I finally started this! On the memo pad of my phone, at a funeral reception. What can I say, when inspiration happens, it HAPPENS. I wrote the rough draft on my phone, sent it to myself, went over it a couple times, and here we are!

Basically this is going to be general humour, lots of warm fuzzies, very little romance - trust me, I can't write romance to save my life. It'll be better without it. And of course, plenty of OOC fun :) basically the same concept as Marcus's Secret Diary, only not written in diary style.

Also, this is my first time writing the Fifth Column characters. I think it went alrightish, but the more I write the better it'll get!

I don't own V. If I did, we sure as hell wouldn't be worried sick about the fate of the series!

Read on :)

Agent Erica Evans has a lot on her plate.

For example; saving the world, blowing things up, hanging out with known fugitives and terrorism suspects, foiling alien schemes, keeping her clinically retarded son alive, leading an alien resistance movement - all the while pretending like she's trying to hinder the aforementioned resistance. Not to mention keeping all of it secret from her astonishingly nosy boss and the most evil dictator of all time who just happened to be an alien with an implicitly intimate interest in her family.

So naturally, taking a vacation was not exceedingly high on her long list of priorities.

Rewind:

That Friday morning had started out like most did - she'd walked down into Hobbes' basment lair to greet the usual crowd - Jack, Hobbes, and Chad. Ryan was currently spending time on the Mothership.

She said her normal good mornings, Chad delivered her a report from the Mothership regarding Anna's Concordia endeavor. No new information, really. Jack had a mocha and muffin awaiting her - a sign he was about to do some major sucking up. And Hobbes just cracked a joke about healthy cops eating muffins instead of donuts these days and what the hell was up with that? She smacked him upside the head and reminded him she wasn't a cop and she didn't even like donuts - for the 147th time.

Just an ordinary early morning at headquarters until Jack dropped the V-bomb. And V didn't stand for Visitor on this particular occaison.

"Erica, I need to tell you something..." Jack gulped, looking very nervous.

"I know that face." she was immediately suspicious. "Did you get arrested? Did you leak information? Did you blow something up? Do you have a secret V girlfriend? Did you go clubbing last night? Spit it out, Father!"

"We're going on vacation. We've rented a lake house up North. One week. We leave tomorrow morning." the priest blurted out, then flinched as though expecting to be attacked.

Now she could see why he'd brought her breakfast.

She'd immediately refused, of course. Pounded her fist on the table, trashed a stack of paper. The nerve of them! They should know by now how important it was to keep the Fifth Column in order! If they left their post, even for a week, who knows what could happen? Anna would have a trouble-free week, that's what. And that would be catastrophic for mankind.

"Seriously guys. You're all hilarious. That was a good one, you actually got me going." She laughed it off once she cooled down. But the gang wasn't done.

"Actually, we're being dead serious." said Jack politely.

"We've been running our asses ragged for months now, gotten this absolutely nowhere, and there's no end in sight. We need to get the hell outta this city!" said Hobbes.

"It's just a week! It'll be fun!" Chad whined.

"Stuff it, TV Boy." Hobbes snapped, cutting the news anchor off. "You're going to be sticking around here and keeping an eye on the lizards."

"I have to deal with her every day! Do you know what she'd do if she found out who I work for? If anyone's earned a holiday, it's me. Why do I always have to take one for the team?" Chad wailed.

"Because there's limited rooms and no way in hell I'm sharing with you, that's why." Hobbes quipped.

"Don't worry Chad, I'm sure we could find you a nice couch or something. And the place has a shed too. You could probably have it all to yourself." Jack interjected kindly.

Hobbes scowled at Jack. Erica scowled at everyone.

"It sounds like you have everything figured out." she noted icily. "How long have you been planning this?"

"Hobbes thought of it last month, and the house owner just got back to us yesterday." Jack piped up. Hobbes stomped on his foot down on Jack's, causing the priest to cringe.

"Oww, Kyle! You're so violent!"

"Pay no attention to him, Erica. Jack only just planned it yesterday." Hobbes tried to smooth-talk his way through.

"For a fugitive, you're a pretty terrible liar." Erica stated.

"I'm not lying!"

"Yes you are." Jack grumbled. "Who are you gonna believe, Erica? The priest or the mercenary?"

"I believe I have no intention on taking a vacation, I don't care whose idea it was or when it was planned, or why you didn't bother to tell me. Either way, you might as well cancel it." Erica concluded in a very final tone.

Hobbes backed down. Chad shuffled his feet and looked dissappointed. It looked like Erica had won.

But she hadn't counted on Jack handing her an absolutely exquisite breakfast muffin with an accompanying puppydog expression.

She rolled her eyes and snatched up the muffin.

"Fine. Fine! We'll go to your shack in the woods. Just for the weekend. Two days is all we can miss."

"Actually we rented for a week and it's non-refundable, so..." Jack mumbled bashfully.

She rolled her eyes at him.

"Jack, don't tell me you used the church budget on this little outing."

"Not quite..."

"Well I know none of you can afford it. Who the hell is paying?"

"Let's just say the Fifth Column won't be purchasing new ammunition any time soon." Hobbes contributed.

"Or replacing the van." Jack added.

"Or getting matching coats with our names on them." Chad concluded.

"Oh, I get it. So you just the Fifth Column's budget on a vacation that will give Anna a perfect opportunity to raise hell while we're gone?"

