It's been a long, long time since the last time I wrote... So my writing skills can be rustic. I am sorry for that.
This story won't be more than 3 chapters as I planned. So it won't drag on I promise. But there might be other stories after this coming along, in case you like this.
Enjoy! Thank you!
Now if you really think about this, Steve and Bucky seemed not an ideal pair. From the beginning, they were just too different. Actually, their relationship was more like a model of a jock-nerd pair. Bucky was the jock type. He was always strong, charming, and protective. On the other hand, Steve, was the one who was smart, vulnerable even, but always brave. It doesn't matter how they ended up being best friends. They never looked like a pair, "a pair of love" pair. But never judge people by how they look. Steve might be someone who looks easy to be picked up, but he is previous inside. And Bucky sees Steve the way he really is, and that's why they were so bounded.
On the other side, Steve looks up upon Bucky. He wants to be like Bucky. No matter what era they were living in, please just assume that he has what we call a sexual impulse for Bucky. Otherwise there will not be any story to write about. If what we assume is the case luckily, he wanted to be like Bucky, therefore they would probably have a chance against all odds. So when he was chosen for serum, Steve did not just feel proud because he could finally serve for his country like Bucky, but he also felt hope. A hope in which he could finally be equal to Bucky.
After serum, the result was just too good. A little bit too good maybe. For just one moment, Steve pictured the scene where he and Bucky stand side by side, on the battlefield, till the end of the line. However, that was not more than just a picture he had in his sweetest dream. In reality, he was kept, preserved, as a symbol, something people saw as a sign that could give them some hope in the darkest time. And then, Bucky was captured and imprisoned in Hydra's evil lab.
Of course he got Bucky back, against the orders. But what else could he do? Left him tortured? Never! Bucky was his best friend. And they had the promise: till the end of the line. Despite the result of glory, he never thought this would serve as a ticket for the battle. What he did was for a simple cause. To save his best friend, his secret lover, from the hand of death.
At the time Steve brought back the captured soldiers and Bucky, when the people saw him as a real hero, applauding and hailing for the Captain of America, Bucky was the lead to make Steve a real icon. But there was something in his eyes. It was a realization. A realization that told him it was over for him to be the protector. He was the one to be protected and saved now. And if so, he will never fit his Steve again.
Since childhood, he was used to being Steve's protector. Although he was always the stronger one, and Steve always so stupid to put up a fight that he would lose, he always knew that Steve was the bravest of all. He saw that in Steve, along with his brilliance, kindness, and other great personalities. To the contrary of what it looked like that Steve relied on his protection, it was him clinging to Steve. He was scared that without Steve by his side he would become someone brainless and useless. He needed to protect Steve, his best friend, his pillar of spirit, his soulmate. This was the only way that made him equal to Steve's precious heart.
But the war came, he had to be enlisted. Of course he wanted to serve his country when the time came. And Steve would want him to. And he wanted to. To be Steve's hero. For more than once, he imagined that he returned with metals full on his chest, with a better future for him and Steve. But more frequently than that, he could not help but think what could happen to Steve after he was gone. There would be no one to protect him when some ass picked him up. He didn't even dare to bring himself to think about the possibility that he would return dead. So when Hydra got him, his worst nightmare came true, and he was dead already.
Then he was waken. After the blur was gone, he saw Steve. In the split of a second, Bucky thought he was in heaven. But then he noticed in front of him was a different version of Steve, much taller, much more massive muscles. Then he remembered the serum plan. He saw posters in barrack. Couldn't bring himself to believe that was Steve at first. For now, those were too much for him to comprehend, and all too trivial. So he just smiled to the only face in this world he wanted to see.
When they finally made it to the camp, he saw people admiring, idolizing Steve. He was happy, for real. But at the same time, the realization even worse than death dawned on him. His time when he could match Steve was over. From now on, he would only be far and far away from Steve.
