This is a oneshot I wanted to write because I am incredibly into Kyoya right now. Plus, I was lacking in the boy's lily department, which made me really sad. So, yep. Enjoy!
Tamaki POV
Maybe today was the day. I liked to think that every day, but I was a terrible liar. It didn't matter really, love has no time limit, but that phrase was just an excuse to keep my mouth shut. On this one ridiculous matter, there were no words.
I was in love with my best friend, Kyoya Otori.
I looked out at the host club, functioning beautifully as usual, and couldn't help but feel a slight pang. The sweet words I was giving out so freely didn't ease my heart. His gaze, so cold and yet with the smallest hint of happiness, wasn't focused on anything but general observation, while mine was only focused on him. This was the one instance when I found myself tripping out of my dark, oblivious hole to notice my feelings for Kyoya.
I often wondered when these new feelings started approaching. Sometimes I thought it was when I began referring to him as Mommy, when the host club became a family, or perhaps when he first smiled at me. It didn't have to be any real time, however. I knew I was in love with him, and that was all that I cared about.
After the club ended, I escorted the ladies out and collapsed on the couch. "You're normally not this tired," a voice said. I looked up to see Kyoya. "The club usually invigorates you."
"It's been a while since it's done that," I murmured. Kyoya looked at me like I was crazy, which I probably was, but turned back to his work.
"Hey Mommy?" I asked suddenly.
"Yes?"
"Can we have a sleepover? I haven't been to your house in a while." My reasons for this were as Haruhi would have put it "selfish", but I was the host club king, so it wasn't a big deal.
Kyoya contemplated this for a few moments, but then replied, "I don't see why not, as long as you don't make a huge mess like you did last time you were over."
I pouted. "It was not that bad."
"It was that bad." But Kyoya smiled, a real smile that he rarely showed. "I'll just take you home." See, that made a little tiny perverted part of me tingle. Ugh, Kyoya was turning me into one of the twins.
"That sounds great!" I exclaimed, jumping up to go hug him. He pushed me away gently. But then, I expected him to do that anyway.
His limo had an instant coffee container for me when I came with him. I happily poured myself a cup of the delightful substance, glad to be near Kyoya again. The only thing to rain on my parade was him telling me he would sue me if I spilled on his leather seats. I laughed, but I did get a bit worried that he might actually do it.
I rushed from the vehicle to Kyoya's bedroom, where I made a nest of blankets and sleeping bags on the floor. I didn't like taking his bed because it made me feel terribly awkward. When he came up the stairs, I was already in a pair of his pajamas, legs crossed, a giant pile of movies in my lap. "You insist on the same movies every time you come over," he protested weakly.
"It doesn't matter. These are the true classics."
Kyoya glanced at the back of the cases. "The oldest of these videos is seven years old."
"You know what I mean," I scoffed.
We stayed up for hours watching animated movies that he truly didn't hate, Disney and such. He was still in his uniform, but seemed very peaceful. I hoped it was because I was relaxing him, but in that corner of my mind, I did not want to relax him at all. I wanted to wake him up. I looked over at him every once in a while, noticing his tendency to laugh in short bursts at the folly of the characters on the screen. His glasses glinted in the false light of the television. I ached to touch Kyoya, to hold him, to tell him how I felt. I had said maybe, hadn't I? Maybe was a terrible word, giving hope and despair and never sustaining a person. See how wise I'd gotten from loving him?
"What should we do now?" I asked sleepily after the seventh straight video.
"Sleep sounds amazing," Kyoya replied, in a similar tone to mine. He stood up and started digging through his dresser to find pajamas. When he found a pair, he slipped off his jacket and white shirt, lethargically removing his undershirt. His shoulder blades stood out in sharp contrast to his back, shadows in his fluorescent-lit torso. Before I could make myself stop with a maybe, I had risen to his height.
