Summary: Nothing can ever be perfect.
Characters: Anakin/Obi-Wan
Disclaimers: GL owns it all. Richard Arlington Robinson owns the poem.
Less Than Perfect
by: KrystalBlaze
WHENEVER Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.
And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.
And he was rich—yes, richer than a king,
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.
So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
- "Richard Corey"; Edwin Arlington Robinson
They think he is perfect.
He can see it in their eyes, in the way the eyes follow him when he walks. He can see it, even when he does not choose to show it. He knows it, though, without thinking.
He is perfect, but he is not.
They thought of the perfect Padawan, of the perfect apprentice. The perfect team, the best to have graced the halls for years. They were renowned for that, for their perfect way of handling situations in less than perfect situations.
They think he is perfect… but he less than perfect.
-----
There was the mission to Naboo, where the perfect Master died.
Then… he was less than perfect then. A perfect apprentice was not too slow, did not allow his Master to be killed in front of his eyes. A perfect apprentice was not forced to watch as a monster in red and black killed his mentor. A perfect apprentice did not reach to the Dark for the strength to kill one made of Dark.
A perfect apprentice was bathed in Light and did not need the Dark.
So he's less than perfect. He wishes they would know that.
-----
"He's perfect," Anakin said.
The other apprentices looked at him in question.
"You know he's perfect!" Anakin said again. "I hate it. He's not supposed to be perfect."
"He's not perfect," one said, although her eyes were less than true.
"You think so, too," Anakin said bitterly.
The others were silent; unsure of what to say.
Their silence said enough.
"He's too perfect," said Anakin again, and he meant it.
-----
He sees it in Anakin's eyes.
He sees it in the way his eyes smolder when he can beat Anakin in a 'saber duel. He sees it in the way when Anakin does not look at him when he asked to train a 'saber class and Anakin is not. He sees it in the way Anakin shuns him with asked if he needs help for his studies.
Anakin thinks he is perfect, too.
But Anakin does not know that he is not. Anakin believes what he sees, what everyone else wants him to see. He is not yet old enough to realize that nothing is perfect, that nothing is crystal without a faultline.
Anakin does not see his own faultline.
He does not see that he is also perfect.
-----
The Hero Without Fear.
"I didn't ask for the name, Master," Anakin said, jovial in his tone.
Obi-Wan sighed. "I know, Anakin. But do you really want to be known as the Hero Without Fear? Because it might lead to… fear."
"I'm not afraid," Anakin said confidently. "I have nothing to be afraid of. And besides, they call you the Negotiator."
A slight smile curled Obi-Wan's lips. "If I were the Negotiator, then I'd be able to negotiate you into not trying to kill yourself on every mission we're sent."
"I don't try, Master," Anakin said. "If I did try, I'd succeed."
The smile stayed. "Don't be so sure, my young apprentice."
Slight annoyance on Anakin's face. "For how much longer, Master? Isn't it time I be Knighted? Haven't I earned that right?"
The smile faded. "When the Council deems you ready, then ready you are."
Frustration. "Master, I'm not perfect. Isn't it time enough now?"
"No one's perfect, Anakin."
And now bitterness. "You are."
Laughter. "You believe that?"
Disbelief. "You don't?"
Laughter still. "Nothing's perfect, Padawan. Nothing can ever be."
Then a whisper Obi-Wan couldn't hear. "Except you."
-----
Anakin does not see that he, too, is perfect in the same way Obi-Wan is.
Both are perfectly flawed.
Obi-Wan sees Anakin's, in his bravado and his compassion that edges towards attachment.
Anakin does not see Obi-Wan's flaw, because he can't.
He doesn't want to, even if he could.
-----
"Master, you're appointed to the Council?"
Disbelief. Slight anger. "When?"
Obi-Wan just looked at him. "Just right now, Anakin. Or Knight Skywalker, I should say."
The humor did not dull the feelings. "What does that mean, Master? That you won't be sent on missions anymore?"
Laughter. "Of course not. All Masters are sent on missions these days. We are too short a Jedi Knight to not."
Frustration. "That's unexpected. What have you done to earn the honor?"
Accusation? From Anakin? Obi-Wan looked at him in slight aversion. "What do you mean, Anakin? The Council has deemed me fit to serve, and I will."
Disappointment. Anakin could be on the Council if Obi-Wan could, couldn't he? Hadn't they both proven themselves of equal opportunity and skill? How many times had he saved Obi-Wan's hide from certain death? How many more time would Anakin have to so he could prove his worth?
Unless, of course, the Council thought Obi-Wan was perfect, too.
They must.
-----
Anakin does not see the fear, the unknowing and uncertainty. He does not see the doubt, the arrogance.
He does not really see Obi-Wan.
He sees the perfect Master, the perfect Jedi. Obi-Wan was not a slave to his emotions. Did Obi-Wan even feel?
And there was the imperfection.
Obi-Wan felt too much.
-----
Fire.
"I have failed you, Anakin. I have failed you."
Anger. Blind, seething anger. "I should have known the Jedi were plotting to take over!"
Sadness. Infinite sadness. "Anakin, Chancellor Palpatine is evil!"
Blazing hatred. "From my point of view, the Jedi are evil!"
And there is your flaw, my Anakin. There is your flaw.
Sadness, laced with regret and disbelief. "Well, then you are lost!"
Tangled 'sabers as they met each other above the fire. Flaming hatred and regret matched, mounted and moved. Anakin's was a rage of anger and betrayal. Obi-Wan's was a rage of love, of disbelief and bitterness.
And failure.
He had failed.
-----
Perfect people don't fail, Anakin.
But you never fail, Master.
You believe in me too much, Anakin. I have failed many times and I will continue.
I have never seen you, Master.
Because you choose not to. You choose not to see that I, too, am flawed.
What flaws, Master? I don't see them.
I can't let you see them.
Why not, Master?
And Obi-Wan cannot answer him, because it would be both their undoing.
-----
"This is the end for you, my Master."
Agility. He flipped around Anakin, onto the bank. Safety for now. "It's over, Anakin. I have the high ground."
A small trill of laughter. "You underestimate my power."
And then the crashing wave of hope, of prayer that Anakin would not. "Don't try it."
Anakin leapt, and Obi-Wan sealed his fate.
-----
You were my flaw, Anakin.
Love is my flaw, but you can never know that.
Arrogance is my flaw, but you can never know that.
Why have I done, Anakin?
You wanted me to be perfect so you didn't have to be.
What have we become?
-----
"We have become an infinity of things," Obi-Wan whispered to himself.