True love doesn't ever really go away. It merely waits for the right time.
Set in the future. One-shot.
A/N: I apologize in advance for the Canadianisms. Go Tigers.
...
It is one of those mornings where even though you know you're awake, you still feel unconscious. Clare is sure that she hasn't slept for more than three hours, and she has to be dressed and out the door in less than half that time. She can't be certain if her exhaustion is a result of her excitement or sheer nerves.
She sighs aloud as she rolls over in bed. The sunlight is burning into her room through an open curtain, and despite how early it is in the season, the air is warm.
It's strange how quickly this day came. One moment she was toasting to her senior year and the next she was walking the school halls for the very last time.
She had really lucked out in her last semester. Her timetable was light, allowing her plenty of time for friends and extended hours in the newspaper office. It still made her laugh to think that two years ago she was vying for merely a chanceto write for the Degrassi Daily, and now, she was reluctantly passing over her editorship to an expectant junior.
"Clare", her mother's voice carries up from below, "come down for breakfast!"
She swings her legs over the side of the bed with emphasis, and pads down the staircase. Her brows furrow in confusion at the sound of laughter echoing from the kitchen.
Running a hand through her bed-tousled curls, she smiles at the scene that plays out in front of her. Her parents, both of them, appear to be engaged in happy conversation. She honestly can't remember the last time the two of them had been at such ease with one another.
"Clare, sweetheart, happy graduation day!"
Her father's voice is bright as he pulls her in for a tight hug. She reciprocates with vigour, scanning the room for any signs of guilt. There are no boyfriends or girlfriends present, just her folks, and she grins in appreciation.
That same Clare from two years ago would've expected a romantic reunion between the adults, but she's wiser now. And instead of being disappointed, she's thrilled at the peace of the moment.
"So, after the ceremony, we've got reservations with the Torres family for lunch. And then I thought we could make dinner here, just the three of us?" Her mother's voice sing-songs as she flips pancakes in the griddle.
"It's really too bad that Darce couldn't make it home for the occasion. Wouldn't it be fun? All four of us together?"
Clare smiles at her parents lovingly and shovels the food into her mouth. She loves all the happiness, but they're going to be really late if they don't get themselves organized.
"Yeah, I miss her too. But, I'm gonna grab a shower. I don't think the valedictorian is allowed to be late."
...
"The road is long and in the end, the journey is the destination. Congratulations Class of 2013. Our time is now."
Clare takes a deep breath as she finishes her address, returning to her seat among the faculty. Applause rings throughout the crowded quad, but she is just thankful that she managed to avoid tripping or muttering.
The sun is bright and hot on the stage, and it distorts the faces of the audience in front of her. She reviews the crowd briefly, catching the faces of her parents, Adam, Alli, and the rest of her friends. Whew, how did they get here?
She feels like a part of her is being shed today. The insecure girl, terrified of her parents' divorce and the loss of her first love, gone. She is more confident with herself. It has taken awhile to get to this place, but it feels right.
She lifts a hand to shield her eyes from the sun, and sees a slim figure leaning against a tree in the distance. His hand rests casually in his pocket, his posture slumped, and she swears she can see the tell-tale smirk on his lips. What is he doing here? Wasn't he still in abroad somewhere? Why is she suddenly breathless?
She tries to catch Adam's attention in the crowd, widening her eyes and twisting her head from left to right. They haven't seen him in more than a year. And even then only briefly, collecting his diploma from Simpson and stalking to his parents' car.
She looks back at the spot near the tree and sees an empty space. He is gone. She squeezes her eyes shut tight and wonders if he was ever there at all.
…
"A toast to the graduates!"
The table is filled and everyone is smiling genuinely. Drew lifts his glass in the air and squeezes a hand on his brother's shoulder. He seems better now, the year in carpentry school doing wonders for his confidence. She considers her best friend's brother for a moment, and realizes that perhaps she's not the only one who has changed.
"Geez, do you think we can keep the pomp and circumstance to a minimum?" Clare rolls her eyes at Adam's insistence, knowing that no one is happier to have a normal family celebration than him.
"Actually, do you guys mind if we duck out early? There is this party up in Muskoka, a bonfire at the lake."