One of my fingers reached out and traced the inside of his left shoulder blade, stroking his soft, so soft skin. My other fingers ignored my mind and began to do the same thing on the right side. Oh, touching the one you're in love with. It did things, beautiful and awful things, to my last shred of restraint. His spine soon was under my hands, an indentation that made me shiver to touch. My palms met his ribs, visible under his skin. Kyoya hadn't reacted, just let me do what I wanted. I wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.
His shoulders were surprisingly toned, my hands felt as they ran over him. Kyoya's collarbone was next, but I knew I was starting to falter. Kyoya felt me grow still, and turned around. I ducked my head and wouldn't look at him. "Tamaki," he said hoarsely.
I didn't answer, very interested in the intricately woven blanket under my bare feet. "Tamaki Suoh," Kyoya ordered sternly.
I gazed up at him, but almost had to look down again from the intensity of the look he gave me. "Look at me, please." My eyes left the floor and looked in his. He didn't seem angry, just searching for the reason for my actions. Of course, I had no real reason. When it came to him, all of that stuff deserted me.
Soon looking at him without being able to have him took its toll. I raised my toes up the slightest bit, because he was a tiny bit taller than me, and our lips met. Kissing him, oh my god. I never expected his mouth to be softer than the rest of his skin. I never expected him to taste like something sharp and cool. Everything I'd imagined flew out of my head. Stars would have been in my eyes if I hadn't closed them out of fear. I wondered if he could taste how scared I was.
Kyoya's mouth didn't move against mine, but I knew that was probably going to happen. I stroked a thumb over the V that separated his collarbones, before he could push me away. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I broke the kiss and put my head over his shoulder, where Kyoya wouldn't be able to make me look back. A couple seconds later, I'd flopped onto my sleeping bag and closed my eyes. Kyoya didn't speak again, but I heard him getting his pajamas on and climbing into bed. I made a decision: I would never admit my feelings. We wouldn't be able to stay friends. Never had replaced maybe. I hoped it wouldn't in any other areas of my life.
I laid there in my separate bed for an hour without falling asleep. Thoughts of Kyoya sped about my mind erratically until I felt I couldn't stand it. I huffed quietly. Kyoya shifted in his bed, and I tried to silence my self-disappointment, but apparently it didn't work. "Tamaki? Are you awake?" he whispered.
"Yeah. Why, is something wrong?"
Kyoya didn't speak for a second. "Why are you sleeping on the ground? Cold air sinks, you know. You'll be freezing by morning."
"What are you saying?"
"Come up here with me. It's not that big of a deal." Well, I sure thought it was a big deal. I was possibly forgiven!
I stood up quietly, and made my way over to his bed. He'd moved over so he wasn't taking up all the covers. I crawled into the softness, careful not to get too close to Kyoya. "Thank you," I breathed.
"It's fine." His voice betrayed a tiny bit of affection. I smiled in the darkness. Maybe.
We both ended up staring through the skylight Kyoya had opened halfway through the first movie. The stars were so beautiful, just like the boy lying next to me. I counted as many of them as I could before falling fast asleep.
I woke up early, about 9:30, and left Kyoya's house. I knew he would be still sleeping for another three hours. There was nothing I wouldn't have done to stay, but I needed to slow down for him.
The weekend passed with not a single text from him. I grew really restless as I looked at my phone. I wished I could fly over to his house and through his window, asking why he didn't say anything. Not that he'd answer me.
School came too slowly, and when it did, I jumped out of bed and pulled on my uniform impatiently. I had to talk to Kyoya, find out how he felt. I urged my chauffeur to drive as fast as he could. My fingers shook with how much energy I had bottled up.
When I finally saw Kyoya, I rushed over to him. "Hi," I said breathlessly.
"Hello, Tamaki," he replied, turning around. There was a smile on his face.
"How are you?" I asked, trying not to hug him really hard.
"Very well. I was thinking about an Indian cosplay today. Is that alright?"
"That sounds great! Imagine our little Haruhi in a sari! How cute she would be!" I said, clapping my hands together in excitement. Haruhi was really more like my daughter than people thought. I was in love with Mommy anyway.
