Trigger warning! Be aware. There are character deaths in this story. That's nothing new for fans of Major Crimes, but if you are as sad and disappointed as I am right now then you might want to avoid this not happy story. I couldn't avoid it. It wouldn't get out of my mind until I wrote it down. Frankly, it still won't get out of my mind.
Marla Williams hated lights out. It meant spending hours in murky shadows on an uncomfortable bunk listening to women snore and argue and cry and make noises she didn't want to hear. Marla wanted to hear the sweet voices of her two daughters – their giggles when they splashed each other in the swimming pool, their singing to each other while they played on the swings in the park, their whispers as they lay in their twin beds waiting on sleep. Marla knew her young daughters would become women without her. She'd lost the right to be in their lives when she chose to drink and drive.
She had killed an innocent couple and wasted her life. A life that had held so much promise. A life that many people had worked hard to preserve. A life she could have easily lost if not for the skill and talent of the medical team that transplanted the donor heart in her chest after years of living with heart failure. She could still vividly remember the endless, monotonous hours she spent waiting for a compatible heart in the hospital. It occurred to her that being in prison wasn't so different from being in the hospital. Both places were loud, uncomfortable, boring, and served lousy food.
Any distraction was welcome the weeks she spent waiting to find out her fate on the transplant ward of the cardiac unit. She'd noticed an attractive, older woman walk past her room a few times. A man with silver hair would sometimes walk with the woman. Marla noticed the man always held the woman's hand and never took his eyes off her. One afternoon, she followed the two to the solarium. She watched them sitting in the sun, smiling, laughing, and talking to each other. They seemed to be in their own little world. Watching them made Marla miss her husband who was busy with work and taking care of their girls.
Pretending to read a magazine, Marla spied on the couple. She figured at their ages they'd probably been married for decades just like her own parents. They certainly didn't act like her parents who bickered and argued almost constantly. Her parents barely tolerated each other, but the couple she was watching reminded her of newlyweds. The man never stopped touching the woman. He'd slowly run the palm of his hand up and down her arm as if he was afraid she'd disappear if he didn't maintain contact. With her other arm, the woman pointed at the plants in the corner of the light-filled room. Marla heard her say, "It's beautiful in here."
Before the man could respond, his phone rang. No longer pretending to read, Marla stared openly and watched as the man got up and left the quiet room to take the call. The woman stared after him with a concerned look on her face before shifting her gaze in Marla's direction. They made eye contact. The pretty woman smiled at her. Embarrassed at getting caught staring, Marla quickly looked down at the magazine.
Several minutes passed before she heard the man approach the woman and tell her he had to go back to work. She couldn't help herself; looking up from the magazine, Marla watched as he kneeled next to the woman who was still sitting. Marla knew she shouldn't stare, but she was mesmerized by the look of love on the man's face. She wished she hadn't left her camera in her room. She would've enjoyed trying to capture the pure radiance shining off him as he held tightly to the woman's hands.
"Do you want me to walk you back to your room?" he asked. The woman removed her hands from his, raising them to cup each side of his face.
"No, I think I'll stay here for a bit and enjoy the sunshine," the woman said.
It seemed to Marla that the couple stared at each other for an eternity before the woman leaned forward, and they kissed like they were at a picnic on the beach and not at a hospital that smelled of disinfectant and decay.
When they parted, he said, "I'll be back in a few hours."
"Andy, be careful," she said.
Marla was tired. She wanted to go back to her room, but there was something about the woman she couldn't stop watching. The woman wasn't paying any attention to her. She was looking off in the distance. Marla tried to read the look on her face. She wondered if the woman was happy. She didn't look happy, but she didn't look sad. She looked peaceful. Marla wondered what the woman was thinking. She herself sometimes thought of death. How could she not when so much of her young life had been spent battling heart disease. She didn't dwell on it though. She had a happy if not perfect life. She loved the man she'd married the day after she graduated from college. Despite her health concerns, they'd had two beautiful girls. She had a successful career as a photographer and graphic designer. She even continued to work on projects from her computer in the hospital; however, it was getting more difficult for her to keep up her energy as the days dragged on in limbo. She didn't let it get her down. She was determined to remain cheerful, and she worked hard not to feel sorry for herself. There was still so much life to live.
Marla was almost back to her room when she felt a hand land on her shoulder. Turning to see who was touching her, she was surprised to see the woman she'd left sitting in the sun. "You forgot your magazine," the woman said. Marla took the magazine, but didn't say a word. She just stood and stared at the stunning woman who was looking at her with such kind eyes. For a split second, Marla felt like their souls touched. It was a feeling she'd never been able to adequately describe to anyone in the three years since it happened. She'd often wondered what became of the woman she'd poured her heart out to that long-ago afternoon. A woman as in need of a new heart as her. That's the only thing Marla had learned about the woman. She didn't even know her name.
The woman told her she didn't want to talk about herself. She wanted to hear about Marla's life. They sat on Marla's bed and she told the woman about her husband and her home; her girls and the hopes and dreams she had for them; her career that was starting to take off. Marla talked about all of it and more. It felt so good to talk. She was excited about her future even if it was uncertain if she even had a future. Talking energized her, but when she noticed her new friend looking tired, she reached for the woman's hands, covering them with her own just like the man had done earlier. "Would you pray with me?" asked Marla. As the rays of the setting sun shined through the hospital window, they bowed their heads and asked for God's divine mercy.
She remembered the woman's velvety voice. She'd said so few words, but the sound stayed in Marla's mind. How she wished she was still sitting on the bed in the hospital praying with the woman she'd come to think of as her personal angel. Instead, she was on a bunk in prison. Three years had passed. Marla had her new heart. With her new lease on life, she'd allowed herself to party every now and then. Every now and then eventually turned into a couple of times a week. That turned into a DUI which slowed her down but didn't stop her drinking. Her family was furious with her. That only made her want to drink more to drown her shame and guilt at not taking care of her body. She was all too aware she was damaging the heart she'd prayed for.
When she finally landed the huge client she'd been pitching for two months, she told herself she'd have one drink with her friends to celebrate and then go home. She never made it home. She drove drunk through a red light, colliding with a car driven by a young man who had just graduated from law school. He and the man he was engaged to died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. She walked away without a scratch.