Clare flashes her grin and blinks her lashes, trying to charm the normally uptight adults sitting with her.
"I don't know..." Her father mumbles, his forehead creasing in contemplation.
"Oh Randall", Adam's mom begins surprisingly everyone at the table; "they'll only graduate from high school once."
Clare watches the grin stretch across Adam's face as he pulls her to her feet and drags her toward the door.
"Thanks mom! See you guys later!"
The restaurant door slams behind them as she throws an arm around Adam's waist.
"Can you believe it? Our parents being normal?"
Clare just giggles and pulls him in tighter. After the breakup she and Adam had drifted apart. It wasn't until his untimely departure from Degrassi that the two friends rekindled their relationship.
They had found a certain comfort in each other. The part of them that was lost after he left being filled in by the other. She couldn't imagine her life without Adam now.
"I'm gonna miss you come September." Adam's voice pulls her from her thoughts, seemingly reading her mind, and she squeezes him more tightly.
"Me too, Torres, me too."
The silence between them is companionable as they walk toward The Dot where they will meet Alli and the others.
"Machismo? Edwards?"
...
Eli.
The two friends are speechless when they see the familiar face grinning back at them. She gives his outfit a once over and realizes that she did in fact see him this morning. She isn't crazy.
From up close, he looks different. There is a shadow of a beard on his chin, and his hair looks lighter, more natural. She notices that his body has filled out and that he's shot up two, maybe three inches. Her eyes catch a black blotch on the inside of his forearm, a hint of a tattoo peeking out from beneath his sleeve.
She is grateful that Adam decides to speak first.
"Hey man! You look like ass."
The two boys let out a chuckle and share an awkward hug, but she remains silent, quietly studying him from a distance.
"Jet lag man, it's rough. Do you think the two graduates can spare a moment for coffee with an old friend?"
She tries not to scoff at him. Old friend. She can't be sure what Adam is thinking, but she can't really fathom the 'old' part.
That was because he had always been there in her head somehow; lurking in the back of her mind. She has spent a lot of time wondering where he was, if he was happy. Was he still writing? Does he still have that smirk?
She manages to muster a smile.
"I think we can arrange that."
...
The first few moments are uncomfortable, at best. It is mainly silent at their table, and she is gazing at her cup like it is the most interesting thing in the room.
"Good speech today, Edwards." When he speaks to her, she lifts her head to look at his face. "You've gotten better at time management." He grins, signalling his joke.
"Thanks, I think the whole journalism thing helps with my conciseness." Her voice sounds clinical and she almost winces at how strange things are between them now.
"Wait", Adam's voice breaks through the tension, "you were at graduation?"
Both of them are looking at her expectantly, Adam confused and Eli smirking, but neither boy presses when she remains silent and looks back to her steaming mug.
"Yeah man, I wouldn't miss you two finally growing up! Not even Europe could keep me away."
She leans further back in her chair and let's them continue their conversation.
"That's right. What's the story there? I ran into Cece after, you know, and she said that you were finishing school somewhere else."
Adam has never been very good at being subtle, and Clare resists the temptation to smack him in the head for being so oblivious.
"Yeah, the accident."
Clare recalls the summer almost two years ago, the three friends living completely independent of one other. Adam focused on the radio show and a new girl, her completely entrenched with Jake and the newspaper. And Eli, locked away at a facility for troubled teens.
The story around school was shrouded in mystery. The only person other than the boy across the table who knew what had actually happened was Imogen, and no one really believed a word she had said.
The common theme in all of the rumours remained the same; he had gone off of his medication and wrote the play as a love letter to Clare. Still fearful of his erratic behaviour, she rejected him and chose Jake, causing Eli to snap on opening night. He got mad, broke into Bullfrog's liquor cabinet, and downed a handle of prescriptions drugs.
"I was really sick man. I, uh, I'm sure you heard most of the story." She can see the troubled look on his face and has to busy her hands in her lap to stop herself from reaching out to him.
She glances over to Adam and notices the guilt reflecting in his eyes. The wedge driven between the two boys leaving Eli to suffer alone.
"And well, when that happened, Cece decided to send me away. Meds and therapy wasn't enough. I needed to get away from my, uh, my stressors."