"She'll reject the idea of being in a sari," Kyoya said, bursting my bubble.
"Oh, let me have my moment." He looked amused, more so than usual. I was making him happy, a crazy part of my brain said.
"I'll see you in class." Kyoya walked away, but not before looking back and smiling at me. My face was probably the color of strawberries. I wondered for a just a moment why he was being unnaturally jovial, but brushed it off. I really shouldn't have.
Club hours made me unexpectedly happy. I had hope that Kyoya might be able to accept me, being in love with him, that is. He'd accepted every other part of me. My maybe was something more now. Even the deluded fangirls noticed how much happier I'd become. The hosts, mostly Mori and Honey, knew something was different. Haruhi just knew I hadn't fussed over her as much today, and that's all she needed. "Senpai?" she asked. "Anything new?"
"Not really new, just visible," I answered dreamily. Haruhi seemed a bit concerned, but left me alone.
After club was over, I stayed behind a little longer to help Haruhi clean. She looked worried, but I didn't see anything to be worried about. When we finished, I headed to grab my backpack, while she told me she was going to talk to Kyoya. Out of curiosity, not a predisposition to snooping, I put my ear on the door to listen to their conversation.
"Alright, what the hell is wrong with Tamaki?" I heard Haruhi ask.
"What makes you think there's something wrong with him?" Kyoya's voice made me tingle.
"He's spacey, not enthusiastic, smiling instead of talking, and he didn't seem to notice the twins were anywhere near me. Do you know why?"
"I might have an idea." His tone suddenly changed, but I couldn't figure out to what.
"Really? Spill."
"You probably don't want to hear it."
She snorted. "Wanna bet?"
"I..." I couldn't hear what he was saying then.
"That doesn't sound like you. Oh never mind, it does."
"I assure you, it is the complete truth."
"I didn't say I didn't believe you."
"I..." The sound went out again, "...play with Tamaki's feelings." Wait, what?
"So that's it. Well, that's all I needed to know." I heard Haruhi start to walk out of the room.
"Please don't tell him," Kyoya said after her.
I backed away from the door in shock. Kyoya had been playing with my feelings? How could he do that to me? They'd been right in front of him and he took advantage of me.
Before Haruhi could find me eavesdropping, I ran to get my backpack and left the clubroom. Tears streamed down my face and I prayed no one staying at the school late could see them. My chauffeur didn't question it, but gazed at me sadly, as if he knew this day would come.
I locked myself in my room when I got there. A thick packet of paper sitting on my bed got picked up finally. I stared at it for a while, but already knew what my decision was. Taking off the rubber band, I uncapped a pen and started to fill out the forms.
s*t*a*r*s
Kyoya POV
"I'm in love with Tamaki, and I think he might feel the same way," I confessed.
Haruhi raised an eyebrow. "That doesn't sound like you. Oh never mind, it does."
"I assure you, it is the complete truth." I hoped she could hear how much I wanted her to believe me.
"I didn't say I didn't believe you." She was being surprisingly cool about this.
"I have been in love with him for a while, and while at our sleepover, I may have partially revealed it." Don't blush, Kyoya. "And I think he might like me back." And there's the blush I tried so hard to avoid. "I would never play with Tamaki's feelings."
"So that's it. Well, that's all I needed to know." She turned her back and started walking away.
"Please don't tell him," I begged. Haruhi nodded. I breathed a sigh of relief. It felt good to finally tell someone.
I thought I heard some scuffling besides Haruhi in the clubroom, but I didn't think anyone else could have been there.
The next day, Tamaki looked solemn. He gave off an aura of sadness that no one, not even Haruhi could break. I tried asking him what was wrong, but he wouldn't look at me. It scared me that I couldn't figure it out, as I could with most things.
During club hours, the girls interrogated him in their own little way, but they had as little luck as I did. They left disappointed, but slightly invigorated, because here was an opportunity to get close to him. I would have scoffed at them, however, I myself was quite preoccupied with what could be wrong.
