Naruto's 6th Return: Adam Sessler Returns! Naruto's Unexpected Friend!
By: DMEX
Nadda is mine, including X-Play
(RAW 2011 opening)
Opening fireworks, crowd cheers
J.R.: The crowd here in the Steel City is sold out! This is "Good Ol' J.R." Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler LIVE in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Michael Cole will be joining us later tonight…
King: And I'm sad to announce that tonight, the most hated man in Anime history will be in the WWE Universe as X-Play's Adam Sessler will be here tonight. But the good news is that Naruto is here tonight!
J.R.: But with all these people cosplaying as Naruto and wearing Naruto apparel; Sessler will have a difficult time finding him. What will Adam Sessler have to say tonight; LIVE on Monday Night RAW?
Justin Roberts: Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the C.O.O. of WWE; "The Game" TRIIIIPPPLLLEEEE H!
It's all about the game
And how you it
It's all about control
And if ya can't take it
(The crowd cheers for Triple H as he makes his way to the ring)
J.R.: I hope for the sake of Naruto that Triple H address the Adam Sessler situation.
Triple H: Before I get onto business; let me just say, I'm a Narutard and I'M DAMN PROUD OF IT!
(Crowd cheers)
Triple H: Which is why I'm out here right now… This is a warning to Adam Sessler and everyone in the back! Tonight; if there is a gang land-style hit on Naruto Uzumaki or ANY of his friends, I WILL PERSONALLY GET INVOLVED! That means you, Michael Cole!
King: What a blockbuster announcement…
Triple H: There ain't gonna be any shenanigans going on tonight! If anyone tries to take out Naruto tonight; whether it be on a hospital stretcher or a body bag; you'll either get suspended indefinitely or you'll be fired! And Sessler; I'm watching you! If you do what I think you want to do; you'll find yourself in a serious world of hurt!
J.R.: Triple H is not playing!
King: I hope Sessler gets what he has coming to him!
-Green Room-
Eve and John Morrison are talking amongst themselves and hear this weird rumor going around…
John Morrison: You're kidding? Somebody put a hit on Naruto?
Eve: That's what's been going around…
John Morrison: I wouldn't be surprised if CM Punk put a price on his head-
*: Hello, there. I thought I heard someone say something about me just now…?
Eve: What do you want, Punk?
CM Punk: Nobody can seem to keep my name outta their mouth.
John Morrison: Well, Punk; I wouldn't put it past you! It's funny; every time you seem to know something about someone, they either go missing mysteriously, fired, end up being screwed out of a job or they end up being with you and changed for the worse…
CM Punk (agitated): WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!
Eve: You know what Punk, don't think for a minute that none of us Divas forgot what you did to 'her' a year ago.
CM Punk (angry): SCREW YOU! SHE DESERVED WHAT HAPPENED TO HER! I'M OUTTA HERE!
(Punk leaves angry)
-Hallway-
(you can hear Sakura swearing and yelling in anger)
Sakura (angry): HORNSWOGGLE! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!
Demon Sakura (angry): OPEN THE DAMN DOOR OR I'M GONNA KILL YOU! CHA!
Hornswoggle (from other side of the door): Money! Money! HAHAHAHA!
Sakura (angrier): OPEN THE *^%$&$ DOOR OR I'M GONNA KILL YOU!
Demon Sakura (angrier): I'M GONNA RIP YOUR SPINE OUT OF YOUR &%^$% BODY! MORTAL KOMBAT STYLE! CHA!
(Hornswoggle laughs and doesn't take her seriously)
Sakura busts down the door with her monster strength and she has that evil smile on her face (like on the third episode) Luckily, John Cena comes by
Cena: What the hell are you doing?
Sakura (angry): THIS IDIOT JUST ROBBED ME BLIND!
Cena: Out with it!
Hornswoggle: (Grunts)
Cena hands Sakura her wallet
Cena: All of it!
Hornswoggle pulls out the 3000 Ryo that she had, her Master Card, a photo of Sasuke and her bank card
Cena: Kiss and make up! And don't do something you'll regret Hornswoggle.
-RAW ZONE-
J.R.: wow… That Sakura has some temper…
King: That's why I stay on her good side…
Justin Roberts: Ladies and gentlemen, he is the host of X-Play on G4 Video Game TV (check your local listings) please welcome to the ring, ADAM SESSSLLEERR!
Occulted Personality blares in the arena as Adam Sessler and CM Punk with The New NEXUS comes out and the crowd is on their feet booing Sessler. The signs even say it all: "Sessler Sold Out" "X-Play Sucks" "Naruto, Kill Sessler" "Adam Sessler, GO HOME!"
J.R.: The WWE Universe is strongly behind Naruto!
King: They're on their feet booing the holy Hell out of him!