Clare immediately tries to hide the shame from showing on her face; she knows that she was one of those stressors. She recalls the time she screamed at him in public. Leaving him to heal was one thing, but she had been immature and angry. She had hurt him.
"Well, anyway, I spent most of the year there, and finished up the rest of my high school credits. I had saved up some money by then and I thought it might be good for me to get out of here for awhile. Learn how to be on my own. And I knew I wasn't really ready to go back to school."
He smiles at them, and she can't help but grin back.
"I started off as a bartender in Wales, and moved south when the weather was crap." She watches him stare off into the distance, most likely recalling a happy memory.
"I landed up in Piraeus, a port city in Greece. I got a job washing dishes in a small, family-run, restaurant and loved it so much that I stayed for six months."
Finished with his story, he takes a deep breath and waits for one of them to speak. She is surprised when it is her.
"Wow, Eli that sounds incredible." She thinks fleetingly about how the writer in him must have loved the adventure, wanting to explore all on his own.
"But, enough about me! How are you two?" A pained look appears in his eyes for a brief second, "How's Jake?"
Clare sighs aloud as she thinks of the boy that was never really her boyfriend.
"He's in Halifax now, soccer scholarship at Dal. I haven't really seen much of him since our parents broke up last Christmas."
Eli nods his head, and she understands that she has answered the question that he was too afraid to ask.
"Adam here is living the exciting life though! He's practically a radio star." She places a hand over his and squeezes firmly, silent encouragement to elaborate.
"She's full of it. I did some volunteer work at CBC and get into Ryerson, and she thinks I'm the next Jian Ghomeshi."
She recognizes that the earlier awkwardness has dissipated, and let's her head roll back with laughter.
"Ryerson? That's great man. Broadcasting really suits you."
Adam smiles and Clare knows that her friend is truly happy.
"Yeah, well, I'm not the one abandoning the GTA." Adam's words make Eli raise a questioning eyebrow.
Clare rolls her eyes dramatically and groans, "Montreal is not that far. McGill, I'm going to McGill."
He smiles at her and the look on his face is filled with pride. It's a look she recalls from their days together, and she feels tears welling in the back of her eyes.
"Étudierez-vous le Français?"
She giggles when Adam winces, "I hate it when you two speak in French."
Her laughter breaks as a cough in her throat, and she has suddenly been transported back to two years ago. No time has passed and she is 16, joking with her two best friends, painfully in love for the very first time.
"Not quite, I'm studying poli sci."
They are only looking at each other now and she is sure that Adam must feel left out. It seems that the passion between them has yet to dissipate, regardless of the time and pain between them.
"You know, I completely forgot, I need to run home to get something before we leave for the beach. Pick you up at your place?"
A part of her wants to stand up and run after Adam, finally leaving her first love behind. But another part of her, the bigger part, realizes how pointless that would be. And instead she only smiles, "Yeah, I'll see you in a few hours."
...
"So, are you ever going to tell me about that tattoo?"
They have been laughing maniacally since Adam left, the time speeding by. She looks at him attentively and decides that he looks like a man now; his arms heavy and toned. She watches the way his muscles flex when he scratches the back of his head and feels her stomach clench with wanting.
"Ha, well, it's kind of a long story, but the short version is that I got drunk with some footballers in Ireland and got it as a dare."
She leans forward and rubs a finger over the lettering without thought, feeling him shiver at her touch.
"What does it mean?"
Baile. It's scrawled in messy, thick cursive writing.
"It's Gaelic, it means home. Or, at least that's what they told me."
They are staring at each other across the table with warm eyes, and her heart flip-flops. It feels different than it did before, more adult.
"I like it, it's very...you."
She watches him take a shaky breath and is surprised when he rises to his feet.
"If you want to get to that party, we'd better get you home."
She nods and follows after him, dreading the end of their moment. She finds herself speaking before she can stop herself.
"What ever happened with Imogen?"
He halts immediately, and turns toward her. She can't quite make out the expression he is throwing her way.
"She and I were never very good for each other, friends or otherwise. I think maybe that she was trying to fix me. She moved to New York after graduation, she's dating some musician."
She feels a tug of disappointment that he knows what she has been up to. She has never trusted or liked that girl.