Host Club ended earlier than usual because of Tamaki's mood. One all the girls had left, then twins started with, "Tono, what's up with you?"
Tamaki looked up, his pretty, violet eyes dull. This was the lowest I'd ever seen him. "Nothing is really up. The sky and the ceiling are about it."
Everyone sighed in annoyance. "Tell us why you're moping, or we'll take Haruhi for a week," Hikaru threatened. "No telling what we'll do with her."
Tamaki didn't react like he normally would have if the twins were talking about Haruhi. He was actually very lack-luster. "I don't think you want to know."
"Believe me, we do, Tama-chan," Honey-senpai said.
He let out a breath of air. "I'm going to America."
The twins began to laugh. "Yeah right, Tono."
"No, truly. There was an opportunity, and I took it. I leave in a week." No one knew what to say to that.
"Why would you do that?" Haruhi asked after it had sunk in a little.
He didn't look at any of us as he replied, "It's a great chance to improve my knowledge. The company will need me."
"Oh bullshit," I said, entering the conversation. The other hosts stared at me in awe. "What the hell is this really about?"
Tamaki didn't answer me. Why didn't he understand how hurt I felt that he couldn't tell me about this? "It's done, Kyoya. I'm leaving Japan for a semester, and nothing can change that." His cold voice cut me. He wasn't supposed to be cool and apathetic, that was my job.
I answered him calmly, not wanting to lose to him. "Alright. I understand completely." I closed my laptop and left the room, taking my things with me. Stupid. I needed to stop thinking we could be together. He obviously was looking for a chance to leave me.
The day Tamaki got on his plane to San Francisco, none of us were in a very good mood. The twins were annoyed that one of their toys was leaving, Honey-senpai was wailing, Mori-senpai was comforting him, Haruhi looked unhappy, and I was absolutely beside myself with anger and sadness and longing. Not that anyone could tell, except the third-years.
Tamaki had only two suitcases packed, when on the average Host Club trip he took three. He dragged them behind him like chains. When his flight was only twenty minutes out, he asked Mori-senpai to watch his luggage while he left for a moment. Tamaki grabbed my wrist and pulled me along to an empty waiting room.
Closing the door behind us, he gazed up at my face with a peculiar look. "Kyoya, I have to ask you a favor."
My heart, I hated to admit, rose when he said that. "Anything," I said seriously.
He huffed. "Please take care of everyone for me. You are the only one I can trust with this, so I beg of you, mon ami." Did he not know I would do anything for him?
"Of course, Tamaki. Consider it done." The corners of his mouth turned up the slightest bit, ruefully.
"Take care of yourself as well, Kyoya. If you didn't, I don't know what I would do."
"I will," I promised. I suddenly noticed the tears in his eyes. "Tamaki, are you okay?"
He shook his head, but as I tried to say something, he rose up on his tiptoes and kissed me. His lips were so sweet, like his overly sugared tea. I began to taste the salt of his tears when he broke away and ran from the room. In shock for a minute, I went after him too late. When I got back to the gate, he'd already boarded the airplane. I swore loudly and in public, in front of some young children. "Stupid...fucking...bastard." The hosts looked alarmed, but I left the airport without them, cursing that blonde to the depths of hell.
s*t*a*r*s
Tamaki POV
"What's wrong, son?" the older man in the seat next to me asked, gazing pointedly at my crying face.
"I left the one I love behind. And I can't go back."
s*t*a*r*s
Kyoya POV
Autumn and winter passed with no word from Tamaki. Not a single text message left his phone for us. I tried to look up where he was enrolled in high school, but his name wasn't registered anywhere in America. He'd disappeared, and I didn't know why.
More and more nights I spent awake, staring through the skylight we'd looked at during our last sleepover. I knew all the constellations by heart now, having gazed at them every night. I still felt Tamaki come up behind me even though he wasn't there, he still whispered in my ear and hugged me, but he didn't really, because he was gone. Tamaki was a ghost that thought it hilarious to haunt his best friend. The stars didn't help that.
