The following was written around the time of Season 3 Episode 9 when Haru was having his emotional breakdown.
Summary: Rin comforts Haru.Collab with emotional-shark
"Don't cry, please don't cry." Rin remarked.
How many times has he said those very words to Rin? Now that he was in the opposite position, he could see it wasn't so easy. He didn't think anyone would notice, he thought the water from the shower had shielded his tears from curious eyes.
He stood against the wall of the communal showers in nothing but the jammers he'd just swam in, well he sort of stopped in the middle of swimming.
He'd felt the weight of the world on his shoulders to the point that he could barely act as if nothing was wrong, the differences in his behavior were very subtle and one would only notice if they paid very close attention.
But no one seemed to pick up on it and it had finally come crashing down and he'd finally released some of those feelings. Feelings he'd been trying his damnedest to shut out. To ignore. To keep pretending everything was okay.
He didn't answer Rin's words, he simply turned his head to the side and wished for the redhead to leave him be. He didn't want to be seen in such a state. He longed for solitude and he felt as if no one would quite understand how he feels.
Following Haru had been like second nature. After seeing him stop like that…Rin had to know what had happened to his friend. However he wasn't expecting to find him like this, standing in the shower with tears streaming down his face.
He wasn't sure how he'd managed to notice, but he had and it hurt seeming Haru like this and it hurt when he turned away.
He had to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat before he could even think about trying to talk again. "Haru, please don't cry. Talk to me, I want to help!"
He knew what it was like to be lost and confused, with no real sense of where to go or what to do. He'd been in that position about a year ago until Haru helped him, now he was determined to return the favor and help Haru with his situation.
What was he supposed to say when he didn't understand it completely himself? In a way, he was in limbo because he was constantly thinking about it but he just couldn't seem to find an answer.
The future seemed far off but at the same time so close and he probably wouldn't be thinking of it so hard, if so many people were not surrounding him… and pressuring him on what he should do with that future.
He turned his head to face forward again and look into the eyes of the one person that seemed to notice. His eyes looked defeated and he tried to smile but that was a rare thing and he failed miserably at his attempt. He was trying to reassure Rin without speaking, but he was kidding himself.
Rin's heart felt like it was being crushed in a vice-grip when he saw just how defeated Haru looked when his friend turned to look at him, even going as far as trying to smile.
On impulse Rin rushed forward under the spray of water, wrapping his arms around Haru in what he hoped was a reassuring hug.
"You don't have to shoulder everything on your own! You have people around you that want to help you!" His voice wavered, but he refused to let it crack. This wasn't about him, this was about Haru, so he didn't want to let his emotions get the better of him.
Haruka didn't react much to the hug at first, just because he was a little shocked by it. He wasn't used to being comforted or needing comfort. But he soon realized maybe that was just what he needed right now.
Slowly he raised his arms and wrapped them around Rin loosely as he rested his head on Rin's strong shoulder. It felt like the strong arms could protect him somehow and at the same time his arms tightened around Rin.
He was still quietly crying but not really making a sound and because they were under the spray of water from the shower head, he had confidence that Rin wouldn't see. He was still quiet but Rin's words made him feel a little bit more at ease, but not completely because the pressure he had felt - was still rearing its head upon his shoulders.
He let out a shaky breath when it seemed he was somewhat getting through to Haru, and he held him a bit tighter. He hated seeing him like this, so blank and almost defeated, it just wasn't how Haru was supposed to be.
It seemed Haru still didn't want to talk yet, and Rin figured that was alright. They could talk later, though it would still have to be relatively soon. For now Haru just needed time to let out what seemed to be pressure and frustration that had been building for a while now.
He could hear voices not too far away, the obvious sounds of their friends now looking for them, but he didn't pull away. He would let Haru decide what happened next; if they hid in one of the nearby private showers, if they were found like this, or any other thing that could happen in this situation.
Frankly, the last thing he wanted to do was talk about something he was so unsure of but a hug was okay. A hug brought him comfort he desperately needed right now. And it didn't hurt that Rin smelled so good, Haru nuzzled into his neck and held on tight, he couldn't get any closer if he tried.
He still felt bad about lashing out at Rin maybe a few words were needed but they weren't much…but Rin deserved to hear them. "I'm sorry." He whispered, it had just been too much and it had been like he was in quicksand - each pressure causing him to sink further into its depth.
Haru knew something he'd kept from the boy who was holding him but being in his arms made him think of it. His affection for Rin ran deeper than friendship, though he always chose to keep it bottled up inside. This was hardly the time or place but still he was cozy in Rin's strong embrace and he wouldn't let anyone else hold him like this.