"Oh. I see." Her eloquence astounds her.
"Yeah."
They walk next to each other but neither is speaking and she hates it.
"Eli, I'm so sorry for what happened between us. For my part in all of this."
He winces and grabs her hand, taking her off-guard.
"Edwards", he pauses gravely, "it wasn't your fault. I was really sick."
She shakes off his words and holds his hand more firmly in hers.
"I was immature, and I made things worse for you. I never forgave myself for being so insecure and yelling at you like that."
He rests himself against the side of a building and sighs.
"We were a mess back then. I don't think either of us was ready for how serious things got."
She smiles at the man standing in front of her. He seems strong and healthy now, and she is so proud of him for tackling his demons.
They resume walking, their hands disconnected, but swinging in close proximity.
He looks at her wistfully before speaking again.
"I thought about you a lot, you know? The apartment I had in Piraeus was essentially a room, but the way the sun lit up the whole place every morning was so beautiful. I kept thinking of how much you would've loved it."
She walks next to him at a casual pace, but she can feel her heart race at his words.
"I could imagine you dragging me out for all the tourist crap that I would pretend to hate."
She stops in her tracks, and it takes him few moments to notice that she is not beside him. She is sure that the look on her face captures the emotion bubbling up inside of her.
"Eli."
Her voice is barely above a whisper when she speaks, but it's enough for him to launch toward her in two quick strides.
It happens so quickly she can't be sure who initiates it, but she sighs into his lips like she's come home. It feels as if she's been holding her breath since she saw him this morning, and now she can finally breathe.
The kiss is relatively chaste considering how desperately they are both clinging to each other. And then he speaks, breaking the spell.
"Clare, wait."
Embarrassed, she releases him from her vice grip, and begins quickly walking ahead.
"Edwards, please don't be mad at me."
She reluctantly turns to face him, and wipes a stray tear from her cheek. Taking in their surroundings, she realizes that they are standing almost directly in front of her parent's house.
"I spent a lot of time working on me, learning about myself and getting better. But I'm not healed. Being healthy is something I will be working on for the rest of my life."
She isn't exactly sure what he is trying to tell her, so she chooses to remain silent and let him continue.
"I mean that I have to be thinking about myself now. I can't dive into anything", he reaches for her hand and intertwines their fingers, "Even if it's something that I've wanted since that first day in the school parking lot."
She gives him a knowing look and squeezes his hand in hers. She feels guilty at how selfishly she loves him; perhaps she's still got some more maturing to do.
He smiles at her gratefully and she leans up to press a kiss on his cheek.
Slowly, she releases his hand and walks over to the staircase.
"Edwards."
She stops at the sound of his voice, and turns to face him.
"I've always loved the bagels from Montreal. The honey water? They're the best."
...
6 years later
...
Clare fixes her hair in the tiny mirror. He wasn't exaggerating when he said the apartment was the size of a single room.
She's exhausted, but for some very welcome reasons. Arranging his t-shirt down over her legs, she exits the bathroom and leans on the cold bedroom wall.
She decides that he was also right about how the sun streams in through the windows; the way the sunrise illuminates his face while he sleeps is wonderful.
Patience has never been her favourite virtue, and she leaps forward, landing with a thud on his chest. He wakes with a start, her legs winding around to straddle his waist.
"Ugh, are you seriously up right now?" He mumbles somewhat incoherently, picking up his watch to glance at the time on the screen.
"Come on! We have so much to do! The fishing boats and the restaurants! And I want to take a trip to Santorini. We can go swimming!"
He certainly wasn't wrong about her desire to fill their day with attractions.
"Come on Edwards, I'm jet lagged."
She follows his gaze to her hand curled in his chest hair. Gone is the childish silver ring symbolizing her long-abandoned promise. In its place are a glimmering golden band and another ring that holds a shining sapphire, each representing an entirely different promise.
"You know, you've got to stop calling me that."
There is a light in his eyes that wasn't as prominent as in their youth. It contains a type of confidence he hadn't possessed before. She thinks that it is a maturity that has come from growth and acceptance.
She is proud of him for loving himself first. And she's proud of herself for being able to let him.
"Psssh", he scoffs, "we've got a lifetime for that."