Even the host club customers noticed me retreating further and further into myself, typing constantly, not speaking to anyone, inside or outside of class. I curtly answered when asked a question, but that was it. I did make sure the host club members were taken care of, however. I had to do that for Tamaki.
When only four months had passed, I was at my breaking point. I searched for the smallest, tiniest piece of evidence that could lead me to Tamaki's whereabouts, partially so I could go to America and smack him, partially so I could tell him I loved him. His Facebook account was closed, no social media were registered under his name, and the newest websites with his name in them were five months old. I was getting used to the idea that I might have to call every school in California to find him.
"Hello, ma'am. Is there a boy by the name of Tamaki Suoh enrolled at your high school?"
"No. Never heard of him."
"Thank you. Goodbye."
"Hello, ma'am. Can you check if someone called Tamaki Suoh goes to your school?"
"Nope. Sorry, kid."
"Thank you for your time."
"Hello, sir. Is Tamaki Suoh enrolled at your establishment?"
"No, I've never heard that name in my life."
"I appreciate your time."
I banged my head on my desk in despair and frustration. Where could he have gone? Of course, I kept calling them. I kept crossing high schools off the massive list I'd printed. What else could I have done?
My school life suffered, to the point where teachers were calling me after school to ask why my grades were at an all time low. The hosts couldn't stop me, even though Haruhi and the third-years were worried. I broke myself down looking for Tamaki.
One day, I was in the last section of the high schools when something interesting happened.
"Hello. Does someone named Tamaki Suoh go to your school?"
"I've never heard of him, but we do have a Yamada Saki. Does that help you?"
"Actually, yes. Can you describe him for me?"
"Everyone knows about Yamada. He has a Japanese name, but has blonde hair and weird-colored eyes. All the girls want to go out with him, which makes all the boys hate him, but he has rejected them all, saying he has a crush on someone else. No one can figure out who it is, and many fights are started because of him. His face is probably differently shaped than when he first got here."
"Poor guy." My heart restarted. "May I have the address of your school? I would like to contact him personally."
"Sure." The man on the phone listed it and I wrote it down diligently. "I will be coming soon." I had hope.
s*t*a*r*s
Tamaki POV
Class was more dreary than usual. Maybe all the teachers were tired or something, but the lessons seemed boring and unplanned. I hoped they would feel better. All the students, on the other hand, were looking at me like they wanted to beat me up again. I knew this was one of those days. It happened once or twice every week that someone wanted to hurt me, so I was used to it. These rich kids were very uncivilized and evil.
"Yamada?" my only friend asked.
"Yeah, Noboru?" I replied.
"Can you help me through Problem Six?"
"Yep," I answered cheerfully. Noboru and I were part of the foreign exchange group I'd signed up for, and we'd become fast friends due to my need for friendship and someone to patch me up after a fight. He didn't know I was a Suoh, and I liked it that way.
Classes got out early today, so Noboru and I headed out, hoping to avoid Andre and his gang. We didn't, but we were very close. "Hey, chink," Andre spat.
"I am not from China, and neither is he," I motioned. "You'll have to think of a better insult."
He looked very angry, so the two of us took the opportunity to run. Noboru made it to the car, but I didn't.
At around 4 a.m., as I was trying to study and ice my bruises, I received a text message. Can you see the stars? If not, go outside. If you can't, think about the stars. What do they remind you of? Text me the answer.
I didn't recognize the number, but it had the area code of the prefecture where I used to live. I texted back: The person I left behind. In fact, I can't even look at the stars anymore, it's so painful.
Several minutes passed with me staring at my phone anxiously, but soon I received a reply. Look outside. There is a constellation in the shape of a W, called Cassiopeia. Do you see it?
I left my apartment and stared up at the sky. I found the constellation. I see it.
Good, came the reply. Today, the W stands for when. When will you go back to them?
I sighed, feeling the hollowness in my throat as I held back my emotions. I can't.
