jump off the swings. Hanna glanced down at her watch and noticed the time was nearing 2:00 PM.
"Well, I better get to going. My plane leaves at 5, and I have got a lotta crap still left to do." She said in his direction. "Bug! Come on, we got to get your stuff out of the car for you to take to daddys!"
"Awe, mom!" she yelled in protest.
"Yeah, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. We will never get her out of here now." He said as he stood from the beach.
"Kenz, come on! We have to head out so we can.." he stopped and looked over his shoulder at Hanna and whispered "Watch this" and then turned back to her and yelled "stop and get ICE CREAM on our way back to the house." He emphased the words ICE CREAM to get her attention; it worked and she gasped and jumped down from the ladder going to the slide and ran in their direction and launched herself up into his arms.
"Works every time" he said in a whisper with a laugh as he pulled the front of the hot pink polka dot shirt she had on over the top of her once white, now a slightly tan tinted pants. Hanna always used her fashion sense to keep her child in the loop with all the newest fashion trends.
Hanna couldn't help but smile. They walked back to their cars, she hit the unlock button and popped the hatch on her car to get the little suitcases out of the back.
"Hey, I got those" he said as he sat Kenzie down on her feet and reached for the bags.
He grabbed two of the five bags out of the car and walked towards his Jeep with them.
"Hanna, how much stuff did you pack for her? She's staying a week, does it really require ALL of this?"
Hanna rolled her eyes.
"Hey, we have this conversation EVERY TIME. Girls gotta have her stuff!" she said in her defense.
She grabbed a small Coach bags out of the back and bent down to hand it to Kenzie "Here bug, take this over to daddy."
Kenzie grabbed the bag and ran over to Caleb as he stood next to the Jeep. When she got to him and excitedly held it up for him to put in the car. Once he had taken the bag from her, she ran back over to her mom as she was opening the back door to retrieve the little iPad, purse, and teddy bear for Kenzie. She turned around and handed all the items to her and watched as she waddled back over to the Jeep and threw the things in the floorboard in front of her booster.
Hanna shut the door and walked over to where Caleb was packing the things in the back of the Jeep with two bags slung over her shoulder. When she handed the bags over to him she held onto one in particular and handed it over to him carefully "This is the one with the medicines in it…just so you don't have to go searchin."
She bent down and scooped the little girl up waiting at their feet.
"Bug, you be a good girl for daddy okay? I will facetime you every night, I promise." She said as she hugged her tight to her chest. "Mommy is going to miss you." She whispered.
"Imma miss you mommy!" she said with a tight hug around her mom's neck.
Hanna stood there and held for a long time. She glanced over the little girls shoulder and saw Caleb standing there watching her. When he noticed her looking, he gave her a sympatric smile. She knew that he understood what this was like. He did it every other week. She gave her daughter one last squeeze, kissed her on her cheek and turned to buckle her into her booster as Caleb stood right behind her, his arm resting above her head on the opened door. She bent down and gave Kenzie a kiss on the forehead.
"I love you bug!" she whispered through threatening tears.
The little girl yawned and said "I wuv you mommy, too!" and Hanna kissed her on her forehead.
She ruffled the little wavy blonde hair that was once pigtails, now they were messily all over her head. She stood up and closed the door and watched through the window as Kenz got settled in her seat, knowing all too well that she would be asleep before they ever hit the highway. She wiped the tear from her eye and turned towards Caleb.
"Will you let me know when you make it back?"
"Of course" he said with a nod
"I will call later tonight when I land, if that's okay."
"Absolutely fine. We should be up. If not, I will definitely call you in the morning when we wake up."
"Okay. Thank you." She glanced back towards the car, to fight the tears that once again threatened.
"Well, I guess I better get on my way. I still have to go by moms."
She started towards her car, and he had jumped into the driver side of his. She glanced back over her shoulder and called out "Hey, you be careful. My whole world is in that car!" she said with a smile.
He returned her smile and said "Yes ma'am." He glanced into the back seat and said "Mine too. Bug, tell mommy bye and we will call her later."
"Bye Mommy! Call ya later!" she said with a wave.
Hanna waved back, calling "Bye Kenz!" and she blew her a kiss. She turned and looked in the direction of the drive "Bye."
"Bye!" he said with a small wave.
She climbed into the driver side seat of her car and watched as he turned the key and put his car in drive. She turned the key in hers as well, but she didn't move. She watched as his tail lights pulled out towards the road.
Once he had pulled out of the parking lot, she let out the breathe that she had apparently been holding and let the tears fall from her eyes like they did every time they met. She sat collected her thoughts as she watched the best thing that had ever happened to either of them ride away, with the only love she ever knew behind the wheel. She knew that things could be a lot worse and that they were lucky it was as easy as it was, even though it was far from easy. She wiped the tears from her eyes, put the car in drive and turned the wheel towards her old childhood home.
If only things could be different…
