Some of my parts
Author Note:
Can two damaged people come together and manage to make a whole?
So...this is going to be angsty. Bella and Edward have unhappy pasts and a dark lifestyle in the present. There will be a lot of mature content, so if you're under 18, please wait for a while before you read this. There are a lot of references to...(ahem!) S&M activities and lemons along the way. So buckle up because it's going to be an emotional tempest.
Disclaimer: I don't own Edward and Bella, they are completely and totally the fruits of Stephenie Meyer's imagination. I just enjoy making them suffer :)
So here it goes...
1,2,3
Prologue – Crawling in my skin
My love has concrete feet
My love's an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles
Over the waterfall.
Florence and the machine – Heavy in your arms
Today it hurts. I don't know why and what makes me feel that my pain is so bottomless, so hopeless and just…impossible to dissipate. Maybe it's because my head hurts and I'm just in a fucking bad mood. But I always return to the question…Why? Why? Why? Why can't my heart stop feeling this dark absence, need to be hurt more so I can quiet and rest and feel peaceful.
I crave again. I crave for hard blows and rough kneading hands and sharp merciless teeth that would mar my flesh and make it stop. I want the pain in my chest to be outrun by the physical pain that he brings me. I want more, every time, I need to feel my heart beating in a frenzy, chasing away the slow burn of sorrow.
I can't concentrate. I stare at the monitor, trying to focus on something, search for a song or a conversation that will chase my thoughts away….but all I can think about is that he's waiting. He's waiting for me to call and he knows that my resolve will crumble again and it's just a matter of time…Soon it will become too much to ignore and I will call to him, searching, needing his cruel merciless touches so I can breathe right again and run away from him all over again. I fight with my self-preservation instincts telling me not to do this again to myself, that it can't be right.
But it feels oh so right…Tie me, push me to my knees, make it hurt, set me alight…set me free, help me breathe again.
I need violence. Pure and unadulterated violence. I need to feel it flowing through me and making me pour all my despair out. Wanting to strike back, adrenaline focused vision, to bite and scratch and scream, feeling my body ready and crouching for a perfect pounce. Focus, focus, focus, dark and vengeful and ready to erase all that comes in the way. All the useless feelings and soft edges of my abused soul.
Sometimes I try to do it myself, crossing my arms and squeezing my muscles in a vice grip, pushing my nails through flesh and bending my fingers until they refuse to go further. I claw the skin on my neck and back, biting my lip so hard that teeth cut though worried skin and draw copper flavored blood into my mouth. But I'm not strong enough…and it all leaves me craving for more.
MORE! MORE!
He promised never to do it to me unless I ask it from him. Every time. Nothing is implied. I have to voice it, say it out loud.
"Hurt me…" my eyes burning with tears I won't cry for myself.
Yes. I need you to hurt me on the outside so I can feel all my scattered pieces clicking back into place.
And every time I part my lips and curl them around this request, I know, I can feel little pieces of myself chipping away, nothing comes back to me. The dents in my soul. Some of my missing parts being lost never to be found and put back together.
I am dying to see what you think of this. So...review away or Bella doesn't get what she craves for :).
I don't have a beta and I'm looking for one. If you're interested, PM me.