Why not?
Because he was playing with my feelings. He told a good friend of ours that, and to not tell me.
Try to forgive him. The stars won't hurt anymore if you do that.
I burst into tears. Leave me alone please. I can't think about him. Goodnight.
The next couple days, I received texts from the same person, always about the stars and Kyoya, though I never told the person his name. They always texted me between 4 and 6 a.m., sometimes waking me up. I never minded. That person cared about me, whoever they were, and I knew they just wanted to help.
Noboru noticed how much better I felt. "Things are looking up for you, aren't they?"
"Yes, they really are."
The bullies stayed away from us for a few days, and beat me up again later. They really didn't get insults at all. Apparently, only the twins were good at that sort of thing. I missed the twins and the hosts, but I mostly missed Kyoya. However, I had a very unpleasant feeling he would never miss me back.
On an unsuspecting Tuesday, a mysterious car showed up at the school. The teachers rushed us inside, because no one knew who it was. They were ushered into the front office, wearing all black. That was the only glimpse I got before class started. Half the period had gone by when I was called to the office as well. People were whispering about what I could have done to end up there, but I didn't know myself.
I knocked on the door, then sat on the bench outside. Soon, Mr. Thompson opened the door and asked me to come in. As I stepped into the office, I wanted to simultaneously run away and scream, and get incredibly close. "Yamada, this is Kyoya Otori. He says he's acquainted with you."
"I'm more than acquainted," he murmured, his lips moving beautifully. "Hello, Tamaki."
s*t*a*r*s
Kyoya POV
His face shifted from fright to longing to distance. "What you doing here?" he asked. Oh, how I'd missed his voice.
"I found you under a different name after four months of searching. Were all of those methods entirely necessary?" I tried to keep my composure.
"I didn't want any of you to find me. Especially not you." His tone stung.
"Why? What's so special about me?" I asked quietly.
He didn't answer. Now, the teacher, Mr. Thompson, was looking uncomfortable. "Why don't you two boys take this outside?"
I obliged, standing and leaving the building, Tamaki trying to catch up with me. He was panting when we reached the schoolyard. "You betrayed me, Kyoya. That's why I left, that's why I made it so hard for you to find me."
"How did I betray you?" I asked desperately.
He looked at me in surprise. "You told Haruhi you were playing with my feelings. You were making me think you were in love with me, when really, you were just a selfish bastard that wanted to watch me suffer."
I breathed out fast. "Tamaki, how much of that conversation did you hear?"
Tamaki thought for a moment. "Only a few words I didn't catch."
I began to laugh and sort of cry at the same time. "That entire conversation was me telling Haruhi I was in love with you and that I would never play with your feelings. You need to stop eavesdropping, you don't hear things correctly."
Tamaki stared at me holding a hand over my face for a minute, speechlessly. "You are in love with me?" he asked very slowly.
"You damn Frenchman, yes, I'm in love with you. I have been for a while now." He gazed at me as if seeing if I was telling the truth, and then leaned in to kiss me.
"I missed you. And I am in love with you, too." I felt so elated for the first time in over four months.
"Did you figure out who was sending the texts about the stars?" I asked him.
"How do you know about those?" Tamaki asked skeptically.
"I sent them, dumbass. I always sent them when I was sure we both could see the stars at night."
Tamaki sighed, hugging me gently. "I guess neither of us let that night go, did we?"
"No," I replied, holding him close.
"Kyoya, I don't have to say maybe anymore."
"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked into his hair.
"Absolutely nothing."
When we returned to Japan with Tamaki's friend Noboru, all the hosts welcomed us at the airport. Everyone was excited Tamaki was back, even the twins. After the greetings and such, he coaxed me into another waiting room and kissed me hard.
"I want to have another sleepover," he mumbled against my lips.
"That can be arranged," I replied, kissing him again.
My first oneshot! Hope you all liked it. For some reason, I have a story with Yoshikawa in it, and another one with Noboru in it. Wow. Please review!