But he played it cool, always acting like he knew more, like the old times. But he knew for sure there would be no more old times. Whatever, there was one thing that he was certain, there was no way that he would leave Steve's side. He would fight with Steve, for Steve. Till the end of the line.
And he fell, there was nothing to catch him but snow, ice and rocks. He was doomed. He was scared, of course. Scared of death, maybe. But actually, Bucky was terrified leaving Steve alone in this terrible world. But before he hit the eternity of cold, he was sadly relieved. Because, he forgot that Steve was the stronger one now. He would be okay without him. He might feel lucky for he didn't have time to think this far, but neither did he have time to feel lucky. What he didn't have time to think about either was that how Steve would remember him, for how long. This is why we say that the dead is more fortunate, and the survivals are left to burden and be agonized.
Steve was left, alone. For a long time his feelings for Bucky's death weren't coherent. He couldn't deal with the fact that he lost Bucky forever. He couldn't save Bucky. He let him fall. He felt useless. And this was different from feeling useless when he saw Bucky bruised to protect him. And this was not the uselessness he felt when he knew something had changed between them since he brought Bucky back but he didn't know how to ask. There was nothing he could do, never. He couldn't even get drunk.
However, his grief didn't have to last long. It was the final fight. The ship went out of control. And he was about to die. He felt relieved. Because this was the end of the line. They were winning. And he could go now, to see Bucky waiting for him on the other side.
But Steve is awake finally. Awake in a world he does not belong to. Awake in a world where Bucky is not. He doesn't want to be in this world. But again, what can he do? He doesn't get drunk, and he doesn't die. No matter what, life goes on. He meets new people. They face great wars together. Worse than the war he and Bucky faced. These people Steve fights together are his friends now, friends that he can rely his life upon, but not friends like Bucky. No one is like Bucky. But around these people, Steve is able to laugh again. There is no way that he will forget Bucky, or what Bucky means to him. Never. But he thinks maybe, just maybe he can move on to live. He can enjoy life once again, with Bucky living in his heart.
Still, from time to time, Steve goes to that museum where the glorious history of Captain America is kept, exhibited, and admired. He is there, when there is no enemies to fight, disguised in casual clothing and a stupid cap on his head. He stands in front of the black-and-white film that is playing in cycle for strange tourists every day. He looks at the goofy smiles on their faces, so young, so fresh, so…unbearable now. But he still stands there, remembering, hoping that Bucky will appears behind him, patting on his shoulders, saying "doing something stupid, aren't you". But no, it's just him.
But Steve does not have many chances for his tours. There is always evil in this world. And he has to fight to protect his country. After Bucky, this is the only thing left for him to do. He protects his people, for his country, for Bucky. And every war is tough. So is this one. This second fight with this masked soldier is consuming, but not life-taking. Not until he gets the soldier's mask off and sees his face. It's Bucky.
Bucky doesn't know who he is. He is called the Winter Soldier, but he knows this is not his real name. He doesn't care what his real name is. He is not made to care, or to question. He's made to obey, to fight, to destroy. He is a weapon. Therefore he doesn't see people. What he sees are objects, targets, or threats. And he usually doesn't have threats. But this time he does. This man is hard to defeat. They are equivalent in every aspect, speed, strength, and strategy. And this man is nothing but flesh. He has a metal arm, on the other hand. He feels humiliated. But his mission is complete. He should leave. There is no need to drag on. So he does, knowing that there will be unfinished business between them. Of course, his next mission is to kill that man, Captain America.
Bucky knows this mission will be hard. Not because they are both super-powered, but the more he fight, there is a strange feeling growing inside of him, a feeling of familiarity. He does not have feelings for his target. He feels irritated now, especially when the man pulls his mask off.
"Bucky," he hears that man calling when he turned to face him. Out of a blue he asks the first question that he can remember, "Who the hell is Bucky?" Then for a moment, there are images flashing in his head. Blurred images of him and this man in front of him, laughing, playing, and fighting. He is out of focus, and it never happens before. He has to kill him. He raises his gun, and he missed. For the first time, the Winter Soldier fails.