J.R.: The WWE Universe is almost 99% full of Narutards.
King: What's gonna happen now?
Sessler: Why are you people booing me? Don't you people understand, Naruto is a cancerous virus and needs to be destroyed!
(crowd boos loudly)
Crowd: YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!
Sessler: You people need to realize; people like John Cena, Randy Orton and most of all Naruto Uzumaki are not role model material! You need someone with conviction, love, respect and most of all dignity!
(Crowd roars into boos)
J.R. (angry): OH WHAT NERVE!
King (angry): WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO JUDGE THE WWE?
Sessler: You people today need role models like CM Punk, Michael Cole, Alberto Del Rio, The Miz, Wade Barrett and most of all; ME; ADAM SESSLER!
(crowd roars into boos)
CM Punk: Adam Sessler, for once in your life; you speak the truth. And like me, you speak your mind no matter what these worthless people think. That's why I respect you and that's why I want you to join The New NEXUS as my Second In Command.
Sessler: Sign me up!
*: Can I have everyone's attention please?
(crowd boos)
King: What's Cole doing now?
Cole: I agree with the facts that Adam Sessler says. It's all true!
Sessler: I didn't expect you to agree with me.
Cole: Are you kidding, Adam. I HATE NARUTO AS MUCH AS YOU DO!
(Crowd boos louder)
The lights go out
J.R.: What happened?
King: Don't ask me-
The lights go back on and Naruto is standing on the WWE Logo Stand. The crowd gives Naruto a standing ovation
J.R.: I DON'T BELIEVE IT! IT'S NARUTO! NARUTO IS HERE AT LAST!
King: LOOK WHERE HE'S STANDING J.R.!
J.R.: NARUTO UZUMAKI IS STANDING UP FOR THE WWE UNIVERSE AND ALL THE NARUTARDS IN THE WORLD!
King: LOOK, SESSLER LOOKS LIKE HE'S SEEN A GHOST!
J.R.: NARUTO IS COMING TO THE RING! BUISNESS IS ABOUT TO PICK UP!
Naruto: Well, well, well… if it isn't Adam Sessler in flesh. Didn't you learn your lesson at ACW Anime Revolution a few years ago?
Sessler: You are a cancerous hack that should have been destroyed a long time ago…!
Naruto: Oh, really? The way I see it; you should have been assassinated by now.
(crowd cheers wildly for Naruto)
Crowd: NARUTO! NARUTO! NARUTO! NARUTO!
Cole: Naruto, you are a disgrace to WWE, and all of these people!
Naruto: How many times did me and Edge kick your ass, Cole? Especially after that Con-Chairto you got 2 months ago!
CM Punk: Which you used the dirtiest trick in the book.
(The lights go out again)
The lights go back on and a figure dressed in Anbu Assassination Squad clothes and a mask with the Hidden Leaf crest is in the ring and attacks CM Punk (oddly enough) with a baseball bat. Meanwhile John Cena, Eve, Edge (he just is directing "traffic"), Randy Orton, Sheamus, Rey Mysterio and John Morrison are fighting Cole and Sessler and the New NEXUS. The crowd turns Chibi and flags of Naruto's face are in waving as well as the American Flag
J.R.: KICK HIS ASS NARUTO!
King: SESSLER IS A DEAD MAN!
Rey Mysterio does the 619 on Sessler and Cole
J.R.: 619!
Cena gives Sessler the Attitude Adjustment and Randy Orton gives Cole an RKO
King: ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT AND AN RKO!
Eve gives a Moonsault to Cole
King: Cole just got a Moonsault by Eve!
Morrison Flash Kicks David Otunga than Starship Pain's Michael Migillicutty
J.R.: Morrison just beats The New NEXUS members down like a government mule!
Edge: Pick up Sessler, Naruto!
Naruto picks up Sessler and Sheamus Brogue Kicks him in the skull
King: BROGUE KICK!
Naruto slams Sessler's face on a steel chair and Edge gets another. Then Edge gives Sessler the Con-Chairto
(The crowd continues to cheer as they watch the mauling of Adam Sessler, Michael Cole and The New NEXUS)
The mystery figure Spears Sessler, then CM Punk; but the real damage to Sessler is about to happen by Randy Orton
J.R.: I can't believe I'm about to say this, but Randy Orton: PUNT HIM THE SKULL!
Randy Punts Sessler in the skull and the crowd cheers. The mystery figure unmasks and uncloaks. It is none other than the woman CM Punk "left" about a year ago, Serena Deeb. She's wearing a Naruto shirt that says: "I've Been Reborn! BELIEVE IT!"
King: Serena finally got her revenge on Punk after a year!
J.R.: Good-bye Adam Sessler and Good Riddance! See you all next week! Thank you for joining us on Monday Night RAW!
END?