Clinging to what we know, by chibiness87
Rating: T
Spoilers: 11x3 Plus One
Disclaimer: Not mine.
A/N: First foray into a new fandom for me. Well, I say new… My oldest fandom, of my oldest ship. Would love to know what you guys think.
She hasn't done this in a while.
No, not that.
Well, ok, yes, that too.
But lying there, making a choice, as if there was ever a choice, of seeking him out in the middle of the night, back pressed to his front, his arm holding her tight, his chin on her shoulder as his breath tickles the hair at her nape, she hasn't done this in a while.
Too afraid to take what she wants, what she craves. Too afraid someone will come and take it away from her. Again.
But not this night.
This night, she gives in her to her wants, her desires. This night she is brave enough, lonely enough, to seek him out, to give in and let him hold her. Just for tonight. It's just for tonight, a moment stolen away in a motel room where she can just be Dana and he can just be Fox and the FBI can just go hang.
Haven't they given enough of themselves over the years to stop denying themselves this?
Hasn't she given enough of herself?
They always have their most honest conversations when they can't see the others face, can't look the other in the eye. They say more by their inability to move away from the other, cocooned in a double bed with bad sheets and thin walls than they can ever say with words.
She misses this.
Misses them.
Misses everything they pretend that they're not, when they aren't together like this. Like they aren't everything, everything to the other, a port in a never ending storm. They cling to each other like lifeboats, keeping each other afloat, even as the world tries to tears itself apart around them. It may have only been a dream, or a vision, or a telepathic link to a future she cannot, will not allow to happen, but she remembers what it's like to be in a storm of chaos on the brink of losing him. Again. (She always remembers what it's like to lose him.)
So as they lie in the dark, him curled around her as much as he can, warding off the devil at her back, she tells him. Her hopes and her desires, her dreams of them. For them. Dreams she once had that can never come true. Floating wisps on the fog of the sea, threatening to drown them both.
She doesn't realise how much she's letting show with the words she does allow to escape, so when she turns over in his arms, and they are close, so close, the closest they have been for months, years, well, is it any wonder they come together with all the walls down?
He is the only man whom she has ever loved, and what does that say about her?
Maybe one day she'll not need him like this, love him like this.
Maybe one day it'll all be over and they can be Fox and Dana and not Mulder and Scully, and the world and its existence won't be down to them. Maybe one day she'll be able to look back at all the times of almost was and could have been, and they won't feel like chances missed, but points on the scale on inevitability.
Maybe.
End
Thoughts?