This is Halloween

Author's Note: I actually started writing this fic back last year, around Halloween, but the way season 2 actually progressed I lost all motivation however after seeing the success of Masquerade I decided to sit down and actually finish it, you can probably tell where I started again the story takes a different turn at one point.

Trigger Warning: Mentions of previous suicide attempts

Halloween had never been one of Skye's favourite holidays, when she was a child the nuns had filled the day with praying and no matter how long she had been with a family Skye had always found her way back to the nuns by Halloween. When Skye got older, after she had left the orphanage far behind her, Halloween had just been an excuse to get drunk and hack into the most secure network she could find, for a couple of years that had been SHIELD. Now Skye found herself on the other side of the wall, the one keeping SHIELD's secrets from getting out, and Skye found herself missing the outside world. It hadn't always been this way, for the first few months after SHIELD' fall the hacker had thrown herself into her work, trying to forget about the outside world, trying to forget about Grant Ward, becoming the best soldier she could be. Then the Creel incident happened, quickly followed by Donnie Gill and Skye had found herself spending a lot of time talking to the man he had tried so hard to forget, the outside world had come flooding in.

That had been months ago, Ward had since been freed from his underground prison cell and was currently working his way through his own brother's political network. Skye had found herself missing the talks they had had while the specialist had still been in the Playground, even if most of them had just been getting information on HYDRA out of him. However the no contact part of Ward's mission made it impossible for Skye to talk to Ward, especially just for a catch up. She had had a chance a few months ago when Coulson had volunteered the hacker to retrieve Ward's intel during one of Tony Stark's parties, a masquerade ball. Skye had to admit it had been fun, which was probably why Skye had found herself volunteering to attend another billionaire's Halloween party, this time knowing full well that she was going to get intel from Grant Ward. That didn't mean she couldn't have some fun while she was there. Skye had begun to wonder if it wasn't time to let the outside back in.

The guests at this party were pretty much the same as those who had been at Tony Stark's masquerade, minus a few Avengers and for that Skye was grateful, she didn't need another run in with the infamous Black Widow, her cover had almost been blown last time. There was no comms this time, the billionaire, Skye didn't bother to learn his name, was paranoid so each guest was searched on the way in, Skye briefly had to wonder how Ward planned to get the intel in but didn't panic, if there was one thing Grant Ward did well it was hide things.

The party was in full swing by the time Skye managed to make it past security, already a number of the guests were blind drunk. While Stark's masquerade had had some level of dignity, not much but some, this party was closer to a frat party than anything else, a billionaire frat party but still a frat party. Skye found it strange to think she might actually enjoy this party more than she had the last. The only problem was that she couldn't get blind drunk, at least while she was working, although the idea of getting drunk back in her room at the Playground later, a reminder of Halloween's past, was appealing.

As she made her way through the crowd of people, mostly drunk, Skye searched for Ward. At least this time Skye knew who she was looking for instead of Coulson's vague assurance that she would recognize the contact. Also this time there were fewer masks, not that Skye wouldn't be able to spot Ward behind a mask, it just made the job slightly easier.

Skye could kick herself for feeling like a teenager on her first date when she spotted Ward near the bar, after everything he had done he shouldn't be able to make her feel his way. Even though he was back working for SHIELD, working against his brother, against HYDRA, Skye almost kicked herself for feeling like this, meeting Ward was a mission, a way to get intel and maybe an excuse for a night out away from the Playground. It was not a date.

Ward smiled when he noticed Skye's approach and the hacker couldn't help but smile back.

Instead of greeting him Skye just raised an eyebrow, "What kind of costume do you call that?"

Ward smiled as he looked himself over before shrugging, "I'm one of the men in black."

Skye couldn't help but laugh at that, Ward looked like the man she had first met, clean shaven and in a business suit, this was the man she had missed these last few months. The hacker took a step forward, now standing inches from Ward, "I don't think dancing it the best way to pass me the intel this time." She inclined her head towards the crowd of drunken billionaires, there wasn't going to be a chance to slow dance at this party.

Ward raised an eyebrow, "So how do you suggest we do this? Dark corner?" He smirked, "A couple getting busy in the corner wouldn't raise any attention."

Skye lent against the bar, facing Ward, "I pretty sure these guys," Gesturing to the men and women surrounding them, "Wouldn't notice if Thor himself stripped down in front of them. I highly doubt they would notice you simply sliding the intel across the bar."

Ward took a step forward, "Why risk it."

Skye smiled, she almost laughed, "You just want an excuse to make out with me."

