A/N: Hey guys, new to this type of thing and it's the first fanfic I've ever written, so sorry if my writing or anything else doesn't make sense. The ending of Your Lie in April/Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso really got to me and I decided to write about how Kousei might have felt after the series. I don't own Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso, so of course, this isn't part of the real series. With that, I hope you enjoy.
Springtime.
It was this season when I met her, the girl who would end up changing my life. She would end up making me return to the music world because of how selfish she was. She would force me to see color in the world again because she wouldn't take no for an answer. But most of all, she would teach me how to love because of how beautiful she was. That girl was Kaori Miyazono.
What I didn't know until it was too late was that she was going to die because of her illness. I truly believed that she would achieve the impossible and survive against all odds, just as she had done before, but this star burnt out and ran out of fuel. Why did this have to happen? Why does everyone I love have to keep leaving me when I needed them the most? What's the reason for it all?
Kaori Miyazono is the first girl that I could definitively say I fell in love with, and to this day, I still sometimes wonder how it happened. She's selfish, bratty, and inconsiderate of others. She's always screaming at me and telling me two different things, and then blaming me for not understanding her, as if it was my fault. She leaves the worst first impressions and her personality is the worst. So why and how exactly did I fall in love with her? Was it the way her teal eyes would sparkle brighter than any star whenever we were together? Or the way that her wavy blonde hair blew in the wind, as if she was freedom herself?
No. No, the reason why I fell in love with her was because she had given me something that I was missing in my life, something so invaluable that I haven't felt in years. She gave happiness and hope. Every time I was with her, she made me believe that I could do anything possible. The way she was so optimistic about everything, even if she didn't know the outcome, the way how she would smile after every performance, not caring about the scores, she was my inspiration. She introduced the world to me in a way I never thought possible. Just being with her made me more nervous than any performance I've ever given in my entire life. It was always so cute how her face would light up like a light bulb whenever I visited her in the hospital and brought her some caneles, her favorite dessert. Or when we would ride my bike underneath the blanket of stars and sing, with her arms wrapped around me and her scent propelling me to keep going on. And underneath the cherry blossoms, she looked so childlike and innocent, yet to angelic and free at the same time. I wish I could have it back. Have it all back. If only I realized my feelings for her sooner, or if only I wasn't so afraid...
Why can't I move on? Why am I frozen in time? A year has passed by since she passed away, and I ultimately accepted what had happened to her. So why is she still clinging on to me, the way she was clinging on to her life? Or is it I who is still clinging onto her? Watari and Tsubaki seemed to move forward, so why can't I? What is it that still makes me hold onto her, even though she's gone?