"The reptiles don't know we'll be gone." Chad offered.

"Please, Erica. It'll be good for us. We need a chance to get out, get some fresh air to clear our heads and remember what life was like before all this." Jack persuaded gently.

"While I wouldn't put it that poetically, the priest makes a good point." said Hobbes gruffly.

Erica gave them the death glare, but her mind was working, she was tempted...

"Whatever. Seven days it is. But God help you if we stay a single second after that!" She finalized through a mouthful of muffin. "And you're staying here to keep an eye on the Vs!" She informed Chad, who looked severely put out. "I can't deal with all of you at once. Someone has to stay and it might as well be you."

"Looks like lizard-sitting duty after all, Champ! Spend the week with our reptillian friends. This is your chance to go deep undercover." Hobbes smirked, patting Chad on the back. "I'll be sure to have an extra drink for ya as I watch the sun set on the lake."

Chad looked extremely defeated. Hobbes looked supremely delighted, Jack looked incredibly suprised that the plan had worked, and Erica looked as though she didn't know whether to be optimistic or exasperated as she left her boys and drove to work. A few cups of coffee later, she decided to settle for a bit of both.

Friday flew by, the FBI was having a rather quiet week. Nobody was making excessive anti-V threats or wrecking things or blowing themselves up, so Paul spent the day watching Little People Big World in his office with the door shut and the curtains closed. This left Erica free to mentally prepare for the week ahead. At least until she stopped and thought for a second - who the hell takes time to mentally prepare for a holiday? Who had she become that she felt the need to stand back and analyze everything?

Maybe it wasn't such an awful idea after all.

###

Meanwhile on the NYC Mothership, there was some extreme scheming underway. There was something of a business meeting currently in progress in a secluded room of the ship. This gathering consisted of Marcus sitting at the head of the table, Joshua sitting to his right, Samuel to the left, Ryan in the corner, and Thomas at the opposite end from Marcus.

The group had come to a conclusion: any more time spent on the ship would result in complete loss of sanity from all of them - particularly from their almighty High Commander. Something had to be done. A vacation was in order if the species wanted to survive much longer without rampant skinnings taking place.

"I have counted all your votes and made a final selection regarding our destination." Marcus announced.

"DISNEYLAND?" Samuel shot out.

"No, Samuel. You were the only one who voted for Disneyland. We're getting a lake house up North...in what's known as 'cottage country'."

"Score!" Joshua whooped happily, punching the air. "When are we leaving?"

"First thing tomorrow." Marcus replied.

"Don't you think that's a little soon?" Thomas inquired irritably.

"Don't you think the turtleneck look is getting old?" Marcus shot back.

"For your information, this shirt is a one-of-a-kind Armani Xchange. Very stylish among humans - they need to be able to relate to us." The Chief Engineer informed the Second-In-Command coldly.

"My deepest apologies." Marcus smirked. Thomas glared and tugged at his collar.

"So. How did Anna take the news?" Joshua asked, to change the topic.

"She has not yet been notified of this altercation." Marcus answered primly.

Thomas coughed. It sounded more like "Gutless coward."

"I didn't want to tell her until we had the details finalized." Marcus clarified. "Now we know, so I'll tell her tonight."

"Can I have your skin after she rips it off and eats you alive?" Thomas inquired innocently.

Marcus made a violent grab for Thomas' throat but was fortunately restrained by Joshua.

"I'm kidding! Come on." Thomas whined. "What the hell would I want your skin for? We can just recycle it when she'd done with you. Chill, man."

Marcus flipped Thomas off, then straightened his tie and sat back down.

"Ladies, please. Let's get this thing wrapped up. What time are we leaving and what should we pack?" Ryan spoke up.

Four pairs of eyes turned on him.

"What?"

"What on earth makes you think you're coming with us?" Joshua snorted.

"This was partially my idea!" The bald V snapped indignantly.

"Yes well, someone has to stay around and keep an eye on the Fifth Column. Bit of an obvious choice, my friend." Said Thomas pompously.

"Can't Decker do it?" Ryan moaned.

"He's going to be accompanying us. He called in earlier, his house is getting its oil changed or something, I don't know exactly what he said. He sort of called in a panic and said he needed a place to stay for a week. So he'll be coming with us, we're not leaving that little brat here by himself." Marcus explained.

"Assuming we actually leave." Thomas huffed in an undertone. "You better not give her any names as she's skinning you."

"It. Will. Be. FINE!" Marcus disagreed. "I will be my usual professional charming self -" Thomas stifled a sarcastic laugh "- and she won't be able to resist."

His comrades threw him a series of skeptical glances.

"You'll see." Marcus pressed determinedly. "Look at us, she knows how much we do for her. We need a vacation. She won't be able to say no."

More skeptical glances.

"Okay, we'll make her some coffee. Then she won't be able to say no."

I've started chapter 2. It'll be longer. Idk how long this story is going to be, I'm thinking less than 10 chapters for sure. But I've been wrong before!

Feedback PLEASE. Praise WELCOMED. Constructive critiscism WANTED. Flames will be FLAMED BACK.

And MSD will be updated very shortly - it's WAL MART time :D I know a lot of people were interested in what would come of that... the time is almost here! I was sorta writers-blocked, but I'm getting past it now.

Happy Tuesday to all :) Even though we're V-less for now :/ who will light up my 9pm timeslot?

RXP