Ward smiled, sliding a memory card across the bar, "I would never use work as an excuse. You're worth more than that."

Picking up the card Skye placed it in a secure pocket in place only the handsiest of security guards would search, and Skye was pretty sure she would break that guards hand before he reached it. By the time she looked up Ward was walking away. "Hey," Skye called, reaching out, "Where are you going?"

Ward turned and shrugged, "You have your intel, run back to Coulson." He turned and continued to walk away.

Skye ran her hands through her hair, "Grant, why are you being so difficult?"

Ward suddenly turned around, he took two giant steps towards Skye, "I am done with this dance, Skye. I can't keep doing this job, when right now my sole purpose is hoping you are the one Coulson sends to collect the information on Christian." He placed a hand on Skye's shoulder, "Like I said you are worth more than that. You deserve better than someone as screwed up as me."

Skye placed a hand over Ward's, "What if I don't want anyone else?"

Ward pulled his hand away, "I told you before, I am not a good man, you saw that and you can't unsee it. Today you look at me and see the man you thought you knew, tomorrow, in the light of day you'll see me for what I really am."

"I won't," Skye replied stepping forward.

Ward shook his head, stepping back, "Maybe not tomorrow but one day you will see me for what I really am, you will see the monster Garrett created, the man you ran from, the man you had locked away and I can't live in fear of that day, Skye and you can't waste your life with me until you figure out the monster I really am."

"Grant," Skye sighed, stepping forward again.

"Don't," Ward snapped, stepping away, "I love you, I always will but you deserve better, better than this life SHIELD has roped you into and certainly better than me. I am stuck in this life, spying on Christian is better than the hell that the vault was, in that place I wanted to die, I tried to die, here I may not have a reason to live, but I have a reason not to die." Ward turned back, heading away into the crowd, he turned back slightly almost whispering his next words, "Tell Coulson to send someone else, I need a reason to live that isn't not dying so I can see you again." Skye didn't hear his last comment, "You really do make a beautiful butterfly."

Skye watched him walk away, she let him walk away, for now.

"I need a favour, AC," Skye asked tentatively as she placed the memory card on the Director of SHIELD's desk, "I want to go inside Christian's operation."

Coulson shook his head, "Senator Ward's operation isn't a priority, one expendable agent is all I can spare, especially with HYDRA digging in its heals."

"No one is expendable, not even Ward," Skye snapped, "And he needs to know that."

Coulson lent forward in his seat, "Why a sudden interest in Ward's mental health you didn't seem concerned before."

"Maybe I should have been, " Skye replied, "Maybe we all should have been," She sighed, "Garrett did a number on him, locking him away without seeing to that made him worse, it made him suicidal and again we did nothing to help. Hell I told him he should've tried harder. No matter how much he hurt us he didn't deserve that, no one does." Skye expected Coulson to interrupt her, only he didn't so she continued, "He finally realises what he did for Garrett and what Garrett did to him was wrong and we throw him back to the wolves he would rather be with John Garrett than face but faced for me, for you and we treat him the same way Garrett did, labelling him expendable, leaving him alone, no back up, no support, only reaching out when we want something from him." Skye took a breath in an attempt to calm herself, "He needs backup and I'm willing to be it."

Colson remained silent for a moment, obviously weighing his response, he finally spoke, "I don't believe much when it comes from Grant Ward, it's why I send you on these missions because I do believe his promise to never lie to you again." He paused before continuing, "It means believing when he says he cares about you. I have met Christian Ward and I'm not sure he's a bigger monster as our Ward says he is but I know he is dangerous, and our Ward wouldn't want you anywhere near him. Meeting at these parties is one thing, you never actually meet his brother, and actually entering Christian's world not only puts you in danger but Ward as well. We both know he would focus more on protecting you from his brother than he would on gathering intel and even protecting is own identity."

Skye sighed, collapsing in the seat of Coulson, he was right, "You didn't see him, Coulson, he is breaking, staff level breaking and he doesn't even want me at the drops anymore."

Coulson actually smiled at that, "Then do what you do best, ignore him," Coulson continued before Skye could interrupt, "You think he needs help, fine, help him. Go to these parties, maybe even a couple of those without drops, get him to talk to you. Break down those walls, you've done it before, do it again. You've changed him, he's better after being discovered than he would have been hadn't you been here."

"I'll think about it," The hacker stood up, "Now if you don't mind there is an hour of Halloween left, more than enough time to get drunk."

Phil Coulson didn't dare question why.

Author's Note: This story took a darker turn than I originally thought it would.