When they'd fought earlier, Haru had said he swims for his friends before walking away, and Rin took that as a sign that he wasn't one of those friends. Despite that…when he'd realized Haru was hiding in the showers, he still wanted to do something to help. What surprised him, though, was the fact that Haru seemed to be okay with this.
Scratch that. He was the most surprised to hear him apologizing.
"I'm sorry too…I should've tried harder to understand what was going on." He mumbled quietly, turning his head to gently nuzzle at Haru's neck.
Even though the situation at the moment was a little messed up, Rin couldn't say things were too terribly bad. He'd liked Haru as more than a friend for a long time now so he was happy to have Haru this close to him, even if it was possible it wouldn't last long.
And as that thought passed through his mind he could hear their friends' voices calling for them getting louder. "They're going to find us soon. What do you want to do?"
-
Rin is one of those friends and Rin will always be one of those friends, he just happens to be at a different school and on his own team. That hardly makes him any less of a friend.
And if Haru's words had sounded that way, that isn't how he meant them. He just felt as if everything was hitting him at once and it came to a head right at that moment.
It didn't make Rin any less important.
Haru sighed as Rin nuzzled into his neck, it was oddly comforting and felt natural somehow. He relaxed more in his arms and his tears had all but faded.
They were going to be found soon? Is Rin feeling odd about hugging Haru? Maybe it does look weird for two guys to be hugging under the shower spray as they were…..but Haru wished others were not coming because he liked the comfort hugging Rin had brought him.
Haru was a oddly annoyed by it but he reluctantly pulled away from Rin and looked him in the eyes. "What do you want?"
-
Everyone was silent after Haru spoke, looking a little nervous and unsure of what to do.
"Well…we were worried about you, Haru-chan." Nagisa broke the silence first, and the other two nodded in agreement.
Maybe it was just Rin being selfish, but he didn't want to talk to the others right now and he didn't think Haru did either.
"Sorry guys, but I'm going to steal Haru for a bit." He spoke without thinking and he knew everyone was looking at him now, most likely surprised. He also knew he had to follow through with what he'd said, so he grabbed Haru's hand with the intent of taking him to one of their rooms.
Rin wasn't really sure what he was hoping to accomplish with this, he just had the feeling they needed to be alone for a while.
Haru had already reassured the others earlier and he felt it was good enough for now. He knew they cared but for now, he only wanted Rin's comfort and as he let him lead him away. He was glad Rin had spoke so he didn't have to.
They were now alone in one of the shower stalls and Haru leaned against the wall sighing. He wanted to be held by Rin all over again but for the moment he held back.
"Rin…" He spoke so softly, "Don't get mad but I just don't know what I want for now…" He'd had enough of the damn pressure that had come from every angle possible it seems.
His hand came up as he ended up gripping his bangs and he'd had these thoughts weighing on him since Rin first asked or perhaps it was when the career sheet was passed out at school, He couldn't recall but nonetheless, for now he was done thinking about it.
A shower stall definitely wasn't his first choice, but it was closest to where they'd been and it seemed far enough away from the others that he thought it was alright.
He was closing the door when he heard his name, and when he turned to look at Haru it once again felt like his heart was being squeezed painfully. Dammit, it hurt to see Haru look so distressed.
It seemed like his mind wasn't in control of his body when he reached out and hugged Haru again, but he didn't actually mind. "I'm not mad, just…confused." He admitted, sighing softly. "I don't really get it, but I want to try to understand."
Being held by Rin again was just what he wanted and needed for now and in a way, he couldn't even explain how being in this person's arms made him feel. It was too damn intense. It was sweet and yet painful because he had this feelings for Rin that he buried. Maybe in his upset state he was taking advantage of Rin in a way by leaning on him a little too much,
But it was just a hug and it made him more at ease. So what is the harm anyway? Perhaps the way Haru held Rin a little closer than he should may not be right…but he just didn't care.
Rin smelled good and being in his arms felt right…it almost made him forget the stress he was under. But he wasn't quite lost enough to not still have thoughts racing through his mind and that caused him to grip Rin hugging him so close there wasn't even room for air between them.
Rin sighed quietly when he felt Haru hugging him back, and he lowered his head to gently nuzzle against his neck. He realized he probably wouldn't ever get the chance to do this again, so he wanted to enjoy this as much as he could.
He wasn't taking advantage of Haru right now…right? He didn't think so, and it didn't hurt that Haru seemed to like this too.
It kind of hurt to hold his friend like this, since it felt so right but Rin knew that it was wrong in a way. He had stronger affections for Haru than just friends, but right now he was ignoring that.
Haru was under enough pressure as it was, he didn't need the potential of more pressure knowing Rin liked him. So Rin bottled up his feelings and hid them away as best he could while he tried to hold Haru just a little bit closer, though it didn't seem possible since they were already clinging to each other so tightly.
