Prologue

"But...you broke up with him."

"I know."

I close my eyes and breathe in deeply. It's been hard for me to understand why I suddenly feel the way I do, I still don't think I fully comprehend it, how things got to this point, how things got so out of hand, so I am sure that it will be even harder for someone who doesn't actually live in my head.

"You...said you didn't love him anymore." I look at Michelle and I can instantly tell that she is trying her hardest to assimilate what even I find to be demented conclusions. Her big blue eyes are looking at the horizon, as if searching for something, while she gently tugs at some random locks of her long, golden hair. She is the best at putting herself in someone else's feet, at giving advice, but now I can tell she is clueless.

"I know." I say again, because I'm aware that she is right and I really have no way of explaining myself. You can't explain what you can't understand.

"But you want him back?" she finally looks at me, waiting for me to answer to conclude what I've been telling her for the whole of that afternoon. This is a whole different question. It doesn't have to do with my feelings, it's much more complicated.

Memories of him and me flash through my brain. The good, the bad and the ugly.

...

"Promise me something." We were lying outside by the lake,cuddled up, and at that moment I thought I couldn't be happier. I had everything I ever wanted, everything I had ever dreamt of.

"Anything." He whispered in my ear dramatically and I smiled as the air that escaped his mouth tickled me.

"Anything?" I repeated. "Are you sure?"

"Anything." I tilted my neck upwards, glanced at his face and saw he had opened his eyes and was looking at me intently, with a serious face. He sometimes did that and I admit that his burning gaze scared me slightly. What if I disappointed him? What if I wasn't enough for him? I could tell he felt so strongly about me and wanted to give him as much love as he gave me, but I didn't know if I could.

"Promise me that if we ever break up.." I felt him try to argue and put my hand on top of his mouth. "Let me finish!" I laughed as he groaned against my mouth. " Promise me that whatever happens, we will always be friends. Promise me we will never lose that. Promise me that even if we are not together we will still mean everything to each other and that nothing will tear us apart and that we will still be able to lie like this."

He was silent and I suddenly felt scared. I took my hand gently off of his mouth and raised my head to look him in the eyes. He leaned in and brushed his lips against mine, just slightly, and I felt him smile against them. He hugged me tighter, kissed my head and said:

"My love, I promise that you will always be the most special person in my life. Whatever happens. Nothing and no one could ever change that. You know that." Then he looked at me half jokingly. "But nothing is going to happen. I won't let go of you."

His words made my happy, but I still felt felt the urge to insist. I needed to be sure that he was sincere, that he meant it. I wanted to be assured that, when everything changed, we would still have each other.

"But imagine that you start going out with a girl and she doesn't like us being friends. Then..."

"Then she will have to deal with it or break up with me. I won't let anyone change what we have." He finished off for me and I felt content, I believed him.

…

"You promised! You promised! Doesn't that mean anything to you?" My head was about to explode. My hand hurt and I could already see his cheek getting red from the collision. He looked at me awkwardly and ashamed but at that moment I really didn't care if he was sorry or not, I was too cigarette was already on the floor. He had stepped on it just when I had found him.

"Lily..."

"Lily nothing!" I didn't let him continue, I still had a lot to say. "You lying bastard! You promised you wouldn't smoke again! You know how I feel about it, you know how much I hate it. It's disgusting."

"Lily, it's not such a big deal..." I could tell that just after saying that he could tell it had been the worst thing to say.

"Not such a big deal? Maybe it is not such a big deal when you die." I took a deep breath, trying to be rational, but it was hard. " Don't you understand? It's not so much about you smoking, it's about you promising you wouldn't! If you weren't sure you could keep your promise then don't make it in the first place! And doing it behind my back, so I wouldn't find out!"

"Lily, it wasn't that way..."

"Well it sure seems like it!" I noticed him flinching and tried to calm down, tried to listen to him. I thought that maybe he would have a half-way reasonable explanation. " Okay, how was it then?"

"Well, Remus and I had betted a cigarette a long time ago and I won and he gave it to me and I told him I shouldn't and he said it is just one." He was rambling and it was hard to keep up. " So I guess I thought he was right, after all, how much harm can one cigarette do?"

"How much harm can a lie do?" I questioned back, not content with his explanation. If he thought that he was making things better he was very mistaken. I could not believe his immaturity. How was I dating such a little boy? When had that occurred?

"I'm sorry Lily, I guess I didn't think." His head was down and I couldn't help but be reminded of a child being being told off by his mom. It felt wrong.

"Well, that much is obvious! Were you even planning on telling me?" Or were you planning on hiding it from me, I thought to myself.

"I...I hadn't thought that far ahead. I guess I would have told you..." The little boy wouldn't disappear from my mind.

…

"Lily."

I bolted my head and saw him approach me and smiled.I waited for him to get to me and hugged him hard. He hugged me back and we stayed like that for a while.

"Hi Lily," he said when we finally pulled apart.

"Hey stranger, I've missed you." I replied back. I looked at him, happy to see him after a whole summer, but something was off. I frowned."What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong." He smiled at me, trying to reassure me but I still had that feeling in my gut. "I just have news for you."

"What kind of news?" Now I was wary.

Before he had time to answer Gennifer Mary, the Catholic girl from Hufflepuff, ran towards us and gave him a big, fat, very soundly kiss on the lips. She then turned slowly to look at me, smiled, and I immediately felt the urge to vomit.

"Hi Lily, have you had a good summer?" I could tell she was trying to be as less awkward as possible, considering the situation, and I knew I had to be nice back, but all I wanted was to growl at her.

"Hello Gennifer Mary," No one ever called her by her whole name but I would be dammed if I gave her the pleasure of calling her Genny. It was a stupid name after all. Plus, Gennifer with a G? Really? That was just wrong. " It's been good thanks." I swallowed and finally looked at him questioningly. I could tell he felt uncomfortable and guessed that he hadn't expected her to appear before he had time to explain.

"Uhh...Lily..." He was having trouble thinking about what to say and that gave me a strange satisfaction which I wasn't proud off. " Genny and I...We're dating."

I felt a sharp tug in my stomach, something you shouldn't feel when your best friend and ex boyfriend, who you broke up with nine months ago, demonstrates to you that he is finally moving on.

I tried to hide my feelings raising an eyebrow at him while smiling.

"Well, that is a surprise." I managed to say. After saying that I felt like we all stopped holding our breath. They both started walking towards the train but an evil force took over me and I grabbed his arm and whispered meanly in his ear:

"Next time you want to kiss her, make sure I'm not there. It gives me nausea."

…

"So? Do you?" Michelle's insistence transported me back to the present. I shook my head trying to get rid of all those thoughts and memories.

"Do I what?" I had already forgotten the question.

"Do you want James Potter back?" she asked patiently.

I took a deep breath and replied honestly to that question -to her and to myself- for the first time.

"Yes."

…...

Okay, so that was the prologue for this new story (that is why it's so short, chapters will get longer, don't worry). I haven't written in ages so please don't be too mean and but let me know what you think. So now I'll let you shut up and do just that. Can't wait to hear your opinions!