Bucky is taken back to the lab, where he was made in the first place. On the way back his brain is in turmoil. More and more images come up. His long-forgotten memories is like a ragged book, dyed in blood, bathed in dirt, left in the void. And now, pages after pages are wiped. Fragments by fragments, he gets them back. Still, he doesn't know who he is or who that Captain America is. But one verdict shows in that book of his memories and he sees it. He knew him. Not just knew him. That man is different and important for him. And he cannot kill him. He doesn't allow himself to.
They might have brainwashed him so many times that his memory is too shattered to be fixed. But they cannot change who he is. He is Bucky. He knows now, and he also knows that he will not fight back what is his. "I knew him." He insists, with that smile on his face. The smile that's saying, "I don't give a damn about you any more now. I knew him. And I'm gonna give up fighting this memory back." The smile that is defeated and also defeats his boss.
Then he hears "prep him." There is no way that he can win this. Absolute despair in his eyes, he collapses more when "wipe him and start over" comes. He knows that he will lose what he just got back, maybe forever. And when he is wiped, he will be demanded to kill that man, the only person who knows him and he knows. There is nothing to change this. So when he lies down for another wipe, he made a wish. Bucky wishes that next time he meet Captain America, he will be able to kill him before he does so. Because he cannot do it. Because…I love you, Steve. Bucky thinks before he is washed by agony and blank.
Bucky is waiting with an order. Kill Captain America. He knows that his target will come. And then Bucky is facing him. He calls him Buck. Images begin to flash. But he has an order. And he is determined to finish it.
Second by second, things get strange. Images coincide with reality. Fighting him seems more and more wrong. With his head aching to death, Bucky has a feeling that this must have happened before. He has to finish this quick. So he fights without mercy. But when Bucky stab him, he feels stabbed too. One millisecond's hesitation, costs him strangled in Captain America's arms.
Not too long after, Bucky is conscious again. He sees Captain America up there with the chip. Finally, he thinks, it's about time to finish this. He pulls out his gun, aims, and fires. Captain America is still moving, so he keeps firing. Finally, he stops, falls, and looks at him. Bucky smirks, but refuses to look him in his eyes. Next thing he knows, everything is quaking, and he is stuck by a fallen steel pillar.
It is too heavy to lift. The ship has been attacked, and is about to crash. Bucky is still struggling. He has finished his mission, and he needs to get out, not to go back and report his mission, but to find out something. He has to find out who he was before, and what it is with Captain America, even though Captain America is killed by him. But he is wrong. Captain America is by his side, saving his life. Relief and frustration washes Bucky like waves. Why is he not dead? What is he supposed to do? Kill him? Again? No! Bucky looks at his target with franticness. Yes, this is the order. He tells himself. No, I can't. Another voice says in Bucky.
"You know me." Bucky hears him saying. It makes up his mind. Kill him. Now. But he is still talking, telling him who he was. Bucky hits him and prepares for a fight again. But his target throws his shield, giving up. "You are my friend." His target says. No, he is not. He is just a mission. Stop! "Shut up!" Bucky shouts, with his metal blowing in his target's face.
"I'm with you till the end of the line." His target says at his last gasps underneath him. This is it. Bucky can't take this. He cannot do this. This is not target. It's...Steve. Bucky knows it now. Looking at his best friend that is bitten to death by himself, Bucky is horrified. But he doesn't have time for this. The ship is falling apart. Bucky sees Steve falling. And another scene flashes in front of his eyes. It is him that is falling, and he sees Steve crying out his name. Bucky remembers, before he lost sight of Steve when he fell off the cliff, he saw desperation in Steve's eyes that is also in his own eyes now. He can't just let him fall.
So, Chapter 1 ends here! How was it?
I really hope you liked it! I will be really happy and encouraged if you can kindly give me some reviews. Pleeeeeeeaaaaassssssse~~~
Again, thank you for reading this!