He never felt so intimate just from a hug but that was what was happening to him as he felt Rin's gentle nuzzling, Haru sighed because it brought him so much relief - just the close hug and the affectionate nuzzle. He could feel Rin breathing on his neck, warm against his skin.
He shouldn't like it as much as he did. but that is just how it was. It was making him forget the pressure because his mind was being taken over with a wish to kiss the precious idiot friend that was holding him so close. He almost felt like a piece of glass that was being treated tenderly so it wouldn't break. Like perhaps Rin found him special in some way but Rin had always given that kind of vibe.
It had always been 'Nanase and the others' and now it was 'Haru and the others.' Maybe there was something to it all. His mind wandered off into silly musings and it made his heart feel a little lighter.
Rin was just so precious and so …well there really are not words for it. There was just no one else who was quite like Rin Matsuoka. Haru sighed to himself and he in turn nuzzled into Rin's neck…
His lips were so close and yet far away at the same time because that was a thin line…the line between friendship and love. But at times he wanted it to be crossed so damn bad. Like right now. "Rin…" He mumbled softly and it betrayed how much he adored Rin. Too much for his own good.
Hearing Haru say his name so affectionately and almost sweetly caught his attention, and he couldn't stop himself from pulling his head back to look him in the eye.
His eyes seemed to be rimmed with a light pink from when he'd been crying earlier, and he almost looked a little tired, but Rin still thought he looked…well, beautiful. Handsome, Gorgeous. There were an array of terms that could be used, but none of them were good enough to fit perfectly.
When he lifted a hand to gently cup Haru's cheek, he wasn't really aware of what he was doing (or maybe he was, and would deny it later if things didn't go well). He kept his touch soft like he was holding the most precious thing in the world. Which, to him, he was.
He wanted to kiss him so badly at that moment, it was insane. He wasn't sure how he was actually able to hold himself back, but he was doing it.
Instead of kissing his friend like he wanted, Rin looked at him for a moment longer before resting his forehead against his with a soft smile.
He could barely breathe with the way Rin was looking at him, he found himself gazing right back as his heart seemed to be spinning softly. Because Rin had never looked at him in quite this way or at least he never noticed it before. He wanted to blame it on sympathy or empathy but it felt like it was something else altogether.
The nicer Rin was, the crueler it felt in a way, it was like a tease of how things could be…but Haru had his doubts and wondered if he was full of wishful thinking. If he was reading more in those eyes than what was really there. But then Rin touched his face and cupped in such a way that he couldn't help raise a brow in pure curiousness. It felt more and more like he meant something special to Rin. Possibly like no one else.
That was the way he held Rin in his heart, like there was a key to the door of it and Rin was slowly becoming aware that he was the owner of that key….Rin made it feel that way. His heart thumped loudly in his ears
And when Rin leaned in to press his forehead to Haru's, he let out a soft sigh because for a moment, it had felt like a kiss was a real possibility. Why else would he have such a look in his eyes? Haru wanted to ask that question but at the same time, he didn't want to break the sweet silence between them.
He closed his eyes as Rin was resting against him like this, forehead to forehead…..even this wasn't normally something friends do. That crossed Haru's mind and gave him a little inkling of hope. He found his own hand soon cupping Rin's face and dragging his thumb across the skin with much affection. Rin was the one he held dear and this was one way to show it without talking.
His heart was pounding so quickly he was afraid it would pop out of his chest. This was definitely the most intimate situation he'd ever been in, and it almost seemed like Haru was encouraging him with everything he did.
Everything seemed so tender and affectionate Rin was left feeling breathless. It almost felt like Haru was teasing him, but that couldn't be right. Haru didn't know about how much he liked him…right?
These conditions weren't the best for thinking clearly. They were pressed against each other tightly, holding each other as close as they could, and their lips were mere inches apart.
Rin was going to use that reasoning later on if he needed to, because he finally decided to kick away any rational thought as he closed that last bit of distance between them and pressed his lips to Haru's in a kiss.
He wasn't aware it was going to happen till it actually did because of having his eyes closed. But he'd never felt anything as soft as Rin's lips felt at the moment. It wasn't perfect but it was very sweet and full of raw emotions that had seemed to build between them from the moment Rin hugged him and it became such a close intimate hug.
The hand on Rin's cheek was now in his hair instead because he'd had always wanted to touch it and feel just how it felt and it was like silk between his finger. He sighed as he was kissed and he kissed back just as gently as his heart felt like it was literally singing in his ears. That might seem silly but it was how it made him feel.
He had forgotten all his worries because now he was completely lost in Rin and even if it was just an innocent kiss. It held a lot of promise and filled his heart with a lot of hope. He might not know everything he wants for his future but he now just cannot picture it without a certain redhead by his side.